Completely in need of advice

[MichelleandCraig 1]

I say forget the "Joneses" and just be happy.

Who are the Joneses, anyway? My neighbors are Alvarez, Patel, Patel, Patel and Chan.

I don't know...I was Smith for many years, and, whoever they are, I could NEVER keep up with 'em. I didn't even try after a while.

All the best in sorting things out with your mom; I agree with the previous poster who said jealousy has a lot to do with it; if you were more like friends, or even just a close mother-daughter relationship, you probably turned to her for a lot more things previously(maybe) that you now turn to your husband for. Of course she's just as important to you as she ever was, but, even through no fault of your own, she may somehow feel she's less important to you now, so she's going to do everything she can to retain her position in your life. The mom in Everybody Loves Raymond comes to mind! (but not all the bad things she does, just her love for her sons and her incessant need to be in their lives!...no offense meant, so I hope none taken!) I'm very lucky that my parents adore Craig as a son-in-law, but, on a more basic level, I've learned to just leave some things out of our converstations. My parents know we're on a pretty tight budget right now, so if I even mention 'we went to KFC tonight' in passing, it would be 'oh, can you really afford that?' They're not busybody or anything, but they are a bit *too* concerned for my liking sometimes; we're big kids--we can make our own decisions after all! Good luck with everything...it'll probably sort itself out. It's seems like it's somewhat of an adjustment period for her,too, after having you to herself for so long. M.

[john_and_marlene 162]

The advice your receive, after putting your personal life on a public forum, is worth exactly what you pay for it.

[Karen_L 1]

Hi -- Thank you so much for all of the replies, everyone!

Thinking about it, I think it DOES stem a bit from jealousy, in that she has to step aside for my husband now; she can't have the primary role in my life anymore. The thing, of course, that makes the situation so hard is that she IS acting this way out of some kind of concern and love for me; if it were out of maliciousness, I think it would be SO much easier to remedy the situation because I could just tell her off and put an end to something really awful she's trying to do. As it is now, she's trying to do what she considers to be the right thing and honestly, I *DO* want some guidance from her, since she is a good mother, I just don't want to be strangled by advice or constantly pressured into doing what she wants. Moving out really isn't an option right now; I'm due to get a raise at some point (if the legends be true, it IS possible), but my husband only has a temp. EAD stamp and I'm pretty sure that as we wait for the renewed 1-year one he may have to stop working -- hopefully, he can somehow manage to keep this job and return after the new EAD comes but it may mean only my income for a while and if that's the case, it will literally mean we'd have $100 a month for food left over after rent and my student loan payments.

As for the diamond ring, honestly I'm so sick of talking about it. Even if he bought me one tomorrow, it would feel like... tainted... to me because of all the hoopla and demands and arguments surrounding it. Also, mind, he NEVER said he wouldn't get me one, just that he needs some time -- she just wants him to get it NOW because of how it looks to others and because "I deserve to have what every other girl has." Of course I'd like nice things (who doesn't?), but not at the price of him feeling terrible for not being able to give me what's clearly so imporant to my family -- those things are luxuries, not necessities, and when he can afford to get me something like that, I'm sure he will.

Ugh -- hopefully today will be a better day and there will be no more talk of this damned diamond ring lol.

Thanks again everyone!