Trying to Conceive - No Luck

[ktun 0]

I just wondered if anyone else is trying to conceive?

Craig and I have been trying for the last 16 months with no luck. When we were back in England last month I underwent a whole bunch of blood tests, checking hormone levels, had an ultrasound etc. Everything appeared normal. I guess in some ways that is a good thing, but I think deep down we really hoped that they would find something abnormal, something that could be easily fixed and an answer to why it just isn't happening for us. The Dr. said that as nothing appeared to be physically wrong, it could just be stress. However, if we were in England they would refer me to a fertility specialist who would take it from there, do more detailed tests and discuss the possibilities of drugs and/or IVF.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew that I wanted to have children and Craig feels the same. Every month that it doesn't happen I am devastated. I feel like a failure. He had no problems having a daughter with his first wife and now one of our friends is pregnant "Just like that" (her words), just from one night of not using contraception with an alcoholic loser boyfriend who already has 4 other children who are being raised by their grandmother. Dont get me wrong, she wants the baby and I'm happy for her that she's having it, but it just seems so unfair, that she can have it without even trying or even really wanting it to start with, but Craig and I who want a baby so desperately and are trying everything, just can't. I feel that I am being punished for something, I really do. I feel like people around me are gloating, especially his ex-wife, like she has a part of him that I will never have. Our friends and family know that we're trying to have a baby and they keep asking if there is "any news yet." I wish we hadn't told them that we were trying or even that we wanted a baby, because it is getting so hard for me to put on an indifferent face, smile casually and say "no, not yet." When inside my heart is breaking and I just feel like crying.

Well, I guess that is it, sorry for the rant.

Kate

[TracyTN 237]

Aww Kate. I really feel for you. My best friend is going through this. Her dr diagnosed her as having PCOS - poly cystic ovarian syndrome. Have you ever heard of that, or asked your dr if that could be it?

[Reba 2]

don't be sorry, I can relate. Only in my case I KNOW I can't have children, and I know the reason and it can't be fixed.

Was it you I noticed in another thread that you mentioned your husband has diabetes? That can be a contributor on His fertility factor. If you can, have his motility checked. I hate to say it, but if everything checks out ok for you, it very well could be him

There are LOTS of support groups on the internet and in real life available to infertile couples. And there are even organizations in the US that will help out with treatment costs if you choose to go the ART route.

I know how painful infertility can be. I've been dealing with it since I was 21 years old. After a while you begin to accept it, and there are other options.

Here are a couple of links for you to have a look at. Vast amounts of info on the internet. Perhaps there's a group somewhere near you that you could talk to.

http://www.ivfconnections.com/

http://www.theafa.org/index.html

Best of luck to you whatever you decide to do. *hugs*

[springrobin 0]

been trying for about 2 years now. I'm normal, Rich is fine too. Just timing is off I guess. Sucks big time. Have appt. next month with doc. Probably will go on clomid then.

~Robin

[ktun 0]

Aww Kate. I really feel for you. My best friend is going through this. Her dr diagnosed her as having PCOS - poly cystic ovarian syndrome. Have you ever heard of that, or asked your dr if that could be it?

Yes, I've been checked for PCOS and we had hoped that the tests would show that as I was having all the symptoms. but the ultrasound was okay as were the blood tests, so the DR said that it wasn't PCOS.

[Kajikit 65]

I'm sorry you're going through this... I know how it feels - we haven't tried very hard because we already know there's such a low chance of my conceiving that it's not worth the stress, and I decided that I don't want to do the specialist/IVF thing - we're going to wait until we've been married long enough to consider adoption and then re-evaluate our options.

You say 'if you were in England you'd go to a specialist'... if you really want to have a baby don't wait - you've been trying for more than long enough to qualify for further evaluation. It's time to see the specialist. The younger you are when infertility is properly diagnosed, the more chance there is of being able to successfully treat it and make that baby you so dearly want...

Have you tried temperature charting and trying to find your fertile period? Are there any signs that you're ovulating? If you seem to ovulate, how soon afterwards does your period appear? (a very short or long interval is a sign of chemical imbalance that can be very subtle but enough to prevent implantation) Is your cycle regular, short, or very long? You don't have to answer any of these questions, it's just things to think about...

[TracyTN 237]

Aww Kate. I really feel for you. My best friend is going through this. Her dr diagnosed her as having PCOS - poly cystic ovarian syndrome. Have you ever heard of that, or asked your dr if that could be it?

Yes, I've been checked for PCOS and we had hoped that the tests would show that as I was having all the symptoms. but the ultrasound was okay as were the blood tests, so the DR said that it wasn't PCOS.

Ok, I just wanted to be sure. I've seen a lot of people who have never even heard of PCOS. Just wanted to make sure you weren't one of them.

Looks like Reba posted some really good links for you, I hope they are helpful.

Good luck, and all the best to you.

[Kajikit 65]

Aww Kate. I really feel for you. My best friend is going through this. Her dr diagnosed her as having PCOS - poly cystic ovarian syndrome. Have you ever heard of that, or asked your dr if that could be it?

Yes, I've been checked for PCOS and we had hoped that the tests would show that as I was having all the symptoms. but the ultrasound was okay as were the blood tests, so the DR said that it wasn't PCOS.

How thoroughly did they check? How 'normal' were your test results? I have a lot of the symptoms of PCOS and my GP was convinced that I had it, but the specialist disagreed because I was 'within normal limits' so nothing happened... but I still have the symptoms five years later and they're never going to go away. 'Normal' is a very arbitrary thing, and some women can have symptoms when they really have a very small imbalance. Not everyone with PCOS has cysts on their ovaries - it's a typical symptom, not a defining one.

I'd STRONGLY suggest that you visit a noticeboard called soul-cysters and read some of the posts there, and get some useful information. Then decide what you want to do about it... if you jump up and down and make enough fuss, eventually someone's going to listen and you might get some help.

[jelti 0]

Kate, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It must be so difficult.

I recommend you pick up a copy of Toni Weschler's "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". It explains the Fertility Awareness Method in great detail, and has changed the lives of many couples.

Good luck, and although it may be hard, try to keep faith.

[Jaylen Brit 0]

Get your hubby checked as its more 'usual' to have lazy sperm than super fast swimmers than people realise. Hopefully he already has the cool showers and wears loose pants and roomy boxers.. this all helps give them lil' tadpoles a better viability rate

Also, and I know this is easy for me to say, but try and stop 'actively' trying - have sex when you want not cos its a good time, cos stress over not conceiving is the BEST contraceptive in the world.

I wish you both luck

[Shari 6]

I had a little bit of trouble back 16 years ago getting pregnant after a miscarriage the year before and my gynecologist first had me buy of those thermometers (can't even remember the name anymore, might be "basal") to chart my body temperature every morning. I did this for one month and brought my results back. He said I was ovluating at the wrong time and at the way I was, I couldn't get pregnant, so he told me to get my cycle regulated he was putting me on a low-dose fertility pill - Clomid. He said if there was a family history of twins on MY side of the family, the Clomid would double the chance of me having twins (there is no history of twins on my side). Well, I was on it for ONE month and missed my period. At my visit I was verified as being pregnant. At my 8 week visit he did an ultrasound and guess what - TWINS. I have boy/girl twins now 14 year old and wonderful, but anyhow, it could be as simple as your ovluation cycle being off. Since back then I know they make ovluation kits as they do pregnancy kits so you can test yourself. Good luck.

[ktun 0]

Thank you for all the support guys, it does help.

As far as my test results went: Apparantly there were about 4 cysts on my ovaries, but the Dr who perfomed the ultrasound said that a diagnosis of PCOS could not be made until there were more than 6 cysts. She seemed to make it sound like there should be cysts there as if there weren't any that would mean that I wasn't ovulating. The hormone blood tests were all within the 'normal range' I have them written down somewhere, but I dont know how normal they are within the normal range. I will try to look that up.

If we were in England we'd go to a specialist because it would be on the NHS, I dont have health insurance here, and we can't afford it. I would seriously consider moving back to England just for this. I have tried taking the Basal Body Temps and the Ovulation Predictor Kits and the temps and OPTs look okay. I was having very irregular periods ranging from 21 days to 38 day cycles, but now seem to be settling back to 28-30 days which is more normal for me. The Dr did a Progesterone test on day 21 as well as FSH, Testosterone etc on day 3. The Progesterone test seemed to indicate that I was ovulating. However she did say that she would consider putting me on Clomid.

Thank you Reba for the links, I will look at them later today. And everyone else for the kind words. We've stopped timing sex now and just do it whenever, I've stopped putting pillows under my hips afterwards and I try to tell myself that we're not really trying anymore, just letting nature take its course, but I can't help but get anxious and shaky the week before my period is due. It still goes through my mind, "maybe this time"......you know?

Oh, and we are doing the motility test this month

[Bootylicious!! 2]

We've been trying to get pregnant for 2 years now. Well, basically, I had a miscarriage in Oct of 2004 and we have been trying since then with no luck. We just recently went to a fertility specialist. The first appt. they did blood tests to check my thyroid and hormone levels. All of those were normal so they did an HSG test. They inject dye into your tubes to see if they are open. Well, mine were blocked. The dr. unblocked them and said we should get pregnant in the next couple of months. You should probably have an HSG test done just in case. It seems to be a pretty common thing for tubes to be blocked. There were 3 other women there having the same test done on the day I went. So, the dr. told us to try for two months and if we don't get pregnant to call him back and he would try something else. Now, we are just waiting to see what happens.

I hope you find something out soon. I know how upsetting it can be every month. The anticipation and the let down. It's so stressful. Which isn't good for you either because that can cause infertility issues also. Just try to relax and enjoy the moment. I'll be rooting for you.

[JanaknJanet 0]

Hi.. as a Acupuncturist and Practitioner of Oriental Medicine.. I have to also be a advocate for this treatment for pregnancy.

The Garden of Fertility Acupuncture treatment part of this link is a connection to the Acupuncture today newspaper.. go to search.. or ask a practitioner... there is alot of information out there.

A Natural, Comprehensive Program for Resolving Infertility

This site has alot of very good information down the bottom of the page for self help. I am sure you have read alot on this matter but sometime additional or different perspectives help..

I wish you both all the best with your pregnancy plans.. .. dont close off opportunities... look at all options...

[Reba 2]

You're very welcome Kate. If you need any information, help or encouragement, those sites are great. And I can maybe help as well, as I was diagnosed 18 years ago so I know a bit about it

There are fertility clinics that can arrange financial help as well. I know cost is a major issue, but there is help. I know how devestating it can be, but I also know how wonderful it can be (thru friends of course) when you finally are successful and take home a baby