For those who met online/telephone

[Scott & Lai 12]

Love is an emotion. Emotions are felt differently by different people.

Why should we question each others emotions unless we are trying to get a glimpse into that emotion?

I don't think anyone's questioning other ppl's emotions or their rights to them, I just think everyone's giving his/her own perspective on the matter.

Giving one's perspective is one thing, but to say that it is impossible to experience genuine love before the face-to-face meeting and to suggest that those who claim to have done so are somehow self-deceived seems a tad arrogant to me. How can one know what another can or cannot experience, simply because one hasn't had that experience themselves?

[cheeky^Wolf 0]

Love is an emotion. Emotions are felt differently by different people.

Why should we question each others emotions unless we are trying to get a glimpse into that emotion?

I don't think anyone's questioning other ppl's emotions or their rights to them, I just think everyone's giving his/her own perspective on the matter.

Giving one's perspective is one thing, but to say that it is impossible to experience genuine love before the face-to-face meeting and to suggest that those who claim to have done so are somehow self-deceived seems a tad arrogant to me. How can one know what another can or cannot experience, simply because one hasn't had that experience themselves?

How do you get an accusation of self deceit from an opinion?

It could be said it's arrogant for people on this thread to say "of course you can" - once again, in the words of Rebeccajo, Love is an emotion. Emotions are felt differently by different people.

There's no yes or no answer, it's a poll, with opinions

[Marilyn. 340]

Love is an emotion. Emotions are felt differently by different people.

Why should we question each others emotions unless we are trying to get a glimpse into that emotion?

I don't think anyone's questioning other ppl's emotions or their rights to them, I just think everyone's giving his/her own perspective on the matter.

Giving one's perspective is one thing, but to say that it is impossible to experience genuine love before the face-to-face meeting and to suggest that those who claim to have done so are somehow self-deceived seems a tad arrogant to me. How can one know what another can or cannot experience, simply because one hasn't had that experience themselves?

How do you get an accusation of self deceit from an opinion?

It could be said it's arrogant for people on this thread to say "of course you can" - once again, in the words of Rebeccajo, Love is an emotion. Emotions are felt differently by different people.

There's no yes or no answer, it's a poll, with opinions

but we are not saying it is impossible to fall in love with someone you meet in a store or bar or wherever else...

we are just saying it is possible to fall in love with someone you met online....

[Scott & Lai 12]

Love is an emotion. Emotions are felt differently by different people.

Why should we question each others emotions unless we are trying to get a glimpse into that emotion?

I don't think anyone's questioning other ppl's emotions or their rights to them, I just think everyone's giving his/her own perspective on the matter.

Giving one's perspective is one thing, but to say that it is impossible to experience genuine love before the face-to-face meeting and to suggest that those who claim to have done so are somehow self-deceived seems a tad arrogant to me. How can one know what another can or cannot experience, simply because one hasn't had that experience themselves?

How do you get an accusation of self deceit from an opinion?

It could be said it's arrogant for people on this thread to say "of course you can" - once again, in the words of Rebeccajo, Love is an emotion. Emotions are felt differently by different people.

There's no yes or no answer, it's a poll, with opinions

To say for yourself that you don't believe you could truly love someone before meeting in person is one thing, to say that there's no way it can happen in general is to invalidate the experience of those who say they have experienced that....otherwise, just what are you saying about their experiences?

[cheeky^Wolf 0]

I'm not sure if I'm missing something here...

For someone to speak for everyone and say it could never happen would be ridiculous. Obviously nobody knows others emotions as well as they know their own.

I don't think anyone has spoken for everyone, they've given their own opinions.

[rebeccajo 14]

Oh well there's empathy too. Like what TracyTN said. It's very hard sometimes to have empathy about something you haven't experienced personally.

This is sort of a sideways example of what I mean - from a personal experience. There was a heated discussion on this board about a particular topic, and I had a particularly firm stance on my belief. I mean I just knew I was right - no matter what some of the others said about a particular angle of this topic - I just knew they were wrong. I had no empathy. One of the thread participants took me aside by PM and relayed to me a very personal experience. That persons story was startling to me - they explained something that I just NEVER would have thought of. My empathy wasn't functioning - someone had to hit me over the head with a brick to explain this other angle.

I'm always amazed that no matter how much wisdom I continue to gain as I age, there's still so much to learn. Occasionally I have to turn off my 'opinion switch' - which is of course a result of my life experiences - in order to benefit from the life experiences of others.

[Fandango 1,439]

I don't understand why it seems like there needs to be validation from others.

If someone says it's impossible, perhaps (s)he is saying that it is impossible to him/her. Not saying 'oh what you felt isn't love therefore your emotions aren't legitimate'

[cheeky^Wolf 0]

I don't understand why it seems like there needs to be validation from others.

If someone says it's impossible, perhaps (s)he is saying that it is impossible to him/her. Not saying 'oh what you felt isn't love therefore your emotions aren't legitimate'

Exactly! Defence mechanisms seem to be in overdrive.

[Marilyn. 340]

I thought we were just having a discussion

[rebeccajo 14]

I don't understand why it seems like there needs to be validation from others.

Neither do I.

I thought we were just having a discussion

So did I.

[LaL 418]

I don't understand why it seems like there needs to be validation from others.

If someone says it's impossible, perhaps (s)he is saying that it is impossible to him/her. Not saying 'oh what you felt isn't love therefore your emotions aren't legitimate'

i have seen this argument alot kinda like when talking about another's relationship nuances "oooh - that's gross and abnormal", only to come back and say - "all that was said is that kind of relationship is gross and abnormal to me". which is not how it was originally stated. it would be helpful if in the beginning prejudices were stated appropriately instead of using someone's position as a springboard for a *yuck* only to come back to say for me after the flame has been lit.

i understand where you are coming from Lisa, and im not saying any kind of validation is necssary. someone could say "falling in love on the internet is impossible for me" right from the start and there would be no argument. it's just not stated that way

[sweetnsalty 0]

But doesn't it also depend on the question?

ie... How does that relationship seem to you? (keyword being you)

That relationship is gross and abnormal.

Hence, in this case, the OP asked "Can you love someone before you've met them face to face?"

Wouldn't that make it alright to say yes or no, whilst implying that you meant it regarding yourself?

[LaL 418]

But doesn't it also depend on the question?

ie... How does that relationship seem to you? (keyword being you)

That relationship is gross and abnormal.

Hence, in this case, the OP asked "Can you love someone before you've met them face to face?"

Wouldn't that make it alright to say yes or no, whilst implying that you meant it regarding yourself?

sure! again its all about saying exactly what u mean according to the question thats asked (throw in a lil tact for good measure ). i think many of us are in too much of a rush to read properly and respond in kind.

[Fandango 1,439]

But doesn't it also depend on the question?

ie... How does that relationship seem to you? (keyword being you)

That relationship is gross and abnormal.

Hence, in this case, the OP asked "Can you love someone before you've met them face to face?"

Wouldn't that make it alright to say yes or no, whilst implying that you meant it regarding yourself?

Yep!

Laura....No one here said anything about 'gross and abnormal' and the question is asking for personal opinions. People shouldn't have to walk on eggshells if someone is asking their opinion. If it's impossible for some, ok then....if it's not for others - that's ok too.

I get the feeling sometimes that if you say summat that goes against the grain - ie 'I don't believe you can fall in love over a telephone/internet/whatever' then there are people who come and tell you that you're either wrong or not being supportive. We can all support one another without having to BS and lie, or hold back opinions even when they're asked for, for the sake of not alienating someone who shouldn't be getting alienated from an opinion in the first place. For instance, I'd never marry someone after having only spent a few weeks with him. Does that mean anything to anyone here who DID marry only after a few weeks together? It really shouldn't! And vice versa.....ppl's personal opinions here have no bearing on my relationship....poster X doesn't agree with my choices? Well X doesn't have to live with them.

Edited December 20, 2006 by LisaD

[chri'stina 190]

This is really interesting. Of the people in a chat room I run, all but one said no, you can't love them, whereas on here the majority is for yes, you can.

One reason may be that VJ is a forum for people either married or wanting to get married, which means they love someone already. And many people on VJ have fallen in love after meeting online, as the results to this poll show a lot more "yes" answers than the other options.

The tricky thing is that since probably everyone on VJ is already in love, they already walked the path of how they fell in love. Some met in person before forming a relationship. Some fell in love after talking online. Some of us would have never met the person if we had not met either randomly or by pursuit on the internet. I never planned to go to India anytime soon in my life. Sujeet couldn't get a tourist visa for the US and wasn't planning on ever living here. So our path to meeting was decided by God (just my feeling on it) and that is why we met online instead of in person .

If the chat room you run is not a place where everyone is in some sort of relationship like the ppl on VJ are, it cannot compare with the answers here.

In regards to the past few posts before mine...

There have been a couple people in the thread making it appear that they think it's not possible for anyone to really love someone they met online. They didn't only make it about them or their relationship, they made it apply to everyone. That's the part that gets a little irritating IMO. But oh well, what can you do about it. I really never felt this awkwardness on VJ about how I met Sujeet until recently. And I don't get it that after me being married for over 2 years now, people would still doubt whether it could happen or not to anyone. I'd understand if people were doubting it when I first met him and also while he was still in India.

It's not about validation, it's about education. I am trying to show people who don't understand it that look, it happened to me, never ever thought it would, did not chose this path intentionally, I am considered a level headed person by those who know me, and now we are still happy. So maybe it can change some minds about what falling in love on the net means. If not, that's ok too.

Edited December 20, 2006 by stina&suj