Once your fiance arrives...

[Corina A. 2]

Hey VJ Fam!

This is an old post suggested to me by a fellow VJer, its currently what I'm living so I thought I'd repost and see what conversation it generates.

"I have decided to start a new topic on something that I think happens too often, but we might perhaps be reluctant to talk (write) about. What happens once the beneficiary is finally in the USA? What happens when you actually have to live, share a home, sleep, eat, and be together with the one you love? Yes, I am talking too about the happiness of finally being together, but mostly about the moment when reality hits you like a 10 pound bag of potatoes. For K1 visa holders it means that the petitioner will be the only one making the income and, depending on the beneficiary, it will be likely that your fiance(e) will be totally dependent on you; unable to speak English, drive, work, being in a new culture, environment, etc.
So, what happens if all these changes and the challenges of living together make you question the wisdom of going through with the marriage? What happens when the realities of a shared life make you realize this is not what you thought it would be? Perhaps this is the advantage of the fiance(e) visa process; you can still change your mind and decide not to marry without breaking any immigration laws.
Please do comment and share your thoughts and ideas."

[TBoneTX 43,022]

Start off by giving us YOUR ideas, si man. What specific issues are YOU facing?

[GodsGift225 54]

I personally must agree with everything said in the post, And as one who went through the process and not bring my spouce as a K-1 visa, give me enough time to think about what I was getting myself into, and give myself time to think and analize the WHOLE process from start to finish. As one will depend on you, and later on down the line you won't "regert" nor have felt like you "rushed" into something. As most of us know this is a PROCESS and everything seem all good and dany when you and your spouse or fiance are to spending time together everything seem prefect... That why is more of like a "vacation" because your are only spending a couple of days, or wks together, until then everything seem easy. Once they are here everything is a whole new experience. That's when the ADJUSTMENT period start, and you will start "REALLY" getting to know one another. It's 24/7 adjustment of getting to know this person you decided to spend the rest of your live with. That is the advantage of bring some on a K-1 visa, But how can you really tell with (90day) this is NOT the person you went to marry? How would you know you did the wrong thing?

In my opinion I went the CR-1 route as I felt it was the right choice for me, to give me time to prepare myself for the new life I would be getting to as well as giving the intend immigrant time to "prepare" himself mentally for the new life he was about live, the adjustment, life, and everything else that comes with marriage and relationship and living together, and I can truly say it was the best decision I did, As it took lots of years of prepration which has paid off.

[MrTee12 64]

Re-posting from a similar topic: (2011)

It's something that needs to be discussed. More and more married couples are getting divorced because marriage is almost like a business venture/partnership (just more emotional). It takes a lot of hard word and preparation. Before I got married my wife and I decided to take marriage classes with my Pastor and it helped out tremendously. I guess it's up to the individual(s), but I personally believe that God has to be the center/foundation of your marriage because our human nature/fallacies with damage our relationships with others naturally.

On another note, I believe that K1er's need to clearly "communicate" to their significant others how things are in America. My wife at 21 had to leave her family behind (very close knit), her friends, job, and home to live in an entirely new place where many things are foreign. I felt like I had to teach her everything from scratch and its hard work. No one should paint a picture of a "Hollywood lifestyle" and not expect things to go wrong when real life gets in the way.

The points you made about your significant other relying on you is the hardest part. My wife was going crazy for 6 months here "bored" because I was at work all day and she was home "not making any money" or studying. That was our toughest times together, when she felt like she was not contributing. So I can imagine how the "men" feel. Men are used to be the breadwinners and bringing the money in.

K1er's are taking a big risk if things don't work out...but its a risk many are willing to take. If both individuals put their all into the relationship and use the strength they while waiting for the Visa...then they should remember all the hard work they put into and use it to keep them stronger.

Update: (2013)

2 1/2 yrs later I have no regrets whatsoever; has my marriage been easy... no! However, we have grown stronger through every experience (thanks to the Lord). Communication is everything! Every relationship is different, so don't over do-it by comparing yourself to every relationship/couple. You 2 have to communicate with each other "honestly" what you 2 what to accomplish as a couple. Like a having a honest relationship, children (and how many), career goals, education/school, living arrangements, common beliefs, common interests, etc. At times one of you (especially the petitioner) will be doing mostly everything. The goal is to gradually even everything out, so you don't feel overwhelmed. You have to teach them how to balance things and contribute, Over time, if they are they interested, everything will work out.

My wife and I have had our ups and downs and we remain in-love and focused on making each other happy. My advice is to stay focused on what you 2 what to accomplish as a couple, help each other accomplish those things, keep your circle tight (meaning keep negative people out of your lives), and have faith. Love, sex, passion, dreams are great but they won't pay the bills. Separate the fairytale life you dreamed from reality and plan/practice creating these things for the future.

[Frances&Bryan 6]

Re-posting from a similar topic: (2011)

It's something that needs to be discussed. More and more married couples are getting divorced because marriage is almost like a business venture/partnership (just more emotional). It takes a lot of hard word and preparation. Before I got married my wife and I decided to take marriage classes with my Pastor and it helped out tremendously. I guess it's up to the individual(s), but I personally believe that God has to be the center/foundation of your marriage because our human nature/fallacies with damage our relationships with others naturally.

On another note, I believe that K1er's need to clearly "communicate" to their significant others how things are in America. My wife at 21 had to leave her family behind (very close knit), her friends, job, and home to live in an entirely new place where many things are foreign. I felt like I had to teach her everything from scratch and its hard work. No one should paint a picture of a "Hollywood lifestyle" and not expect things to go wrong when real life gets in the way.

The points you made about your significant other relying on you is the hardest part. My wife was going crazy for 6 months here "bored" because I was at work all day and she was home "not making any money" or studying. That was our toughest times together, when she felt like she was not contributing. So I can imagine how the "men" feel. Men are used to be the breadwinners and bringing the money in.

K1er's are taking a big risk if things don't work out...but its a risk many are willing to take. If both individuals put their all into the relationship and use the strength they while waiting for the Visa...then they should remember all the hard work they put into and use it to keep them stronger.

Update: (2013)

2 1/2 yrs later I have no regrets whatsoever; has my marriage been easy... no! However, we have grown stronger through every experience (thanks to the Lord). Communication is everything! Every relationship is different, so don't over do-it by comparing yourself to every relationship/couple. You 2 have to communicate with each other "honestly" what you 2 what to accomplish as a couple. Like a having a honest relationship, children (and how many), career goals, education/school, living arrangements, common beliefs, common interests, etc. At times one of you (especially the petitioner) will be doing mostly everything. The goal is to gradually even everything out, so you don't feel overwhelmed. You have to teach them how to balance things and contribute, Over time, if they are they interested, everything will work out.

My wife and I have had our ups and downs and we remain in-love and focused on making each other happy. My advice is to stay focused on what you 2 what to accomplish as a couple, help each other accomplish those things, keep your circle tight (meaning keep negative people out of your lives), and have faith. Love, sex, passion, dreams are great but they won't pay the bills. Separate the fairytale life you dreamed from reality and plan/practice creating these things for the future.

amazing advice! do u have this in spanish so i can give it to my fiance to read? lol

[GodsGift225 54]

very well said!!

[Corina A. 2]

you learn so much more about a person when you live with them. There certain things I anticipated like homesickness, financial stress, & needing to learn English. I definitely underestimated how much teaching I'd need to do - especially in the kitchen. Stuff you assume everyone knows like don't put foil in the microwave & you don't cram an entire hot dog into a toaster & then go after it with a knife while it's still plugged in! lol & cultural differences - ay-yi-yi!

our circumstances are tougher than most. we go from seeing each other every few months & talking on the phone or IM'ing to being with your partner 24/7, also its a lot different having them in your daily life & routine. what i imagined is very different from my reality. there have been some very difficult moments but I am glad we are together. I agree with MrTee, communication is everything!

[MrTee12 64]

you learn so much more about a person when you live with them. There certain things I anticipated like homesickness, financial stress, & needing to learn English. I definitely underestimated how much teaching I'd need to do - especially in the kitchen. Stuff you assume everyone knows like don't put foil in the microwave & you don't cram an entire hot dog into a toaster & then go after it with a knife while it's still plugged in! lol & cultural differences - ay-yi-yi!

our circumstances are tougher than most. we go from seeing each other every few months & talking on the phone or IM'ing to being with your partner 24/7, also its a lot different having them in your daily life & routine. what i imagined is very different from my reality. there have been some very difficult moments but I am glad we are together. I agree with MrTee, communication is everything!

Is there any chance you are having cold feet? Marriage is a big step.

However, if you think he's a "sankie", it's a completely different story. In short, make sure you are paying for another woman's lavish lifestyle in DR! Do your homework...social media tells a lot of different stories.

Edited July 3, 2013 by MrTee12

[MrTee12 64]

amazing advice! do u have this in spanish so i can give it to my fiance to read? lol[/quote

Give me a couple days.

[Corina A. 2]

i don't think i have a sankie but you never know. as far as cold feet i can now see the K3 visa as a plus because you're already married and the mentality is different.

[Mduenas 1]

I completely agree with all of your concerns and I have made some drastic choices because of this. I have spent so much money over the last year (most of my savings has gone towards my travels)...you'll soon read why, but I can tell you that it's been worth the cost because although I cannot be certain that this will definitly work and all will go well, I CAN say I'm 100% positive about my choice to marry the man I am completely in love with. Why? Because (I honestly feel) I know him.

My situation is playing out a bit differently then most others. I have a bit more advantage because of my career and amount of time off of work I have; I'm a curriculum specialist at a school. I have the same schedule as a teacher, I'm just considered an administrator. With that said, I have spent every break in Dominican Republic with my fiancé.

As I write this, I am right next to him. As a matter of fact, I've been here for a month and will be here for another month until summer break is over and my work contract begins again. We have had the opportunity to learn a great deal about each other as we have been living together, him and I, as well as my three children (not just this trip...I'm referring to a combination of all trips together and this one).

I'm living in HIS WORLD right now and have done so each time I've come to visit. I'm playing his role: I'm learning his culture (although I'm Dominican by background, I've never lived here, only visited), getting accustomed to their laws (OR LACK OF ((wow)) I'm home bored with my kids while he's at work earning a living for us, I'm playing the wife role of cleaning and cooking on a daily basis. I've learned his expectations of me and he has definitely learned my expectations of him.

When the table turns, it's definitely going to be very different for him when he gets to the MY WORLD, but I think I've prepared him well. He speaks "preddy good inglich" (lol) since he has worked in Punta Cana Airport for he last 6 years and has had to communicate with foreigners all along. He also has a pretty good job waiting for him when he gets to the US since his aunt owns a Dominican airline at Miami International Airport. If not that, he is a ground security coordinator for his airline here in DR (which we all know pays nothing here in DR, but in the US will bring in a pretty decent salary).

In the end, having three children from a previous relationship, ending another relationship after that one...I can't keep allowing my children to view their mother in negative situations. Yes, I've spent a ton of money, but knowing I'm making the right choice...to me, at least...is priceless!

Thinking of hiring a Dominican attorney to help us push our interview date forward to this month (it hasnt been scheduled yet but our case just got to the embassy today) so my babe can come home with us! I'm trying to base the need of an expedited interview on the fact that I AM ALREADY HERE IN DR, I leave on August 7 and my new work contract begins on the 9th!! it will be too hard for me to miss work to return for the interview, that, and financially I just can't spend the money to come back AGAIN!!! (Let me know if anyone has heard if this can be done.)

[MrTee12 64]

I completely agree with all of your concerns and I have made some drastic choices because of this. I have spent so much money over the last year (most of my savings has gone towards my travels)...you'll soon read why, but I can tell you that it's been worth the cost because although I cannot be certain that this will definitly work and all will go well, I CAN say I'm 100% positive about my choice to marry the man I am completely in love with. Why? Because (I honestly feel) I know him.

My situation is playing out a bit differently then most others. I have a bit more advantage because of my career and amount of time off of work I have; I'm a curriculum specialist at a school. I have the same schedule as a teacher, I'm just considered an administrator. With that said, I have spent every break in Dominican Republic with my fiancé.

As I write this, I am right next to him. As a matter of fact, I've been here for a month and will be here for another month until summer break is over and my work contract begins again. We have had the opportunity to learn a great deal about each other as we have been living together, him and I, as well as my three children (not just this trip...I'm referring to a combination of all trips together and this one).

I'm living in HIS WORLD right now and have done so each time I've come to visit. I'm playing his role: I'm learning his culture (although I'm Dominican by background, I've never lived here, only visited), getting accustomed to their laws (OR LACK OF ((wow)) I'm home bored with my kids while he's at work earning a living for us, I'm playing the wife role of cleaning and cooking on a daily basis. I've learned his expectations of me and he has definitely learned my expectations of him.

When the table turns, it's definitely going to be very different for him when he gets to the MY WORLD, but I think I've prepared him well. He speaks "preddy good inglich" (lol) since he has worked in Punta Cana Airport for he last 6 years and has had to communicate with foreigners all along. He also has a pretty good job waiting for him when he gets to the US since his aunt owns a Dominican airline at Miami International Airport. If not that, he is a ground security coordinator for his airline here in DR (which we all know pays nothing here in DR, but in the US will bring in a pretty decent salary).

In the end, having three children from a previous relationship, ending another relationship after that one...I can't keep allowing my children to view their mother in negative situations. Yes, I've spent a ton of money, but knowing I'm making the right choice...to me, at least...is priceless!

Thinking of hiring a Dominican attorney to help us push our interview date forward to this month (it hasnt been scheduled yet but our case just got to the embassy today) so my babe can come home with us! I'm trying to base the need of an expedited interview on the fact that I AM ALREADY HERE IN DR, I leave on August 7 and my new work contract begins on the 9th!! it will be too hard for me to miss work to return for the interview, that, and financially I just can't spend the money to come back AGAIN!!! (Let me know if anyone has heard if this can be done.

You are one of the few that can spend time with your fiance for long periods of time. It's definitely a plus as terms of evidence for your interview and building a bond for future success in your relationship. If you are serious about getting a faster interview date, I'm not so confident in getting a lawyer, unless they have done this in the past. I haven't heard of anyone using a lawyer to expedite your interview. However, since you are in DR, you can contact the Embassy and ask to pick up your Packet 4 and get the Medical done as soon as possible, From the time the Consulate gets your case, it can take 8-12 weeks to get an interview date. Since you're there just contact them yourself and explain your situation.

[Mduenas 1]

You are one of the few that can spend time with your fiance for long periods of time. It's definitely a plus as terms of evidence for your interview and building a bond for future success in your relationship. If you are serious about getting a faster interview date, I'm not so confident in getting a lawyer, unless they have done this in the past. I haven't heard of anyone using a lawyer to expedite your interview. However, since you are in DR, you can contact the Embassy and ask to pick up your Packet 4 and get the Medical done as soon as possible, From the time the Consulate gets your case, it can take 8-12 weeks to get an interview date. Since you're there just contact them yourself and explain your situation.

I can see why you say you're not confident in getting a lawyer! I spoke to a lady this morning and she wouldn't even allow me to explain my situation to see if she could help. She told me that if I wanted to ask her a question Id have to go into her office and pay 2000 pesos ($50us)!! Yeah right!!

Right now our case is at the embassy electronically, it hasn't gotten there through DHL yet. We may not have our date for another week or so. I'm wondering if I should wait till we have an actual date and ask for it to be CHANGED or call them BEFORE it's actually scheduled so they go ahead and schedule me an earlier date when my case does arrive through DHL within the next day or two. If they will even do it...

What do you think?

[MrTee12 64]

I can see why you say you're not confident in getting a lawyer! I spoke to a lady this morning and she wouldn't even allow me to explain my situation to see if she could help. She told me that if I wanted to ask her a question Id have to go into her office and pay 2000 pesos ($50us)!! Yeah right!!

Right now our case is at the embassy electronically, it hasn't gotten there through DHL yet. We may not have our date for another week or so. I'm wondering if I should wait till we have an actual date and ask for it to be CHANGED or call them BEFORE it's actually scheduled so they go ahead and schedule me an earlier date when my case does arrive through DHL within the next day or two. If they will even do it...

What do you think?

Call the Visa Specialist in Washington D.C. first to see if they can tell you the interview date. Inform them of your situation.

Visa Specialist (Department of State) in Washington D.C. (202-663-1225). Press Option 1 then Option 0 to speak to a visa specialist. Have your NVC Case Number available.

Then can contact the Consulate in Santo Domingo. Do the same. Even they say no, at least you tried.

http://santodomingo.usembassy.gov/contact.html

Sometime they give "open citas", so ask about that.

[reese1 68]

Don't waste your time or money an attorney can not...will not get you a date sooner...contacting the Embassy will not get a date earlier either. Sorry to say you are going to have to wait it out, and make another trip back for the interview.