The science of love and why it's good for our well-being

[one...two...tree 2,762]

By Jessica Pauline Ogilvie

Leave it to science to take all the fun out of something as cosmically pure as love.

Theories about love's purpose range from the biologically practical to the biologically complicated. Anthropologists have said it helps ensure reproduction of the species; attachment theorists maintain it's a byproduct of our relationship with our childhood caregivers. And now researchers are exploring what happens physiologically as a romantic relationship progresses.

The more we understand it, they say, the better our chances of making love last and of harnessing its potential to improve our emotional and physical well-being.

Whatever its reason, there can be little doubt -- even from a scientific standpoint -- about the potent feelings that being in love elicits.

Arthur Aron, a social psychologist at Stony Brook University in New York, has done brain scans on people newly in love and found that after that first magical meeting or perfect first date, a complex system in the brain is activated that is essentially "the same thing that happens when a person takes cocaine."

In one such study, published in 2005, Aron recruited 10 women and seven men who had fallen in love within the last one to 17 months. After taking a brief survey about the relationship (items included statements such as "I melt when looking deeply into ____'s eyes"), participants were put in MRI machines and shown pictures of their beloved, interspersed with pictures of neutral acquaintances. When participants viewed images of their partners, their brains' ventral tegmental area, which houses the reward and motivation systems, was flooded with the chemical dopamine.

"Dopamine is released when you're doing something [highly] pleasurable," like having sex, doing drugs or eating chocolate, says Larry J. Young, a psychiatry professor at the Yerkes National Primate Research Center at Atlanta's Emory University. Activation of this part of the brain is primarily responsible for causing the sometimes bizarre behavior of new couples, which is linked to motivation and achieving goals: excessive energy, losing sleep, euphoric feelings and, occasionally, anxiety and obsession when they're separated from their objet d'amour.

According to Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and author of "Why Him? Why Her?," the smitten party is acting out of a motivation to "win life's greatest prize -- a mating partner for life."

Bonding

After the dopamine surge, research suggests that two key hormones -- oxytocin and vasopressin -- enter the picture, encouraging couples to form emotional bonds.

Oxytocin is released in humans during intimate moments such as prolonged eye contact, hugging and sex. It's also the hormone that causes mothers to bond with their infants. And having been proved to be involved in long-term bonding in prairie voles and, most recently, marmosets, researchers speculate that it plays the same role in humans.

Vasopressin -- also linked to bonding in prairie voles -- has similarly been linked to bonding in men. A 2008 study showed that a certain genetic variation of a vasopressin receptor was correlated with marital infidelity and fear of commitment.

All the chemicals and hormones released in new love help ensure that we mate and stay together long enough to reproduce or form partnerships for the long term. But once they've subsided, what happens?

Until recently, researchers assumed that most couples eventually settle into what's called companionate love: relationships that are more intimate, more committed -- and much less thrilling.

A recent study, however, proved this theory (and years of marriage sitcoms) wrong. Bianca Acevedo, postdoctoral researcher at UC Santa Barbara, looked at brain scans of couples claiming to be madly in love after 20 years of marriage. She and her colleagues found that these fortunate folks had the same neural activity observed in newly in love couples, only without the anxiety or obsession.

Acevedo also discovered something that surprised even her: Based on preliminary surveys, this kind of lasting love appears to be present in approximately 30% of married couples in the U.S.

That doesn't mean, though, that those of us who don't fall squarely into that group should throw in the towel. Researchers believe that we have a lot to learn from these happy couples, if only we're willing to do so.

To begin with, a great deal of research shows that doing novel, exciting things together boosts marital happiness. "Take a class together that you know nothing about," suggests Aron, who has co-written several studies in this area. "See a play, go to a new location, go to a horse race." The release of dopamine during these activities might remind couples of how it felt to fall in love or even be happily misattributed to the experience of being together.

The love upper

Also, says Acevedo, be thoughtful with your partner.

"We know that things like celebrating the positive is important for a relationship's well-being, as well as being supportive when [our partners] need us," she says. Couples that took part in Acevedo's study also resolved conflict smoothly and quickly, were affectionate and communicated openly with their partners, and spent time bettering themselves as well as the relationship.

"And sex!" she adds. "Sex is always good."

These types of intimate, loving interactions between couples are all linked, Acevedo says, to bonding hormones. "There's a connection between being engaged in the relationship -- especially affection, disclosure and intimacy -- and oxytocin." In fact, in one study, couples that had been administered the hormone were better able to calmly mediate conflict and to empathize with a partner.

Thomas Bradbury, a psychology professor at UCLA and co-director of the university's Relationship Institute, says that making beneficial relationship changes isn't as difficult as they may seem.

People -- often men, he says -- "think it's harder than it really is." But the basic idea is simple: to listen and respond in a way that is supportive. "When your partner says, 'I had a funny dream last night,' you say, 'Tell me about it,' " he says. Or, instead of suggesting that your partner quit his or her job because of a difficult boss, he adds, empathize with their struggle. Saying something as straightforward as, "That must be hard when your boss criticizes you," can make all the difference.

As cozy and warm as coupledom feels, its benefits extend even further. Healthy, happy marriages have long been linked to lower mortality rates and better immune functioning and, most recently, lower stress. In satisfied couples, says Acevedo, oxytocin and vasopressin have been shown to activate parts of the brain that are associated with calm, and even pain suppression.

"The way that we interpret those findings," she says, "is that the quality of our relationship bonds has implications for our health."

Most research in the field of love has been done with married, heterosexual couples. Acevedo suggests, however, that couples that have been living together for a long time but are not married may have comparable experiences. "If they're living together and almost like marriages, I would predict that they're highly similar to the married individuals."

Brain chemistry may not be foremost on most people's minds when they meet someone new or schedule a date night with their long-term partner. But keeping the spark alive is more than just fun -- it may be vital. And even for those of us who aren't in love right now, the knowledge may prove useful in the future. After all, says Aron, "[just about] everyone falls in love."

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[Fandango 1,440]

I don't need to read about the science of love to know that my man has made me the happiest I have ever been, and I know I have found my lobster.

awww!

[FortLaudy 10]

I don't need to read about the science of love to know that my man has made me the happiest I have ever been, and I know I have found my lobster.

awww!

I don't know about the lobster part, but ditto to the rest. Love is awesome! I got my hubby to join me in my regular step class today, lol... his first ever... He gave it his best and was pretty good for a beginner and I was sooo proud of him , usually he's out on the machines while I do a class. I know this for sure, couples who play together, stay together, it's so much fun to do everything we can together and it's so awesome to have that partner who supports you and has your back constantly and someone you can rely on and share your concerns/happiness with at the end of the day. Wasn't there too a study that showed that married people live longer? That has to be true too.

[luckytxn 2,265]

Personally I love my wife to death but will never ever join her in some of her nutso doings.

[FortLaudy 10]

Personally I love my wife to death but will never ever join her in some of her nutso doings.

LOL !!! yes, it took me Quite a bit of time to convince my hubby to join that step class, luckily there are always this other couple too that I became friends with and the guy really encouraged my husband so he took the plunge finally, lol... and in the end he actually liked it and says he'll try it again next week. But definetely, there are certain things that he cannot get me to do (watch a whole episode of "Naruto" ####### ever that is) and other things I can't get him to do... it's the trying that gets the brownie points for sure.

[luckytxn 2,265]

LOL !!! yes, it took me Quite a bit of time to convince my hubby to join that step class, luckily there are always this other couple too that I became friends with and the guy really encouraged my husband so he took the plunge finally, lol... and in the end he actually liked it and says he'll try it again next week. But definetely, there are certain things that he cannot get me to do (watch a whole episode of "Naruto" ####### ever that is) and other things I can't get him to do... it's the trying that gets the brownie points for sure.

Oh I will try to do some nutso things just for the brownie points. (Like staying up real late a few months ago so we can be awake when her father who passed away comes to visit us, the one in my avatar) And a few other tings of that nature but some things I have to set my foot down. (Like taking the heated coins and marking the back up in a horrible pattern.) We just have to pick and choose our things that are brownie point doables.

As for her to go with me and shoot off rounds at the range was very cool as I knew she was scared to do so. I forgive her on not continuing to watch sports with me. ( Her disgusted looks at me as she passes through the room I could do without) It is all worthwhile though when she goes fishing with me and even baits her own hook and needs no help to land the fish.

[jundp 191]

I forgive her on not continuing to watch sports with me. ( Her disgusted looks at me as she passes through the room I could do without) It is all worthwhile though when she goes fishing with me and even baits her own hook and needs no help to land the fish.

This is us, but opposite. I've finally gotten my husband to watch American football with me. He's even wearing my team colors today Though he'd rather probably stay home than go to a Superbowl party!

[FortLaudy 10]

Oh I will try to do some nutso things just for the brownie points. (Like staying up real late a few months ago so we can be awake when her father who passed away comes to visit us, the one in my avatar) And a few other tings of that nature but some things I have to set my foot down. (Like taking the heated coins and marking the back up in a horrible pattern.) We just have to pick and choose our things that are brownie point doables.

As for her to go with me and shoot off rounds at the range was very cool as I knew she was scared to do so. I forgive her on not continuing to watch sports with me. ( Her disgusted looks at me as she passes through the room I could do without) It is all worthwhile though when she goes fishing with me and even baits her own hook and needs no help to land the fish.

Aww you guys sound so cute! I love fishing too and the same as your wife, love it, but can't stand putting the bait on or removing the hook, :lol:lol ... husband's are great for such tasks

I would sit out of the heated coin business too for sure, lol