How to explain to kids?

[jen&darcy 0]

How do you explain to your kids that your fiance keeps getting delayed getting here because of the government. My girls love Darcy to pieces but don't understand why we keep getting delayed by the government. After reading tonight about the further delay with the new I-129F form, only means the delay will be even longer.

Anybody have any suggestions?

[pedroh 21]

blame THE MAN.. tell her it's the man's fault

[Cristy 4]

I did not give them a date. I just told them hopefully this summer. And I am keeping them up to date on the things that happen and are going to happen, giving them a rough time frame.

[babybunny 2]

Jen,

the kids can send letters. also why not make a big deal for the kids let them help in making a care package!! this is fun I would think even for you mom.

[rebeccajo 14]

I've got a boy who was 16 when we were processing. He's pretty much not a creature of stress so I didn't have loads of trouble with questions from him. But he and his mama are both organized creatures - LOL - we knew the work that I had put into the forms and we knew they were as correct as I could make them. He also knew from the very beginning that everything about this was completely out of my control.

I got questions about Wes' arrival mostly because I was going to be traveling for the interview. My son knew he had to go stay with his grandparents and he didn't like not knowing when that would be. Kids pretty much only worry about what impacts them. Jen, you have a family trip planned around Darcy's arrival and that's where their stressors are at. They are probably worried that the trip won't happen if there are delays. The really don't care if it's the government or Santa Clause that messes things up. They just want to go to Disney - LOL!

I'd suggest you formulate Plan B. Find out how difficult it would be to change the travel date. Cost of changing reservations or tickets, etc. Once you've worked it out, tell the kids that Darcy will get here when he gets here - it's not under your control but once it happens, it will all be good! Tell them you have a backup plan.

Kids have to learn that life doesn't revolve around what they want. We probably best teach them that by how we handle not getting what we want exactly when we want it. There was a poster here last fall who endlessly discussed how upset her daughter was getting with the process. All kids have different stress levels. But by and large, when it comes to BIG FAMILY MATTERS the kids will reflect the household atmosphere. We are their protectors and keepers and they trust us to make good judgment. If they can see we are staying flexible and positive in a situation that's beyond our control, generally they will feel safe and secure. And that's all most kids want.

Edited to add: Shonnie's idea about a care package is great! I'm sure that would at the very least give them an outlet for their concern!

Edited May 23, 2006 by rebeccajo

[MaryandMian 1]

Jen,

My kids were involved from the start and were on our roller coaster ride. It has been longer processing than alot of the others on here because of his country of residence. I found if I told them all then they could digest it better.

We made care packages and sent to him every few months. The kids picked out sample size items, cards, and homemade little trinkets. They talked to him on web cam on the weekends and on the phone too. This helped us and made them realize that it was not his fault and that it takes time.

Good luck.

Mary

[Jaylen Brit 1]

I just be honest with mine - and give her no dates either - just a rough time frame - which is what *I* have! lol. She gets to see more of her dad, and her school pals, while we're still here though so she's not stressing over it.

[jen&darcy 0]

Thank you everyone! I like the care package idea. They do send cards often but the package idea is a really good one. I just bought some post cards that they can create and then are able to mail them.

We had told them originally the end of summer but it doesn't look this way now with this whole IMBRA issue. It also looks like he will have to come down for the Disney vacation and then go back which really stinks.

I will focus on the positive with them and deal with the negative on my own so I don't stress them out further.

Thanks again!

[moondancer627 0]

I would just be honest with them about how the government works, they are the future and can work to get things changed with the system when they become voting age.

Mooondancer