My Story

[pushbrk 14,160]

If you had read my post thoroughly, you would of realized that I did not join VJ until much later, so your thoughts or advice would of come in too late. Therefore, your rude replies now are not going to make a difference either way.

For the rest of your comments, I will not respond to for it is irrelevant to the facts and it is a personal opinion, which is left at that.

Weather the immigration is a privilege or right, it should have all the facts available from the start for the petitioner. But then neither one of you gentlemen, is dealing or have dealt with the common issues, us women are dealing with here. It is not inconvenience that is being addressed here, it is mere facts which needs to be disclosed early on so one can proceed.

Let's keep insults to ourselves and address each other with respect. No need to make assumptions.

FYI I don't need a nanny, I need the facts to be provided to me by the same government that I support and believe in.

I said you had the opportunity. You had the same opportunity to either hire a lawyer or find VJ and study as the rest of us did. That you did not avail yourself of that opportunity is not the fault of the USCIS or Dept. of State. It's all on you. Nobody is insulting you. The purpose of my posts is to shed light on reality for the benefit of ANYBODY reading. That's how VJ works.

[pushbrk 14,160]

I am not saying that the members don't have a point in their comments. All I am saying is we should be given this information prior to filing our petitions. Each individual is ultimately responsible of their visas submitted. But it would be nice to know the full picture before hand.

VJ is very informative, both my fiance and I have learned a great deal from the wonderful replies and advices. But this advice comes a year late for our case, we did not know about VJ, until March of this year. I petitioned for his visa last year in April of 2010, it was approved in June of 2010, and then sent to Nigeria. It has taken them over a year and three interviews to make a decision.

I don't agree that other countries have the intention to harm anyone or any country. But we all know that politics are a grey area and much goes on for the possession of world's OIL.

This subject is a whole can of worms. Let us stay on current subject addressed. Thanks.

And we're saying "should, schmould". Petitioners need to do their homework. The information is there for anybody willing to look for it. It's really how life tends to work in every potential venture. If we already know what to do, we do it. If we don't, we study and learn or hire somebody who already studied and learned to guide us or do it for us, as applicable. It is not the government's job to put up alarm bells on every form and at every term, to make sure its citizens don't fail to do their homework. Regardless, discussion of what "should be" is fruitless here. If you think you have a point to be acted upon, explain it to a congressman.

[LoveNigarmostyle 165]

Most people misunderstand the immigration process. They assume that the visa petition is like a fishing permit. Fill it out and you get what you want. It isn't, it is more like the entrance exam for being admitted to the space program. Yes you could just fill out the forms and send them in but your chances are much better if you do a little extra homework. Sometimes even homework doesn't get you past the trick question such as the CO who told Joseph he had to give her details of my work if he wanted a visa. There was no way to prepare for that and in fact the "I don't know" was the most correct answer because of the work I do. You will never find them state in writing that being an older woman is an automatic denial, The hide it in words about cultural standards. If you want to be techinical they do put it in writing about the things that will cause you heartache but the code of immigration and the adjudacators manual would put all of us to sleep. Yes this is the most frustrating experience you can deal with and there does seem to be a huge favoritism for the viarga changed 50 year old man wanting a 20ish woman. It has taken decades to get to the point where being a cougar is ok to the general population let alone a government.

As always, I am extremely appreciative for your point of view. I value your inputs, weather we agree or disagree on posts. I know more today about visa process due to joining VJ. Also, I am aware of the facts concerning the 50% 50% chances of any Nigerian/American marriage or relationship working out or surviving this whole process from received emails and posts I have read here on VJ.

It would be most helpful for the USCIS to indicate the difficulties one has to face where documentation is concerned. That is all I am saying. For the average Joe applying for a visa is not aware of all this info available here on VJ.

USCIS site has information and forms available, why not add to that information regarding high fraud countries and the requirements which exceed the norm.

Weather a relationship involved an older woman or a man should be judged equally. If the petitioner is originally from another country and is naturalized, it should not be an issue either.

Thanks NigeriaorBust.

[LoveNigarmostyle 165]

And we're saying "should, schmould". Petitioners need to do their homework. The information is there for anybody willing to look for it. It's really how life tends to work in every potential venture. If we already know what to do, we do it. If we don't, we study and learn or hire somebody who already studied and learned to guide us or do it for us, as applicable. It is not the government's job to put up alarm bells on every form and at every term, to make sure its citizens don't fail to do their homework. Regardless, discussion of what "should be" is fruitless here. If you think you have a point to be acted upon, explain it to a congressman.

Although, I don't appreciate the lack of respect in your replies, this is a free country and you are entitled to your opinion, as I, or others are as well. The fact remains, you are with your loved one and don't give a hoot about the rest of us, who are going through the many issues, that still face women in general even in the 21 Century.

Discussions if fruitless in your opinion, then I strongly advice that you look into other posts instead and bypass this one.

For your information, any help I received thus far was through my congressman.

Let us keep this civil please. I would appreciate it.

[pushbrk 14,160]

As always, I am extremely appreciative for your point of view. I value your inputs, weather we agree or disagree on posts. I know more today about visa process due to joining VJ. Also, I am aware of the facts concerning the 50% 50% chances of any Nigerian/American marriage or relationship working out or surviving this whole process from received emails and posts I have read here on VJ.

It would be most helpful for the USCIS to indicate the difficulties one has to face where documentation is concerned. That is all I am saying. For the average Joe applying for a visa is not aware of all this info available here on VJ.

USCIS site has information and forms available, why not add to that information regarding high fraud countries and the requirements which exceed the norm.

Weather a relationship involved an older woman or a man should be judged equally. If the petitioner is originally from another country and is naturalized, it should not be an issue either.

Thanks NigeriaorBust.

You can use all the energy you want, thinking what you think SHOULD be. The fact is it ISN'T and is not going to be. I suggest you focus your energy on what to do NOW with the cards currently available in the actual deck and according to the current rules of the game.

The 50/50 chances were for those who actually got visas, not for marriages between USCs and Nigerians in general. If you factor in those who did NOT get visas, I think you'll find the marriage failure rate significantly higher.

[LoveNigarmostyle 165]

You can use all the energy you want, thinking what you think SHOULD be. The fact is it ISN'T and is not going to be. I suggest you focus your energy on what to do NOW with the cards currently available in the actual deck and according to the current rules of the game.

The 50/50 chances were for those who actually got visas, not for marriages between USCs and Nigerians in general. If you factor in those who did NOT get visas, I think you'll find the marriage failure rate significantly higher.

I have contacted attorneys, and I am in the process to continue with the proper legal assistance. I think you have misunderstood the whole point of this subject. I suggest you go back and review its content.

I am well aware of what VJ stands for.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[jenkatx 52]

There are very few people in this country who would not agree that our entire immigration system needs an overhaul. It is not working, particularly family based immigration. EVERYONE knows that, so why deny the truth? The whole process is terribly confusing & frustrating to all of us, or there would be no need for visa journey.

Secondly, the rate of divorce is not any lower for couples from other countries. Yes, the rate of fraud may be higher. The divorce rate is not. We are all so quick to point to fraud in any divorce where this particular country is concerned, but that is often not the case. Cultural differences are to blame many times as well. That IS our duty. To investigate the culture of our loved ones, understand it, and make sure we can live with it.

As for our duty in the immigration process; we all act in good faith here. We read the instructions given to us by or government and assume if we fulfill those things we will be approved. The problem with Nigeria is that we are not given the correct information. There is much more expected by this consulate then we are told. None of us have a crystal ball and had we not stumbled across VJ, how would we know what is actually required? Because I promise you, if I were to go to the consulate with only the information that is required according to the governments own websites and publications I will immediately be DENIED. Therefore our government is not acting in good faith. THAT is the issue at hand. We need to be given the correct information in a timely manner. No one is asking for special privileges here. We are not asking for anything you Pshbrk did not ask for. You were simply lucky in that A. you fell in love with someone from a "right" country and B. you are a man.

Lastly, the US consulate in Lagos is basing their "cultural norm" on an outdated mode. Things are quickly changing there and the consulate is simply not keeping up. In my opinion that is because they will not make as much money off our visa fees if they do.

[LoveNigarmostyle 165]

There are very few people in this country who would not agree that our entire immigration system needs an overhaul. It is not working, particularly family based immigration. EVERYONE knows that, so why deny the truth? The whole process is terribly confusing & frustrating to all of us, or there would be no need for visa journey.

Secondly, the rate of divorce is not any lower for couples from other countries. Yes, the rate of fraud may be higher. The divorce rate is not. We are all so quick to point to fraud in any divorce where this particular country is concerned, but that is often not the case. Cultural differences are to blame many times as well. That IS our duty. To investigate the culture of our loved ones, understand it, and make sure we can live with it.

As for our duty in the immigration process; we all act in good faith here. We read the instructions given to us by or government and assume if we fulfill those things we will be approved. The problem with Nigeria is that we are not given the correct information. There is much more expected by this consulate then we are told. None of us have a crystal ball and had we not stumbled across VJ, how would we know what is actually required? Because I promise you, if I were to go to the consulate with only the information that is required according to the governments own websites and publications I will immediately be DENIED. Therefore our government is not acting in good faith. THAT is the issue at hand. We need to be given the correct information in a timely manner. No one is asking for special privileges here. We are not asking for anything you Pshbrk did not ask for. You were simply lucky in that A. you fell in love with someone from a "right" country and B. you are a man.

Lastly, the US consulate in Lagos is basing their "cultural norm" on an outdated mode. Things are quickly changing there and the consulate is simply not keeping up. In my opinion that is because they will not make as much money off our visa fees if they do.

Well said and thank you for clarifying my objectives. I appreciate it. You understood my point clearly and wrote them in much more logical verses emotional statements. Still, it is not fair that most of us have to find out the ugly reality of the visa process first hand and through errors and trials and not through the real source, which is our government.

Thanks.

[pushbrk 14,160]

Well said and thank you for clarifying my objectives. I appreciate it. You understood my point clearly and wrote them in much more logical verses emotional statements. Still, it is not fair that most of us have to find out the ugly reality of the visa process first hand and through errors and trials and not through the real source, which is our government.

Thanks.

It is critical that you not confuse understanding with agreement. I understand better than you could possibly imagine. I disagree with you about what "should be" and the productivity of such pronouncements.

[jenkatx 52]

It is critical that you not confuse understanding with agreement. I understand better than you could possibly imagine. I disagree with you about what "should be" and the productivity of such pronouncements.

Please explain your stance then. Your postings make it seem that you completely lack empathy for anyone else. I am in no way personally attacking you, I am saying that is how your responses come off.

[pushbrk 14,160]

Please explain your stance then. Your postings make it seem that you completely lack empathy for anyone else. I am in no way personally attacking you, I am saying that is how your responses come off.

Don't confuse understanding with the expression of empathy. I'm the "Straight Talk Member" here not "Mr. Empathy". I'm here to help people be successful in the immigration process, not to make them feel good. Success in the immigration process is its own "feel good".

[jenkatx 52]

Don't confuse understanding with the expression of empathy. I'm the "Straight Talk Member" here not "Mr. Empathy". I'm here to help people be successful in the immigration process, not to make them feel good. Success in the immigration process is its own "feel good".

But do you not agree that our system needs revamped? That there are serious double standards?

[LoveNigarmostyle 165]

Don't confuse understanding with the expression of empathy. I'm the "Straight Talk Member" here not "Mr. Empathy". I'm here to help people be successful in the immigration process, not to make them feel good. Success in the immigration process is its own "feel good".

You keep remind us not to be confused..but it seems you are the one is confused here. We see the title given to you, "Straight Talk Member", but it doesn't mean you have to lack "Empathy". How you propose your comments have helped me or anyone succeed so far? Again, you are missing the point we are trying to convey.

[pushbrk 14,160]

But do you not agree that our system needs revamped? That there are serious double standards?

I would like to see some things revamped but not in anything like the way you suggest. No, I do not think that what you see as a double standard is actually a double standard. Different result does not equal double standard. It never has. Fair and equal are not synonyms.

You keep remind us not to be confused..but it seems you are the one is confused here. We see the title given to you, "Straight Talk Member", but it doesn't mean you have to lack "Empathy". How you propose your comments have helped me or anyone succeed so far? Again, you are missing the point we are trying to convey.

Don't confuse "express" with "have". My empathy motivates me to express opinions that will assist in the achievement of ultimate success, not immediate emotional relief. Ask around if you want to know how expressing my opinion has helped VJ members.

Edited July 30, 2011 by pushbrk

[jenkatx 52]

I would like to see some things revamped but not in anything like the way you suggest. No, I do not think that what you see as a double standard is actually a double standard. Different result does not equal double standard. It never has. Fair and equal are not synonyms.

Don't confuse "express" with "have". My empathy motivates me to express opinions that will assist in the achievement of ultimate success, not immediate emotional relief. Ask around if you want to know how expressing my opinion has helped VJ members.

I know that you are very helpful to many many people. Often straight talk such as you give is very needed. Sometimes it is to hard for people to see past their situation to appreciate that though. Sometimes treading light is called for, sometimes heavy. In the situation with Lagos the words fair and equal do not apply at all. The double standard I am referring to is the fact that men who marry younger women are approved, yet women who marry younger men are denied.

Lastly, how would you change the system then? I recently finished my thesis on the family based immigration system & am interested in hearing your opinion.