Divorce, Hindsight, and Doing the Immigration Dance Again...

[Savanphil 3]

I would never do this again. Eventhough it was weel worth it to have my hubby here. I would not want to go throught the sleepless nights, living apart, spending holidays alone, the whole USCIS/NVC waitng game. It was a lot, and I don't think I'll have the strength

[rebeccajo 14]

i have to agree with Rebecca Jo. I dated a foreigner I met in person - a nice guy from turkey...but his english, or lack thereof, just made it near impossible. I don't have the patience to teach someone english...but that's just ME.

As for tihs poll...no way. I wouldn't do it. As easy as we had it, I would'nt do it again. ALthough I can't see myself getting married again either...so...but I DEFINTELY wouldnt see it out.

Yeah, if the communication via a shared language isn't absolutely EASY and effortless, then IMO it's not really a genuine relationship. I know a lot of people will disagree, but if you can't talk, or if you stop yourself from saying something because you're worried they won't understand, you're not really being yourself and you're not loving them for them if the language problem is such that they can't express fully who they are to you.

When I met Rey he was already fluent in English with a large vocabulary, and I have never once modified the way I talk because he's not native. He sometimes makes a phrase like "...the box I put the keys" instead of "the box I put the keys IN" because you don't need the preposition in Portuguese, but that's about it. He can make bad puns in English, so I think that's good enough.

What I don't understand are the USC petitioners who do not make any effort to learn their fiances' languages. If you don't speak their language at all, how well do you really know them? If you don't know their idiomatic phrases or slang, how much of that person is missing from your relationship? I dunno.

I have made a small effort to learn Sujeet's language, but it is moving very slowly. I don't feel like it makes something missing in our relationship. English is spoken all over India, due to British influence and rule there, and Sujeet is fluent in English. Hindi is a completely new sounding language to me, and I only know a little Spanish as a foreign language, which does not help me out at all with marrying someone from India.

I personally don't care if someone's English isn't excellent if I'm communicating with them. I've always enjoyed talking to people from different countires and never had an issue understanding them, even if they spoke English so-so. I actually like hearing all the accents. Sujeet is fluent in English, but he has to learn the local slang, so I don't purposely use American slang when talking to him unless I told him what it means. He grew up learning British English, not American English and slang. I don't see that it hurt our relationship at all.

To be honest I never have thought of it as an issue between us that he is from India and speaks Hindi as his 1st language. I love it actually that his native tongue is not English! It brings such variety into my life.

I've bolded and italicized the part of Stina's quote I'd like to comment on.

I too enjoy the accents and I love speaking with people from other cultures. Like I said, I've modified my perceptions a bit from when I first started speaking in this thread, but I'm just not sure I could be myself in a spousal relationship if my husband's use of english was 'broken'. I'd be worried I'd hurt his feelings or that he wouldn't understand me.

Edited October 30, 2006 by rebeccajo

[chri'stina 190]

I have made a small effort to learn Sujeet's language, but it is moving very slowly. I don't feel like it makes something missing in our relationship. English is spoken all over India, due to British influence and rule there, and Sujeet is fluent in English. Hindi is a completely new sounding language to me, and I only know a little Spanish as a foreign language, which does not help me out at all with marrying someone from India.

I personally don't care if someone's English isn't excellent if I'm communicating with them. I've always enjoyed talking to people from different countires and never had an issue understanding them, even if they spoke English so-so. I actually like hearing all the accents. Sujeet is fluent in English, but he has to learn the local slang, so I don't purposely use American slang when talking to him unless I told him what it means. He grew up learning British English, not American English and slang. I don't see that it hurt our relationship at all.

To be honest I never have thought of it as an issue between us that he is from India and speaks Hindi as his 1st language. I love it actually that his native tongue is not English! It brings such variety into my life.

I've bolded and italicized the part of Stina's quote I'd like to comment on.

I too enjoy the accents and I love speaking with people from other cultures. Like I said, I've modified my perceptions a bit from when I first started speaking in this thread, but I'm just not sure I could be myself in a spousal relationship if my husband's use of english was 'broken'. I'd be worried I'd hurt his feelings or that he wouldn't understand me.

I agree though that if the person's English was very broken, it would be difficult. Sujeet pronounces a few words wrong once in awhile, but overall he is fluent. If all we could say to each other was "Hi" or "I love you" then it'd definitely be a problem. And strangely I think there may be couples who can hardly speak to each other at all, yet still are pursuing the relationship for reasons that could be questionable. I think they would have major problems. I guess we all have a limit on what we feel comfortable with and what we can understand when having language gaps.

Edited October 30, 2006 by stina&suj

[LaL 418]

I too enjoy the accents and I love speaking with people from other cultures. Like I said, I've modified my perceptions a bit from when I first started speaking in this thread, but I'm just not sure I could be myself in a spousal relationship if my husband's use of english was 'broken'. I'd be worried I'd hurt his feelings or that he wouldn't understand me.

Borat is not a good example of broken english... he is an example of a moron!

just kidding around becs...

[rebeccajo 14]

I too enjoy the accents and I love speaking with people from other cultures. Like I said, I've modified my perceptions a bit from when I first started speaking in this thread, but I'm just not sure I could be myself in a spousal relationship if my husband's use of english was 'broken'. I'd be worried I'd hurt his feelings or that he wouldn't understand me.

Borat is not a good example of broken english... he is an example of a moron!

just kidding around becs...

LOLOLOL!!!!

"I have been one week without sexy intercourse and my sac is long".

[LaL 418]

I too enjoy the accents and I love speaking with people from other cultures. Like I said, I've modified my perceptions a bit from when I first started speaking in this thread, but I'm just not sure I could be myself in a spousal relationship if my husband's use of english was 'broken'. I'd be worried I'd hurt his feelings or that he wouldn't understand me.

Borat is not a good example of broken english... he is an example of a moron!

just kidding around becs...

LOLOLOL!!!!

"I have been one week without sexy intercourse and my sac is long".

you lack plow experience. no sexy intercourse for you.

[rebeccajo 14]

I too enjoy the accents and I love speaking with people from other cultures. Like I said, I've modified my perceptions a bit from when I first started speaking in this thread, but I'm just not sure I could be myself in a spousal relationship if my husband's use of english was 'broken'. I'd be worried I'd hurt his feelings or that he wouldn't understand me.

Borat is not a good example of broken english... he is an example of a moron!

just kidding around becs...

LOLOLOL!!!!

"I have been one week without sexy intercourse and my sac is long".

you lack plow experience. no sexy intercourse for you.

Darn.

[Karen_L 1]

I too enjoy the accents and I love speaking with people from other cultures. Like I said, I've modified my perceptions a bit from when I first started speaking in this thread, but I'm just not sure I could be myself in a spousal relationship if my husband's use of english was 'broken'. I'd be worried I'd hurt his feelings or that he wouldn't understand me.

Borat is not a good example of broken english... he is an example of a moron!

just kidding around becs...

LOLOLOL!!!!

"I have been one week without sexy intercourse and my sac is long".

My husband DOES say stuff like this lol. His most common mistake is that he uses the word "dress" for "clothes" because the word for "dresses" is the same as the word for "clothing" in Italian (vestiti), so he often says "I put on my dress this morning..." I correct him, but ! He's come out with a lot of good ones in his day, and luckily he's good at laughing at himself

But, of course, we communicate in Italian so there isn't a language issue between us

[sakurasama 0]

My fiance picks up my language and sometimes he says things like, "Do these pants look cute on me?" I am going to have to correct him when he comes to the U.S.!!!!

[kisschick1976 0]

One thing I remember that was always a laugh with the ex was when there was a new word he hadn't learned yet.

"VEEEKEH, What means fart?..... why dat funny?....VEEKEH get off de floor, VEEKEH!"

Now I just have to be concerned with getting ripped on speaking American instead of English

[chri'stina 190]

My fiance picks up my language and sometimes he says things like, "Do these pants look cute on me?" I am going to have to correct him when he comes to the U.S.!!!!

[rebeccajo 14]

I too enjoy the accents and I love speaking with people from other cultures. Like I said, I've modified my perceptions a bit from when I first started speaking in this thread, but I'm just not sure I could be myself in a spousal relationship if my husband's use of english was 'broken'. I'd be worried I'd hurt his feelings or that he wouldn't understand me.

Borat is not a good example of broken english... he is an example of a moron!

just kidding around becs...

LOLOLOL!!!!

"I have been one week without sexy intercourse and my sac is long".

My husband DOES say stuff like this lol. His most common mistake is that he uses the word "dress" for "clothes" because the word for "dresses" is the same as the word for "clothing" in Italian (vestiti), so he often says "I put on my dress this morning..." I correct him, but ! He's come out with a lot of good ones in his day, and luckily he's good at laughing at himself

But, of course, we communicate in Italian so there isn't a language issue between us

Well, even the 'english speakers' say stuff that raises eyebrows!

A plan or a project is called a 'scheme' in the UK. Like if you are hired through some sort of government incentive, that project would be called a 'scheme'.

I told the hubby to not tell potential employers about being hired on previous 'schemes' - that they might think there was somethign crooked going on.......

[Fandango 1,440]

I cannot believe how close this poll is, didn't expect that!

I still am confused how those who say they didn't really know their first SOs are doing it again with another...like what makes you know you're not repeating the same pattern?

Not calling anyone's relationship a sham, mind you, just curious as to how they are different.

[Alex+R 0]

My fiance picks up my language and sometimes he says things like, "Do these pants look cute on me?" I am going to have to correct him when he comes to the U.S.!!!!

That definitely happens a bit with Rey. He says girly stuff without realizing it's girly. One time I said "no way!" and he responded with "WAY."

I am still laughing at him for that...

[Karen_L 1]

I cannot believe how close this poll is, didn't expect that!

I still am confused how those who say they didn't really know their first SOs are doing it again with another...like what makes you know you're not repeating the same pattern?

Not calling anyone's relationship a sham, mind you, just curious as to how they are different.

I think for some people, if one international relationship doesn't work out, getting back 'out there' in the dating scene means making contact with a new person from overseas, kind of like if two people get engaged in the US and break up, eventually both parties will start dating again and, probably, will go back to the same places they went before the start of the failed relationship (and hopefully, won't run into each other). Conversely, if my husband and I break up, I would (eventually, after months of crying and hysteria) enter the local dating scene.

Also, I think some people look for a SO overseas with the express purpose of getting married (not necessarily for 'bad' reasons, but I think often because they're 100% read to marry and want to find someone ready for that too without necessarily a lot of "dating" and seeing how things develop) so if a first engagement breaks off, they have to find someone else who def. wants to get married and maybe the person in he next relationship is more compatible.

That's my take on it anyways.