Feel helpless being so far away?

[ScottThuy 140]

Do any of you USC's feel helpless at times when it comes to protecting and caring for your SO while they are still in thier home country without you? I have had a fear for some time that something may happen to Thuy before she gets here and there is nothing I can do to protect her or care for her being so far away. We have gone through a couple of motorbike accidents and then there was the H1N1 ordeal... but all along I have had a fear that someone may break into her home when she is there all alone... worst yet when we are on webcam.... not unfounded, as a couple of guys broke into a house above hers in the building a few months ago and they caught the guys in the area between the gate and the building and the police caught those guys... a fairly common occurance in her neighborhood.

I just returned home from visiting family... I told her to not wait up for me as I would not be back before 12... so we could talk tomorrow instead....around 3AM her time she calls me and says get online... I was curious why she was awake at that hour but of course she said.. becaue I love you so much I could not sleep.. then she went on to tell me that she had put a lock on the outside of her door so her neighbors would think she was away and would leave her alone... They like to come over all of the time and chat... she heard some whispering outside her door and then someone doing something with the lock... she got up and locked the door from the inside and looked through the window to see two men trying to break in her home... they thought she was away at her mothers house as she is almost every weekend... she called the manager and the manager called some hired security guys.. they came over quick and put another lock on the building gate to replace the one the guys had cut.. (locking the burglars in) and then they waited for the police... they guys were hauled away but I am more scared than ever for her as for the next 5 weeks till she gets her interview it will be a constant fear that it could happen again... It is so different in the city and especially some areas of the city at night compared to living in the countryside.

As if being apart isn't bad enough... the worring about her health and safety drives me up a wall some days... am I alone in this feeling? How do others deal with it?

[Anh map 2,098]

My 2 cents: Random things can and do happen anywhere. Sounds like she is a level headed person who avoids trouble.

Don't create any additional stress for yourselves.

[ScottThuy 140]

My 2 cents: Random things can and do happen anywhere. Sounds like she is a level headed person who avoids trouble.

Don't create any additional stress for yourselves.

Thanks Roger.. shes actually only stressed about the needles at the medical...lol..

I am the one that worries all the time.. she tries to avoid trouble but it finds her too often and she lives in a rough area of the city. her job technically ends next week, but they asked her if she would stay on for an extra month to answer phones... I am thinking that it would be safer and more relaxing to just go and chill at her moms until the interview... it would also give them time together before she moves here...

[garfield529 47]

Thanks Roger.. shes actually only stressed about the needles at the medical...lol..

I am the one that worries all the time.. she tries to avoid trouble but it finds her too often and she lives in a rough area of the city. her job technically ends next week, but they asked her if she would stay on for an extra month to answer phones... I am thinking that it would be safer and more relaxing to just go and chill at her moms until the interview... it would also give them time together before she moves here...

I understand your concerns...there have been times that I have been on Skype with Yi and heard fights outside her apartment door. The door would take nothing more than a swift kick to break open. She works evenings with her job sometimes and has a 2 kilometer walk home...and I worry until she gets home. Of course, she has been independent her whole life and as Americans we are very wary of people and the potential harm they can cause. Just because she is in the US won't mean the she is "safe" from any possible problems, but I know that you will feel that you can control the situation better. I hope that you are able to relax your fears and get through the next several weeks and then get her the hell out of there. Good luck, man.

[robertwdalton 0]

Wow! I am so glad that everything worked out OK. Best to try and put this behind you and concentrate on what needs to be done to get your visa...robert

[BinhJerome 14]

I think this is a good topic, it helps let you get your feelings and worries out. I have read many of your posts Scott, and me and you have not seen eye to eye on many of them, and the same goes with my posts. But that was the past, and this is now. There is nothing you can do to stop worrying, accept to fall out of love. Everyone worries, your fiancée seems to live in a really bad area. I think you might have made the same mistake that we made. Binh was teaching at ABC international school. She did not resign a new contract for this year, because we were banking on our strong case, and that she would be here by now. Well as you know it did not happen, Binh had little trouble getting a job with her teaching degree, but it was not as good of a job as she did have. I know you want your fiancée to go with her mother so you feel safer, but what if the bad happens and you get a blue? or the worse case scenario?? Really, it might seem like I have been throwing salt in your wounds the last few posts that I have replied to that you have written. That has not been my intention. I just want you to know that ####### happens and we have no control. As long as you love her, even with H1N1 and the break ins, it will all work out as long as you have faith and love. But the fact of the matter is, you are looking way to far ahead man, look at those that have passed and failed this year. Do you think John was more deserving than Daniel? or vice versa? What about Ly Trinh, and Huong and Phoung? They were married yet they got a denial. It is good for you to want to look ahead and make all the plans possible, and hopefully it will all work out, but there is not guarantee that it will. Like I said, this is just my opinion, and we did the same thing. We KNEW we were going to get the visa, our love was real, we had ample proof, hundreds of photos of both the damn hoi and the trip, hundreds of pages of emails, I made well over 200% more than they required, had my same job for almost 9 years, she was working same teaching job for six years. We did and DO have a strong case, so I had her not sign the new contract, started to make plans for her trip and as you I was going to fly to her POE to surprise her. We had/have the perfect relationship, and guess what, first we get blue, then we get a denial, and now Binh is not working the same job, not making as much money, yes she could have gone back to work, but if you know anything about Vietnamese people, to go back after thinking she was leaving would have been disgraceful. But for us it worked out, I am moving there and I will start teaching earlier than we planned. Just try to calm down man. I know it is hard, it is hard for all of us, but I do strongly recommend if possible for her to answer the phones at least until you get the visa, if she moves to her mothers for your peace of mind, she will have nothing to do but talk with family, maybe get worried, scared, and start to feel lonely. If she has work, she has her daily routine to help her through, and trust me when I say it will all work out, just keep the faith.

Jerome

[Dai. 7]

wow that sucks man... I hope she get the visa so she can leave her harmful situation she is in... but as i feel you are as well prepared as Jim was, I am pretty sure you will get it... The glass is always half full, she will get to live with you in the United States man... I wish you luck....

[BinhJerome 14]

Anyone else have their loved ones house get broken into?

[ScottThuy 140]

Anyone else have their loved ones house get broken into?

I know of someone who was victim of a home invasion there last week and they lost alot of money... a very large sum by US standards... a chemical or gas was used to incapacitate the victims while the house was ransacked.

the economy there is much worse than here and they may be less violent than here but more brazen...

[BinhJerome 14]

I know of someone who was victim of a home invasion there last week and they lost alot of money... a very large sum by US standards... a chemical or gas was used to incapacitate the victims while the house was ransacked.

the economy there is much worse than here and they may be less violent than here but more brazen...

That sucks, I guess I have been lucky, I see all the bars and barbed wire on the gates, but I have never had any problems there or at any of my hotels. One time someone might have tried to steal my laptop, that or they just clipped the bag with their handle bars, don't know which for sure, but Binh has had no problems and neither have I while I was there. Lucky I guess

[Greg_n_Lien 0]

I know EXACTLY what you mean, I worry a lot!!! About 2 months ago Lien was on her way to work when a man on the motorcycle next to her asked for directions to someplace. She did not answer. He then told her she looked nice (GRRRRRRrrrrr) She tried to get away from him. He followed her for about 6 km until she arrive at her work. He kept telling her he just wanted to talk and not to be scared, all the while he was chasing her. NOW I was REALLY worried, he knows where she works!

Lien works nights most the time she does not get off work until 2:00 or 3:00am, She waits many times at work to LEAVE later after the street have cleared. I guess between 12:00am and 3:00am it is a little dangerous to drive alone. One of her co-workers that lives near her (a Man) was driving home when he was accosted by 4 guys on motorcycles. He was not hurt, thank GOD, but they took all his money, which sorry to say for him was about 5 million VND. (why he had so much money on him ??) This was 3 weeks ago.

Lien is smart and stays on safe roads and times her travel but............. you just never know. BAD people in the world

[ScottThuy 140]

I know EXACTLY what you mean, I worry a lot!!! About 2 months ago Lien was on her way to work when a man on the motorcycle next to her asked for directions to someplace. She did not answer. He then told her she looked nice (GRRRRRRrrrrr) She tried to get away from him. He followed her for about 6 km until she arrive at her work. He kept telling her he just wanted to talk and not to be scared, all the while he was chasing her. NOW I was REALLY worried, he knows where she works!

Lien works nights most the time she does not get off work until 2:00 or 3:00am, She waits many times at work to LEAVE later after the street have cleared. I guess between 12:00am and 3:00am it is a little dangerous to drive alone. One of her co-workers that lives near her (a Man) was driving home when he was accosted by 4 guys on motorcycles. He was not hurt, thank GOD, but they took all his money, which sorry to say for him was about 5 million VND. (why he had so much money on him ??) This was 3 weeks ago.

Lien is smart and stays on safe roads and times her travel but............. you just never know. BAD people in the world

5 million? Thuy may have 3 or 4 times that on her at any time.. with the break ins it is safer with her

[Dai. 7]

Vietnam's banking system isn't in the stone ages anymore... Deposit those funds in the bank and carry around an ATM card and withdraw cash whenever you need it.

[Greg_n_Lien 0]

5 million? Thuy may have 3 or 4 times that on her at any time.. with the break ins it is safer with her

YES, but for him that was almost a months worth of Salary ; Kinda sad how low the salaries are there. I know food and many goods are very very cheap but still.......... c'mon pay a little more!!!! Especially when you look at property prices they are very disportionate to wages!!! We are going to try to BUY a house or rebuild Her Mom's house after Lien moves here, then there is the issue of finance. COMMON people do not have the ability to finance anything with a bank there. Should be interesting to find out how that process works down the road.

THANKS

[ScottThuy 140]

Vietnam's banking system isn't in the stone ages anymore... Deposit those funds in the bank and carry around an ATM card and withdraw cash whenever you need it.

she does use banks but most of what she does is in cash...