Is it wise to teach a 41 year old Filipina to drive?

[Dan and Judy 614]

About 20 years ago I married a Filipina, We got divorced about 3 years ago. She learned to drive at about the age of 40 and she has been

a one women demolition derby. She has almost 18 years of experience and about 3 months ago she ran into the wall of a building,

that put her about $10,000 in debt because she was playing games with the insurance companies.

Any way this post is not about her.

I think learning to drive over the age of 40 put her at a grave disadvantage.

Ive wrecked my share of cars in my time but that was mostly from the age of 16 to 20, when I was driving like an idiot.

I'm not a control freak, I encouraged my ex to drive, put her through school, and helped her open her own hair salon.

I went online earlier this year and met my current fiancee'. She is 41 and has never driven. I'm thinking it might be smarter to keep it that way.

She already has one adult son who wont be coming with her and I have a 15 year old son who will probably be leaving in a few years.

We wont be making any babies so it will be just her and me in a few years so there is no need for chaufering kiddies around.

I know the fact that my ex is a bad driver dosn't prove Judy would be a bad driver. If she was 20 or 30 I would teach her to drive no question.

If she was 60, I would say it's not a good idea at all. Im 52 so we can say my retirement will be at least 13 years away.

looking forward to your input

Dan

[crystal01 29]

Well you've said it yourself, "I know the fact that my ex is a bad driver dosn't prove Judy would be a bad driver"

Have you asked her opinion on this? Does she have the desire to learn?

My grandmother learned to drive when she was 70+ years old. She lives with my grandfather and though she doesn't drive often because my aunt who lives nearby does it for them, she can if the need arise especially if it is an emergency. I think it is a necessity to learn how to drive. More so if there is no reliable public transportation where you are from. It gives them mobility to go where they need to go without being entirely dependent on my aunt.

I don't think age is a good gauge in knowing if a person will be a responsible driver or not. Besides she needs to pass the driving test which entails having a knowledge of driving and knowing the relevant rules and laws. More importantly, you'll never know when she'll need it in case something happens..

Edited December 7, 2010 by crystal01

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I can't believe you're marrying another Filipina. Are you a glutton for punishment?

[A and T 82]

Married for 17 years? wow what happened?

[marriedtomrg 141]

If you are perfectly happy being driver to your wife, then who are we to say anything? I think though the choice for her to want to learn to drive should be her own. Ask her what she thinks. Talk about it.

I'm 38 years old, never driven in my life and for the past few years before I moved here in 2009, I relied heavily on taxicabs to get from point A to point B. Obviously that is an expensive option out here, and while the buses here are much cleaner and more reliable than the ones I experienced back home, I can't always take an hour off my day to wait for a bus to arrive. You miss the bus, then you're screwed. I've had to adjust but overall it is not a very practical way to get around.

It also severely limits my job hunting options; lately I have had to find work that is within walking distance...and of course the best jobs are at least 15 to 20 miles away! While my husband is ok about driving me around, he will not always be available to do that. Plus I just gave birth to a baby girl in October and that means future trips to the pediatrician and such. If there was ever an emergency and my husband was hurt and could not drive, I should be able to take him to the hospital.

On occasion we take long drives to see his parents in Louisiana (6 hours)...I would like to be able to relieve him especially when he is up all hours with our baby (she doesn't always sleep straight through).

Just the knowledge I can someday get into a car and get to anywhere I need to be or where the kids need to be is very empowering and liberating to me. I feel like a complete wretch when my husband has to drive us anywhere. I took a few hours of driving lessons in Manila before we moved here...I would like to make good use of those skills.

Anyhow, that just what I think...but do let her decide if she wants to learn or not.

(Adam and Thet, my husband and his ex were married 18 years and they never had kids...go figure)

About 20 years ago I married a Filipina, We got divorced about 3 years ago. She learned to drive at about the age of 40 and she has been

a one women demolition derby. She has almost 18 years of experience and about 3 months ago she ran into the wall of a building,

that put her about $10,000 in debt because she was playing games with the insurance companies.

Any way this post is not about her.

I think learning to drive over the age of 40 put her at a grave disadvantage.

Ive wrecked my share of cars in my time but that was mostly from the age of 16 to 20, when I was driving like an idiot.

I'm not a control freak, I encouraged my ex to drive, put her through school, and helped her open her own hair salon.

I went online earlier this year and met my current fiancee'. She is 41 and has never driven. I'm thinking it might be smarter to keep it that way.

She already has one adult son who wont be coming with her and I have a 15 year old son who will probably be leaving in a few years.

We wont be making any babies so it will be just her and me in a few years so there is no need for chaufering kiddies around.

I know the fact that my ex is a bad driver dosn't prove Judy would be a bad driver. If she was 20 or 30 I would teach her to drive no question.

If she was 60, I would say it's not a good idea at all. Im 52 so we can say my retirement will be at least 13 years away.

looking forward to your input

Dan

[Dan and Judy 614]

I can't believe you're marrying another Filipina. Are you a glutton for punishment?

I hate women with hairy legs, Or legs that have been shaved and feel like sand paper.

I think its a good gerneralization that Filippinas dont have hairy legs

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I hate women with hairy legs, Or legs that have been shaved and feel like sand paper.

I think its a good gerneralization that Filippinas dont have hairy legs

Boy did I marry the wrong Filipina....if she doesn't shave her legs, it's like sleeping next to a porcupine.

[Dan and Judy 614]

Married for 17 years? wow what happened?

Well since you asked, Shes something of a firecracker. I knew she was very jealouse before we got married. I mistakenly thought after she had "won' me she could relax. It dosnt work like that.

I was also a little flattered by her jealousy, the girls over here wernt exactly beating down doors to get at me.

She started our relationship with a lot of big lies, for instance those two teenage girls were her little sisters. (they were in fact daughters but since she was only 26 at time she couldnt possibly have

two teenage daughters.

She was right, I would have run for the hills when I first met her if I knew she had 4 kids instead of just the one 5 year old boy she introduced me to. She said to him in english, dosnt he look like your daddy? At that time the only english word he understood was daddy. So he immediately started calling me daddy. I liked it,

She sucked me in. When I made a return trip to PI, she said she had a confession to make and told me the girls were her daughters. Of course she had to adjust her age up a little at that time.

This is just an example, the tip of the ice berg so to speak.

these were lies derived from poverty and desperation. I felt she did want to be my wife and love me. not just get a ticket to the US. About that much I was correct.

anyway I forgave her for her lies and brought her and her kids over here.

The problem was her extreme jealousy, She was worried about all girls I worked with, she was even suspicious of guys.

With in two weeks of being here she was fighting with me about this subject and I walked out of the apt. she was right behind me, I physically had to out run her to get away from her, it was easier

because she was in fact 8 years older than me. If she was an american I would have just disapeared. but she was totaly dependent on me as was the 7 year old boy who called me daddy.

We did the counseling stuff and the gist of it was "she was scared to death I was going to leave her"

My gut reaction was to threaten to leave if she didnt cut this ####### out.

It took me about two years to realize that she couldnt be threatened into acting normal

it wasnt if she didnt straighten up, I was going to leave

It was that is the way she is and I could take it or leave it

I didnt feel I could just abandon her and my step son

at the time she had no skills

She was very close to menopause and I knew I wanted I child of my own. So I decided to go ahead and have a baby with her.

well long story short, she only got worse not better

we had some good times but the shadow of jealousy was always there covering everything.

near the end, she hired a private investigation company to spy on me, more than three thousand dollars worth

there last report was we havnt caught him yet but recommend more survielience. she also would hide across

the street from my work with binoculars.

It is a sad sad story, especially since I wasnt cheating on her.

It's just like living with an alcoholic, everything is fine when their not drinking, but they are always drinking.

final straw was she told me she had a positive gornarrhea test.

I didnt believe it until she showed me the test results

The problem with confronting me with that sort of evidence is I knew I hadnt been having sex with anyone but her.

My gut told me she was not cheating on me ( I know that opens me up to charges of idiocy) but I still dont believe she was

I work in healthcare so I researched the gonarrhea test that was done.

I discovered they have a 10% false positive rate. That means the odds are if you take the test 10 times, one is going to

come back positive even if there is no gonarrhea. Then to make matters worse instead of double checking they just

give you the antibiotics. thats cheaper than retesting

the problem is it leaves you thinking somebody gave you the clap.

I got myself tested and didnt have it. due to the tensions we had not been having "relations" on a regular basis.

and shortly before this I had treated myself for a toothache with anti biotics so there is a technical possibility

that she gave it to me and those anti biotics cured it,

I know she was always asking for those tests when she went to the doctor. So I think she finally took one to

many and came up with a false positve.

that's about the same time she threw the rice cooker at me

anyway that was the final straw for me , I filed for divorce and she fought against it for two years.

her side of the story is I used her for the best years of her life, I was cheating on her almost everyday,

and then dumped her like an old sack of potatoes.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Oh brother....

[TravellingNomad 12]

wow Dan...that was a real doozy you had there wasn't it? im not trying to be mean but while i was reading your story...i was just smiling to myself because of the way you told the story, i can just picture what she was doing in my head. let me guess, you ended up paying for the private investigator? that's almost like you getting yourself investigated. but at least you got out of it. yeah the type of relationship that starts with a very big lie and ends in you looking a a flying rice cooker is never good for anyone, period. true everyone tells white lies to impress the other person...but nothing like what she told you though.

but congratulations on finding a new love though!

[A and T 82]

Wow thats a lot to go through, all I can say is good luck! At least this time around you can be extremely selective !

[PAGE 11 14]

My mother learned to drive when she was widowed at age 43. It's true she totalled the car 6 months into driving , but thereafter never had another accident.

I guess it depends how motivated your fiancee is. It's also probably a plus that she would be learning to drive in the US, where traffic rules are better enforced than in the Philippines and drivers are generally more disciplined. I learned to drive in Manila (at age 17), and it was a tough adjustment for me driving in the US when I was there on a visit.

[Tahoma 2,292]

...I learned to drive in Manila (at age 17)...

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Well since you asked, Shes something of a firecracker. I knew she was very jealouse before we got married. I mistakenly thought after she had "won' me she could relax. It dosnt work like that.

I was also a little flattered by her jealousy, the girls over here wernt exactly beating down doors to get at me.

She started our relationship with a lot of big lies, for instance those two teenage girls were her little sisters. (they were in fact daughters but since she was only 26 at time she couldnt possibly have

two teenage daughters.

She was right, I would have run for the hills when I first met her if I knew she had 4 kids instead of just the one 5 year old boy she introduced me to. She said to him in english, dosnt he look like your daddy? At that time the only english word he understood was daddy. So he immediately started calling me daddy. I liked it,

She sucked me in. When I made a return trip to PI, she said she had a confession to make and told me the girls were her daughters. Of course she had to adjust her age up a little at that time.

This is just an example, the tip of the ice berg so to speak.

these were lies derived from poverty and desperation. I felt she did want to be my wife and love me. not just get a ticket to the US. About that much I was correct.

anyway I forgave her for her lies and brought her and her kids over here.

The problem was her extreme jealousy, She was worried about all girls I worked with, she was even suspicious of guys.

With in two weeks of being here she was fighting with me about this subject and I walked out of the apt. she was right behind me, I physically had to out run her to get away from her, it was easier

because she was in fact 8 years older than me. If she was an american I would have just disapeared. but she was totaly dependent on me as was the 7 year old boy who called me daddy.

We did the counseling stuff and the gist of it was "she was scared to death I was going to leave her"

My gut reaction was to threaten to leave if she didnt cut this ####### out.

It took me about two years to realize that she couldnt be threatened into acting normal

it wasnt if she didnt straighten up, I was going to leave

It was that is the way she is and I could take it or leave it

I didnt feel I could just abandon her and my step son

at the time she had no skills

She was very close to menopause and I knew I wanted I child of my own. So I decided to go ahead and have a baby with her.

well long story short, she only got worse not better

we had some good times but the shadow of jealousy was always there covering everything.

near the end, she hired a private investigation company to spy on me, more than three thousand dollars worth

there last report was we havnt caught him yet but recommend more survielience. she also would hide across

the street from my work with binoculars.

It is a sad sad story, especially since I wasnt cheating on her.

It's just like living with an alcoholic, everything is fine when their not drinking, but they are always drinking.

final straw was she told me she had a positive gornarrhea test.

I didnt believe it until she showed me the test results

The problem with confronting me with that sort of evidence is I knew I hadnt been having sex with anyone but her.

My gut told me she was not cheating on me ( I know that opens me up to charges of idiocy) but I still dont believe she was

I work in healthcare so I researched the gonarrhea test that was done.

I discovered they have a 10% false positive rate. That means the odds are if you take the test 10 times, one is going to

come back positive even if there is no gonarrhea. Then to make matters worse instead of double checking they just

give you the antibiotics. thats cheaper than retesting

the problem is it leaves you thinking somebody gave you the clap.

I got myself tested and didnt have it. due to the tensions we had not been having "relations" on a regular basis.

and shortly before this I had treated myself for a toothache with anti biotics so there is a technical possibility

that she gave it to me and those anti biotics cured it,

I know she was always asking for those tests when she went to the doctor. So I think she finally took one to

many and came up with a false positve.

that's about the same time she threw the rice cooker at me

anyway that was the final straw for me , I filed for divorce and she fought against it for two years.

her side of the story is I used her for the best years of her life, I was cheating on her almost everyday,

and then dumped her like an old sack of potatoes.

What a bizzare story....

[_Simpson_ 250]

Well since you asked, Shes something of a firecracker. I knew she was very jealouse before we got married. I mistakenly thought after she had "won' me she could relax. It dosnt work like that.

I was also a little flattered by her jealousy, the girls over here wernt exactly beating down doors to get at me.

She started our relationship with a lot of big lies, for instance those two teenage girls were her little sisters. (they were in fact daughters but since she was only 26 at time she couldnt possibly have

two teenage daughters.

She was right, I would have run for the hills when I first met her if I knew she had 4 kids instead of just the one 5 year old boy she introduced me to. She said to him in english, dosnt he look like your daddy? At that time the only english word he understood was daddy. So he immediately started calling me daddy. I liked it,

She sucked me in. When I made a return trip to PI, she said she had a confession to make and told me the girls were her daughters. Of course she had to adjust her age up a little at that time.

This is just an example, the tip of the ice berg so to speak.

these were lies derived from poverty and desperation. I felt she did want to be my wife and love me. not just get a ticket to the US. About that much I was correct.

anyway I forgave her for her lies and brought her and her kids over here.

The problem was her extreme jealousy, She was worried about all girls I worked with, she was even suspicious of guys.

With in two weeks of being here she was fighting with me about this subject and I walked out of the apt. she was right behind me, I physically had to out run her to get away from her, it was easier

because she was in fact 8 years older than me. If she was an american I would have just disapeared. but she was totaly dependent on me as was the 7 year old boy who called me daddy.

We did the counseling stuff and the gist of it was "she was scared to death I was going to leave her"

My gut reaction was to threaten to leave if she didnt cut this ####### out.

It took me about two years to realize that she couldnt be threatened into acting normal

it wasnt if she didnt straighten up, I was going to leave

It was that is the way she is and I could take it or leave it

I didnt feel I could just abandon her and my step son

at the time she had no skills

She was very close to menopause and I knew I wanted I child of my own. So I decided to go ahead and have a baby with her.

well long story short, she only got worse not better

we had some good times but the shadow of jealousy was always there covering everything.

near the end, she hired a private investigation company to spy on me, more than three thousand dollars worth

there last report was we havnt caught him yet but recommend more survielience. she also would hide across

the street from my work with binoculars.

It is a sad sad story, especially since I wasnt cheating on her.

It's just like living with an alcoholic, everything is fine when their not drinking, but they are always drinking.

final straw was she told me she had a positive gornarrhea test.

I didnt believe it until she showed me the test results

The problem with confronting me with that sort of evidence is I knew I hadnt been having sex with anyone but her.

My gut told me she was not cheating on me ( I know that opens me up to charges of idiocy) but I still dont believe she was

I work in healthcare so I researched the gonarrhea test that was done.

I discovered they have a 10% false positive rate. That means the odds are if you take the test 10 times, one is going to

come back positive even if there is no gonarrhea. Then to make matters worse instead of double checking they just

give you the antibiotics. thats cheaper than retesting

the problem is it leaves you thinking somebody gave you the clap.

I got myself tested and didnt have it. due to the tensions we had not been having "relations" on a regular basis.

and shortly before this I had treated myself for a toothache with anti biotics so there is a technical possibility

that she gave it to me and those anti biotics cured it,

I know she was always asking for those tests when she went to the doctor. So I think she finally took one to

many and came up with a false positve.

that's about the same time she threw the rice cooker at me

anyway that was the final straw for me , I filed for divorce and she fought against it for two years.

her side of the story is I used her for the best years of her life, I was cheating on her almost everyday,

and then dumped her like an old sack of potatoes.

After reading your story I'm wondering why teaching someone to drive is your main concern. Have you thought about hiring a bodyguard?