Sad little article

[AKguy 1]

http://www.newsweek.com/2010/09/02/domestic-violence-pervades-russian-homes.html

Sad little article.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Yes it is and it is disgusting. They will say what they will about the USA but American men have a reputation with FSU women of being good husbands and fathers...relatively speaking we are GOLD. Alcoholism and abuse are pervasive in the FSU.

Just be a decent guy, provide at least a minimal level of comfort fr the family, fix the things that break, don't get drunk and don't beat your wife and you will be considered GOLD and she will do anything to please her man. DO NOT chase other women (why would we?)

[1HappyGuy 45]

Yes, it is sad. In comparison, one Russian fiancee was murdered here and we pass a law to make bringing MOB's a little more difficult. I of course don't think of our wives as MOB's but that is the term used. As for the men that have brought FSU women here, almost all that I have met have been very happy and definitely recommend it to friends.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Yes, it is sad. In comparison, one Russian fiancee was murdered here and we pass a law to make bringing MOB's a little more difficult. I of course don't think of our wives as MOB's but that is the term used. As for the men that have brought FSU women here, almost all that I have met have been very happy and definitely recommend it to friends.

Um, well, yeah...but I recommend they get THEIR OWN!

[Brad and Vika 129]

That IS sad. I can't help wondering about the backstory though. The men probably didn't go off all at once.

[slim 1,514]

That IS sad. I can't help wondering about the backstory though. The men probably didn't go off all at once.

Exactly why I don't think it's a sad story.

I guess I've been with a Russian wife for too long, but I have no empathy for victims of domestic violence. Never have. Domestic violence is hardly ever a "one-time deal." In 99.9% of cases, it's an ongoing process that persists for several years, yet for whatever reason, the "victim" keeps coming back for more.

I realize it's more of a psychological issue than a physical one and there are deep-seated problems in each relationship where domestic violence occurs. BUT, that doesn't make me feel sorry for someone who is, in essence, a glutton for punishment. I can't feel sorry for someone who isn't capable of taking charge of their own life and is dependent on someone else to the point of putting up with beatings and other physical and mental abuse just to stay in a relationship. To me, if you stay in that relationship... you get what you deserve.

I know that sounds harsh, but mental problems aren't always a "sickness." Sometimes life requires folks to fight back. That could mean physically fighting, or it could mean having the determination to go sleep at mom's house for a while and never go back. If they're unwilling to do so, they could end up dead.

My wife was talking to a friend back home about a story very similar to the one posted here. One of their classmates was nearly beaten to death by her husband. Both girls agreed, "She so stupid. Why she stay togeser whis zis man? Soon, she gonna die because he gonna kill her. She so stupid." After getting off the phone my wife and I talked about it a little. We agreed that it was pretty stupid for anyone to put up with that stuff. "I never will be put up with man who hit me event one time. If he gonna hit me, I will be stay whis my mozer. If he gonna hit me again, I f#@king kill him or maybe only cut off him ####, but, eizer way, he never gonna hit me again because he will be sink about zis! So many girls in Russia so stupid and try stay whis zis guy who beat zem. I never gonna be whis man who beat me. Never."

I couldn't agree more.

[shikarnov 7]

^ You and your wife obviously have zero experience with domestic violence victims. It's easy to look at the situation "from the side" (as they say in the FSU), and declare the victims to be stupid. But in many cases, fists are only the last part of an abuse cycle, following all kinds of psychological manipulation and conditioning. Women caught in abusive relationships need help. The friends who sat there, chatting on the phone about how stupid their abused peer is should be drawn and quartered themselves. Real friends don't sit around and watch each other get killed. At best, they're ignorant and selfish. At worst, they're accessories to murder.

[Brad and Vika 129]

I think accessories to murder might be going a bit far I also think that the state the men are in is sad. What kind of pathetic knit-wit makes a habit of bringing pain to the person closest to them? They aren't animals (nor are the victims). These guys must be miserable too. Sad. I agree that the victims need a place to be safe - for a start.

[easyukraine 1]

some have disorders normally from abandonment or abuse at a young age so they seek the type of relationship that creates chaos. there are always signs if you care to look, that the person your with might have a problem. even a first year student can learn to recognize the signs, humans exhibit specific bahavior patterns based on experience be it good or bad.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Exactly why I don't think it's a sad story.

I guess I've been with a Russian wife for too long, but I have no empathy for victims of domestic violence. Never have. Domestic violence is hardly ever a "one-time deal." In 99.9% of cases, it's an ongoing process that persists for several years, yet for whatever reason, the "victim" keeps coming back for more.

I realize it's more of a psychological issue than a physical one and there are deep-seated problems in each relationship where domestic violence occurs. BUT, that doesn't make me feel sorry for someone who is, in essence, a glutton for punishment. I can't feel sorry for someone who isn't capable of taking charge of their own life and is dependent on someone else to the point of putting up with beatings and other physical and mental abuse just to stay in a relationship. To me, if you stay in that relationship... you get what you deserve.

I know that sounds harsh, but mental problems aren't always a "sickness." Sometimes life requires folks to fight back. That could mean physically fighting, or it could mean having the determination to go sleep at mom's house for a while and never go back. If they're unwilling to do so, they could end up dead.

My wife was talking to a friend back home about a story very similar to the one posted here. One of their classmates was nearly beaten to death by her husband. Both girls agreed, "She so stupid. Why she stay togeser whis zis man? Soon, she gonna die because he gonna kill her. She so stupid." After getting off the phone my wife and I talked about it a little. We agreed that it was pretty stupid for anyone to put up with that stuff. "I never will be put up with man who hit me event one time. If he gonna hit me, I will be stay whis my mozer. If he gonna hit me again, I f#@king kill him or maybe only cut off him ####, but, eizer way, he never gonna hit me again because he will be sink about zis! So many girls in Russia so stupid and try stay whis zis guy who beat zem. I never gonna be whis man who beat me. Never."

I couldn't agree more.

Any man that beats a woman is a sick #### that should be shot in the head. The first time he does it.

There are too many people in this world anyway and we can start eliminating them by killing weak spined cowards that beat women and small dogs too!

I think accessories to murder might be going a bit far I also think that the state the men are in is sad. What kind of pathetic knit-wit makes a habit of bringing pain to the person closest to them? They aren't animals (nor are the victims). These guys must be miserable too. Sad. I agree that the victims need a place to be safe - for a start.

Shoot them in the head and put them put of their misery then

[slim 1,514]

^ You and your wife obviously have zero experience with domestic violence victims. It's easy to look at the situation "from the side" (as they say in the FSU), and declare the victims to be stupid. But in many cases, fists are only the last part of an abuse cycle, following all kinds of psychological manipulation and conditioning. Women caught in abusive relationships need help. The friends who sat there, chatting on the phone about how stupid their abused peer is should be drawn and quartered themselves. Real friends don't sit around and watch each other get killed. At best, they're ignorant and selfish. At worst, they're accessories to murder.

Both of us have experience with this in our own families.

While I won't disagree one bit that it "builds up" to violence, hardly ever is someone killed in the first episode of violence. It's typically only after YEARS and YEARS of violence, and that's where the "stupid" part comes into play.

I'm all for friends and family helping out in DV situations. But, what is a friend and/or family member supposed to do when the adult person who is the "victim" continues to make stupid and unhealthy choices for themself and returns again and again to the situation? If they're removed from the situation - several times - yet continue to return to get victimized, to me, and my wife too, they don't seem like much of a "victim." Rather they seem like someone who's made the same stupid choice over and over that resulted in the likely cosequence of making that stupid choice.

I'm not condoning DV. I'm simply saying the majority of "victims" in DV cases should've known better.

Any man that beats a woman is a sick #### that should be shot in the head. The first time he does it

I wouldn't say the first time, but after two or three... and I'm not talking about smacking her around a bit. I'm talking about a beating.

By the same token... after two or three times she shouldn't be coming back for more. Beat me once, shame on you. Beat me twice, shame on me.

See, this is why I can't feel empathy for DV situations. They all say the same thing. "Oh, he's not going to do it anymore. He can change. He's not like that. We were fighting about XXXXX and now XXXXXX has been taken care of. That's all said and done with." Well, what happens when she gets drunk with his brother? Yep. They all start fighting and the same cycle continues.

If you're in a Jerry Springer relationship.... I don't feel sorry for you. There is exactly ONE person in this world who is in charge of your happiness. ONE. If you're not happy, that's on you.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Both of us have experience with this in our own families.

While I won't disagree one bit that it "builds up" to violence, hardly ever is someone killed in the first episode of violence. It's typically only after YEARS and YEARS of violence, and that's where the "stupid" part comes into play.

See, this is why I can't feel empathy for DV situations. They all say the same thing. "Oh, he's not going to do it anymore. He can change. He's not like that. We were fighting about XXXXX and now XXXXXX has been taken care of. That's all said and done with." Well, what happens when she gets drunk with his brother? Yep. They all start fighting and the same cycle continues.

If you're in a Jerry Springer relationship.... I don't feel sorry for you. There is exactly ONE person in this world who is in charge of your happiness. ONE. If you're not happy, that's on you.

I worked in a city court house for about a year while in grad school, and saw that very thing about a thousand times. Battered wife (usually) standing in court with a black eye and her arm in a sling telling the judge how she won't press charges because he really loves her and didn't mean it. The judge (female) would respond with something like "ma'am, you know that he is eventually going to kill you, right?", and the woman would sometimes cry, and ALWAYS deny that.

Now there are plenty of battered spouses who do walk away from those situations, but lots of others have such low self-esteem that they can't, or won't. Sometimes the best thing for them are shelters where they can escape - hopefully before the beating is finished. Most of the low self-esteem group WILL run when they see the beatdown coming at least.

[SMR 368]

Domestic violence is a complicated issue since the perpetrator and the victim are definitely sick. Nonetheless, so are all criminals and many victims. I don't think that diminishes the heinousness of the crime. If anything a crime against the weak is more despicable.

On a separate note, I feel like there is a cultural disconnect when an article tells us that Elena's friends call her Lenochka as if that should endear her to us. I suppose it's just a statement of fact that the average reader doesn't know but it doesn't really come off that way.

Also, I highly recommend Брат and Брат 2. Брат has an interesting sub-plot about beaten women in Russia. Overall, I think both movies are quite well done and I think they are a couple of the more thought provoking shoot-em-up movies that I have seen.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Also, I highly recommend Брат and Брат 2. Брат has an interesting sub-plot about beaten women in Russia. Overall, I think both movies are quite well done and I think they are a couple of the more thought provoking shoot-em-up movies that I have seen.

Got 'em. My Russian isn't good enough to follow the dialogue though. Vika won't watch movies like that either.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I worked in a city court house for about a year while in grad school, and saw that very thing about a thousand times. Battered wife (usually) standing in court with a black eye and her arm in a sling telling the judge how she won't press charges because he really loves her and didn't mean it. The judge (female) would respond with something like "ma'am, you know that he is eventually going to kill you, right?", and the woman would sometimes cry, and ALWAYS deny that.

Now there are plenty of battered spouses who do walk away from those situations, but lots of others have such low self-esteem that they can't, or won't. Sometimes the best thing for them are shelters where they can escape - hopefully before the beating is finished. Most of the low self-esteem group WILL run when they see the beatdown coming at least.

They let the judges in Kentucky carry guns and the judge should stand up and shoot the guy in the head. Until he is dead.