How do you say goodbye?

[Messybrownhair 251]

Hi everyone!

First of all, I must warn you all that this might be a sad post.. I am 23 with an approved k1 visa.. My fiance and I have gone through a lot (We met in School, fell in love, got separated by continents, skyped and cried daily, he went back to propose, and we filed k1..) I love my fiance and I know for sure that he is the one for me. I do not regret for a second what we did. But you see, I am very close to my parents. I was the youngest, the only girl and very spoiled (in a good way).. My first time to leave home was last 2009 when I got a scholarship to China and that was really tough for all of us.. and I know that getting engaged so soon was tough on my parents. They were not expecting this, but still they let us be since they knew that our love for each other was real. They supported me and are even coming for the wedding and are paying for most of the expenses. The only reason we filed k1 and not cr1 was for my parents, because I felt that k1 was a better way for us (including me) to have closure. And now I am set to leave on the 21st, and there are times when I just cant imagine leaving them behind to be so far away. When I was in China it didn't matter because I got to go home a lot, or they visited often, but now it will be harder because its no longer a 3-hour plane ride away and my dad is not as healthy as he used to be. Thinking about leaving them really makes me sad and I have frequent talks with my fiance about this. He is very understanding and of course he said we could visit anytime, but I know it won't be the same anymore.

Sometimes I ask why is it that I have to chose between my fiance and my family, why couldn't it have been easier? But I know that it is a part of growing up and this is my choice. I choose to marry the man I love and in doing so, we will start our own family and growing up means letting go. I don't doubt for a second that my fiance will make me happy, he is a very sweet and loving person and I know he will take care of me and I will also do my part to take care of him and love him. Its just hard knowing that I cant be there to take care of my dad or my mom anymore. and I really don't know how to say goodbye to them when the time comes.

I know a lot of you feel the same way as I do, so I want to know how you dealt with it when you left?

I wish you all the best on your journey.

Thank goodness for this site!

God bless you all

Love, Steph

[nickm 1]

Being away from family is always tough, i probably don't have as strong a connection with my family, but i still miss them. Like you i have been out traveling for a few years now and what really helps me is to remember what it is like when i returned home after some of my previous excursions.

Its great to see everyone and wonderful.. but only for a few days, then i feel like.. well time to go now, everything is the same as when i left, all is well back to my adventure. Once or twice a year visit home is PLENTY for me.

Also, the world is getting smaller, gone are the days when it would take 2 months to get from UK to USA, the only restriction on seeing loved ones today is money.

Just be aware that you will see them again, its not a goodbye more of a "see you soon", and with technology being as it is you can communicate often and easily. I know i can call my parents anytime, they might be pi$$ed if i call at 3am but hey.

Good luck

[giamimigio 21]

i left the U.S. to be with my wife (then girlfriend) even though i knew i would eventually come back to the states, it still wasn't easy saying goodbye to family and friends not knowing when i will see them again. i told myself that i had my own journey to forge. in some ways that thought is what kept everything in perspective as i've been here in PI for almost 3 years now. now with the process making it full circle to my wife having to say bye to her family, i try to tell her the same thing. we have a daughter now and the 3 of us are basically a unit that has to work together yet independently at the same time. i sense sometimes my wife dreads the day when we get on that plane. that's just life though, i guess. sometimes it becomes a necessity to step out of our comfort zones in order to progress. i'm new to this marriage stuff so i'm thinking this is part of the deal. sacrifice, compromise, dedication.. and the list goes on and on.

i'm just spouting off in your thread because in a lot of ways we're all in the same boat. i guess i'm trying to remind myself of the commitment that i made to my wife when i married her. sometimes real life makes us forget. hehehehe.

in any case. for what it's worth, i wish you and your fiance the best of luck from your move out of PI to the rest of your lives. enjoy it for the adventure of it all

[tallcoolone 102]

I tell you moving to the USA isn't what it is all cracked up to be. The economy suxs in alot of places right now, Lots of Illegals Aliens from Mexico and country south of here coming into the USA daily taking jobs that America need, cuz they work for a lot cheaper since they dont' pay taxes.

Weather is cold in most of USA, So cold you don't want to go outside. Then if you move to Texas the weather gets so hot in the Summer that it makes the Philippines seem like the North Pole.

If it were me I would choose to move to PI and live there. Sounds like you have great family support and I am sure you and your husband/Fiance can find good paying jobs in PI.

There you will have warmth year round, laid back culture, friendly people. Come to the USA it all about how time is precious and working all the time to pay the bills, and living in the Rat Race.

Sadly you are leaving paradise to come to USA.

If I had it all to do over again, I would be moving to PI instead of my fiance coming to USA

[Messybrownhair 251]

Thank you both, I appreciate your honest answers. Yes, its gonna be hard, but I will face it.. I am very grateful for technology and that there are programs like Skype. I will let you know how it goes on the 21st..

A pic of me with my parents and my fiance.. They are my life

Edited January 31, 2011 by messybrownhair

[Messybrownhair 251]

I tell you moving to the USA isn't what it is all cracked up to be. The economy suxs in alot of places right now, Lots of Illegals Aliens from Mexico and country south of here coming into the USA daily taking jobs that America need, cuz they work for a lot cheaper since they dont' pay taxes.

Weather is cold in most of USA, So cold you don't want to go outside. Then if you move to Texas the weather gets so hot in the Summer that it makes the Philippines seem like the North Pole.

If it were me I would choose to move to PI and live there. Sounds like you have great family support and I am sure you and your husband/Fiance can find good paying jobs in PI.

There you will have warmth year round, laid back culture, friendly people. Come to the USA it all about how time is precious and working all the time to pay the bills, and living in the Rat Race.

Sadly you are leaving paradise to come to USA.

If I had it all to do over again, I would be moving to PI instead of my fiance coming to USA

Actually our plan is to go back to China or Manila for work, but he is tied to the military until 2015, so it won't be till for a while. I had a great job in Shanghai and we both liked it there, plus its so near Manila. So for now, the plan is to go to graduate school and wait it out till he can get out!

[tallcoolone 102]

Actually our plan is to go back to China or Manila for work, but he is tied to the military until 2015, so it won't be till for a while. I had a great job in Shanghai and we both liked it there, plus its so near Manila. So for now, the plan is to go to graduate school and wait it out till he can get out!

Excellent Plan, Sounds like you got it going your way

China is the next world power, it will replace the USA as a Super Power in the next 20 years, Might as well jump on that bandwagon and get in early and reap the rewards.

God Speed.......

[crystal01 29]

Hi Steph, I feel for you 'cause like you and many others here, these are exactly my thoughts. I will be very interested to see the responses here. I, too am very close to my parents and brothers and just thinking about leaving soon makes me a lil sad. I am excited to start a new life with the man I love but just thinking about being so far away brings me to tears sometimes. Not being there for their birthdays, or holidays, or just random gatherings will be tough as we are really a tight knit family. Sundays wouldn't be the same without them as this is our family day. Leaving is really bittersweet.

Before my fiance proposed to me, he talked to my dad and they spent a good hour having a heart to heart conversation as to what his plans are for us. My parents can see how good a man he is and how true our love is so they agreed to our plans and gave us their blessings. I know they are happy for me but I can also sense their sadness as to having their only daughter so far away. I know my dad is still in denial that I am getting married soon ( I am still a baby in his eyes) I know we can always visit and they too but you are right that it will never be the same. Now that leaving is imminent, I get to appreciate them more and I truly try to make the most of the time I have left here. Same goes with my friends, I will really miss them a lot. All this, I am willing to leave just to be with the person I love. And I know whatever happens, we will try our hardest to make this work and will stick with each other through thick and thin. That thought is what keeps me going on.

I still dont know how it will be when they send me off at the airport. It will prolly hit me the hardest when I am already in the plane waiting for take off. By then, I prolly will be shedding buckets of tears haha.

Seriously, I am glad it is so easy to communicate to them when that time comes. Because of Internet technology and mobile convergence, it is very much possible to be in touch 24/7. I guess it's the next best thing to being physically together.

Also, I am glad there is this community who more than just provide visa advise, are there to give emotional support. It is nice I get to meet new friends here (like you! ) who are more or less going through the same thing and understands it more than other people.

[Messybrownhair 251]

Thank you tallcoolone.. I am very lucky that my American bosses in China are still willing to employ me in the future. Hopefully Tim can find an expat job too though, we will work on it!

........

And Crystal, wow, you do know exactly how I feel! You described it very perfectly.. Same here, he first flew to Manila to ask my parent's permission and then he flew to China to propose. Honestly, I think my parents only said yes because he flew all the way to Manila to ask them which proved to them he was serious. But other than that, I think they weren't prepared for it. And until now, I know my dad is still in denial. It's so hard! Slowly they are coming to terms with it though.. But to be honest, it also took me a while to come to terms to the fact that I was engaged! lol

So for those wondering, thats why my noa2 is spaced so far apart from my interview. And why I got my visa jan 8th but I'm leaving feb 21st.. I am not in a hurry, I want to take my time with my family!

[tallcoolone 102]

The first year in the USA is gonna be hard on you girls coming to USA.

You will be lonely, miss your family and your friends.

Be prepared to stuck at home at least the first 6 months with no friends, while your husband is at work most of the time. You will waiting on USCIS paperwork for EAD/GC etc. You will be stuck with no work, no car, more than likely no driver license. Just be prepared. Depression will be part of your life.

I will say the first year in America will probably be your hardest period and adjusting to living in the USA.

Living in the USA is good and has it benefits......

[Messybrownhair 251]

The first year in the USA is gonna be hard on you girls coming to USA.

You will be lonely, miss your family and your friends.

Be prepared to stuck at home at least the first 6 months with no friends, while your husband is at work most of the time. You will waiting on USCIS paperwork for EAD/GC etc. You will be stuck with no work, no car, more than likely no driver license. Just be prepared. Depression will be part of your life.

I will say the first year in America will probably be your hardest period and adjusting to living in the USA.

Living in the USA is good and has it benefits......

You are not the first one to warn me about this.. I am already planning what I can do..

So far I have come up with brushing up on my Chinese and learning Spanish via Rosetta Stone (free for military!) and also perfecting 1 recipe a day! Haha.. any other suggestions?

Hey how do you program Philippine channels to add to your cable? I need to ask Tim to do that soon!

[crystal01 29]

You are not the first one to warn me about this.. I am already planning what I can do..

So far I have come up with brushing up on my Chinese and learning Spanish via Rosetta Stone (free for military!) and also perfecting 1 recipe a day! Haha.. any other suggestions?

Hey how do you program Philippine channels to add to your cable? I need to ask Tim to do that soon!

Yay for Spanish via Rosetta Stone. I am also starting to practice with new recipes now, but first I have to learn not to be too much of a klutz and stop burning myself and cutting fingers haha! Share your recipes ok?

Another thing I am thinking of doing is continue making jewelries and setting up my Etsy shop! Good way to get busy and earn money online while waiting for USCIS paperwork oh and take lots of photos! You can model for me Steph haha

I still don't know where we are settling though. There's a very good chance I get absorbed with our MN office so looking for a job will not be too much of a stress as I get to do the same job I do here! *I am really praying I get that* But aside from that, I am also starting to look for classes/ workshops I can enroll in related to the arts totally different from my IT job. Haha! BTW, When are you starting grad school?

TallCoolOne, you are right. The first few months will be the hardest as we adjust to our new environment so no better way to combat depression than to get busy and make the most of our free time. I think of it as my bum months when I get to do what I want and not worry about an 8 to 5 job. It will be interesting

[marriedtomrg 141]

My family treated our departure in different ways.

My paternal grandmother decided to go out of town on the dawn of our departure...I suppose it was easier for her this way to deal with the thought that she had no idea when we will return, even for a visit.

My dad was asleep before he left...I did go into his room to say goodbye, but I guess he was very tired...maybe he thought he was dreaming as I kissed him farewell.

My mom and my brother rode with us to the airport; my sister works nights and could not get a day off to see us leave, so she was not there...however, she did leave a letter in my purse for me to read on the plane...gotta love that kid. I begged them both not to cry before we left so it would not be difficult...nor weighed with sadness.

After many relationships that have gone down the tubes including my failed marriage to Pippo's dad...in my heart I know my Mom was happy that I had found love at last.

Don't get me wrong...as dysfunctional as our family is, I know they love us in their own way. I just take comfort that they are never 24 hours away...and thanks to the Internet, they will be as close (though not as intimate) as life will allow us to be for now.

You're not moving to another planet, girl And by the looks of those lovely photographs, nothing can put distance between your hearts. Hope that gives you some small comfort.

BTW...before you make plans to be outside the US for periods longer than 6 months, you may want to read up on residency requirements for maintaining your green card.

--- Kaye

[rheanick 42]

Hi everyone!

First of all, I must warn you all that this might be a sad post.. I am 23 with an approved k1 visa.. My fiance and I have gone through a lot (We met in School, fell in love, got separated by continents, skyped and cried daily, he went back to propose, and we filed k1..) I love my fiance and I know for sure that he is the one for me. I do not regret for a second what we did. But you see, I am very close to my parents. I was the youngest, the only girl and very spoiled (in a good way).. My first time to leave home was last 2009 when I got a scholarship to China and that was really tough for all of us.. and I know that getting engaged so soon was tough on my parents. They were not expecting this, but still they let us be since they knew that our love for each other was real. They supported me and are even coming for the wedding and are paying for most of the expenses. The only reason we filed k1 and not cr1 was for my parents, because I felt that k1 was a better way for us (including me) to have closure. And now I am set to leave on the 21st, and there are times when I just cant imagine leaving them behind to be so far away. When I was in China it didn't matter because I got to go home a lot, or they visited often, but now it will be harder because its no longer a 3-hour plane ride away and my dad is not as healthy as he used to be. Thinking about leaving them really makes me sad and I have frequent talks with my fiance about this. He is very understanding and of course he said we could visit anytime, but I know it won't be the same anymore.

Sometimes I ask why is it that I have to chose between my fiance and my family, why couldn't it have been easier? But I know that it is a part of growing up and this is my choice. I choose to marry the man I love and in doing so, we will start our own family and growing up means letting go. I don't doubt for a second that my fiance will make me happy, he is a very sweet and loving person and I know he will take care of me and I will also do my part to take care of him and love him. Its just hard knowing that I cant be there to take care of my dad or my mom anymore. and I really don't know how to say goodbye to them when the time comes.

I know a lot of you feel the same way as I do, so I want to know how you dealt with it when you left?

I wish you all the best on your journey.

Thank goodness for this site!

God bless you all

Love, Steph

You are not alone on your fear. But you have to make the best of your predicament.

First step, accepting the fact that you are marrying an american and you have to leave your parents and sibling to start your own family. And you mentioned that you would be coming back to the Philippines/Asia in 2015. Just do a count down and it would be soon 2015.

For me, the thought that my mother can fly anytime she wants to visit me in the US and I could fly back anytime i want to go back to the philippines makes me worry less about her. Quite thankful with my hubby that instead of working, he encourages me to do my own photography business. Since I am my own boss, i could come and go anytime i want. And when it comes to my mother, money is not an issue. I only mention my mother coz my father died few years ago.

My brother is also in the philippines to take care of my mom.

Also i accepted the fact that after i get married, my home is now with your husband. It sometimes bothered me that some people would say that i want to go back "home". And "home" they mention is their parents and siblings back in the philippines. I wonder how they consider their life with their husband. Are they saying that they are not at "home" with their husband? Just me speaking out loud.

[Messybrownhair 251]

My family treated our departure in different ways.

My paternal grandmother decided to go out of town on the dawn of our departure...I suppose it was easier for her this way to deal with the thought that she had no idea when we will return, even for a visit.

My dad was asleep before he left...I did go into his room to say goodbye, but I guess he was very tired...maybe he thought he was dreaming as I kissed him farewell.

My mom and my brother rode with us to the airport; my sister works nights and could not get a day off to see us leave, so she was not there...however, she did leave a letter in my purse for me to read on the plane...gotta love that kid. I begged them both not to cry before we left so it would not be difficult...nor weighed with sadness.

After many relationships that have gone down the tubes including my failed marriage to Pippo's dad...in my heart I know my Mom was happy that I had found love at last.

Don't get me wrong...as dysfunctional as our family is, I know they love us in their own way. I just take comfort that they are never 24 hours away...and thanks to the Internet, they will be as close (though not as intimate) as life will allow us to be for now.

You're not moving to another planet, girl And by the looks of those lovely photographs, nothing can put distance between your hearts. Hope that gives you some small comfort.

BTW...before you make plans to be outside the US for periods longer than 6 months, you may want to read up on residency requirements for maintaining your green card.

--- Kaye

Thank you Kaye! Your family is not dysfunctional at all, everyone handles this differently! I appreciate your comment, and yes I agree, its not another planet I wish you the best!