I married a woman, not a country

[Martyshk 137]

Actually, my wife and I are reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" together and one of the the things the author brings up is that men and women count points differently. In particular, he states that although men think big things are worth lots of points and little things are worth a couple points, women think everything is worth 1 point. That is, you bring flowers, 1 point. You say, I love you, 1 point. You donate both of your kidneys to her, 1 point. You fly to Russia and have a wedding in her home town... you get the picture.

Now, I try not to keep score and I can't verify that this way of thinking is really accurate of women, but it would certainly shoot down VV's argument.

I'd go as far as to say that certain little things are worth more points Like getting flowers just because you felt like it and it's not March 8th, breakfast in bed, all those things, might count more.

In any case, who gives a ####### about keeping the score

[Cixelsyd 1]

I've never understood how women keep points.

Take my last g/f as example:

Try and play nice with her crazy family, endure those really long boring conversations, avoid killing her cat, but you make ONE bad joke at a funeral and Bam! -10 points.

My theory is with some women it's more like you start with x amount of points and you can only be subtracted from there.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Actually, my wife and I are reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" together and one of the the things the author brings up is that men and women count points differently. In particular, he states that although men think big things are worth lots of points and little things are worth a couple points, women think everything is worth 1 point. That is, you bring flowers, 1 point. You say, I love you, 1 point. You donate both of your kidneys to her, 1 point. You fly to Russia and have a wedding in her home town... you get the picture.

Now, I try not to keep score and I can't verify that this way of thinking is really accurate of women, but it would certainly shoot down VV's argument.

That was what I was saying about flowers. I think the kidding I started about points got taken WAAAAY out of context. My point was that my wife seems to appreciate flowers at least as much as things are are more expensive, and she definitely appreciates them more than my ex. I really don't get the position that flowers are so silly, blah, blah. They, and other gestures, are not silly to her. That is what counts in any relationship I think.

[AKguy 1]

but you make ONE bad joke at a funeral and Bam! -10 points.

Something along the lines of her dad not having to listen to her mom complain anymore?

[Brad and Vika 129]

That was what I was saying about flowers. I think the kidding I started about points got taken WAAAAY out of context. My point was that my wife seems to appreciate flowers at least as much as things are are more expensive, and she definitely appreciates them more than my ex. I really don't get the position that flowers are so silly, blah, blah. They, and other gestures, are not silly to her. That is what counts in any relationship I think.

And the Mars/Venus thing gets taken out of context too.

[clueless_in_usa 8]

Fact: I married my wife in Russia in her hometown, with her family and friends...and in the Russian tradition. Fact: the rest of you supposedly wife honoring, Russo-centric, swinging diks didn't, or will not. Yet you try to claim the high ground because you rent Russian movies and send flowers on communist holidays. Big deal.

Now, what is the greater gift? Sending her flowers on IWD, or marrying her in her home country? All you honeymoon boys must be shocked that VV trumped your a$$.

The 90 day money back thing has been typically misunderstood or misrepresented by some of you spin doctors and the young miss eekee (who seems to have decided to enter into an exercise in futility). My wife represents one thing to me...a magnificent woman. Play your silly games and make your mean-spirited and sideways comments about money. You're all wrong.

BTW eekee, I never brought my wife to the DR because I decided it would be too difficult for her to make the trip without good English and her lack of travel experience. But, on the other hand, I have clocked 8 trips to the FSU and paid my physical and financial dues. If a woman has to take her turn at some travel suffering, I don't see anything unreasonable? In fact, it sounds fair and "equal." Something I'm sure is important to you.

The K-1 visa is non immigrant and lasts for 90 days. If a marriage does not occur in those 90 days, the lady comes home...probably to a lost job, no flat and other issues. She will probably have a tough time trying to marry another American man as well. If a man decides in the 11th hour to back out of the marriage, he can do so without penalty. This is what I call the money back guarantee. It has nothing to do with money. It's a metaphor.

If some of you want to twist and spin that to relate to money, have fun. This has nothing to do with money. It has to do with armchair heroes talking a good game and yet, when push comes to shove, they prefer a cheap wedding at the nearest JP office to a truly romantic marriage in your wife's home and with her traditions.

The CR-1 visa is an immigrant visa and the woman arrives a legal immigrant with a two-year green card, the right work and travel. What does it take to show this is a superior visa and much better for the wife? The issue is it's easy for you Russia loving cats to let your lady come to a strange land and, alone, without family and friends to celebrate and support, and have her married down at the clerks office.

I took the K-1 route and let me tell you...

... my wedding was neither CHEAP nor UNROMANTIC.

And the fact that we decided to first marry in USA, for logistical reasons, does not mean that there will not be a wedding in my wife's home with her traditions.

Which makes me wonder ... if a wedding with your wife's people and/or traditions was so important to her, how come she now decides to abhor everything related to her people and/or traditions?

I think that the right word to describe such situation is: CONUNDRUM

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

The day of marriage is about as big and important an event as there is in ones life IMO. I chose the high road for this major event in our lives. Sorry, IWD just doesn't mean much in the greater scheme of things...now does it?

The CR-1 runs close to the time to get a K-1 so the time factor argument is bogus. So why not do it right?

I do not see marrying someone in a foreign country and obliugating them to a life in another country they had never seen, and then abandoning them for several months as being the "high road" or doing it right. And if your finacee has a son over 18 when you get married and she wants him to come to the USA which he is eligible for until age 21 with a K-2 but only if the marriage occurs before he is 18 with a CR-2...then what? Too bad for that kid? That is the right way?

The RIGHT way is for TWO adults who plan to join their lives for life to discuss the different visas and DECIDE what is best for them and their family, considering all aspects of the visas and the family, then come to a decision and carry it through. If that is a CR-1 or a K-1 it does not matter, excelt that those two people are satisfied with the result.

We are talking a marriage here. The date, place and method of visa or wedding is nothing more than a technicality and a means to an end. If the end is a happy marriage in what way can it possibly matter which visa was in her passport to get her in the country? Your wife's green card is identical to my wife's green card. The time from when you filed your petition until your wife had her green card is probably similar to mine...10 months, almost to the day, but my wife was HERE for 4 months of that time. This is such a worthless point to argue.

[Martyshk 137]

The time from when you filed your petition until your wife had her green card is probably similar to mine...10 months, almost to the day, but my wife was HERE for 4 months of that time.

That's our reasoning for going K-1 route. To be together as soon as possible and then wait for everything while we are already together. I cannot imagine going CR-1 route. It's been 3 months that I haven't seen her already and I'm going insane as it is.

[slim 1,514]

My theory is with some women it's more like you start with x amount of points and you can only be subtracted from there.

I think you may be onto something!

[eekee 182]

What's a wedding compared to the rest of your life? The most beautiful, romantic wedding in the world means nothing in the marriage falls apart.

[visaveteran 1]

My wife recently told me she would not have gone the K-1 route. I did not know this when I decided to go CR-1. But I was clear on the importance of this route and it did give me an interesting challenge and an amazing adventure. (I know how much you cool cats love the Russian adventures.)

And, of course, there is a lot of paperwork to prepare to get married in Russia. And this process is even harder outside the big cities like Moscow. So, while you jokers were whining and moaning about the USCIS, I was taking on even more aggravation dealing with Russian rules on marriage and needed paperwork and getting Appostille Stamps for all my US documents. I also had to do some bribing as it is required to wait 30 days to get married in Russia. So I had more expenses to beat the system. I got married in 5 days.

But it was all worth it.

I happen to think the way you start a journey with someone matters. How and where matter. You can play down the importance and make unconvincing comments about how fast the K-1 is versus CR-1...but when I processed through, the CR-1 was only 1 or 2 months longer and the benefits of the CR-1 made it a no-brainer to wait the small extra time. So I chose to start off in a good way...not a convenient way, or a easy way, simple way, cheap way, or a way which puts most of the burden on the woman.

I took the road less traveled.

But the real interesting and ironic aspect of this discussion is how blown-up the deal about buying flowers and going to Russian stores has been; yet the marriage ceremony gets relegated to really not important by all you Russkie-supporting, know-it-alls. All the Russo-centric men out there belittling me for not supporting my wife's culture and heritage for not celebrating some silly, communist holiday, are now singing a different tune. Why? Because getting married in Russia takes guts, sacrifice, money, energy, time and....heart. It was a big struggle for me but I walked my talk. I did it in the way she wanted and served her, her son, mother and other family members and friends. And it was what I wanted too. And immediately after our marriage I helped her phase out her business and prepare to transition to America. I didn't make her face that alone.

Yes, it's easy to "make points" with flowers and candy and suffering through Russian movies, but I didn't build points by marrying in Russia...I built a foundation. Any Tom, ####### or Harry can go K-1, run down to the local JR clerk's office, and go to the beach.

Mox, and Gary, his new Yes Man, suggested that with my CR-1 visa, I can easily dump my wife and ship her back to Russia and, viola, I'm single. They ask, "Who's going to know I got married in Russia?" Typical glib, cavalier thinking from Mox. The first thing is, at some point down the road, I'd have to take an oath or sign legal documents that I'm single or legally divorced if I want to remarry, legally file federal taxes, etc. I would never lie about these matters. I'm honest and I don't want to go to jail. Second, my wife holds a military ID card...a powerful, government document. My wife is in the system. I could only clear her name off the rolls with a legal divorce document. Same same with the VA rolls.

So, only a fool would think I can just dump my wife and I'm free to remarry, or free to continue to collect dependent money for a wife who I dumped and sent packing back to Russia. And then there's that small matter of the green card.

[Cixelsyd 1]

You do realize how retarded this entire thread has sounded don't you?

At best it's been mild entertainment to a very... very boring day.

[visaveteran 1]

You do realize how retarded this entire thread has sounded don't you?

At best it's been mild entertainment to a very... very boring day.

You enjoy reading retarded, do you? Your level of entertainment?

Please, enjoy.

[Cixelsyd 1]

Oh you didn't know.

My bad.

Continue -enlightening- us. We're all taking notes.

[LvivLovers 39]

VV, just so you know. I did the same thing you did, but in Ukraine. Had to make a special trip to Kiev to get documents, get them apostilled, bribe people to do their jobs, etc. This was actually some of the most memorable parts of my adventure that I realy loved, it wasn't some sort of burden or big deal. The thing was, it took both me and my new wife-to-be to get it all done. I couldn't understand a bit of Russian or Ukranian but had a rough idea of the process (which she had no idea about). I got to see how great we worked together as a team...I knew right then from her handling of things with no complaints what kind of woman she was and that we'd always make a great team.

As far as the wedding thing goes...I think in general it's more important to the women than the men. I enjoyed everything quite a bit (my wife and her mother did a fantastic job preparing everything in a short time), but my wife dreamed of this day her whole life. I don't think any less of people that got married in any other way though...every couple has to decide what's right for them.

I don't know if or how many points I got for that...I never really thought about it. But for me, it's not about anything like that...it's just one of my goals in life to make that woman happy EVERY day that I can and I don't mind doing it one bit. There's nothing I love more than to see her happy. She does the same for me constantly. So silly or not, if I can do something that I think she'll enjoy or appreciate I'll do it. Whether it's flowers, watching a movie, celebrating some holiday I never celebrated before (she celebrates USA, Russian, Ukranian, Chinese, etc. btw...never misses anything lol)...it doesn't really matter...I'm game for it.