British Bun in the Oven

[*Snowdrop* 603]

but I was so wiped out and semi-depressed that I just didn't have it in me to meet new people. And I was concerned with practical things like going to someone's house or a park and having Madeleine vomit all over the place. I think you have to have the right frame of mind to put yourself out there like that. It's almost like dating...you're sizing them up, they're sizing you up, and they might be the nicest people in the world, but you don't know that yet.

This is so true. And I think the toddler years are really hard on the stay-at-home-parent. The constant challenging, whining and testing that goes on every minute of the day is so draining (maybe that's just my kid!)

Georgie is two and it's time I started looking for a full time or even better part-time out of the house job but I feel so burnt out and tired all the time I'm not sure how to summon the energy to be all perky and impressive for interviews.

The one thing which has helped was finding at least one Mum friend near by who I got on with. But it was really hard. I've always found it really easy to make friends at work before but I guess in those circumstances you probably have something in common or often similar personalities. I felt like such an alien at the early Mom-groups when G was a baby. No one got my sense of humour, there were some very extreme anti-vaccination Moms who were a little scary. It took me about a year and a half to find someone who I could laugh and joke with and unload everything. Luckily our little girls get on too.

It's very isolating if you haven't got anyone you can talk to away from your partner. I didn't want to unload to anyone from the UK as I didn't want anyone to be worried that I wasn't happy. If Chas wants to email me and have a good mutual moan, message me - although that might be a bit weird for him. " Hey honey, there's this British woman on the website who I don't know at all, who might not even be a woman, or English, that you could talk to"!

[TracyTN 237]

Yay babies!! (quick update - i am alive and so is my kid).

Lox is 4 months on Oct 12th. Holy #######. He military crawled today and I almost shat my pants. Today is our 1 year wedding anniversary. I demand we get a t-shirt that says "hell, we did it".

HA!

Awww!! I remember that 'military crawl' very well. How cute! And yes - we want pictures!! I also am curious to hear how the sleep is going and all that stuff.

Hi, Dizzy! Glad you and Lox are doing well. How is his (and your) sleeping? Any chance of an updated pic?

Aw, Tracy, all that sucks. I think I may have misrepresented my mom's attitude a bit. She actually is a fixture in Madeleine's life and really enjoys her ("Your daughter is a piece of work" she says every time she sees her, but she means it affectionately). She sees her at least once a week, and often twice or more. If she hasn't seen her for a few days, she'll sometimes come down in the evening or on a Saturday, and three out of four Sundays, I'll take Mad-Ag up to her place for a couple of hours to give Jon some time to himself. She's actually a much better host than guest, I have to say. She likes to make coffee and feed us, and play the piano with Madeleine. She is glad to have a grandkid in town (my almost nine-year-old niece lives four hours away). I suppose my frustration, which is entirely selfish, is that the emphasis is more on the two-hour play-type visit (with one of us there as well) rather than helping out. As it relates to her ultra-lazy retirement, I was hoping that she might find some structure and purpose in some kind of regular babysitting scheme, or even just pitching in when preschool is closed...which it has been many days over the past month for various Jewish holidays, including today! Madeleine is napping as I type. I really should be working. But for her own sake, I wish she'd do more on a day-to-day basis. My sister thinks my mom is just lazy and this is basically her dream life (that actually made me laugh), but Jon thinks she's a little depressed and doesn't realize it. I think she'd like to be doing more but just won't make it happen for some reason.

I'm sorry to hear about Chas. It sounds like he's in quite a funk. If you can talk him into it, I think the dads group is worth a try. I can understand his reluctance, though, especially if he seems depressed. When I was home w/ Mad-Ag during the first few months, I knew that some socializing with people with babies would have been really helpful in many ways--just getting out of the house and interacting with other humans would improved my mood a great deal, I'm sure--but I was so wiped out and semi-depressed that I just didn't have it in me to meet new people. And I was concerned with practical things like going to someone's house or a park and having Madeleine vomit all over the place. I think you have to have the right frame of mind to put yourself out there like that. It's almost like dating...you're sizing them up, they're sizing you up, and they might be the nicest people in the world, but you don't know that yet. But the payoff can be great in making new friends and socializing for the kiddos. I'm sorry that your parents don't want to help out more to give Chas a break. I'd find that pretty upsetting, I think.

Oh - I see what you're saying. It does sound like she's involved, but only to a point, and not where it is really a help to you. Sounds like my Saturdays where they hang out with her, but usually Chas or I (or my sister and niece) are also present so it isn't really 'hard' on them. I tend to agree with Jon - I think she may be slightly depressed. I think my best friend is depressed too and it's the hardest thing. They don't really want help or want to hear your suggestions, so you just have to sit there and hope they seek out something that will help them. It's worse though when it's your mom and you're wishing for her support as well. But if she doesn't even realize she might be - that's a whole other kettle of fish.

This is so true. And I think the toddler years are really hard on the stay-at-home-parent. The constant challenging, whining and testing that goes on every minute of the day is so draining (maybe that's just my kid!)

Georgie is two and it's time I started looking for a full time or even better part-time out of the house job but I feel so burnt out and tired all the time I'm not sure how to summon the energy to be all perky and impressive for interviews.

The one thing which has helped was finding at least one Mum friend near by who I got on with. But it was really hard. I've always found it really easy to make friends at work before but I guess in those circumstances you probably have something in common or often similar personalities. I felt like such an alien at the early Mom-groups when G was a baby. No one got my sense of humour, there were some very extreme anti-vaccination Moms who were a little scary. It took me about a year and a half to find someone who I could laugh and joke with and unload everything. Luckily our little girls get on too.

It's very isolating if you haven't got anyone you can talk to away from your partner. I didn't want to unload to anyone from the UK as I didn't want anyone to be worried that I wasn't happy. If Chas wants to email me and have a good mutual moan, message me - although that might be a bit weird for him. " Hey honey, there's this British woman on the website who I don't know at all, who might not even be a woman, or English, that you could talk to"!

Thanks to both you and Empress for your comments on Chas. I DO think it's really hard for the stay at home parent, esp. when you're dealing with the constant demands/whines/tantrums of a toddler. You come out at the end of the day questioning your sanity. Chas' doctor told him he is burnt out, not depressed, so your comment about being burnt out really hits home too, Lynne. I know it's hard.

I am SO glad you found a mom with similar interests and stuff that you can talk to. I think he is at a slight disadvantage with this because of being a guy. We live in the South, and down here, if men don't bread win, they're sort of looked down on a bit. Then if he goes into a group setting, he is literally the only father there so talk about it being hard to 'fit in' and find someone quasi normal and fun who isn't all closed minded about you being a stay at home dad. His one friend has now moved, and even though she can still see our house from their new place, she has pretty much stopped inviting him over which I also think is upsetting him. And I am helpless to do anything.

I found a preschool she can go to when she is 3 and it is 5 days a week. You would have thought I had just laid the golden egg when I told him. If we can keep his sanity in place until then, we'll be doing good. And yes - it would be nice to have the support of my parents as you said Empress - and it really has hurt and upset me. But - they don't seem to care so we have to find a way to forge ahead. And we will. It's just way harder than either of us thought.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Sis update: She saw her OB earlier in the week, and apparently the 1:69 figure still factors in my sister's age. The OB is pleased with the figure. So far so good! Given this, I don't think she'll go for any sort of invasive testing. Next up is the anatomy scan in a few weeks.

[TracyTN 237]

Oh YAY - I'm so glad to hear that. I know she must feel so much better too.

[Jewel-8 21]

Haven't check in for awhile. Glad to hear your sister seems to be doing well!! My sister is definitely pregnant with twins and I think she is about 14 weeks right now. I am at about 19 and have my anatomy scan tomorrow. I don't think we're finding out the gender, but I still think it's important to get all the measurements and make sure everything that needs to be there is.

We had Rozzie's pictures done about a month ago for her 1 year (a couple months late!) and got them back right before our trip back to the UK. She has even longer hair now and I'm not sure what to do with it. I can't bring myself to trim it yet.

Tracy, I hope things go much smoother when she turns 3 and you can get her into preschool. Since my husband and I work opposite shifts I can understand the exhaustion. My husband won't even wake up in the middle of the night if she cries so I have to do my post shift wind down nearby. Right now I'm sitting in my master bedroom closet with my laptop and my textbook that I should be reviewing for my final tomorrow. Internet is more interesting hands down though.

Edited October 5, 2012 by Jewel-8

[TracyTN 237]

I'm glad to hear from you, Jewel, and that you're feeling well so far in this pregnancy. We really enjoyed not finding out the gender. It gave hubby that sweet moment where he got to go to our friends in the lobby and say 'It's a girl!' One of my friends said she will never forget the look on his face when he said it.

I cannot tell you how adorable Rozzie is - OMG!! And I'm so glad I can see her cute baby feet in that picture too. I hate feet in general but cannot get enough of baby/toddler feet. Hee!! We haven't cut Emily's hair yet either and she's 2 years old (plus three months). Thanks so much for posting the piccy. What a sweetie.

I think preschool will really help even though it's only two days a week. That's still hours my husband doesn't have to himself now, and I think it will be good for Emily too. It runs from August - May so it's a decent length of time. He may start to take courses towards getting his real estate license during that time, so that may help him to start feeling a little more productive. It just seems like a long time between now and then, though, but we'll make it I'm sure. I hope the pace doesn't get to be too much for you guys being on opposite shifts. Its just one of the sacrifices we have to make as parents, eh?

[Gemmie 142]

Oh man, it's scary to read about the stresses of parenthood! I know it's inevitable, but for right now, I can't even think about how to balance work-family-sleep-couple time etc. I'm much happier just thinking of the scans and the little clothes and the joy. I'll just be ignorantly blissful for a while!

I haven't been around much but I do pop in now and then to read updated posts, and I hope all of you are hanging in there. I leave for work at 7:30am, get home around 5pm, my husband cooks dinner, and then I go to bed at 8pm. I am so wiped out that actually being in my living room is an accomplishment nowadays. I'm 11 weeks and 3 days- still getting some sickness, but nothing huge. Looking forward to starting the second trimester.

I have my NT scan on Tuesday. Will let you know how it goes!

[TracyTN 237]

I'm sorry, Gemmie- I don't mean to be spouting off my issues and taking the focus away from what this thread should be about. Things happened this weekend which have made me understand nothing will ever change, and Chas and I can cope. Let's keep talking about happy baby stuff.

I bet you anything you'll feel better once you get out of that dreaded first trimester! I started feeling a lot better around week 14. I think it's different for most women though so you could be closer to an uptick than you think. You just have more energy and the nausea and stuff mostly goes.

And do let us know how the NT scan goes - I'm sure you'll do great.

PS any bump pictures to share?

[lovelyalex 99]

Hi ladies! I have my anomaly scan tomorrow for Anglo-American baby number 2! No idea what the gender is but looking forward to finding out. So far I am finding the experience much different from the 1st, as I did that one alone in the Channel Islands before I moved. Maybe its the healthcare, maybe its the work life balance with one already. So far it's very boring though. Will get more exciting once we know if its team pink or blue!

[Gemmie 142]

Hi ladies! I have my anomaly scan tomorrow for Anglo-American baby number 2! No idea what the gender is but looking forward to finding out. So far I am finding the experience much different from the 1st, as I did that one alone in the Channel Islands before I moved. Maybe its the healthcare, maybe its the work life balance with one already. So far it's very boring though. Will get more exciting once we know if its team pink or blue!

Congratulations! Let us know which team you're on!

Tracy, please do not feel bad about venting AT ALL, this thread is about parenthood and all that comes with it, not just about the happy baby stuff. It sounds like you're going through a tough time at the moment, even if you have decided that things aren't going to change, it doesn't make it any easier. As with anything in life, there's always a little part at the back of your mind that hopes that things will get better and then sinks when they don't. I want to hear what's going on with you, Chas and Emily. I truly hope that things do get better and her grandparents realise that they are missing out, big time- as well as not giving you two the break you need.

Here is a pic of my "bump" at 11 weeks and 3 days. It is actually laughable But this is first thing in the morning. By the end of the day, I am full of bloat and roundness.

ETA:

Edited October 9, 2012 by Gemmie

[TracyTN 237]

Hi ladies! I have my anomaly scan tomorrow for Anglo-American baby number 2! No idea what the gender is but looking forward to finding out. So far I am finding the experience much different from the 1st, as I did that one alone in the Channel Islands before I moved. Maybe its the healthcare, maybe its the work life balance with one already. So far it's very boring though. Will get more exciting once we know if its team pink or blue!

Aww - we are so excited for you!! Let us know what you find out after the scan today.

Congratulations! Let us know which team you're on!

Tracy, please do not feel bad about venting AT ALL, this thread is about parenthood and all that comes with it, not just about the happy baby stuff. It sounds like you're going through a tough time at the moment, even if you have decided that things aren't going to change, it doesn't make it any easier. As with anything in life, there's always a little part at the back of your mind that hopes that things will get better and then sinks when they don't. I want to hear what's going on with you, Chas and Emily. I truly hope that things do get better and her grandparents realise that they are missing out, big time- as well as not giving you two the break you need.

Here is a pic of my "bump" at 11 weeks and 3 days. It is actually laughable But this is first thing in the morning. By the end of the day, I am full of bloat and roundness.

ETA:

No, it's ok. I'm just honestly numb about it all now. My dad basically had a go at me on Saturday about all of it, suggesting everything from a part time job for Chas (yeah, that'll help someone whose already overwhelmed!) to saying that I didn't want to take her to the mother's day out programs near us because I must think those churches will teach her something 'evil'. Yeah - that's exactly why, dad. All this in front of restaurant staff who were obviously embarrassed FOR me. It was really a special day.

Your bump isn't laughable - it's so cute!! Actually I didn't honestly 'pop' out until about 6 months - some people didn't even know I was PG before that point if you can believe it. I can see where some people may not be able to tell on you, either, depending on your outfit. Just - cute!!!

[Jewel-8 21]

Tracy, just another years until Preschool and things should look up!! It's too bad you don't have more friends you trust nearby that also have kids who will exchange babysitting with you. (I feel like I'm in somewhat the same situation because I leave for work within an hour of my husband getting home. We make due with me just having PT hours because FT would just ruin my health.)

Gemma, that's cute! I think you hit the nail on the head with bloating. That is always one of my top complaints about the first trimester. Not really showing, but clothes just don't fit - very blah!

We had the ultrasound on Friday and asked not to know, but even though the tech didn't say anything we could still tell. A bit obvious

while she was getting the leg measurements and it kept flapping around. Geez!

Besides that they said the baby is healthy. They did ask if anyone had ever told me that I have a heart shaped uterus. Kind of shocking to find out after several pregnancies, two healthy deliveries and probably a dozen ultrasounds during it all. It could explain the miscarriages if the embryos implanted in that area and blood flow wasn't adequate.

Depending on how bad the septum actually is it might also explain why my son came at 36 weeks and my daughter was breech during most of the 3rd trimester. So this time around I know I need to start on the Vitamin C supplements to avoid my water breaking early like it did with the first, and make sure I get to chiropractor and acupuncturist if there are signs of the baby being breech again. I must have a very minor issue if I've made it to 36 and 37 weeks though. My friend has a more severe case and hasn't ever made it past 32.

[TracyTN 237]

Tracy, just another years until Preschool and things should look up!! It's too bad you don't have more friends you trust nearby that also have kids who will exchange babysitting with you. (I feel like I'm in somewhat the same situation because I leave for work within an hour of my husband getting home. We make due with me just having PT hours because FT would just ruin my health.)

Gemma, that's cute! I think you hit the nail on the head with bloating. That is always one of my top complaints about the first trimester. Not really showing, but clothes just don't fit - very blah!

We had the ultrasound on Friday and asked not to know, but even though the tech didn't say anything we could still tell. A bit obvious

while she was getting the leg measurements and it kept flapping around. Geez!

Besides that they said the baby is healthy. They did ask if anyone had ever told me that I have a heart shaped uterus. Kind of shocking to find out after several pregnancies, two healthy deliveries and probably a dozen ultrasounds during it all. It could explain the miscarriages if the embryos implanted in that area and blood flow wasn't adequate.

Depending on how bad the septum actually is it might also explain why my son came at 36 weeks and my daughter was breech during most of the 3rd trimester. So this time around I know I need to start on the Vitamin C supplements to avoid my water breaking early like it did with the first, and make sure I get to chiropractor and acupuncturist if there are signs of the baby being breech again. I must have a very minor issue if I've made it to 36 and 37 weeks though. My friend has a more severe case and hasn't ever made it past 32.

Yeah - we only have one set of friends who have kids. My closest two friends are both single with no kids. But we'll manage - we have no choice!

I'm cracking up that the sex was so obvious on the scan! Are you going to go ahead and plan accordingly? It's exciting either way.

I've never heard of a heart shaped uterus - but like you, I am surprised that no one has noticed this (or mentioned it to you) before. I could see it if this was your first child/pregnancy but otherwise - that seems bizarre that it was never told to you! As you said though - it's kind of good to know now so you can take some precautions to hopefully avoid your water breaking early, etc. It must be minor if you were able to carry so many weeks in your previous deliveries.

We're so excited for you. Ok so where's your bump picture? HA!!

[lovelyalex 99]

So the verdict is ladies.... TEAM BLUE! We will have one of each! I am a little nervous. Boys are, well... how do I put this.... I HAVE BALLS IN ME. The little ####### is probably already touching himself and fiddling in there. hahaha!

Jewel-8 you are very good to wait. I don't think I could have gone much longer waiting. My husband was desperate for a boy so the anticipation would have killed him/annoyed me to death ahaha and we live in such a small apartment but are planning to move so I want to get it all in order where possible. We kept so much girl stuff though! Gah!

Gemmie! Love that bump. I'm the size of a house already and I'm only 18 weeks. I think my body is geared up to do this one and be more efficient. That and I've been stashing the cakes and bacon sandwiches like they are going out of fashion....

What did you guys do about breaking the news to family members back home VERSUS family over here? I send my dad an email with the scan pictures (he isn't online to Skype very often and we're not a phone family as such) and he didn't respond but I know he got the email as he forwarded it to my brother and my brother send me a vague congrats message via facebook (from Japan where he moved to). We haven't told my inlaws yet... will do on Sunday. I'm going to make a cake and colour it blue so when they cut into it they'll see the colour! My dad got the hump that he checked FB before seeing my LAST email about being pregnant MONTHS ago... so we made an effort to tell him and include him... and he didn't even respond. maybe it is the hormones, but I am really mad at him, because we had a similar exchange for my wedding, and belated wedding reception last year. I told him in advance notice I wanted him there, to "give me away" etc and he ignored me and then at the last minute was telling me about this party he was having, and after the wedding and party NEVER asked how it went and asked to see pictures. I was honest with him and said how he hurt me but he acted all sulky and dumb like an 11 year old. I get it might be hard that I am far away but be a dad you know? At least pretend you care or what to know more over email or Skype? Money wasn't an issue. he could have come but didn't and then acted like it wasn't important. And now, I'm having a SON. He'll have a grandson. He was pretty useless emotionally when I had Adelaide (I was still in the UK, well Channel Islands) and acted like I'd ruined my life or something. I thought maybe he would be happier now 1. its a boy and 2. Patrick and I are in the same country/married and in a good spot. How wrong was I!?!

I do need some name suggestions though girls! We can't agree on ANY names, and I only really have one I really like and would consider hahah.

PS TracyTN - love a good rant!

[TracyTN 237]

I am SO happy for you guys - congratulations!!! One of each is great - that's what my sister has and it really seems to be a good family dynamic for them. And I always think a man wants a boy. (Although my husband claims he is happier we had a girl. He's just sweet that way Sometimes I think women carrying boys are just bigger through their pregnancies so I'm not surprised you feel like a 'house'. That said, every woman is different so that's probably a BS observation on my part in some way.

I'm also sorry about your dad's lack of involvement in both your marriage and pregnancy/pregnancies. After observing my parents attitude of late (I am good for a vent, eh?!), I can tell you I would never do that to Emily. Even though chances are I'll be significantly older than my parents are when Emily has kids as I was 40 when I had her - I still wouldn't do that. If she really needed help/was overwhelmed and I was too feeble to do it, I'd freaking hire her a babysitter to take some of the pressure off. I wouldn't have a go at her or blame her in some way for it - I would just help. I'm sure you will never treat your kids' life milestones in the same cold manner your dad has treated yours. That's just s*itty and there's no excuse for it - there really isn't. Distance is one thing, but you can also still be enthusiastic at minimum.

Anyway - my mother in law in the UK was the first person outside hubby and I to know I was pregnant. He called her literally 5 minutes after we got the positive result on the test. I don't think there's any 'wrong' way to do it - and I love your idea of the blue cake. We were more boring - I just told my parents flat out, and told my sister on the phone. Ha. Your idea is so much better! We didn't tell the 'wide world' until after our first doctor appointment - we just did that on Facebook or by email (if we were close enough to someone to let them know privately).

I am horrible for names, so I'm really no help there. My family forced us to pick names finally about a month and a half before she was born. We picked a boy name too because we didn't find out what we were having. We chose Alexander Lee which is a combination of my dad's middle name, and Alex Lifeson and Geddy Lee from Rush (we met on a Rush message board so that was kind of a given. LOL). If it wasn't for that though, we probably would have gone with an all out family name. We were just unfortunate that the women in our families have names we didn't like so we came up with Emily on our own.