Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Ruemonst

Inconsiderate

18 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

I am right now in St. Petersburg. My second trip to see the same woman.

I had a great time on my first trip

This time sucks!)) It's like I am visiting a different person.

I am here for two weeks. Until the 20th of October.

My friend needs to find a job. She was living in a communal flat

until September 15th.

Instead of spending thousands on a hotel. I gave her $700 for first

and last months rent on this flat. So I am staying in her new flat.

All that she can think about is finding a good job. She thinks she is a loser

now since she is not working. I understand the need for a job. But, she

has know when I was coming back for two months. You would think she would pay

some attention to me. I have no problem paying another $350 for her rent.

I have told her so but, she is very proud. Just my luck!

That is nothing compared to the money that I feel I am wasting now.

She has a lady living with her to watch her son all day. She speaks more english than I Russian.

Thats not saying very much. I am ready to go home now.

Any advice is appreciated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ever been without a job?? She is stressed, she is worried. Why not stop worrying about how much attention she is paying to you and try to help her get through this.

Every person needs something different when they are stressed and in a bad situation. Just giving her money does not solve the larger problem. Everyone is proud and you should be glad that she doesnt just start saying I am not working you will have to support me. Her wanting to to provide for her family is a good sign and speaks volumes about her in my book.

This is a good oppurtunity for you to learn something about her emotionally. If she is the one and you are in this for the long hall you better realize life is not going to be peaches and cream every day for the rest of your life. Be calm talk things out and if language is a problem get someone to interpret for you.

Just my thoughts. Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
She has a lady living with her to watch her son all day. She speaks more english than I Russian.

Thats not saying very much. I am ready to go home now.

Any advice is appreciated.

Don't worry so much. If the situation were reversed, you would probably behave the same way. (Place to live and job and taking care of kids should be anyone's priority first).

One thing I certainly learned from marriage is that you both need to be able to take care of yourselves.

If it is possible, see if you can spend more time with her, after she gets her job and flat settled. My ex-wife and I spent a lot of time together before deciding to get married, and even that was not enough. It wish it had been much longer.


2004-08-23: Met in Chicago

2005-10-19: K-1 Interview, Moscow (approved)

2007-02-23: Biometrics

2007-04-11: AOS Interview (Approved)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am like the other in my thoughts... remember that the 'basics' are needed first.. housing, food, health... she does not have these yet... and you paying for only a couple of months rent and then expect her to be lovey dovey the whole time you are there is just wrong... If she had the job and knew she could live comfortably I am sure she would be like she was on the first visit..

This is real life, not make believe...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am thinking the only person being inconsiderate, is you (the OP).

Sorry but I imagine her life at the moment is not going to be all about you. You are providing her a place to stay but what about food, what about next month and the month after that?

Maybe instead of thinking about yourself and the money you feel you are "wasting", you should consider her feelings and needs.

just MHO.

Marc


K-1 timeline

05/03/06: NOA1

06/29/06: IMBRA RFE Received

07/28/06: NOA2 received in the mail!

10/06/06: Interview

02/12/07: Olga arrived

02/19/07: Marc and Olga marry

02/20/07: DISNEYLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AOS Timeline

03/29/07: NOA1

04/02/07: Notice of biometrics appointment

04/14/07: Biometrics appointment

07/10/07: AOS Interview - Passed.

Done with USCIS until 2009!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel for you. You had the fond memories of your first visit, and you had high expectations of your second visit. However, you do have to remember that once you leave, she still has the same problem. How is she going to support her child and herself? Being a single mother is not easy, especially when you have no job.

What you might want to do is be supportive of her. You could do such things as go food shopping together or even make dinner for her. By showing what is in your heart, it can speak volumes. People do act differently when they are under a lot of stress. If you show some compassion, it should be rewarded in the end.


March 29, 2006: mailed the I-129f form after getting all the documents translated and prepared

April 07, 2006: NOA-1

June 30, 2006: IMBRA RFE received by me

July 07, 2006: IMBRA RFE received by CSC

Aug 01, 2006: NOA-2

Aug 15, 2006: receipt from NVC stating they have the approved petition

Aug 25, 2006: email from US Embassy in Moscow, interview scheduled for Oct 16 @ 8:00 am

Sep 29, 2006: packet 3 finally received at old address even though we notified the NVC and Moscow Embassy of the new address.

October 16, 2006: Interview She passed

October 26, 2006: Arrival Date in the United States

November 09, 2006: Married

January 01, 2007: Moved from Florida to Kansas City (job related, not by choice)

January 12, 2007: Mailed paperwork for AOS, EAD, travel

January 18, 2007: Chicago received petitions

February 06, 2007: Biometrics appointment

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
If it is possible, see if you can spend more time with her, after she gets her job and flat settled. My ex-wife and I spent a lot of time together before deciding to get married, and even that was not enough. It wish it had been much longer.

All I can say to that comment, Russ, is:

AMEN!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you all so much!

I really appreciate the view from the other side.

I think she IS the one. So I should be more supportive.

She does not know what I have been thinking.

So I appreciate all of your help.

Just curious!! then how come you didn't feel it (that she is the one) in your original post?


CR-1, VT- Canada

I-130:

25 Aug 06 - Sent I-130 (a Friday)

28 Aug 06 - NOA1 & Certif. receipt returned ( a Monday) Day 1

29 Aug 06 - USCIS cashes check

30 Aug 06 - check cleared & 1ST TOUCH.

01 Sept 06 - NOA1 recvd by Mail

09 Sept 06 - 2ND TOUCH (a Saturday)

09 Mai 07 - NOA2 (2 e-mails)

Note: were told the long delay due to huge backlog and internal changes in VT

NVC :

04-June-07 - NVC generates DS-3032 & AOS bill

12-June-07 - AOS Bill payment sent/ alien receives DS-3032 form (by mail, dated 4th June)

13-June-07 - Alien sends back completed DS-3032 (by mail)/ rcvd 19th of June approx.

To mid July-07 - I-864 form sent completed and IV fee bill

19-July-07 NVC rcv I-864 form; mail signature rcvd.

22-Aug-07 Ds-230 with documents sent to NVC.

20-Sep - 07 Alien sends NVC Missing document. NVC receives it the 25th.

05-Oct - 07 NVC completed.

16-Jan - 08 Interview, 3 questions asked, visa approved same day, received 1week later approx.

Note: delay due to internal delay, missing document (not rfe) and self procrastination of understanding some abstract terms. C Post not at all reliable (delivery duration, delivery with signature (did not deliver personnaly), and delivery of interview letter rcvd after the interview).

In USA:

01-03-08 POE Entry in USA

...-03-08 2 Welcome in America letters and green card received.

"What I know is that I know nothing"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know... on the one hand, you're there the 2nd time to see her, and you feel that she's the one....

On the other hand, it's almost as if you've been supporting her during this process. If you're paying her rent, why should she have gotten a job already? YOU're paying her rent, where's her motivation to work?

Since you're there now... tell her how you feel, and what you're expecting from her. If she's "the one" then you should let her know now what to expect and not to expect, and what life together is going to be like. Otherwise, you will find out down the road, and by then it might be too late.

Talk it out now, while you're still there.


Русский форум член.

Ensure your beneficiary makes and brings with them to the States a copy of the DS-3025 (vaccination form)

If the government is going to force me to exercise my "right" to health care, then they better start requiring people to exercise their Right to Bear Arms. - "Where's my public option rifle?"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
so you want to know if all Russian women are inconsiderate?

No, he's basically asking other guys who've been involved with Russian women if this is a typical experience for them or what?

You have to realize Caroline, that when dealing with a foreign or alien culture, some things are nearly incomprehensible, so sometimes we ASK other guys... hey has this ever happened to you, dealing in your situation??

Maybe he didn't express it very well, but I have no doubt that was the intent of his query, to ask other people in the Russian forum, who have experience with Western/Russian relationships if this behavior is typical.

And frankly, he was a bit unglued from what was going on, so let's give him a break in terms of how well did he express himself, especially to the popcorn-gulping masses who seem to love just monitoring this forum for "political correctness", since they don't appear to have anything better to do, alright??

Thanks!

-- Dan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

dude...just a question. I was trying to clarify what he was asking as his topic title didn't quite match the post itself.

you are WAY high strung.

am thinking the only person being inconsiderate, is you (the OP).

Sorry but I imagine her life at the moment is not going to be all about you. You are providing her a place to stay but what about food, what about next month and the month after that?

Maybe instead of thinking about yourself and the money you feel you are "wasting", you should consider her feelings and needs.

just MHO.

Marc

don't see you jumping on THIS guy and he was harsh! i was just asking for clasrification...


Finally finished with immigration in 2012!

familyxmas-1-1.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
dude...just a question. I was trying to clarify what he was asking as his topic title didn't quite match the post itself.

you are WAY high strung.

I am not a dude. That's insulting, frankly.

I believe I did clarify it for you. I'm glad you have such an interest in the clarification of Western-Russian relationships. I think the world will be a better place now.

In terms of being "WAY high strung", I think your opinion is awfully subjective, and frankly, I think it's a matter of the Pot calling the Kettle black, but that's just my view on things... yours obviously can and will differ...

-- Dan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

dude...just a question. I was trying to clarify what he was asking as his topic title didn't quite match the post itself.

you are WAY high strung.

I am not a dude. That's insulting, frankly.

I believe I did clarify it for you. I'm glad you have such an interest in the clarification of Western-Russian relationships. I think the world will be a better place now.

In terms of being "WAY high strung", I think your opinion is awfully subjective, and frankly, I think it's a matter of the Pot calling the Kettle black, but that's just my view on things... yours obviously can and will differ...

-- Dan

NEVER buy into the hype...NEVER. I understand your position and the consequent feelings.

Your position or opinions does not have to be popular. If I was in your situation I would

feel exactly how you feel. On the other hand; attention must be paid to the fact that being

without a job is a VERY daunting feeling and one can at times question their self worth under

those circumstances. NOW to my point; if the tables were turned and she was visiting you

here in the USA I am SURE that she would expect some level of attention to be paid to her

even if you have no job. DO NOT accept a thrashing from the public because you are being

honest with your feelings. Do not feel that you have to be politically correct....just be objective.

Use this visit to measure the distance that you are willing to go with this relationship.

Good Luck and hope the rest of your trip is good......get out and see the place instead of

wasting your time indoors.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 
Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Ask our VJ Immigration Lawyers.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
- Back to Top -


Important Disclaimer: Please read carefully the Visajourney.com Terms of Service. If you do not agree to the Terms of Service you should not access or view any page (including this page) on VisaJourney.com. Answers and comments provided on Visajourney.com Forums are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice. Visajourney.com does not endorse, and expressly disclaims liability for any product, manufacturer, distributor, service or service provider mentioned or any opinion expressed in answers or comments. VisaJourney.com does not condone immigration fraud in any way, shape or manner. VisaJourney.com recommends that if any member or user knows directly of someone involved in fraudulent or illegal activity, that they report such activity directly to the Department of Homeland Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement. You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423. All reported threads/posts containing reference to immigration fraud or illegal activities will be removed from this board. If you feel that you have found inappropriate content, please let us know by contacting us here with a url link to that content. Thank you.
×