Dam Hoi

[lindal24 1]

That seems like a lot...Maybe the 2-3k includes the necklace and bracelet? Is she referring to the solid gold traditional pieces??

[bryonm4 0]

I think it will depend on the CO one person posted his denial for the Dam Hoi and it stated they should have had one with at least 200 people. Personally I think with most CO that no Dam Hoi will hurt you, a small Dam Hoi will not hurt you but will not help you, a big Dam Hoi will help you. If you do it in a decent resteraunt expect to spend between 150$-200$ per table and you want to have at least 10 to 15 tables of 12 people each. I think we had 22 tables but we had a table and a half not filled. Make sure you take many pictures of each table or the many guests. If any of your family shows up for it that will be a big plus.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

All told, we spent a little over $4K, but I'm not exactly sure of the distribution of the cash, and we spent money on things many people might not. The whole affair took about 3 months to plan.

Because we're both older, and neither of us lives with our parents, we didn't have the ceremony at Phuong's mother's home - we had the ceremony at the pagoda of Phuong's Su Phu, or spiritual teacher. There were about 30 people at the pagoda for the ceremony, and costs included breakfast for the Su Phu, Su Thuc, nuns of the pagoda, and all the guests, plus a donation for the pagoda. We also paid for a still and video photography, and for buses to carry the guests from Hue and Thuan An village. We also had our ao dai custom made for the event - I think that was a little over $100 for both. That's them in my avatar.

Our party was a little under $2K for food, drinks, facilities, and service. We rented the "Arica Palm Perfume 1" restaurant at the "Nam Chau Hoi Quan" - a complex of four restaurants in Hue specifically designed for wedding and engagement parties. I don't know the exact number of guests, but I think it was around 120.

http://www.namchauhoiquan.com/

Phuong's dress was custom made, and I think around $200. I bought a tux in the US so I wouldn't have to worry about finding one in VN that fit or could be tailored in the week between when I would arrive and the Dam Hoi. The tux cost $700. That might sound expensive, but it would have cost close to $1000 to rent a tux in the US to take to VN for 2 weeks. Most people only rent a tux for a day or two. We also paid for buses to shuttle guests to and from the restaurant. Again, still and video photographers were hired.

We also hired a makeup artist to come to the hotel very early before the ceremony to work on Phuong, and again in the afternoon before the party. I don't know what we paid for that.

The only thing that sucked was that I paid for a great breakfast at the pagoda and a great dinner at the restaurant, but I didn't get to eat ANY of it! We just wandered from table to table toasting everyone. When we finally finished the toasts at the restaurant I thought we'd get to eat some of the great food, but NO!! The photographer wanted to take us all over the grounds at the Nam Chau Hoi Quan (there are "photo op" scenes every friggin' place) for a lot more pictures. Everytime I heard "Mot, Hai, Ba, GIO!" inside the restaurant it was really hard to smile for the next picture.

BTW, Phuong had some really nice jewelry to go with her dress - a necklace and tierra - but we rented them from the dress shop.

[BinhJerome 14]

We had our dinner at the Van Thanh tourist resort, it cost about $2k, I know you want one at her family home so it will be much cheaper. Have her call around for caterer. My ring cost only $50 and hers was about $35 they are just simple gold bands, The ear rings and necklace instead of bracelet that Binh got were to me simple they were plain gold and dangle a bit The total cost on them was about $400. I will try to get photos for you later before I leave, our photographer cost 3.5 million vnd. He was very professional, and we got two sets of everything, I think 200 plus photos, and a DVD movie over the entire thing as well. If you are wanting to go all out at her family home I would say to have a really nice dinner with a 6 course meal and buying a Ao Dai for the both of you is cheap. Mine cost$ $100 and this was to buy mine, if you rent it is even cheaper, it just really depends on how far you want to go. Jerome

[lindal24 1]

JimVaPhuong - are you sure you guys didn't get married? lol...

Scott - I asked my husband what the typical cost would be and he said $500 is about average, but $2-3K if you're doing it at home should get you enough tables to invite 200-300 people!

Our engagement ceremony was just before our wedding ceremony so we did the whole big wedding reception. But typically, I thought enagement parties were smaller and typically only for close family members to announce their engagement? It sounds like everyone's Engagement Ceremonies were very extravagant!

[toddandhien 2]

Scott, we had ours at Hien's parents' home, which is in a small, rural village. We had about 100 people and the only things we paid outsiders for was tables/tent, a cake, booze and two ao dais (rental). Her sister used my camera for photos and her sister's friend used my video camera. All the village women came and cooked the food. Total cost, just about $1000. For 30 people, I would not expect to spend more than $400-500.

[luckytxn 2,263]

I showed mu wife these high costs and she is shocked. She said something about her whole family could live for a year on the costs of one engagement party. I told her maybe they should start a business.

[ScottThuy 140]

That seems like a lot...Maybe the 2-3k includes the necklace and bracelet? Is she referring to the solid gold traditional pieces??

Linda, That may be... I have many friends in the US that are in the jewelry business and can have anything made, but I had no luck finding pictures of anything traditional... I am leary of buying gold in VN with the cost of gold being up as high as it is, I am affraid the vendor may have cut costs somewhere....

I was under the impression that the wedding party was a little bigger as well... and the Dam Hoi was the family announcing to everyone she is off the market...

Wow Jim... sounds great.... I agree with linda.. sounds like full blown a Dam Cuoi to me.. lol..

Thanks everyone.. this is shedding alot of light to someone that does not know all of these details that are involved in VN culture.. the websites that go into detail are all in VN and I get lost real quick as my vietnamese reading and speaking is still at a first grade level or below...

[luckytxn 2,263]

Scott. The reason they may have the thing is to announce she is off the market but my wifes family treats anything like this as a reason to eat and drink and party with the emphasis on DRINK.

[BinhJerome 14]

That seems like a lot...Maybe the 2-3k includes the necklace and bracelet? Is she referring to the solid gold traditional pieces??

Linda, That may be... I have many friends in the US that are in the jewelry business and can have anything made, but I had no luck finding pictures of anything traditional... I am leary of buying gold in VN with the cost of gold being up as high as it is, I am affraid the vendor may have cut costs somewhere....

I was under the impression that the wedding party was a little bigger as well... and the Dam Hoi was the family announcing to everyone she is off the market...

Wow Jim... sounds great.... I agree with linda.. sounds like full blown a Dam Cuoi to me.. lol..

Thanks everyone.. this is shedding alot of light to someone that does not know all of these details that are involved in VN culture.. the websites that go into detail are all in VN and I get lost real quick as my vietnamese reading and speaking is still at a first grade level or below...

These are the photos, I might have to make 3 or 4 posts as they are huge in size to get best quality. Her mother bought them, so I am assuming they are traditional, Binh does agree to this, you might forward the photos to your fiancee and see if she agrees. Hope you can actually see them. Jerome and Binh

[Dau Que 6]

Let your wife/girlfriend/whatever know/be aware of the current economic situation and ask her to accept a very simple ceremony (with as little money being spent as possible).

Explain to her the money saved should be used for rainy fund for the both of you once she's here in the States. If she loves you and is mature enough, she'll know how to react to your request. What good is a piece of jewelry when you have no food on the table to feed yourselves? Be practical!

My 3.1459©

[BinhJerome 14]

Scott, it would not let me upload on this thread, I posted them and did not pay attention to where they were posted at, they are on the member photos, look under wedding photos, and you will see them there they are on the first page. Binh's mom picked them out and Binh said they are traditional, copy them and show them to your fiancee and make sure if you want, hope you can see them clearly enough. Jerome and Binh

[ScottThuy 140]

I dont think the eaings necklace bracelet she is talking about are the same as you got...

[Dai. 7]

Cheapest thing you can do to satisfy the CO for a dam hoi......... Wedding Crashers!!!

Go to someone else's wedding/Dam hoi and take pictures of yourself mingling with a bunch of people!!

I'm just playing Scott, anyways about jewelry, you can buy traditional dam hoi jewelry for under $200 dollars. Just gotta go to Vietnam buy them at any jewelry store. You just gotta tell them your budget and they can set you up with something someone would giving for a dam hoi. The common folk in Vietnam can't afford much so they do get inexpensive jewelry and get by. I think it is a good idea to have family cook the whole dam hoi meal if you want to spend as little money as possible. You can always trust the hygiene of your family members, it could save your stomach.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Wow Jim... sounds great.... I agree with linda.. sounds like full blown a Dam Cuoi to me.. lol..

You could be right. The ceremony at the pagoda was not the same one I'd witnessed at two other engagement ceremonies that took place in people's homes. It was presided over by the Su Phu, and seemed much more formal and ritualistic, with the monks and nuns chanting, and beating on bells and drums, etc. I think Phuong set up the whole elaborate affair for the benefit of her family.

Any American looking at the pictures and video would probably think they were looking at a wedding, but I was adamant with Phuong that we NOT have a wedding ceremony. She and her family assured me it was not a wedding.

Anyway, there were signs in front and inside the restaurant that said "Le Dinh Hon", including large sparkle gold letters on the back of the stage. The signs really stood out because all of the letters were very ornate, except for the obviously hand carved "J" in "James".