Have interview date

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Rajaa! You made me cry..and I am at work LOL...I am in Public relations so it's bad to cry hehehe. I am so relieved to read this from you......I will do what you suggest. I suspected I should but was too afraid. And I believe you are right, Arab men must be different from American men that way. I read way too much into his words and he ALWAYS says the same words (accept the "if you don't want me you don't have to have me") that one shocked me

I have given up so much for him. I hate to sound that way but... I gave up two beautiful new expensive cars BMW and new escalade(I now have a new honda civic 2 door because he prefers and is used to small cars), I am getting rid of my 4bedroom 3 ba home to move into an apartment, I have been working 6 days a week all year to pay off all credit card debt etc....Just because I want him to have as little stress as possible. I know his coming to a whole new culture will be hard enough. And I did not extra stress on our marriage with too many expenses/financial issues too. I no longer drink any alcohol even though I was just an occasional wine sipper and weekend martini enthusiest (he does not want me to drink) I have flown alone to see him in his country every 4-5 mos and I have never flown alone let alone gone over seas. I just feel I have changed so much and worked so hard for us and to hear him say thoses words "If you don't want me you don't have to have me". I feel like it was a sort of threat I guess. Like hey baby, if you don't like the ingredients don't cook the dinner...pick another recipe. The first thing I though of when I opened my eyes this morning was, now I see more clearly all the times something was really important to me and he just could not seem to do it for long (He has always seemed so sweet and calm and romantic with all the sweet words moroccan men are famous for ). The timeing was bad or something came up or... Like if I tell him how hard the distance is for me and I really miss how much he used to text and email me in the beginning so could we both please make an effort to do that still. He just can't I rarely get an email from him anymore and I accepted it that way. He will for like two days or a week but than it is back to maybe one text to say good morning (on occasion) or if I text him he will text back, or the one text saying he is on line at night (If I text him to be online at night it seems to always be a bad time for him so I just wait for him to text me to talk) My thought is that he is deliberately NOT doing something if I ask him because he does NOT like being told something. I never put this together before and It COULD be just a coincidence because of the tension but on the other hand it could be part of his personality I did not see. I know I am rambling can you tell I am freaking out about this? I read so many bad stories from petitioners on here and it is all coming back to me at this time. I don't want to be hurt!!!!

Wow,,, I've got the "been there done that" t-shirt...look wearing it now...

Ok Ok i know this one cause we went through the same thing. I am not sure how long it's been since you two have been together, sometimes it's very hard to have a relationship with someone you are not near and we soemtimes forget the way your SO smells, laughs, eat little things we love. My husband can appear "cold" but I've learned not to "read into" things cause to be honest he is ARabic and they mean what they say.

If they think or feel something different they will say exactly that, my problem is reading into things when I started making plans and going out to do things i'd send a text like... "going out with the girls for tea not sure when i'll be back" and then texting at hours later "back had a great time" and became less (bare with me on the word) dependant on him to make me happy he started back peddaling.

Take a look at Arabic women and how they are to their husbands business like, until they are home... mine is the same we are all business until it's him and I we have been married for only three months but have known eachother longer and now have become more in the "comfortable" phase. We both miss eachother but we know we will have eachother soon one day.

It's hard It sucks but live your life and let him know you're living it independatly....don't go crazy but live it...go to the movies, have tea with friends do something and let him know..... I can almost guarentee you things will move.

pm me if you need some one to chat with... I am always here for my VJ girl peeps.

Rajaa

I dont think calling one time a week is normal whatsover for someone in a marriage, arabic or not. It shows a lack of concern.

As far as feeling taken advantage of, there are lots of couples on here who's husband never made them feel neglected or took advantage of them. They are in the net when they should and they dont cheat and they are reliable. No Martini, its not ok what he is doing and you have the right to expect the same compassion and care you are offering. He wouldnt do this to a Moroccan wife or girlfriend.. she wouldnt put up with it. I saw tons of red flags, I allowed myself to be second third fourth and fifth and I am paying the price now. my thoughts to you is to be completely honest with him about how you feel and go out and do something you want to do in the weeks preceeding the interview. If he cant find the time to be in the net, you go out and tell him you have alot to do to get ready and stop catering. Its going to get worse when he gets here if you never establish boundaries or limits.

Polar bear, I am sorry, not calling you are or talking to you is not a sign of being arabic. Its a sign of apathy. I think if I screwed my head on tight when my husband was pulling all the stuff your guys are pulling my outcome would be way different./

Arab men who love their wives call them, message them, text them and dont break appointments. Men who think they have nailed their greencard and wanna party with their friends ignore their us petitioners. If you want to be in a equitable relationship, talk about your concerns and like one old timer from here told me, tell him your net is down and dont call him and let him wonder what the hell you are doing . If you are doing all the chasing and work , they have no reason to be fair with you..

love you guys and dont be a dumb ### like I was

kat

Don't worry, I never got the feeling he was apathetic. He always answered my phone calls, even if it was just to say he was busy and could I call him back in 30 min.... he's just a bonehead who leaves his phone in the car alot. He does it here too and his family ends up calling my phone bc they know he is with me when he forgets his phone in the car. He would call me, but it would only ring once so I would call him back. He texted too... just not as often as I did. We were still in contact 2-3 times a day but maby only for 1-2 min.

Like I said, I was okay with that. I've never been a really social person and I have free time at night, ect... he on the other hand is very social and works really hard. I always know where he is, but he doesn't always have time to pay full attention to me. But when he talks to me, I have his full attention.

((shrug)) mayby I'm not explaining it well, and I dont' really know why I'm defending myself. Not all relationships are the same and not all people are the same. No one really knows what goes on in your relationship except you and your husband.

You just have to be understanding sometimes and there is give and take in a relationship. You can't always assume the worst, there has to be trust there somewhere or why are we going through the hell of imigration for the guy?

Trust is one thing. Accountablity is another. He may just be very accustomed to you doing most of the work as far as communication and has come to rely on it. But to portray lack of accountability and calling your wife as an arabic thing or think that somehow your trust is lacking because you are feeling they are not behaving equitability is putting an unfair burden on the American and making it somehow acceptable for her husband NOT being in the net when he should be or telling her WELL IF YOU DONT WANT YOU DONT HAVE TO HAVE ME when she is sacrificing everything to be with him and has basically given up her live. I made about 2000 excuses for my husband and basically made everything MY FAULT and told everyone his rotten behavior was his ARABIC CULTURE.. Well newsflash, I am seeing lots of compassionate responsive kind and considerate and loving ARABS on here who dont do ANYTHING of the stuff my husband did including callling.. caring.. be faithful and true and not hurting their wives. Its not ok for a husband to not call. Its not. Egypt is NOT darfur and a husband should make an effort. Now whether you are laid back and have come to terms with that OK sure. But to tell someone else that this is somehow super cool and to relax standards on a guy... No way Jose. Just cause their arab doesnt excuse lack of concern or compassion...especially these women in the middle of petitioning. I have to tell them to watch and make sure they are setting a low standard of behavior. Arabs love and call their wives. They worry about them . They are good and compassionate and caring husbands with their wives. If a guy is acting bad and he isnt even here... chances are he will continue being awful when he gets here..

[polarbear 0]

Trust is one thing. Accountablity is another. He may just be very accustomed to you doing most of the work as far as communication and has come to rely on it. But to portray lack of accountability and calling your wife as an arabic thing or think that somehow your trust is lacking because you are feeling they are not behaving equitability is putting an unfair burden on the American and making it somehow acceptable for her husband NOT being in the net when he should be or telling her WELL IF YOU DONT WANT YOU DONT HAVE TO HAVE ME when she is sacrificing everything to be with him and has basically given up her live. I made about 2000 excuses for my husband and basically made everything MY FAULT and told everyone his rotten behavior was his ARABIC CULTURE.. Well newsflash, I am seeing lots of compassionate responsive kind and considerate and loving ARABS on here who dont do ANYTHING of the stuff my husband did including callling.. caring.. be faithful and true and not hurting their wives. Its not ok for a husband to not call. Its not. Egypt is NOT darfur and a husband should make an effort. Now whether you are laid back and have come to terms with that OK sure. But to tell someone else that this is somehow super cool and to relax standards on a guy... No way Jose. Just cause their arab doesnt excuse lack of concern or compassion...especially these women in the middle of petitioning. I have to tell them to watch and make sure they are setting a low standard of behavior. Arabs love and call their wives. They worry about them . They are good and compassionate and caring husbands with their wives. If a guy is acting bad and he isnt even here... chances are he will continue being awful when he gets here..

I wasn't saying it was okay or excusing his behavior based on the fact that he is Arabic.... again every relationship is different and that is not necesarily a bad thing.

I know you've had a bad experience and feel like you should warn others that might be heading in the same direction, but a bad day or week doesn't mean he is always going to be like that, not in every relationship. People are human. Although I have to agree that there are warning signs people should look out for and I agree your situation just sucks

My husband is kind, considerate, loving, helpful around the house, and makes me happy. Of course we have small issues, but it's nothing on that level. Not calling as often as I'd like (mostly bc I beat him to it) is not a deal breaker for me and something we worked on and he has gotten considerably better about. Relationships take work and are not always a bed of roses, but that does not mean they are using you for a green card... You need to be careful to take the middle road - look for the signs, but also make sure to work on the relationship and not be so eager to cry wolf.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Trust is one thing. Accountablity is another. He may just be very accustomed to you doing most of the work as far as communication and has come to rely on it. But to portray lack of accountability and calling your wife as an arabic thing or think that somehow your trust is lacking because you are feeling they are not behaving equitability is putting an unfair burden on the American and making it somehow acceptable for her husband NOT being in the net when he should be or telling her WELL IF YOU DONT WANT YOU DONT HAVE TO HAVE ME when she is sacrificing everything to be with him and has basically given up her live. I made about 2000 excuses for my husband and basically made everything MY FAULT and told everyone his rotten behavior was his ARABIC CULTURE.. Well newsflash, I am seeing lots of compassionate responsive kind and considerate and loving ARABS on here who dont do ANYTHING of the stuff my husband did including callling.. caring.. be faithful and true and not hurting their wives. Its not ok for a husband to not call. Its not. Egypt is NOT darfur and a husband should make an effort. Now whether you are laid back and have come to terms with that OK sure. But to tell someone else that this is somehow super cool and to relax standards on a guy... No way Jose. Just cause their arab doesnt excuse lack of concern or compassion...especially these women in the middle of petitioning. I have to tell them to watch and make sure they are setting a low standard of behavior. Arabs love and call their wives. They worry about them . They are good and compassionate and caring husbands with their wives. If a guy is acting bad and he isnt even here... chances are he will continue being awful when he gets here..

I wasn't saying it was okay or excusing his behavior based on the fact that he is Arabic.... again every relationship is different and that is not necesarily a bad thing.

I know you've had a bad experience and feel like you should warn others that might be heading in the same direction, but a bad day or week doesn't mean he is always going to be like that, not in every relationship. People are human. Although I have to agree that there are warning signs people should look out for and I agree your situation just sucks

My husband is kind, considerate, loving, helpful around the house, and makes me happy. Of course we have small issues, but it's nothing on that level. Not calling as often as I'd like (mostly bc I beat him to it) is not a deal breaker for me and something we worked on and he has gotten considerably better about. Relationships take work and are not always a bed of roses, but that does not mean they are using you for a green card... You need to be careful to take the middle road - look for the signs, but also make sure to work on the relationship and not be so eager to cry wolf.

I agree with you but just because you have gotten used to one time a week phone calls or you doing all the calling doesnt mean that this is the norm . It works for you cpmpletely. But here are several situations where the men are NOT doing work on the relationship and telling their American spouses that this is somehow the norm is way off. I know lots of compassionate arabs and have seen even on the boards men that wont let a day go by without texting their spouse. You have also told us that your husbands family have pressured him to marry arab...and that they might not all know about you. These are red flags to me for sure.. But not for others I guess..I just dont want anyone to get the impression that not calling and not showing concern for what you are doing daily is somehow the norm.Its something you have adjusted to but its not the norm. Egypt isnt sudan and it takes one minute to send a loving email or text and you absolutely should not be doing all the calling. If this works for you, cool.

Oh and as far as crying wolf. I tend to think that the ratios of husbands on here doing the right thing by their wives is a case for not blaming this on culture whatsover. Its not a mena thing. After reading how many husbands dont hit their wives, dont cheat, dont chat, dont break their things, my bet is going with the fact that I have a right to expect a level of good behavior and I will encourage every other woman on here not to culturally excuse a damn thing. Not calling you isnt culture. Its laziness and selfishness. You wouldnt do it to him nor would you accept that in an american nor would an egyptian woman put up with that #######. Whats worked for you is not a standard that women whos husbands are not here should accept. If they are putting their life on the line, they deserve better than doing all the emotional and relationship work... I hope you understand where I am going with this. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. It has to do with having reasonable standards of being treated.. which I did not.. and excused away the bad behavior

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Trust is one thing. Accountablity is another. He may just be very accustomed to you doing most of the work as far as communication and has come to rely on it. But to portray lack of accountability and calling your wife as an arabic thing or think that somehow your trust is lacking because you are feeling they are not behaving equitability is putting an unfair burden on the American and making it somehow acceptable for her husband NOT being in the net when he should be or telling her WELL IF YOU DONT WANT YOU DONT HAVE TO HAVE ME when she is sacrificing everything to be with him and has basically given up her live. I made about 2000 excuses for my husband and basically made everything MY FAULT and told everyone his rotten behavior was his ARABIC CULTURE.. Well newsflash, I am seeing lots of compassionate responsive kind and considerate and loving ARABS on here who dont do ANYTHING of the stuff my husband did including callling.. caring.. be faithful and true and not hurting their wives. Its not ok for a husband to not call. Its not. Egypt is NOT darfur and a husband should make an effort. Now whether you are laid back and have come to terms with that OK sure. But to tell someone else that this is somehow super cool and to relax standards on a guy... No way Jose. Just cause their arab doesnt excuse lack of concern or compassion...especially these women in the middle of petitioning. I have to tell them to watch and make sure they are setting a low standard of behavior. Arabs love and call their wives. They worry about them . They are good and compassionate and caring husbands with their wives. If a guy is acting bad and he isnt even here... chances are he will continue being awful when he gets here..

I wasn't saying it was okay or excusing his behavior based on the fact that he is Arabic.... again every relationship is different and that is not necesarily a bad thing.

I know you've had a bad experience and feel like you should warn others that might be heading in the same direction, but a bad day or week doesn't mean he is always going to be like that, not in every relationship. People are human. Although I have to agree that there are warning signs people should look out for and I agree your situation just sucks

My husband is kind, considerate, loving, helpful around the house, and makes me happy. Of course we have small issues, but it's nothing on that level. Not calling as often as I'd like (mostly bc I beat him to it) is not a deal breaker for me and something we worked on and he has gotten considerably better about. Relationships take work and are not always a bed of roses, but that does not mean they are using you for a green card... You need to be careful to take the middle road - look for the signs, but also make sure to work on the relationship and not be so eager to cry wolf.

I agree with you but just because you have gotten used to one time a week phone calls or you doing all the calling doesnt mean that this is the norm . It works for you cpmpletely. But here are several situations where the men are NOT doing work on the relationship and telling their American spouses that this is somehow the norm is way off. I know lots of compassionate arabs and have seen even on the boards men that wont let a day go by without texting their spouse. You have also told us that your husbands family have pressured him to marry arab...and that they might not all know about you. These are red flags to me for sure.. But not for others I guess..I just dont want anyone to get the impression that not calling and not showing concern for what you are doing daily is somehow the norm.Its something you have adjusted to but its not the norm. Egypt isnt sudan and it takes one minute to send a loving email or text and you absolutely should not be doing all the calling. If this works for you, cool.

Oh and as far as crying wolf. I tend to think that the ratios of husbands on here doing the right thing by their wives is a case for not blaming this on culture whatsover. Its not a mena thing. After reading how many husbands dont hit their wives, dont cheat, dont chat, dont break their things, my bet is going with the fact that I have a right to expect a level of good behavior and I will encourage every other woman on here not to culturally excuse a damn thing. Not calling you isnt culture. Its laziness and selfishness. You wouldnt do it to him nor would you accept that in an american nor would an egyptian woman put up with that #######. Whats worked for you is not a standard that women whos husbands are not here should accept. If they are putting their life on the line, they deserve better than doing all the emotional and relationship work... I hope you understand where I am going with this. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. It has to do with having reasonable standards of being treated.. which I did not.. and excused away the bad behavior

Oh and I am mistaken about the family part. I think I have you confused with someone else since you said his mom told him you called LOL... sorry my bad...

I just dont want others to excuse away crappy behavior and over compensate when many in their culture (and on the boards) are doing the right thing by their spouses. Lazy and bad behavior and taking advantage of someone is a choice.. not cultural .... I blamed alot of things he did on culture when frankly he knew what to do.. he knew... I made excuses and frankly I wish I would have set boundaries based on what was good and right instead of looking for reasons he was doing things...

[JULIAFERNO 0]

I really think that all of this is part of the USCIS' process to test your love and your relationship - they want to see how long you can suffer before breaking...I say this all in jest, but sometimes it really did feel that way.

You can do this Olive - as the saying goes - "Stay strong, fight the power!"

Yes! I can't help but wonder if we are in AP just so they can see if we're really in this for the long haul.

You and your SO will be fine martiniolive, and I think what you are going through right now is perfectly normal. Have you talked about it together, to at least bring the situation to light so there is an understanding as to why things are stressful/different right now? Sometimes just having a mutual understanding as to why you are arguing and getting stressed out helps ease the anxiety and tension, in my experience.

[sara535 15]

Oh and as far as crying wolf. I tend to think that the ratios of husbands on here doing the right thing by their wives is a case for not blaming this on culture whatsover. Its not a mena thing. After reading how many husbands dont hit their wives, dont cheat, dont chat, dont break their things, my bet is going with the fact that I have a right to expect a level of good behavior and I will encourage every other woman on here not to culturally excuse a damn thing. Not calling you isnt culture. Its laziness and selfishness. You wouldnt do it to him nor would you accept that in an american nor would an egyptian woman put up with that #######. Whats worked for you is not a standard that women whos husbands are not here should accept. If they are putting their life on the line, they deserve better than doing all the emotional and relationship work... I hope you understand where I am going with this. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. It has to do with having reasonable standards of being treated.. which I did not.. and excused away the bad behavior

but Wahrania, you are the one who brings culture up time and time again, and have in the past tried several times to explain your own husbands and others ill behaviour on MENA culture. I am sorry but being a crappy bad tempered control freak is NOT cultural, nor is being rude, inconsiderate, a cheater or any of the other stuff. I've been with enough american guys over the years to testify to that!

of course there are cultural issues in any international relationship that shouldnt be ignored. Example, in morocco and many other MENA countries people dont 'date' and have long term (or short term for that matter) serious relationships like we do in the western countries. so by the time I met my husband I had 'been around the block' a few times and learned some lessons, whereas I am the first serious partnership he ever had. sure he had a few internet and neighborhood flirtations but nothing where lives are intertwined. the first year or 2 were really hard because he was just so inexperienced, he didnt understand some basic things like when to drop an arguement and let the other person win ( ), how to 'pick your battles', that compromising didnt mean weakness, etc. I consider THIS to be a cultural issue in the sense that his behaviour was shaped by the culture that he grew up in. its certainly possible that martiniolive's man just doesnt understand how important a daily phone call or text is. that doesnt make him a user, cheater, potential abuser, and all of the rest

in contrast, I just dont think that somene being a LIAR or a CHEATER is cultural, Its personal choice. these men are adults, they know right from wrong.

Wahrania I cant figure out why you have this need to categorize and label everyone and everything. bottom line is you married someone who IS a control freak with a nasty temper even though there were warning signs well in advance. I guess I dont see how you can blame that on him being algerian anymore than you can pin it on yourself being american. you are just 2 people who it may turn out are incompatible. regardless of where either of you came from.

ETA: I see while I was typing this that you posted also and have many of the same conclusions

Edited August 17, 2008 by sara535

[JULIAFERNO 0]

I just dont think that somene being a LIAR or a CHEATER is cultural, Its personal choice.

Indeed! Lying and cheating is surely a multicultural issue!

[polarbear 0]

I just dont think that somene being a LIAR or a CHEATER is cultural, Its personal choice.

Indeed! Lying and cheating is surely a multicultural issue!

I agree... but that's not what the OP was refering too I think we got a little side tracked...

[Martiniolive 0]

I mentioned to my husband how strange it is that with all the immigration stuff behind us and now just waiting for the interview things should be so peaceful and not stressful. I told him I felt my tension is from this and that many others on VJ have told me it is completely normal to feel this way at this time. He said "my love, not everyone is the same" so I am not sure he understands

[Martiniolive 0]

Oh and as far as crying wolf. I tend to think that the ratios of husbands on here doing the right thing by their wives is a case for not blaming this on culture whatsover. Its not a mena thing. After reading how many husbands dont hit their wives, dont cheat, dont chat, dont break their things, my bet is going with the fact that I have a right to expect a level of good behavior and I will encourage every other woman on here not to culturally excuse a damn thing. Not calling you isnt culture. Its laziness and selfishness. You wouldnt do it to him nor would you accept that in an american nor would an egyptian woman put up with that #######. Whats worked for you is not a standard that women whos husbands are not here should accept. If they are putting their life on the line, they deserve better than doing all the emotional and relationship work... I hope you understand where I am going with this. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. It has to do with having reasonable standards of being treated.. which I did not.. and excused away the bad behavior

but Wahrania, you are the one who brings culture up time and time again, and have in the past tried several times to explain your own husbands and others ill behaviour on MENA culture. I am sorry but being a crappy bad tempered control freak is NOT cultural, nor is being rude, inconsiderate, a cheater or any of the other stuff. I've been with enough american guys over the years to testify to that!

of course there are cultural issues in any international relationship that shouldnt be ignored. Example, in morocco and many other MENA countries people dont 'date' and have long term (or short term for that matter) serious relationships like we do in the western countries. so by the time I met my husband I had 'been around the block' a few times and learned some lessons, whereas I am the first serious partnership he ever had. sure he had a few internet and neighborhood flirtations but nothing where lives are intertwined. the first year or 2 were really hard because he was just so inexperienced, he didnt understand some basic things like when to drop an arguement and let the other person win ( ), how to 'pick your battles', that compromising didnt mean weakness, etc. I consider THIS to be a cultural issue in the sense that his behaviour was shaped by the culture that he grew up in. its certainly possible that martiniolive's man just doesnt understand how important a daily phone call or text is. that doesnt make him a user, cheater, potential abuser, and all of the rest

in contrast, I just dont think that somene being a LIAR or a CHEATER is cultural, Its personal choice. these men are adults, they know right from wrong.

Wahrania I cant figure out why you have this need to categorize and label everyone and everything. bottom line is you married someone who IS a control freak with a nasty temper even though there were warning signs well in advance. I guess I dont see how you can blame that on him being algerian anymore than you can pin it on yourself being american. you are just 2 people who it may turn out are incompatible. regardless of where either of you came from.

ETA: I see while I was typing this that you posted also and have many of the same conclusions

Your right Sara my husband feels that because we talk most every night online with msn that he does not need to email or text me....it is me that would like it as well as our nightly talks but he won't budge. I am afraid he has settled before I have ... I am "the Old Cow" haha

[Nothing1234 2]

Oh and as far as crying wolf. I tend to think that the ratios of husbands on here doing the right thing by their wives is a case for not blaming this on culture whatsover. Its not a mena thing. After reading how many husbands dont hit their wives, dont cheat, dont chat, dont break their things, my bet is going with the fact that I have a right to expect a level of good behavior and I will encourage every other woman on here not to culturally excuse a damn thing. Not calling you isnt culture. Its laziness and selfishness. You wouldnt do it to him nor would you accept that in an american nor would an egyptian woman put up with that #######. Whats worked for you is not a standard that women whos husbands are not here should accept. If they are putting their life on the line, they deserve better than doing all the emotional and relationship work... I hope you understand where I am going with this. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. It has to do with having reasonable standards of being treated.. which I did not.. and excused away the bad behavior

but Wahrania, you are the one who brings culture up time and time again, and have in the past tried several times to explain your own husbands and others ill behaviour on MENA culture. I am sorry but being a crappy bad tempered control freak is NOT cultural, nor is being rude, inconsiderate, a cheater or any of the other stuff. I've been with enough american guys over the years to testify to that!

of course there are cultural issues in any international relationship that shouldnt be ignored. Example, in morocco and many other MENA countries people dont 'date' and have long term (or short term for that matter) serious relationships like we do in the western countries. so by the time I met my husband I had 'been around the block' a few times and learned some lessons, whereas I am the first serious partnership he ever had. sure he had a few internet and neighborhood flirtations but nothing where lives are intertwined. the first year or 2 were really hard because he was just so inexperienced, he didnt understand some basic things like when to drop an arguement and let the other person win ( ), how to 'pick your battles', that compromising didnt mean weakness, etc. I consider THIS to be a cultural issue in the sense that his behaviour was shaped by the culture that he grew up in. its certainly possible that martiniolive's man just doesnt understand how important a daily phone call or text is. that doesnt make him a user, cheater, potential abuser, and all of the rest

in contrast, I just dont think that somene being a LIAR or a CHEATER is cultural, Its personal choice. these men are adults, they know right from wrong.

Wahrania I cant figure out why you have this need to categorize and label everyone and everything. bottom line is you married someone who IS a control freak with a nasty temper even though there were warning signs well in advance. I guess I dont see how you can blame that on him being algerian anymore than you can pin it on yourself being american. you are just 2 people who it may turn out are incompatible. regardless of where either of you came from.

ETA: I see while I was typing this that you posted also and have many of the same conclusions

Sara,

You really hit the nail on the head with this...about new to relationships and knowing the basics since serious dating, etc is not common. It most certainly is a cultural issue...whether here in MENA or other areas!

Cheating, lying and/or abusing happens all over the world...hence is a worldwide issue....

[Nothing1234 2]

Oh and as far as crying wolf. I tend to think that the ratios of husbands on here doing the right thing by their wives is a case for not blaming this on culture whatsover. Its not a mena thing. After reading how many husbands dont hit their wives, dont cheat, dont chat, dont break their things, my bet is going with the fact that I have a right to expect a level of good behavior and I will encourage every other woman on here not to culturally excuse a damn thing. Not calling you isnt culture. Its laziness and selfishness. You wouldnt do it to him nor would you accept that in an american nor would an egyptian woman put up with that #######. Whats worked for you is not a standard that women whos husbands are not here should accept. If they are putting their life on the line, they deserve better than doing all the emotional and relationship work... I hope you understand where I am going with this. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. It has to do with having reasonable standards of being treated.. which I did not.. and excused away the bad behavior

but Wahrania, you are the one who brings culture up time and time again, and have in the past tried several times to explain your own husbands and others ill behaviour on MENA culture. I am sorry but being a crappy bad tempered control freak is NOT cultural, nor is being rude, inconsiderate, a cheater or any of the other stuff. I've been with enough american guys over the years to testify to that!

of course there are cultural issues in any international relationship that shouldnt be ignored. Example, in morocco and many other MENA countries people dont 'date' and have long term (or short term for that matter) serious relationships like we do in the western countries. so by the time I met my husband I had 'been around the block' a few times and learned some lessons, whereas I am the first serious partnership he ever had. sure he had a few internet and neighborhood flirtations but nothing where lives are intertwined. the first year or 2 were really hard because he was just so inexperienced, he didnt understand some basic things like when to drop an arguement and let the other person win ( ), how to 'pick your battles', that compromising didnt mean weakness, etc. I consider THIS to be a cultural issue in the sense that his behaviour was shaped by the culture that he grew up in. its certainly possible that martiniolive's man just doesnt understand how important a daily phone call or text is. that doesnt make him a user, cheater, potential abuser, and all of the rest

in contrast, I just dont think that somene being a LIAR or a CHEATER is cultural, Its personal choice. these men are adults, they know right from wrong.

Wahrania I cant figure out why you have this need to categorize and label everyone and everything. bottom line is you married someone who IS a control freak with a nasty temper even though there were warning signs well in advance. I guess I dont see how you can blame that on him being algerian anymore than you can pin it on yourself being american. you are just 2 people who it may turn out are incompatible. regardless of where either of you came from.

ETA: I see while I was typing this that you posted also and have many of the same conclusions

Your right Sara my husband feels that because we talk most every night online with msn that he does not need to email or text me....it is me that would like it as well as our nightly talks but he won't budge. I am afraid he has settled before I have ... I am "the Old Cow" haha

My hubby was the same way....we chatted on MSN, Skype, etc...why email and send tons of texts too? He just couldn't understand it. LOL It doesn't mean anything...I think honestly, its a man thing. We are ruled by our emotions/hearts and men at times are opposite. He probably thinks....why does she want to waste money/time when we can talk later all night. LOL

[Martiniolive 0]

Oh and as far as crying wolf. I tend to think that the ratios of husbands on here doing the right thing by their wives is a case for not blaming this on culture whatsover. Its not a mena thing. After reading how many husbands dont hit their wives, dont cheat, dont chat, dont break their things, my bet is going with the fact that I have a right to expect a level of good behavior and I will encourage every other woman on here not to culturally excuse a damn thing. Not calling you isnt culture. Its laziness and selfishness. You wouldnt do it to him nor would you accept that in an american nor would an egyptian woman put up with that #######. Whats worked for you is not a standard that women whos husbands are not here should accept. If they are putting their life on the line, they deserve better than doing all the emotional and relationship work... I hope you understand where I am going with this. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. It has to do with having reasonable standards of being treated.. which I did not.. and excused away the bad behavior

but Wahrania, you are the one who brings culture up time and time again, and have in the past tried several times to explain your own husbands and others ill behaviour on MENA culture. I am sorry but being a crappy bad tempered control freak is NOT cultural, nor is being rude, inconsiderate, a cheater or any of the other stuff. I've been with enough american guys over the years to testify to that!

of course there are cultural issues in any international relationship that shouldnt be ignored. Example, in morocco and many other MENA countries people dont 'date' and have long term (or short term for that matter) serious relationships like we do in the western countries. so by the time I met my husband I had 'been around the block' a few times and learned some lessons, whereas I am the first serious partnership he ever had. sure he had a few internet and neighborhood flirtations but nothing where lives are intertwined. the first year or 2 were really hard because he was just so inexperienced, he didnt understand some basic things like when to drop an arguement and let the other person win ( ), how to 'pick your battles', that compromising didnt mean weakness, etc. I consider THIS to be a cultural issue in the sense that his behaviour was shaped by the culture that he grew up in. its certainly possible that martiniolive's man just doesnt understand how important a daily phone call or text is. that doesnt make him a user, cheater, potential abuser, and all of the rest

in contrast, I just dont think that somene being a LIAR or a CHEATER is cultural, Its personal choice. these men are adults, they know right from wrong.

Wahrania I cant figure out why you have this need to categorize and label everyone and everything. bottom line is you married someone who IS a control freak with a nasty temper even though there were warning signs well in advance. I guess I dont see how you can blame that on him being algerian anymore than you can pin it on yourself being american. you are just 2 people who it may turn out are incompatible. regardless of where either of you came from.

ETA: I see while I was typing this that you posted also and have many of the same conclusions

Your right Sara my husband feels that because we talk most every night online with msn that he does not need to email or text me....it is me that would like it as well as our nightly talks but he won't budge. I am afraid he has settled before I have ... I am "the Old Cow" haha

My hubby was the same way....we chatted on MSN, Skype, etc...why email and send tons of texts too? He just couldn't understand it. LOL It doesn't mean anything...I think honestly, its a man thing. We are ruled by our emotions/hearts and men at times are opposite. He probably thinks....why does she want to waste money/time when we can talk later all night. LOL

Nawal that is exactly what he says about it. It costs money to text alot etc...so why do it when he will talk to me online at night. Altho he does sometimes text me "good morning". It's tatally my own thing because I am so expressive with my affections.

[Nothing1234 2]

Oh and as far as crying wolf. I tend to think that the ratios of husbands on here doing the right thing by their wives is a case for not blaming this on culture whatsover. Its not a mena thing. After reading how many husbands dont hit their wives, dont cheat, dont chat, dont break their things, my bet is going with the fact that I have a right to expect a level of good behavior and I will encourage every other woman on here not to culturally excuse a damn thing. Not calling you isnt culture. Its laziness and selfishness. You wouldnt do it to him nor would you accept that in an american nor would an egyptian woman put up with that #######. Whats worked for you is not a standard that women whos husbands are not here should accept. If they are putting their life on the line, they deserve better than doing all the emotional and relationship work... I hope you understand where I am going with this. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. It has to do with having reasonable standards of being treated.. which I did not.. and excused away the bad behavior

but Wahrania, you are the one who brings culture up time and time again, and have in the past tried several times to explain your own husbands and others ill behaviour on MENA culture. I am sorry but being a crappy bad tempered control freak is NOT cultural, nor is being rude, inconsiderate, a cheater or any of the other stuff. I've been with enough american guys over the years to testify to that!

of course there are cultural issues in any international relationship that shouldnt be ignored. Example, in morocco and many other MENA countries people dont 'date' and have long term (or short term for that matter) serious relationships like we do in the western countries. so by the time I met my husband I had 'been around the block' a few times and learned some lessons, whereas I am the first serious partnership he ever had. sure he had a few internet and neighborhood flirtations but nothing where lives are intertwined. the first year or 2 were really hard because he was just so inexperienced, he didnt understand some basic things like when to drop an arguement and let the other person win ( ), how to 'pick your battles', that compromising didnt mean weakness, etc. I consider THIS to be a cultural issue in the sense that his behaviour was shaped by the culture that he grew up in. its certainly possible that martiniolive's man just doesnt understand how important a daily phone call or text is. that doesnt make him a user, cheater, potential abuser, and all of the rest

in contrast, I just dont think that somene being a LIAR or a CHEATER is cultural, Its personal choice. these men are adults, they know right from wrong.

Wahrania I cant figure out why you have this need to categorize and label everyone and everything. bottom line is you married someone who IS a control freak with a nasty temper even though there were warning signs well in advance. I guess I dont see how you can blame that on him being algerian anymore than you can pin it on yourself being american. you are just 2 people who it may turn out are incompatible. regardless of where either of you came from.

ETA: I see while I was typing this that you posted also and have many of the same conclusions

Your right Sara my husband feels that because we talk most every night online with msn that he does not need to email or text me....it is me that would like it as well as our nightly talks but he won't budge. I am afraid he has settled before I have ... I am "the Old Cow" haha

My hubby was the same way....we chatted on MSN, Skype, etc...why email and send tons of texts too? He just couldn't understand it. LOL It doesn't mean anything...I think honestly, its a man thing. We are ruled by our emotions/hearts and men at times are opposite. He probably thinks....why does she want to waste money/time when we can talk later all night. LOL

Nawal that is exactly what he says about it. It costs money to text alot etc...so why do it when he will talk to me online at night. Altho he does sometimes text me "good morning". It's tatally my own thing because I am so expressive with my affections.

Exactly! We are built that way I believe It's okay...you can come here on VJ for some hugs and affection till he's around online! LOL I think you have no worries honestly...My hubby was just so matter of fact about it...save money...use online, etc. So I worked with it...now he's here and I get his affection in person. Now that we are talking about him...his lazy butt is napping right now ... *pokes him just to see him move* LOL

[Martiniolive 0]

Oh and as far as crying wolf. I tend to think that the ratios of husbands on here doing the right thing by their wives is a case for not blaming this on culture whatsover. Its not a mena thing. After reading how many husbands dont hit their wives, dont cheat, dont chat, dont break their things, my bet is going with the fact that I have a right to expect a level of good behavior and I will encourage every other woman on here not to culturally excuse a damn thing. Not calling you isnt culture. Its laziness and selfishness. You wouldnt do it to him nor would you accept that in an american nor would an egyptian woman put up with that #######. Whats worked for you is not a standard that women whos husbands are not here should accept. If they are putting their life on the line, they deserve better than doing all the emotional and relationship work... I hope you understand where I am going with this. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. It has to do with having reasonable standards of being treated.. which I did not.. and excused away the bad behavior

but Wahrania, you are the one who brings culture up time and time again, and have in the past tried several times to explain your own husbands and others ill behaviour on MENA culture. I am sorry but being a crappy bad tempered control freak is NOT cultural, nor is being rude, inconsiderate, a cheater or any of the other stuff. I've been with enough american guys over the years to testify to that!

of course there are cultural issues in any international relationship that shouldnt be ignored. Example, in morocco and many other MENA countries people dont 'date' and have long term (or short term for that matter) serious relationships like we do in the western countries. so by the time I met my husband I had 'been around the block' a few times and learned some lessons, whereas I am the first serious partnership he ever had. sure he had a few internet and neighborhood flirtations but nothing where lives are intertwined. the first year or 2 were really hard because he was just so inexperienced, he didnt understand some basic things like when to drop an arguement and let the other person win ( ), how to 'pick your battles', that compromising didnt mean weakness, etc. I consider THIS to be a cultural issue in the sense that his behaviour was shaped by the culture that he grew up in. its certainly possible that martiniolive's man just doesnt understand how important a daily phone call or text is. that doesnt make him a user, cheater, potential abuser, and all of the rest

in contrast, I just dont think that somene being a LIAR or a CHEATER is cultural, Its personal choice. these men are adults, they know right from wrong.

Wahrania I cant figure out why you have this need to categorize and label everyone and everything. bottom line is you married someone who IS a control freak with a nasty temper even though there were warning signs well in advance. I guess I dont see how you can blame that on him being algerian anymore than you can pin it on yourself being american. you are just 2 people who it may turn out are incompatible. regardless of where either of you came from.

ETA: I see while I was typing this that you posted also and have many of the same conclusions

Your right Sara my husband feels that because we talk most every night online with msn that he does not need to email or text me....it is me that would like it as well as our nightly talks but he won't budge. I am afraid he has settled before I have ... I am "the Old Cow" haha

My hubby was the same way....we chatted on MSN, Skype, etc...why email and send tons of texts too? He just couldn't understand it. LOL It doesn't mean anything...I think honestly, its a man thing. We are ruled by our emotions/hearts and men at times are opposite. He probably thinks....why does she want to waste money/time when we can talk later all night. LOL

Nawal that is exactly what he says about it. It costs money to text alot etc...so why do it when he will talk to me online at night. Altho he does sometimes text me "good morning". It's tatally my own thing because I am so expressive with my affections.

Exactly! We are built that way I believe It's okay...you can come here on VJ for some hugs and affection till he's around online! LOL I think you have no worries honestly...My hubby was just so matter of fact about it...save money...use online, etc. So I worked with it...now he's here and I get his affection in person. Now that we are talking about him...his lazy butt is napping right now ... *pokes him just to see him move* LOL

thats how I picture life with my husband. He can sleep anywhere anytime! I see us being together most of the time with him watching me cook or make tea..or him watching sports while I clean house...or us sight seeing together or him talking to family online...FAMILY meaning relatives EHEM!