Political Humour

[Kathryn41 3,207]

Humor from the NYTimes readers:

How bad must the G.O.P. feel right about now? It portrayed Obama as a socialist, a communist, a Muslin, and a friend of terrorists, and the majority of American voters said, “Y’know, we’re O.K. with that, as long as he’s not a Republican.” – Jerry Smith

Barney, the White House dog, bit a Reuters reporter. Bush and the rest of the White house staff were mad at Barney; he was supposed to bite Keith Olbermann.

George Bush is scheduled to pardon a turkey next week, and today Ted Stevens was overheard saying “gobble gobble, gobble gobble.” – Pedro Bartes

A recent poll says 64 percent of Republicans want Sarah Palin to run in 2012. And another poll found that 100 percent of comedians also want her to run. – Charlie

Sam Perry has become a celebrity after Oprah cried on his shoulder Tuesday night and the pictures went out on worldwide television. Just as well that the scene was televised. Can you imagine coming home? “Yes, honey, it’s makeup, but it’s not what you think … Really, it was Oprah.”

A recent poll said 64 percent of Republicans want Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012. And presumably about 100 percent of Democrats. – Janice Hough, Palo Alto, Calif.

According to a study in the online journal PLoS ONE, children who play a musical instrument for at least three years have better verbal ability than children with no music training. That’s because they hear their parents using a wide range of words to tell them to play softer. – Paul Seaburn, Spring, Texas

A woman jogging in Arizona was attacked by a rabid fox and ran a mile with it clamped on her arm. She ran that last mile doing the “fox trot.” – Doug

And from Jay Leno:

And political analysts are saying today that Barack Obama’s win was unprecedented. Which again confused President Bush. He said, “Unprecedented? You mean, he didn’t win? He got unpresidented?”

Barack Obama is now gonna receive the daily White House intelligence briefing on things like, you know, security and terrorism, stuff like that. It’s the same briefing President Bush gets every day, but without the pictures and the color by numbers.

said on NPR:

While the US is celebrating Obama's election, political comedians are lamenting. After 8 years of a feast they are wondering how they will survive the next 4 years of famine.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Some of those are really good.

[dalegg 143]

> A Japanese doctor says, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we

> can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out

> looking for work in 6 weeks.'

>

> A German doctor says, 'That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one

> person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four

> weeks.'

>

> A British doctor says, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we

> can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another and have both

> of them out looking for work in two weeks.'

>

> The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, 'You guys are way

> behind. We are about to take a Muslim with no brains, put him in the

> White House, and then half the country will be out looking for work in

> one week.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

> A Japanese doctor says, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we

> can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out

> looking for work in 6 weeks.'

>

> A German doctor says, 'That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one

> person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four

> weeks.'

>

> A British doctor says, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we

> can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another and have both

> of them out looking for work in two weeks.'

>

> The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, 'You guys are way

> behind. We took a shrub with no brains, put him in the

> White House, and now millions of Americans are out looking for work.

...alternate ending.

[dalegg 143]

> A Japanese doctor says, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we

> can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out

> looking for work in 6 weeks.'

>

> A German doctor says, 'That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one

> person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four

> weeks.'

>

> A British doctor says, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we

> can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another and have both

> of them out looking for work in two weeks.'

>

> The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, 'You guys are way

> behind. We took a shrub with no brains, put him in the

> White House, and now millions of Americans are out looking for work.

...alternate ending.

Had a feeling you wouldn't like that.

[rebeccajo 14]

Who fixed the "Muslim" bit?

[dalegg 143]

Who fixed the "Muslim" bit?

Steven did.