The Vent - Part Trois

[The_Dude 1,142]

Yea thanks guys. I was just sort of shocked that he even asked. He is a drifter... and I don't for the life of me know how he got into the states because he has many many charges and the last I heard he wasn't allowed to leave Canada... but I didn't really ask a lot of questions... I just said: "This isn't a good idea, sorry bud, can't help you with this one" and that's it.

I haven't seen this guy in 10 years.

So I phoned a mutual friend of ours (one who is doing a lot better in life btw) and let her know, and she said that he was talking about coming down here for a while and told people he had a 'friend' here... that 'friend' being me. That really sort of freaked me out. It really made me think about what the word 'friend' is and what it means to people. Still baffled. Hey at least he doesn't have my address, because I could see the guy showing up at my door unannounced and thinking it's okay.

So strange. What a weird start to the weekend.

I was pretty much "That Guy" for a lot of years. I grew up (sort of) and moved on. I don't think I would ever even fathom what this guy was contemplating. Not only is that rude and inappropriate, but illegal as well. Friendship imbues a lot of privelages, but that certainly is beyond it.

My vent. I sprained my knee severely about 2 years ago. Ever since then, about every 3 months, I will wake up one morning and my knee is sprained again. It's usually minor, but I'm going to have to go to the doctor about this. Sigh.

[darkchilde794 5]

So the witch-in-law is now officially party of the family. Much to my dismay, BIL married her last Saturday. I can't really say if I feel sad or happy about the union, but I must say, I wore a CK sundress with zebra patterns on it, and I looked really good. The hubby thought it too because he lost his train of thought when I walked into the room

The wedding was outdoors at a park stage. It was so, unbelievably hot. I think I lost 5 pounds with the heat and the dancing. They served really simple food (hotdogs, salsa and chips, mac and cheese, chicken kebobs and pies) and it was a super casual wedding, no toasting, no seat plans, no bouquet toss, I think everything my brother-in-law wanted

So now the witch is so happy, she's so nice and kind to my MIL. In fact, she gave my MIL a biiiig hug and thanked her for "everything". She's suddenly my bff, she's sent me more facebook wall messages in the last 2 days than in the past 5 years. She even complimented me on how good I looked at her wedding.

I understand that she is making an effort, but I really cannot help but gag. And worse, my husband's entire family is now telling me that I just need to get over things and start fresh. "I need to forgive and forget, she's totally changed, she's really nice, she was so stressed at the wedding, she is really happy now so it's all over". And worse, I am not the b*tch for wanting to maintain my distance.

I feel really sick to my stomach. Like now, I have to put a tape across my mouth and bite back all of the venomous feelings I have over this b*tch. During the rehearsal, when the witch and her equally witchy friend saw me standing out in the hall, they exchanged snide glances to each other, which of course I caught, before going HIIIIIII to me. Im thinking, god do you think Im blind not to see that, or blind not to see through you?

I know I am just whining and I just need to get over sh*t. Theres far worse in-law relationships out there. And THANK GOD my husband does not believe any of her bullsh*t. I fear I will be writing on this thread for quite some time, now that I cannot vent to anyone about her anymore.

[Sprailenes 47]

I think you should maybe talk to her and let her know how she's made you feel in the past and that you're ready to move on but in order to move on you have to get over the past. If you don't say anything, it will brew inside you forever. It doesn't have to be a battle, maybe go out for lunch and just tell her that in order for you to get over it, you have to discuss how she's made you feel in the past.

There are still things that my husbands grandmother has said, that she has never apologized for or discussed with me and you know what? I can't just get over it. I do tend to think about it when I am around her and yea it hurt like hell.

Some people can get over things, others can't. Just telling someone to "get over it and move on" is easier said than done. Sometimes I wish I would have just called her out when the things happened, because if I brought it up now, I kind of look silly. So if you're going to talk about it, do it soon.

Edited June 7, 2010 by Sprailenes

[darkchilde794 5]

I think I will, eventually, if this new happy, kind and absolutely loving behavior is really genuine. Both my husband and I think that it's the afterglow of the marriage. She was really happy on Saturday, and I think the happiness has runneth over...

But I think once things have settled and she and BIL are back to normal, she might revert back to her old self. A lot of her meanness towards me is due to her unhappiness in her relationship, and I don't think the actual marriage fixed the relationship. And that is what I am really anxious about -- I dont want to make the effort and embrace her when she will be back her old self and turn my BIL against my husband (which she has) and purposely do hurtful things.

Both Peachey and I were discussing her public display of affection towards me and both agree that it could be just for show. If she really, really wants to make amends and start from scratch, then she could start it with, "hey let's meet for coffee and talk about our issues". And not, "oh look at me complimenting you on facebook".

But who knows, maybe she has changed and this is her true self. If after a long time, she is really kind and warm and finally talks to me like I am a human being and not some weird non-white creature that she obsessively tries to compete with, then I am willing to bury the past and move on.

Thank you Sprailenes, I think I finally was able to say what I wanted to say... but have not figured out until your post. And I really mean that.

[Hugglebuggles 60]

For what it's worth, I saw the pictures on facebook and she kinda looks like a witch

[Marilyn. 340]

grr, this has been bugging me for some time...

it really irritates me when people make fun of the big quake that is supposed to hit California and make jokes about California sliding into the ocean etc.. don't they think of all the people that would die if that were to happen??

[Krikit 1,163]

You guys are on Facebook?

[Danu 19]

grr, this has been bugging me for some time...

it really irritates me when people make fun of the big quake that is supposed to hit California and make jokes about California sliding into the ocean etc.. don't they think of all the people that would die if that were to happen??

Me too, I hear jokes about it constantly and its like "yeah real funny, I'm sure you will be so perfect with where you live when I die cuz of some catastrophy....shut up"

[ashenflowers 5]

Yep, I'd be dead too, definitely. Har har. We're between the San Andreas fault and the ocean, just like most of the population in the state (you can see here: http://geology.com/san-andreas-fault/ ). But that's ok, because Danu and I have a plan involving escape boats... right Danu?

[Pauley 2]

You guys are on Facebook?

Is that coming from the "ugh, Facebook" direction, or the "why haven't you friended ME yet?" direction? :-P

[Bern. 3]

Apparently the border patrol where I live has gone crazy.

(CNN) -- A U.S. Border Patrol agent based in El Paso, Texas, shot and killed a 14-year-old boy in Mexico on Monday evening, a Mexican official in Ciudad Juarez said Tuesday.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/06/08/texas.border.patrol.shooting/index.html?eref=igoogle_cnn

[Revenesque 2]

you know the story Sprails, but my best friend ever wanted me to jaunt off to NYC with her when I first moved to the US on my Visa. Like I hadn't even been here a month yet, I had no jobs and no money coming in nad I was kinda beside myself with a little panic and not settled at all. But she was like, let's go to NYC and party and who cares about money and such. I was kinda like, I cannot do it. It was just wrong and i wasnt' ready. Didn't go on the trip and the friendship went down the crapper after that.

I can sympathize Sprails... as you know... it's kind a the same thing, people have to grow up and get out of the me-me-me mentality.

You did the right thing by saying no. You really did.

Agreed.

lgg, your story reminds me of my best friend too, who wanted me to spend $$$ on 5-star hotel in Whistler Ski resort, during peak time for her bachelorette party. This was less than three months after my wedding and I was really tight on cash. I also heard from other gals that they were worried about the money too so I suggested to her a less expensive alternative. Well, that didn't go well at all. She accused me of disloyalty and kicked me off the guest list for her wedding. Needless to say, the friendship suffered after that and ultimately ended six months later.

Very petty.

[Pauley 2]

Apparently the border patrol where I live has gone crazy.

(CNN) -- A U.S. Border Patrol agent based in El Paso, Texas, shot and killed a 14-year-old boy in Mexico on Monday evening, a Mexican official in Ciudad Juarez said Tuesday.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/06/08/texas.border.patrol.shooting/index.html?eref=igoogle_cnn

From the report (bolding mine):

The incident occurred around 6:45 p.m. after an assault on a Border Patrol agent, Simmons said.

I wanna hear more details before I call him crazy. (He may in fact be, but I want to know more first.)

[Bern. 3]

I mainly think it's crazy due because I live there. xD But yeah, they're going to follow up on it.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Started a new Vent thread here: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/259962-the-vent-part-quatre/ as this one is getting pretty big.