keep a visa for your spouse’s country in your passport at all times

[Asha+Joy=Love 0]

I hope I’m putting this in the most helpful place, please do move it if I have misjudged.

My husband came to the US from India on a K1 in February 2007, and we legally married that March. He now has his conditional green card and has traveled back to Delhi for a family wedding in January 2008. I did not go with him. I do not currently have a visa to travel to India because we have been trying to save money for our Hindu wedding, and we cut corners wherever we can. It was also a concern at the time that it might not be appropriate for me to join him because our US marriage is only a civil/legal one. We will not really be considered husband and wife by his family until we have the Hindu ceremony back in India and register the marriage there.

A few months ago, we managed to save enough money and announced to his family that we will have the Hindu marriage early next year. We planned to apply for a 10 year multiple entry visa in time for me to use it for that trip. But now something awful has happened. His brother died suddenly, and my husband needed to return to India immediately to take part in his funeral. Financial concerns are out the window, he needs this for his mental health. And I needed to go with him. His family will accept me now that they know we will marry properly in a few months, they may even expect me to be there and be hurt by my absence. But there was no time to arrange a visa, so he had to go alone. The thought of him traveling around the world and back with a hole in his heart, alone, grieving his brother without me to comfort him, is excruciatingly painful.

I want to advise everyone to keep a current visa for your spouse’s home country in your passport at all times. A few dollars and some paperwork can save so much pain. I don’t want something like this to happen to anyone else. Please learn from our mistake.

[VivaBaños 2]

I'm sorry you both are in this terrible situation. My thoughts are with you...

[Nikita2Charles 32]

I am sorry to hear that, Our sincere condoleances.

[justashooter 430]

agreed that visas to india are a good deal and valid for a long time. i have a 10 year business via that was about $150.

visas for some other countries can be much more expensive, and of much shorter duration. china, in particular - my current 2 year business visa expires in november. hopefully the olympic security concerns will not affect visas issued thereafter. getting a visitor's or business for any reasonable length validity or duration of stay after april was next to impossible.

[Saddle Bronc 124]

Lots of US temples (including the one in Pittsburgh) will do Hindu marriages.

[Asha+Joy=Love 0]

nikita2charles and vivabanos,

I want to thank you both for your good-heartedness in taking the time to be kind. The only people I know who have a spouse who moved countries to be with them are on this board, and having such good people for peers is a tremendous comfort. Your compassion touched me deeply. I’m late in letting you know because I ended up joining Joy in India, and I will start a new topic to talk about the cross-cultural experience of the situation and funeral.

Cherryxs,

I am Neopagan, Joy is agnostic, and our civil ceremony means we are married. The Hindu wedding is motivated only by social reasons: we are throwing it as a gift for his parents. The guest list and all other decisions are theirs to make. We love them and want to give them their dream of having that beautiful ceremony for all their family and friends in India, before we give them a couple of beautiful grandkids. Nonetheless, it is faintly possible that Joy may find it vaguely interesting that you are an avid advocate for the lovely Hindu temples in the US once we run out of heart wrenching conversations about the sadness and trauma of his brother's young life cut short.

Justashooter,

you’re right about the India ten year visa being a good deal, and not difficult to get. They looked at my two prior 6 month visas and the information that my in-laws live in New Delhi, and said "OK, pick it up in 5 hours". The consulate in San Francisco has visas outsourced to an office that is open every workday. You can drop off your papers in the AM and pick up the visa in the afternoon. Or, send them in and they mail it back it in about 1 week. Even if it were a lot more difficult, knowing what I do now, I would do just about anything to keep a visa in a passport for emergency family situations.

[Imua 0]

In NYC you can get same-day visa processing at the India embassy - doesn't help you, I know, but maybe useful for others...

Would an engagement ceremony be enough for your wife/fiancee's family to accept you living together? My husband and I had a small engagement ceremony at his house where we exchanged rings and received tikka and blessings from his family and had a party, that was the first night that it was 'kosher' for us to be together even though we were not officially married yet. After our engagement until our wedding at the temple we basically lived as husband and wife though we stayed in a hotel. We joke that we have had three honeymoons - one after our engagement, one after our temple marriage and one after court marriage - when we have another ceremony or blessing here with my family and friends we will probably take another...

[Imua 0]

Lots of US temples (including the one in Pittsburgh) will do Hindu marriages.

Come to my 'hood(FLushing, NY) - there is the oldest and biggest Hindu temple in the US and in a 4 block area there are something like 5 temples - they should add monkeys and mendicant sadhus so it will be like Pashupatinath...

http://www.nyganeshtemple.org/