Roadside Bombs become Bridal Bouquets

Artegal · June 23, 2006

Iraqi Insurgents began appearing this week on the streets of Baghdad with bridal bouquets instead of roadside bombs in an apparent new strategy to woo gullible Americans in to petitioning fiancé(e) (K-1) visas. An Iraqi Insurgent we will call "Bobby," because he didn't want his real name known for fear or retribution--stated that after reviewing certain conservative website blogs he and his fellow would be bomb-makers decided to take a different approach to the war against the American Devil. Bobby expressed that now with the implementation of the IMBRA act--and the gullible lovelorn American girls on myspace.com and other web chat sites; that it was only inevitable that Jihaddists would switch to this new strategy of Insurgent Invasion of America by Marriage.

Think of it this way I will be assured that my cute cuddly American she-devil will have a clean criminal record thanks to IMBRA, she will have good credit and can support me as required by the Affidavit of Support, and I will have a SSN, Green Card, and visa that will allow me to travel back and forth and within the USA. Better yet, the old way of invading the USA was to request a student Visa, but with that method it was hard for us Insurgents to keep our GPA up while being constantly hunted by US Special Forces, FBI, and nosy racists Americans. Not to mention how do you fit in terrorist training camps, prayers, and keep down a job as a Taxi driver and interpreter for CNN, and be a full-time student--its much easier to quote some lovely lines from the Koran and John Donne perhaps and woo a lovely naive American girl into my heart.

-–Bobby, an Iraqi Insurgent/Available Bachelor-Suitor

Department of Homeland Security was unavailable for comment.