How have your family and friends reacted to your plans ?

[rjm_cmyk 75]

I have told people of my plans over a relatively short period of time. Initially because we wanted my partners children to get used to our relationship and then it was more of a case of waiting until we could tell them when we knew what the plan/time-scale was. This was true both for friends and in my case employees (my business partner has known for years). My immediate family have known for longer of course.

It is interesting (if that's the right word) how differing people's reaction is to the news that you are getting married *and* emigrating. Family and friends have been pleased , sad to see me go but are only now realising that what has been talked about for the last 18 months is about to happen in weeks.

One employee and one friend have expressed reaction in the same way. They were surprised, shocked even. One friend was completely side swiped and the reason - expressed by both, was that my "major life change" focussed their minds on their own dissatisfaction with their own lives. I am making no judgement in either case but it was a response I certainly wasn't expecting. Thinking back I really wish I had broken the news to one friend in a different way but I wonder how. Once you say you're getting married to a USC the emigration part is generally a given so I don't see how I could have drip fed the news.

I would say though that after the initial shock and awe given time people do get used to the idea. No doubt in six months time when I'm feeling homesick for family, friends and proper bread I will not be too troubled by these thoughts.

[emyardy 11]

I know exactly what you mean!! One of my fiance's friend's actually pulled me aside at a ba and begged me not to take Jake to America! That makes it hard.. I don't want him to have to leave the people he loves, but opportunities in America are so much better.

I hope you're not feeling an ounce of regret, an I hope you're not nervous, either!!

[JadeyHexed 29]

I actually had the adverse reaction from a few friends and co-workers when I told them I am bringing my fiance from the UK to be with me in the States. They've reacted with things like, "How can you possibly know he's The One when you've only spent a week in person with him?" and "Are you sure he just isn't using you to get into the US?"...plus we have an age difference so that doesn't help matters. On the one hand it's humorous because my fiance would never be entertaining the idea of living in the US if it weren't for me, and on the other hand it actually hurts me that they are suspicious instead of just being happy for me that I've found my other half and cannot live without him. All that matters is that we know how we feel, and we cannot wait to start our lives together. <3

I sincerely wish everyone here all the best. It's so nice to be among others without judgement. =)

[jola83 19]

I've found quite a few people tried to put doubt in my mind and try and make me feel guilty but I've put that down to jealousy as the ones doing that are people I'm not particularly close to .

As for my friends my inner circle mainly consists of Americans anyway based over here in the air force who worked along side my fiance before he left so of course they think it's great I'm going to live in their country haha .

I have a real small family being a only child plus an only grandchild and I can't help but feel guilty for leaving but they both love my fiance and are happy for me .

I did want to keep things quiet about me leaving and just tell a select few as every day at work I get the " are u still here?!?!" "Have you not left yet" "thought u were leaving " sarcastic comments every day thanks to my boss who thought he would inform the whole built of my news when I told him

[Darnell 8,478]

Ages past, I had some reaction from a great aunt. She's anti-slant-eye, all the way round (her term, certainly not mine). However, she's dead now, and my wife is jumping the plane soon.

My friends are all cool with it, but note my wife and I have been married more than 5 years now.

My immediate family are all cool with it, as well.

Perhaps this is a generational issue, for you ? I'm an older fella, my wife is an older person - we're OLD, and settled, and mostly don't give a toss about other folks opinions.

Edited October 8, 2013 by Darnell

[emyardy 11]

I've found quite a few people tried to put doubt in my mind and try and make me feel guilty but I've put that down to jealousy as the ones doing that are people I'm not particularly close to .

As for my friends my inner circle mainly consists of Americans anyway based over here in the air force who worked along side my fiance before he left so of course they think it's great I'm going to live in their country haha .

I have a real small family being a only child plus an only grandchild and I can't help but feel guilty for leaving but they both love my fiance and are happy for me .

I did want to keep things quiet about me leaving and just tell a select few as every day at work I get the " are u still here?!?!" "Have you not left yet" "thought u were leaving " sarcastic comments every day thanks to my boss who thought he would inform the whole built of my news when I told him

Just tell those people that you'd be gone if you could be!! They must be teaming up with the embassy to keep you in England!!

[Azsara 110]

Most of the people I spoke to about it were at work - because before I quit my job last month I was working for a major british airline, so it was difficult to hide. They were all very excited and wanted to know the ins and outs. But those were my work collegues who im not as close to. Maybe they reacted differently behind my back.

The response from some of my friends were different...some would tell me how bad America is and that id hate it and do I realise that if I ever got sick id be bankrupt with their health care system

One particular friend with a sour face asked me "Have u even discussed moving to the UK or was it just not an option?" As though really offended I was choosing the US.

I definitely put this down to jealousy. Friends that are my friends would know that Steve and I explored all options before deciding I would move there rather than visa versa.

A lot of people lose sight of the fact that im moving to be with HIM! It could be Italy, Spain, Denmark or China for all I care. They tend to overlook that and focus solely on my decision to emmigrate.

I did want to keep things quiet about me leaving and just tell a select few as every day at work I get the " are u still here?!?!" "Have you not left yet" "thought u were leaving " sarcastic comments every day thanks to my boss who thought he would inform the whole built of my news when I told him

I am getting that CONSTANTLY right now! LOL

Im like WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE!! lol

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

I actually had the adverse reaction from a few friends and co-workers when I told them I am bringing my fiance from the UK to be with me in the States. They've reacted with things like, "How can you possibly know he's The One when you've only spent a week in person with him?" and "Are you sure he just isn't using you to get into the US?"...plus we have an age difference so that doesn't help matters. On the one hand it's humorous because my fiance would never be entertaining the idea of living in the US if it weren't for me, and on the other hand it actually hurts me that they are suspicious instead of just being happy for me that I've found my other half and cannot live without him. All that matters is that we know how we feel, and we cannot wait to start our lives together. <3

I sincerely wish everyone here all the best. It's so nice to be among others without judgement. =)

Oh, I use to get that one all the time. Especially with my man being from Northern Ireland. But I got stuff that went beyond him being just another filthy immigrant foreigner who can't wait to get to the US. I got the IRA lecture.

I know exactly what you mean!! One of my fiance's friend's actually pulled me aside at a ba and begged me not to take Jake to America! That makes it hard.. I don't want him to have to leave the people he loves, but opportunities in America are so much better.

I hope you're not feeling an ounce of regret, an I hope you're not nervous, either!!

.............have you actually made up a list to double-check this one? I'm not being facetious here. I'm being quite serious.

Most of the people I spoke to about it were at work - because before I quit my job last month I was working for a major british airline, so it was difficult to hide. They were all very excited and wanted to know the ins and outs. But those were my work collegues who im not as close to. Maybe they reacted differently behind my back.

The response from some of my friends were different...some would tell me how bad America is and that id hate it and do I realise that if I ever got sick id be bankrupt with their health care system

One particular friend with a sour face asked me "Have u even discussed moving to the UK or was it just not an option?" As though really offended I was choosing the US.

I definitely put this down to jealousy. Friends that are my friends would know that Steve and I explored all options before deciding I would move there rather than visa versa.

A lot of people lose sight of the fact that im moving to be with HIM! It could be Italy, Spain, Denmark or China for all I care. They tend to overlook that and focus solely on my decision to emmigrate.

Well..........that health care issue really IS important. It's something that should definitely be discussed by the couple.

[Vanitas 310]

In my case it's very much a case of two separate worlds. My friends are all raring for me to go, they're all interested on where I am in the visa process, how Amy is doing with all of it and very supportive.

My family, on the other hand is a different story. It is like they are actively trying to resist my plan to emigrate and actually, you know, follow my own path and be my own person, and be happy for once. I mean it's like every time I update my Mum when we got through USCIS, and now that we have our case number she breaks down and I start questioning whether I've made the right call or not. I wish they would understand that this is what I want, I want that chance to be happy, to be worth something. Despite trying to assure them all time and time again that it will all be alright and even if it all goes wrong we've got a backup plan.. it just doesn't seem to get through.

[Owen_London 65]

I think you have to consider how you want family and friends to react.

If they really are your friends and care about you, they will be happy that you are happy, but sad that you are leaving, because they will see much less of you. If any of them are genuinely happy with no reservations, then one of the following is true:

1. They are hiding their sadness at you leaving, because they want to support you.

2. They don't realise how much time and money it takes to fly between the US and UK these days, or how little vacation allowance most US workers receive.

3. Your relationship isn't as close as you think it is.

One of my best friends asked me if this was what I truly wanted, and said that I could find myself someone really nice in the UK. I wasn't offended, because he was right, and he knew that we'd miss each other. I gave up a lot and moved away from a lot of friends to come to the US, and it makes no sense that there is only one person in the World who can make you happy, otherwise almost everyone would be miserable. But when I told him that I was sure this was what I wanted, he supported me. And that's all you can ask.

What did surprise me was the reaction of my colleagues at work. Five years ago, I worked in an office of 25 people, but there were only four of us by the time I moved to the US office. We all knew that my leaving could be a catalyst for the office to finally close, but the others were still really happy for me, even though my move increased the risk that they'd be laid off. Two of the three since have been, and the other is now working from home.

[emyardy 11]

.............have you actually made up a list to double-check this one? I'm not being facetious here. I'm being quite serious.

Of course we have.. We are all at different points in our lives, and for my fiancé and I, the opportunities in America far outweighed those in the UK. Trust me, we considered everything. Would you say there are not more opportunities in the US?

[Owen_London 65]

Of course we have.. We are all at different points in our lives, and for my fiancé and I, the opportunities in America far outweighed those in the UK. Trust me, we considered everything. Would you say there are not more opportunities in the US?

I'd say it depends on:

- exactly where you would be moving to (some areas are badly depressed and some in boom - the extremes of both are probably greater in the US right now)

- your job experience and qualifications (how transferable are your skills, which of you has higher earning potential?)

- your family situation (do you need childcare, and can nearby family members provide it?)

And perhaps other things too.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Of course we have.. We are all at different points in our lives, and for my fiancé and I, the opportunities in America far outweighed those in the UK. Trust me, we considered everything. Would you say there are not more opportunities in the US?

I do not think there are MORE opportunities in the US. I think the countries are too economically equal for there to be some unilateral comparison.

I think Owen's post (above mine here) best describes what I think.

I know that everyone in my husband's circle (at the time he moved to the US) felt he would be better off in the US. Many people from other countries still believe our streets are paved with gold.

Edited October 8, 2013 by Rebecca Jo

[jola83 19]

I'd definitely say there are more opportunities in the states than England I mean neither country is in the greatest condition right now that's for sure .but I'd say the opportunities in states overweigh the ones in England.

Like azsara mentioned though I would hope that we are all moving to be with someone and people seem to overlook that reason and just see the moving to America thing.

I don't know about anybody else but I'd be more than happy to have not had to go through all this visa ####### and still be with my fiance .my fiance is in the air force and I always knew his time in England was limited so was already willing to move where ever to be with him.we was actually all set to be moving to Germany but they changed his next base to back in the states .it didn't make a blind bit of difference Germany,America,Japan etc but I'd be curious to know if certain people would have still reacted the same had it not been America.

But eejet I think maybe your right on my work place and the embassy joining forces haha

[rjm_cmyk 75]

My experience is slightly different to many I suspect. I've known my partner for 30 years. We had a relationship at college and all my close friends are actually from that time and have continued to see me and my partner over that entire period so she is not some unknown to them. Makes the wedding guest list a lot easier !

With the exception of the reaction I mentioned in the original post - everyone has been very pleased for us (and for those people they were still pleased for us but took some time to get used to it). I have genuinely not had a negative comment. The most regret I have is leaving my elderly and infirm mother. She has always wanted me to marry my partner (even when she was still married!) and was and remains pleased for us both. Sadly in a way I suspect her deteriorating condition will take her mind of my absence. I could not have made this move if it wasn't for the fact that my sister who lives close to her manages her care and looks after her. One thing I will owe to my sister at some point in the future is an all-in holiday in California.

I have to say friends who express jealousy and make negative comments are either not handling it themselves well or are not really the friends we thought they were. I would say though that while we are swept up in the excitement of the move we would do well to recognise what this can mean for family and friends. As we adjust to the the new norm so will they.