What do think?

[rika60607 215]

Abortion is not the way to prevent having babies, that's all I was referring to.

Except in very rare circumstances, you have control, you have a choice and you can avoid pregnancy if that is what you want.

Now what's done is done and you are asking for opinions... as I said, you can not let the man decide for you if you are keeping the baby. This is a very personal decision that will effect your health and your future life, and the only one who should make this decision - is you. Don't let him or anyone else to pressure you.

You are correct that we should have planned better, but looking at your timeline it's seems that not everything that is even planned turn out the way we want it to right. It's not like it's any man in the street this is my husband. thanks for ur opinion, have a great weekend.

[Lostlove 0]

Thanks all I told him last week to suck it up. So today I have taken his resume and started sending it out myself.

[Lostlove 0]

Lostlove,

I know that you have had plenty responses but I just want to add one more in aggreement to everyone else please don't end that baby's life. The real key is for you to be healthy both mentally and physically. It's understanding from a man's perspective that we just can't sit around and let a woman support us especially if we have been self supporting. My response to him is get over it and move on, you have a baby coming and it's time to plan. You stated that you have a good job well I'm assuming that you can keep it in spite of being pregnant and later after the baby is born. It sounds like to me that perhaps him not having a job is a blessing so that there is someone at home to care for the baby. It might not be perfect but it is a plan and you definitely have a plan to make this work. I notice that you have submitted to the California service Center are you in CA and if so where? I'm here in L.A.

I hope that you are able to work this out, my wife wants a baby but right now I can't make one so I hope that you are able to work this out. Children are a blessing and I hope that he sees the light and works out this difficulty and supports you and the baby.

Just my 2 cents, please let us know what happens.

B. Franklin

B. Franklin,

yes I will still have my job and also have 2 different types of business investments I'm working on at this time, and hope it works out for the best, if i can get the proposals written Wish us luck. On the other hand I told him to suck it up everything will be ok. Please dont be discouraged about not being able to have a baby right now, because when God says it's time it will happen. My frined and her husband tried even tolf treatments for 5 years and were told by doctor they would never have kids. And after they stop trying, they were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. So keep the faith.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

how do i start. My husband came here last year on a K1. We got married and filed for GC and he was approved in no time. From the time he recieved his GC he has been looking for a job, but of course i told him that at this time its hard for even a USC, but dont get dicouraged. Where he is from men take care of the household and that is what his dad does also. When we first got married we were tlking about family planning. he stated tht he wants to get started making his family, but at the time i was not ready to. Instead of me using my common sense and stop procrasting to go to the doc and get BC pills i did not go in and get them. I had been feeling a little not myself and noticed a missed cycle. Took a preg test and it says postive So I call him in to look at the test he just walked away. I went in the room he said that we are not ready for this. Which I agree, but what is done is done so...... He advised that i go have an abortion. Ok, this is totally against my religion and morals. He has not touched me since the day we found out 2 weeks ago. Then he gets upset and say that he cant do this he cant even feed himself and dotn have a job. before he got here he knew that all of that will take time. I have a good job making good $$$ and ask for help from anyone. And i have held us down with no problem or us wanting anything that we can not get. i talkd to him about not wanting to kill the baby, but he is not bending. I think this will ruin our marriage and he says do you know how many married people do this? im like uhmm no. I thought when you make the vow to be with each other threw thick and thin what ever happens you are to face it together and pray and believe that God will guide you. All he can say is that he planned to get a job and go to school and other ####### that is like ok you can still do it, but it will just be a little more work. All he can say is that he borrowed 2000 from his brother when coming here and he want to pay it back. I think he is a ####### and dont think this will work. What about u?

Please do not do it. Please.

You will love this baby and if he really loves you and this is a real marriage, he would not force you to kill your baby. He isnt even supporting you anyway. Just tell him, I am having the baby and if you need to take a break from me and the baby, take it, but I am not having an abortion. If someone really married you for love, they wouldnt push you to take the life of a child. You may never get another chance to have a baby, things can happen.I had someone from overseas walk out on me pregnant and I went ahead and had my daughter and she is amazing and beautiful with the most bubbly personality ever. I have never ever regretting having her and her dad regrets now what he did 5 years later. Keep your baby...he will either come around or he will leave and if he leaves, good riddance

[Rinaprincess 0]

hi,

i had the same story as you. my husband came here a year ago thru K1 now he had GC. So when i first met him in his country he said it is ok to have kids. But when i was pregnant after we married he asked me to have an abortion. I was so mad at him and i didn't do it. After a fews months later, he does to school in another state and live with his mom. During my pregancy he only come once to visit me just to do an joint income tax. Then after i gave birth, he come to visit for only a month and he make copy of the child birth certicate and ssi. I don't know what his plan.

About his school, he only take one class per semester since he does not receive financial aid yet. he reason he goes to school there because they accept his degree from his country. So now his in a Master degree. I don't know how long he is going to finish since he take only one class. He told me he will transfer here after he took a few classes. I don't know if i can trust him. a couple year maybe? Since he goes to school there, he had driver license and is now a resident there. I told him there could be a red flag when the time for removal condition. But does not listen to me. He said he could show them a child birth certicate.

Since he told me to have an abortion, i feel that he does not love me. I feel that he is not a real man. I understand when he said he does not have job but i have job. i told him when the baby born or grow up in a couple you will have a job. I feel that if he a responsible man, he will find a job, any job, and go to school here to be close to the wife and the kid. But i feel he does not accept the fact that he is a husband and a father.

If he just take one two semester off from school to be with me, I would not mad him. But he doesn't. this is tell me that he never care and love me. He only think about himself.

Now i had too take care a baby by myself and it is not easy. I feel so stress out. I am not stress out about the baby but i am stress out about him. He hurt my feeling so much over and over.

I am planning to divorce him and maybe report to ICE he does not come back and live with me. what do you guy think?

[TBoneTX 43,406]

i had the same story as you. [...] what do you guy think?

I think that your original thread (in this same forum) is generating some pretty good responses. No need to duplicate the issue here.

[rlogan 2,036]

You've invoked religion and morals selectively. Those come into play before you get pregnant, not just when pregnancy is discovered, and for long afterwards too - if religion and morality are to be invoked at all.

Things don't just "happen" for you to ask God about in prayer after-the-fact. It is unclear to me what, if any, the exact agreement about children was. I read carefully, and there is an insinuation but such an important matter needs to be very clear and I am unwilling to draw an inference instead of having it stated clearly.

If you invoke God and prayer for guidance then that goes for family planning too, and both of you need to not only agree on that model of decision-making, but make sure that God tells you both the same thing. There are vows about honoring and obeying agreements whether this is Biblically-based or simply marriage vows. So that is why I say the agreement on children needs to be crystal clear in order to render judgement here.

Although you said it was irresponsible to get pregnant I am not sure why. Lots of poor people responsibly have children. The responsibility is with respect to the agreement you made together, or didn't make together, and although the economics are important it is not the deciding factor.

Because if you make all your "decisions" after-the-fact and find out what their opinion on abortion or whatever is after it is too late - then there is a lot of trouble coming and religion or morals will not help you. You will just never agree on much of anything.

I'm a bit concerned with the manner in which you told your husband to "suck it up" because of this. For example, an immoral and unGodly woman can lie about taking birth control, blackmail someone into marriage on the basis of pregnancy, and invoke religion and morals to tell the man to "suck it up".

So in that case the man is told to "suck up" to lying, fraud, and blackmail as opposed to honoring a sacred marriage committment. He's looking at a lifetime of lying, fraud, and blackmail.

So I do not have enough clarity and quantity of information to see, but my comment is that the way you make decisions together seems to be the problem and that is what needs to be fixed.

I hope you have a beautiful child, that all your proposals turn out well, and that your husband and you can agree about how you are going to make marriage decisions.