How To Get An Interview At Dakar Embassy???

[Leedah 22]

ya know, i've done that before. So now he knows.

Anyway, I've decided to just keep away and pray about the whole situation for two weeks. I always believe that a clear decision can always be made when your thoughts are focused only on your creator and you have a clear mind.

I'll let you all know what happens.

Leedah

[WonTanNara 0]

How are things going Leedah?

When I was reading your earlier posts about your husband procrastinating and not getting out to print the email you sent to him, my first thought was "Welcome to life with a West African!" My fiance and I now openly joke about "African time."

I don't know about Gambians, but I know from experience that some Guineans and Senegalese can say horrible stuff that they really do not mean when they are stressed out or angry. I've experienced it not only with my fiance but with several of my friends who are W. Africans.

When my fiance was doing all the work required on his end, it was incredibly overwhelming for him. He just snapped when he had to travel to Dakar and get his medical exam by himself. He at one point told me if I didn't get on a plane and come help him RIGHT NOW that he was putting all his clothes in his suitcase, going back to Guinea, and we were DONE. I was due to arrive in 3 weeks from that time for his interview. I was devastated! I immediately called my best friend whose husband is also Guinean and begged for their help. They called my fiance and 10 minutes later called me saying it was not serious. I did not hear from my fiance until the next day but he apologized and now we are closer than ever. I've learned to not take him seriously when he's tired or hungry, and he's learning to not say stuff he doesn't mean.

Leaving one's home for a far away land can be a really frightening experience! Add to that all the complications of immigration and it's enough to test any relationship. I try to remember that my fiance has made just as many sacrifices as I have during this journey.

Anyway, I really hope that your husband didn't mean it. Maybe he's feeling really overwhelmed and afraid too...? I wish you the best!

[WonTanNara 0]

How are things going Leedah?

When I was reading your earlier posts about your husband procrastinating and not getting out to print the email you sent to him, my first thought was "Welcome to life with a West African!" My fiance and I now openly joke about "African time."

I don't know about Gambians, but I know from experience that some Guineans and Senegalese can say horrible stuff that they really do not mean when they are stressed out or angry. I've experienced it not only with my fiance but with several of my friends who are W. Africans.

When my fiance was doing all the work required on his end, it was incredibly overwhelming for him. He just snapped when he had to travel to Dakar and get his medical exam by himself. He at one point told me if I didn't get on a plane and come help him RIGHT NOW that he was putting all his clothes in his suitcase, going back to Guinea, and we were DONE. I was due to arrive in 3 weeks from that time for his interview. I was devastated! I immediately called my best friend whose husband is also Guinean and begged for their help. They called my fiance and 10 minutes later called me saying it was not serious. I did not hear from my fiance until the next day but he apologized and now we are closer than ever. I've learned to not take him seriously when he's tired or hungry, and he's learning to not say stuff he doesn't mean.

Leaving one's home for a far away land can be a really frightening experience! Add to that all the complications of immigration and it's enough to test any relationship. I try to remember that my fiance has made just as many sacrifices as I have during this journey.

Anyway, I really hope that your husband didn't mean it. Maybe he's feeling really overwhelmed and afraid too...? I wish you the best!

I should say this, I don't mean to generalize... there are plenty of Americans who say crappy stuff when they are mad too but I just find it to be so much more intense with the W. Africans in my life. That intensity of life is what drew me to Guinea and my fiance in first place!

[Leedah 22]

i'm back again.

WonTanNara, thanks for the great advice. It appears that my husband is indeed VERY afraid to come here, yet wants to be me. huh??

He explained that he was upset due to traveling to Dakar for the interview and not understanding why everyone else in line was getting to go with their spouses and he couldn't.

Well, after talking to his relatives (he's staying with distant relatives while waiting on the 2nd interview date), they told me in confidence that he has been walking around looking like a lost puppy.

I wonder why Africans are so temperamental? I mean, i'm african-american,...and our gene pool couldn't be THAT way off.

Anyway, after I told him that he could come here and stay with his cousin for a month to get adjusted first, he nearly lost his mind saying "You're my wife, ..why you trying to dump me off on somebody else?". lol, Africans are EXTREME. Here I was thinking that since i'm his first wife, first woman, first love, ....heck first everything,...i just thought he would feel more comfortable being with his folks when first arriving and just coming to me once he had acclimated that first week or so. Not trying to "dump him"...just keep peace. He said he was more comfortable being in my face in our house up in my armpit. Yes, he has a strange way with words. hahahaha.

Anyway, a new appointment date is set for Nov.18, 2008.

Hope he doesn't get crazy again before then. I am seriously thinking about putting him on meds, but my friends say that its just the culture of african men. Anyone have any comments on that?

[Leedah 22]

i meant be WITH ME,...not "be me". hahaha

[ForeverAmen 0]

Hello Leedah,

I'm not sure if its indeed the 'culture' of African men, or him as an individual. In either case, I just want to say that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope you are granted your desires.

Boaz

[Ta Ta 1]

i'm back again.

WonTanNara, thanks for the great advice. It appears that my husband is indeed VERY afraid to come here, yet wants to be me. huh??

He explained that he was upset due to traveling to Dakar for the interview and not understanding why everyone else in line was getting to go with their spouses and he couldn't.

Well, after talking to his relatives (he's staying with distant relatives while waiting on the 2nd interview date), they told me in confidence that he has been walking around looking like a lost puppy.

I wonder why Africans are so temperamental? I mean, i'm african-american,...and our gene pool couldn't be THAT way off.

Anyway, after I told him that he could come here and stay with his cousin for a month to get adjusted first, he nearly lost his mind saying "You're my wife, ..why you trying to dump me off on somebody else?". lol, Africans are EXTREME. Here I was thinking that since i'm his first wife, first woman, first love, ....heck first everything,...i just thought he would feel more comfortable being with his folks when first arriving and just coming to me once he had acclimated that first week or so. Not trying to "dump him"...just keep peace. He said he was more comfortable being in my face in our house up in my armpit. Yes, he has a strange way with words. hahahaha.

Anyway, a new appointment date is set for Nov.18, 2008.

Hope he doesn't get crazy again before then. I am seriously thinking about putting him on meds, but my friends say that its just the culture of african men. Anyone have any comments on that?

That would take a whole new thread in itself especially after yesterday and today.......I feel like I am in the twilight zone.

Maybe it's the full moon !

[Leedah 22]

Omoba, why are you in the twilight zone?

[Ta Ta 1]

Cultural hissy fits would best describe it.

[Leedah 22]

hahaha, I totally understand that.

[WonTanNara 0]

Cultural hissy fits would best describe it.

Omoba you make me laugh!

We all have our hissy fits, I think the difference is that I find Africans to be much more open about their hissy fits. Nothin' to do with genes, it's just the way they are raised. We have hissy fits too but we usually b1tch to somebody else about it, no? I'm sitting here laughhing because it's one of the things I love about my fiance but at the same time drives me nuts. I love his Guinean fire and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Leedah, I'm really happy to hear your husband has a second interview and is not giving up. My fiance is feeling the same thing, all these people are getting visas and he's had to wait seven months for security clearance. It's tough on all of us. You can probably count on your husband having another hissy fit hee hee. He don't need no stinkin' meds. When he starts getting upset, just let him go with it. Let him say whatever he needs to say and just take it with a grain of salt. Sometimes that's tough to do. Believe me, I am very sensitive and it was no easy feat for me to let him rant and just smile and nod. When you have the time to sit down face to face and you're both in a really good mood, just ask him to try to be more aware of what he says to you because sometimes it hurts. I did that with my fiance and I can't believe the difference in him. My willingness to just let him rant and not give him ####### in return has in turn made him a lot more willing to watch what he says to me. We still have our hissy fits, but we've found ways to make each other laugh when it happens and it's usually over very quickly.

Bringing a spouse or fiance here is so hard for us, and it's even harder when they get here because we have to teach them so much. On the other hand, don't ever lose sight of how difficult this is for them, too. It's total culture shock. Add to that the typical gender issues; they feel like their manhood is compromised because we are the ones taking care of them. It's overwhelming, I'm sure.

I've said this before, patience is key... getting the visa is just the beginning.

[Ta Ta 1]

Can you imagine my German genes and his Sierra Leone genes We get pretty heated at times but thank God we apologize

to each other when wrong.

[WonTanNara 0]

Can you imagine my German genes and his Sierra Leone genes We get pretty heated at times but thank God we apologize

to each other when wrong.

Yeah but German genes and Sierra Leone genes (and Irish genes and Guinean genes) make beautiful babies!

[Leedah 22]

hey ladies.

I'm finally back. Been working alot these past few days.

How is everyone?