Problems with Family....need advice

[Hank_ 9,173]

Did you list the daughter on your petition for K2?

[elyhim 41]

accept it or forget me.

Exactly.

[rlogan 2,036]

I should have told the family earlier. In my previous relationships and marriage...everyone told me the person I was with was wrong for me and they were ultimately right. I was very nervous on how they would react to me having a relationship with a filipina. I did tell everyone about her after my first trip and it went very badly, and everytime I would bring up the subject it would end up with an argument...so I stopped talking about it.

I see. So two things going on, but one of them is definitely them being bigots about people from other countries. One bit of advice: never let them put you on the defensive and try to justify your relationship with another because ultimately it is nobody's business.

You can tell them "this is what I am doing." That's the end of it. Whenever someone tries to get you to justify, you can't win with them because there will be another attack, and another, and another, and another. You end that cycle by either not responding or asking them to explain who made them the Queen. What right do they have to make you justify who you are with.

I was tired of fighting and every argument would become worse. As a matter of fact, the last argument ended up with everyone giving me an "intervention"...saying I needed therapy!!! I was livid!! They acted as though I was a drug addict!! My brother actually told me in so many words I could not see his kids again unless I saw a therapist!! Oh my God.....I realize they are in their own way trying to look out for me, but they are really going about it the wrong way. We seemed to be getting along better when I did not talk about it, so for the sake of getting along I stopped talking abut it...I knew I would have to bring it up and they knew a year ago she was coming to the US this year so I hoped over time at least they would be willing to meet her. Not the case. It is still pretty obvious they have an issue with my marrying someone outside the country.

Never be surprised how insane bigotry, jealousy, and envy can be. We actually had malicious internet stalkers make complaints not only to USCIS, but various government agencies, posing themselves as "protecting" my child bride against me, sold by her parents against her will. Just insane, delusional stuff. See how they are posing as "helping" you? This is called playing the servant role in manipulative literature: causing harm to you but under the pretense of helping.

So you distance yourself from them, as you have done, but leave the door open for them being reasonable. There cannot be anything more important than your wife, and you must not let them ever come between you.

I did have one friend and business associate that was completely out of his mind about this until the day he met her. Then suddenly she was a beautiful, charming young lady because he was no longer operating under this weird racist view. It started with him saying I had "given up". I was baffled by what he meant and I kept asking him to say ####### he meant by "giving up". I had selected the most beautiful girl on earth and was on cloud 9, so I had no idea what he meant. After a long, bizarre argument it finally dawned on me - she wasn't white. He just couldn't bring himself to say that.

You defeat that kind of racism by just doing it and going about your business. Once I brought her by, in under one minute it was over.

[Laser1 63]

My fiancee will be isolated enough with just leaving her family to be with me.

On the bright side of this, my financee has a sister and family in San Francisco(I am in Michigan) so It looks like I will spend the holiday there so she will be feel welcome...she will be in here hopefully December 22, so the plan is to meet her there with her with her family there and bring her to Michigan after the Holidays to begin our new life together.

Have you thought about moving to San Francisco?

[jaystone 2]

Did you list the daughter on your petition for K2?

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you, Hank...yes I did do a K2

Jaystone

[Hank_ 9,173]

I believe you have to do the K2 within a year, seems I have read that a few times. Clock is ticking.

[jaystone 2]

I see. So two things going on, but one of them is definitely them being bigots about people from other countries. One bit of advice: never let them put you on the defensive and try to justify your relationship with another because ultimately it is nobody's business.

You can tell them "this is what I am doing." That's the end of it. Whenever someone tries to get you to justify, you can't win with them because there will be another attack, and another, and another, and another. You end that cycle by either not responding or asking them to explain who made them the Queen. What right do they have to make you justify who you are with.

Never be surprised how insane bigotry, jealousy, and envy can be. We actually had malicious internet stalkers make complaints not only to USCIS, but various government agencies, posing themselves as "protecting" my child bride against me, sold by her parents against her will. Just insane, delusional stuff. See how they are posing as "helping" you? This is called playing the servant role in manipulative literature: causing harm to you but under the pretense of helping.

So you distance yourself from them, as you have done, but leave the door open for them being reasonable. There cannot be anything more important than your wife, and you must not let them ever come between you.

I did have one friend and business associate that was completely out of his mind about this until the day he met her. Then suddenly she was a beautiful, charming young lady because he was no longer operating under this weird racist view. It started with him saying I had "given up". I was baffled by what he meant and I kept asking him to say ####### he meant by "giving up". I had selected the most beautiful girl on earth and was on cloud 9, so I had no idea what he meant. After a long, bizarre argument it finally dawned on me - she wasn't white. He just couldn't bring himself to say that.

You defeat that kind of racism by just doing it and going about your business. Once I brought her by, in under one minute it was over.

Thanks for all the advice..I really appreciate it! I am just going just what you suggest! One thing I found about myself in all this is that I was worried about what everybody else would think. Not any more! It is on my family on whether or not they accept her, not me. I am going to enjoy my life with my soon-to-be wife to the fullest and if they ever come around, it will be great. If not, is their loss!

Jaystone

[jaystone 2]

I believe you have to do the K2 within a year, seems I have read that a few times. Clock is ticking.

That is the plan. We hope to have her here by the fall of 2013.

Jaystone

[jaystone 2]

Have you thought about moving to San Francisco?

I did think about it, Laser1, but right now the cost of living is too high right now for me.

I appreciate the thought!

Jaystone