Please help me make my fiancee feel more at home

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Hey folks,

I hear a lot of familar things in what you're all saying about your situations. Thankfully I think the hardest part is behind us. The next time she'll coming here will be from Kitchener with all her stuff and her caR. I'm SOOOOO glad she'll be having her car. It was pretty tough on both of us for the three months of her last visit when she depended on me for nearly all of her transportation. It turns out the buses here aren't as good as we once thought. Now she'll be able to get out on her own to explore our little corner of the world and do all the things she wants to do without feeling guilty about keeping me out and about after work.

I don't want to put a damper on things. I'm from Kitchener as well and pretty much lived there all my life before I moved here. K-W is a lot different than Georgia. I had my car with me but I still had no clue how to get to places. It took me awhile to get situation even with a vehicle.

You will find things will only settle once she is able to work.

Heh heh. I still remember calling my husband at work from somewhere in Florida because I was lost. It was pitiful.

He: Where are you?

Me: I don't know.

He: Look around you. What's the name of the street you're on?

Me: I don't know. But there's a big tree to my left, and a grey building to my right.

He: *sigh*

Me:

Hehehehehe - oh I so remember this! So many of the above posts relate to my experience as well. I was fortunate that we bought a car for me the week after I moved here and that I had my cats with me - it helped make things feel more like home. I spent a lot of time out 'driving' and building up my courage for new places along with my familiarity. I can't remember how many times I got lost - and that was looking at the map. What really threw me is that I totally lost my sense of direction. I couldn't sort out what was north, south, east or west anymore and I constantly got turned around. Georgia has many roads that follow the topography of the land and we are in the piedmont area of the Appalachians so topography is not flat. Kitchener-Waterloo is pretty flat and roads are laid out in grids. Provide her with a gas card, a good road map and a cell phone so she can explore on her own and then call you for help - or call AAA. Get her SSN within 2 weeks of arrival - don't wait until after marriage so that you can have the name correct - change the name later. Make sure you apply quickly for the AOS after marriage because she will need her EAD or her green card in order to get a Georgia Driving License. She should be able to use her Canadian license for a while but technically, she is supposed to get a Georgia License within 30 days - but they won't give it to her with a 90 day I-94 which is what she will have when she arrives.

Where in the Atlanta area are you? There are a number of us Canadian transplans in the area and it is past time for us all to get together for a visit some time:-). I am south of Atlanta proper in Stockbridge and I know there are other Canadians close by to me as well.

Other things I found useful was being able to read my Canadian daily paper on line and checkin with back home. I also signed up for Connect2Canada through the Canadian Consulate in Atlanta's website. You may want to check that out for her as they will als o keep her informed on Canadian-themed events in the Atlanta area.

She is going to enjoy winter here in the South - Kitchener-waterloo area enjoys a good Canadian winter. Allow her to be a little bit smug when you complain about it being cold and she is trying to decide whether to wear a sweater or not outside:-).

It will take her some time to acclimatize. It is the little things that you tend to notice are different - the brands you can't find, the packaging, the TV shows, things like that. Being confined to home and having to be a housewife is definitely a challenge after having an independent working career, but again she may enjoy doing that for a short time as well. Allow her to set her pace for what she wants to do, and definitely try to get out and about and visit some of those local attractions you have always meant to see but haven't made it to yet. Now is the time for you to start building your life together here in the same city at the same time. She will find her preferred stores and salons and things eventually, but for a while expect her to feel overwhelmed and bored all at the same time.

Introduce her to this forum if she isn't already a member. Sometimes just being able to chat with another Canadian in the same situation helps us to feel more comfortable.

[ChloroPhil 0]

Krikit,

You made me fall out of my chair with that last comment about directions. Catherine has the *worst* sense of direction of anyone I've ever met!

Kathryn41,

I'm in Smyrna, just off 285 on the northwest side of town. I'm sure she'd LOVE to get together with other folks in the area. That would make her day. I forsee having two Thanksgiving celebrations again...what a wonderful thing!

Allow her to be a little bit smug when you complain about it being cold and she is trying to decide whether to wear a sweater or not outside:-).

HAHA, I'm the one who makes fun of her about being cold. I went to university and taught in the mountains of New Hampshire after I graduated. After moving here I've refused to let my blood thin too much. My poor love has been living with her family in Bermuda for the past two years and starts complaining about being cold when it gets around 60. It's a good thing I'm a heating blanket.

Even though she had to move back to Bermuda (I can't ever be sure which country's "home" for her; Canada or Bermuda, they both are to some degree) for some pretty unhappy reasons her time there was also a blessing in disguise. I'm sure the adjustment of moving here directly from Canada would have been much harder for her than it will be now that she's been away from all her friends and former life for a few years. Also, with both of us being avid online gamers she's had a familiar community of people to fall back on when she's needed some additional support and familiarity.

I think the hardest thing for her is going to be adjusting to the American, and specifically the Southern American, mindset. She's a fairly liberal girl and the way some things are done and general attitudes on other things run counter to her nature and thoughts about how things should be. I'm very happy to have found a link to other ex-pats here in the Atlanta area. When she gets here we'll definitely have to get together!

Introduce her to this forum if she isn't already a member. Sometimes just being able to chat with another Canadian in the same situation helps us to feel more comfortable.

She's the one who introduced me to VJ and got me reading this particular sub-forum. Her username's BermyCat.

Cheers,

Phil

[Galateia 1]

think the hardest thing for her is going to be adjusting to the American, and specifically the Southern American, mindset. She's a fairly liberal girl and the way some things are done and general attitudes on other things run counter to her nature and thoughts about how things should be.

Ooo, dang. That's going to be a shocker.

Let her know that if she ever wants to indulge in a completely un-PC rant about this, she's got a sympathetic ear in me. I occasionally have to call up Canadian friends and spew a bunch of anti-American bile that has built up to toxic levels, but they can't really empathize as they aren't living down here.

[Emancipation 2]

think the hardest thing for her is going to be adjusting to the American, and specifically the Southern American, mindset. She's a fairly liberal girl and the way some things are done and general attitudes on other things run counter to her nature and thoughts about how things should be.

Ooo, dang. That's going to be a shocker.

Let her know that if she ever wants to indulge in a completely un-PC rant about this, she's got a sympathetic ear in me. I occasionally have to call up Canadian friends and spew a bunch of anti-American bile that has built up to toxic levels, but they can't really empathize as they aren't living down here.

I'm glad I'm not the only one!!!

[ChloroPhil 0]

I'll do that. She's really upset me with some of her insight into how the US sucks at times.

[Galateia 1]

I'll do that. She's really upset me with some of her insight into how the US sucks at times.

That's why I can't talk about it with my guy either. It upsets him too much. I was quite anti-US before I met him and you can imagine how much my opinion has 'improved' during the immigration process and then moving to Please That Gun Out Of Your Truck And Just Shoot Me Now, Texas. It's gotten to the point where I refuse to watch anything to do with the election and will go to another room when coverage of it is on.

I think aside from nailing things that he'd rather not think about in order to remain positive, it also makes him feel miserable for being the reason I endure being somewhere I don't want to be. I've told him that I'd rather be here with him than anywhere else without him, but he sees how much rage, resentment, disgust, and incredulity I have towards his country and remains guilty that I gave up everything to be in it for his sake.

[Caladan 19]

On the directions point: we added C. to my cell phone plan as soon as we could, and bought the Navigator software (Verizon's GPS-like maps program) for his line. This meant that he could decide that he wanted to go out to shop or tool around or whatever without getting lost. It also helped because the software would allow him to put in the name of a store and it would map the route from where he was to the store.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Hehehehe well, getting lost might have been a problem for the first year to a few months for me, but NOW I am the main driver because I know the back roads like the back of my hands while my husband is more familiar with the interstate system.

[mwinburn 0]

Kathryn41 is spot on about getting a license in GA. Do not delay on the SSN just to get it in her married name. She will just need that much longer to get her license.

We're currently waiting on the DMV to verify her via SAVE or SAFE or some other new government program designed to keep out the dirty terrorists of Canada... (extreme sarcasm there if it's not obvious). Apparently just having a green card is not proof enough that you are allowed to be here. Maybe the DMV just doesn't trust the DHS

Sadly, she is not going to be able to drive by the wedding, so my sister in law has volunteered to be her chaffeur. But I still have much hate for the DMV.

Smyrna huh? You are pretty close to us. We live in Sandy Springs. We were originally going to have a Canadian Thanksgiving this month, but the wedding is taking all of our energy. We will probably just have the American one this year and try to make up for it by pigging out in Vegas on our honeymoon

[ChloroPhil 0]

I'll do that. She's really upset me with some of her insight into how the US sucks at times.

That's why I can't talk about it with my guy either. It upsets him too much. I was quite anti-US before I met him and you can imagine how much my opinion has 'improved' during the immigration process and then moving to Please That Gun Out Of Your Truck And Just Shoot Me Now, Texas. It's gotten to the point where I refuse to watch anything to do with the election and will go to another room when coverage of it is on.

I think aside from nailing things that he'd rather not think about in order to remain positive, it also makes him feel miserable for being the reason I endure being somewhere I don't want to be. I've told him that I'd rather be here with him than anywhere else without him, but he sees how much rage, resentment, disgust, and incredulity I have towards his country and remains guilty that I gave up everything to be in it for his sake.

You hit the nail right on the head.

[ChloroPhil 0]

Kathryn41 is spot on about getting a license in GA. Do not delay on the SSN just to get it in her married name. She will just need that much longer to get her license.

We're currently waiting on the DMV to verify her via SAVE or SAFE or some other new government program designed to keep out the dirty terrorists of Canada... (extreme sarcasm there if it's not obvious). Apparently just having a green card is not proof enough that you are allowed to be here. Maybe the DMV just doesn't trust the DHS

Sadly, she is not going to be able to drive by the wedding, so my sister in law has volunteered to be her chaffeur. But I still have much hate for the DMV.

Smyrna huh? You are pretty close to us. We live in Sandy Springs. We were originally going to have a Canadian Thanksgiving this month, but the wedding is taking all of our energy. We will probably just have the American one this year and try to make up for it by pigging out in Vegas on our honeymoon

Canadian Thanksgiving's coming up pretty soon, is it not? I might be convinced to deal with the hassle of cooking of y'all would come and eat the food. What's the actual date of Tday?

[xtinab 0]

Wow! Reading all this made me feel sooo much better! We're back and forth from Toronto quite a bit, but for the most part Ive been staying in Columbus. It was really hard to go from having 24 hour transportation at my door to their system...If theres anything I felt I lost most, it was my independence. Not being able to go where I want when I want, not having a job and making my own money to do things. My other half hooked me up with a friend of his who was looking for a babysitter during the week, so I've picked that up, however my social life now consists of my bf, and a 2 year old. Love her to bits, but the homesick bug definitely bites!

[xtinab 0]

Id like to add my agreement with Galateia as well. Try and try as I might to convince him Im happy her with him, He knows theres a lot I miss about back home!

And My parents are off sometimes, but theyre having thanksgiving this Sunday coming up

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Canadian Thanksgiving's coming up pretty soon, is it not? I might be convinced to deal with the hassle of cooking of y'all would come and eat the food. What's the actual date of Tday?

Canadian Thanksgiving is this coming Monday - October 13th - Columbus Day in the US.