UK B!tches Unite!

[Gemmie 142]

Wow I never expected such huge support, thanks so much everyone.

She's now in a psychiatric facility (after spending 3 whole days in ER because of a lack of health insurance) where they'll keep her for 5 days maximum, but who knows after that. She's being treated with anti-depressants and meeting with a psychiatrist later today. We're hoping they either place her somewhere else or renew her 5 days or something. We don't want her to come home until we know for sure that's she won't regress. Once she does come home, her phone/computer will be taken away so she can't make any transactions without people knowing. The biggest thing is earning back trust.

I had a huge talk with her, and she *thinks* she did this because she's convinced she's going to jail over some financial issues that she had repressed. She said everything has been coming back to her, all of the things she did with credit cards, taxes, etc - that she "blocked out". My FIL said that the final thing she wrote in her letters was "why can't I remember?" which is a little freaky. I'm hoping I get to speak with the psych team and let them know about her dissociation. But it's good that she's finally realised that she has a problem.

I'll keep everyone updated. Don't mean to turn this into such a disturbing topic though, so feel free to keep b1tching about everyday life.

Edited September 17, 2010 by Gemmie

[Amby 490]

I have a british recipe for beef tagine. It says "one small squash". I know the yellow stuff we just call squash isn't called that there, so I was wondering ####### to use. I think the most common response I've got when asking about squash in England was the drink and butternut squash. I think I will use butternut squash. Anyone have a clue about this one?

[Dodi 69]

I had a huge talk with her, and she *thinks* she did this because she's convinced she's going to jail over some financial issues that she had repressed. She said everything has been coming back to her, all of the things she did with credit cards, taxes, etc - that she "blocked out".

Gemmie:

This might not mean much, but I used to work in Consumer Advocacy law (Debtor/creditor). We don't have a debtor's prison in the US. Debt collectors can't put her in jail, regardless of how much she owes. If one tries to tell her they will (and trust me, they often try, illegally) she needs to sue them under the FDCPA in federal court. There are pauper's affidavits that will keep her from having to pay the filing fees. If she's being harrassed by debt collectors, there are ways to handle it legally to get them off her back, even if she doesn't have the money to pay the bills.

The IRS can put someone in jail for tax evasion, but so long as they have filed their taxes, even if they haven't paid them, they won't be taken to jail. There are always Offers in Compromise that would allow them to pay back a portion of the debt - over time - and be forgiven the rest due to financial hardship.

Please PM me if you want some info on this type of stuff. I worked with lots of clients who were in that sort of situation. It sounds like she's dealing with some hard core collectors on her back if she's to that point over something like finances.

In the mean time, your VJ family is all here to support you, whenever you need a place to vent.

Edited September 17, 2010 by Dodi

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Gemmie, anything new with your MIL?

How is everyone?

[*julez* 124]

Hey Empress - are you gearing up the the Pork Extravaganza this weekend? Decking the hall with balls of pork falalalalala?

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

Hey b!tches -- gearing up for a FAB weekend of bringing stuff to my storage space. My life, it is SO full. I would like to go to the pork extravaganza, pls.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

I'm afraid of the pork extravaganza. And not just because the Fry's closest to me is kinda feral.

[Dodi 69]

Pork extravaganza? Tell me more!

Or is this a euphamysm for something I'd rather not know about?

[Gemmie 142]

Gemmie, anything new with your MIL?

How is everyone?

She's still in the Mental Health Emergency Facility, and apart from her pills, she still hasn't had any treatment yet because her health insurance doesn't begin until October. So we're guessing they'll keep her there until then, and move her to a facility with psychologists and whatnot. She has been allowed to come out on visits and she seems to be doing better, but it's hard to say when she hasn't gotten any real treatment.

Legal updates. There was a meeting with the school she worked at, and they decided to take out a loan and pay back the IRS taxes that she didn't report/pay when she was treasurer. She revealed that she had been "borrowing" money over the past 8 years, transferring money to and from the school bank account, and they want to discuss it with her when she's better. She still claims she doesn't remember doing it, but in the past few months had started seeing the evidence that she had, and became physically ill with the shock. The school are closing due to a lack of funds, so she thinks they're going to press charges and send her to jail for embezzlement, or sue her. She also had a ton of credit card debt (that again she claims she doesn't remember). We've spoken with a lawyer and he said as long as there's no fraud, she can declare bankruptcy and have that wiped out. Problem is, she might have signed cheques with other peoples names, so don't know how well that will work. Everything is a big ol' mess, and I'm really on the fence, she's broken the law and should have to pay some consequence, but I also feel awful for my husband and the family. Obviously we don't want to see his mum in jail, and I don't think she could survive in there either.

My husband and I are still processing emotions as we find something out every day. I'm not an angry person but lately I'm feeling it. I feel angry that she put the entire family at risk by her actions - not just with finances but we do still risk losing the house if someone sues or during bankruptcy. I'm angry that I gave up my life in the UK to come here and begin a new one with my husband, only to have his parents problems impact us so much. Perhaps it would've been better if we weren't living with them, but such is life when I haven't been able to get a job. Before it was just a case of having no privacy, but now their marital/financial/emotional problems are literally ours too. If we're not visiting her, we're having to listen to my FIL going on and on about it. I'm waiting to hear back from a job interview, and MY GOD I HAVE NEVER HOPED FOR IT SO MUCH. I love my in-laws to death, but I would love nothing more than to shove a giant separation in there, so we can just enjoy our own lives away from the drama.

If anyone has a genie, please pass that on!

[Nik+Heather 121]

Wow Gemmie what a mess! It's all so unbelievable, I'd just be going around looking gobsmacked as all that comes out bit by bit. I'm sorry she didn't get help sooner.

[Gemmie 142]

It's unreal, isn't it? I don't understand how my FIL or the school had no idea what was going on. I guess it's just because she was in charge of so many finances and everything looked fine on the surface, so no one questioned it.

We're feeling a bit emotionally betrayed too. We knew she was depressed (although we thought it was because she lost her job) and told her that she could always talk to us, no matter what. She did tell us a little of this in confidence a few months back, so thought if anything else came up, she would let us know. She did look us each in the eye and promise us that no matter what happened, she would never hurt herself. But the other day she admitted that she wanted to die about 4 weeks before she attempted suicide, she carried a knife in her purse, she was driving on the highway at 80mph without a seatbelt, and suffered through our wedding anniversary as 'she didn't want to do it then'. So we don't understand how she can make such a promise and then break it. She says she doesn't even remember the act of doing it, but we're not even sure about that as she's shown she remembers bits and pieces. She has a lot of trust to build once she's better.

[TyandAllie 17]

Oh Gemmie, I'm so sorry, what an awful situation

So we don't understand how she can make such a promise and then break it.

As to this part, by the time someone is truly suicidal, there is no access to rational thinking anymore. My darling, sweet husband has a history of suicidal ideation and several attempts (though through much different circumstances, Complex PTSD from childhood sexual abuse by a stranger and later, combat in Iraq) when he is in that terrifying frame of mind, he simply is not himself.

I wish you the best my dear, I know it's so hard.

[Gemmie 142]

Thanks Allie, I'm sorry to hear about your husband, but I'm sure he's really glad he has you for support. I understand in theory that the person is not rational any more, but I guess I can't fathom exactly how it must feel to no longer be yourself, and to want nothing else but to die. Don't get me wrong, I've been depressed at times (as has everyone) and gone through counselling for PTSD etc, but I'm so glad that I've never been *that* down that there is no way out.

Sorry to depress everyone!!

On a happier note, my husband received note that they're going to contact him on Monday about me possibly working in the company, so I have a back-up plan should I not get the psychology job. I also finally managed to pay off my UK debt (other than student loan) and my grandfather's estate was cleared into my account today as well after 15 months of paperwork. We're going out to dinner tonight as the restaurant gave him a free meal for his birthday, and we're going to see Wicked in theatre this weekend. Lots of good stuff. I know this is the b1tchy thread, but I figured I need to do something to pick everyone up again.

Edited September 24, 2010 by Gemmie

[TyandAllie 17]

Glad you have some good news and some fun to look forward to

Edited September 24, 2010 by TyandAllie

[Krikit 1,163]

Ohhhh, Gemmie.

What is a pork extravaganza? Is that like my former town where we had ribfest?