I just lost it with my husband!

[Nutty 2]

As you all know, this process is hard. Well, I became clinically depressed because of the prolonged stress. So that even now, when there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I can not seem to get out of this funk. Maybe it also has to do with the crappy job I am and the fact I can't adjust to being back in the States.

Anyway, I finally broke down and decided to go on anti-depressants.

Now my husband knows its been hard. But he never really understood how hard it was for me. When I told him how badly it has become and that I am going to take anti-depressent pills he was accepting of this. HOWEVER, he keeps talking about how "if you control your thinking...." "If you control your imagination...."

He is totally ignorant about this problem. He just does not seem to understand that DEPRESSION = NO CONTROL OVER THINKING.

I am so irritated with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't need instructions from him. I just need comfort!

[morocco4ever 63]

lol...this is so typical of a man's reaction. They think they have to fix the problem, so he was trying the best he knew how to fix it. These poor men don't understand that sometimes we women just need a listening ear and hug (he can't even do that for you yet).

So just vent away to us, we understand. I can tell you that I had a time just before my husband got his visa that I became a literal hermit. My kids and my sister were getting very worried, and now that I look back I can see why.

Sweety you need some "me" time. Can you think of something that really enjoy and find a way to just take care of your needs for a while?

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I'm right there with ya girl.

[Jenn! 918]

It's not just men, I think many women have similar feelings and misunderstandings when it comes to anti-depressants (and depression in general) as well. While ideally you can talk to your husband about anything, I think this is a case of knowing your audience. It's going to be hard for him to understand what you're going through being so far away. TBH, I have similar feelings about depression and anti-depressants even though I have friends who use them. It's a hard preconception to shake if you haven't actually been through it yourself, I think.

Edited April 10, 2008 by Jenn!

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I doubt any of the guys have any inkling of the stress and problems we go thru, we do the filings, we send to them what is need, we instruct about the interview, what to gather etc. I had a day of feeling down not to long ago and told this and was told hope you get to feeling better soon......no idea of what (feelings) i was talking about

[SusieK 3]

This is a very emotional time for you and the depression is and can be very un-nerving to both parties. Men have a way of thinking and women have theirs. We expect them to read our minds, and this becomes the problem. Usually, when you are taking anti-depressants (and depending if they are the right ones and if you really need them) you are going to go thru some strong mood swings.

We are here to lend that ear to you, for all you need to do is vent your anger/ You are bottling it up inside as we all do and then wham, we either biotch up a storm or go nutz in our own world. I happen to choose the explode mood and go to the gun range - sorry dont laugh but it helps - others go for a manicure or some go to their shrinks - it just depends on what is going to lift you out of the short term funk, as it seems yours is just cycle for the ####### we all are endearing right now.

Stress will tear you apart, and sometimes even tho we DONT WANT TO DO IT, exercise some of that off - I know , I know, you dont have the energy or the willpower, but this episode of your life will be over, and when it is, then you can look back and say ####### happened, but until then, know that you have support here - you are having what alot of us are going thru - I just dont choose the meds because of work, otherwise, I would be just telling the doctor to give me the strongest stuff, knock me ####### out for another six months and this ####### will be over.

You can also search out a group somewhere close to were you live to help you discuss what is going on inside - talking helps. BUT REMEMBER ONE THING - and the only thing that will make this ####### go away is TIME! Coming back to the states without hubbie has got to be tough, I dont know since I have not seen mine since we got married - THANK YOU VERY MUCH USCIS - but ask yourself one thing.............you are going thru this hell because???? When you get that answer and we know what it is, then hopefully the depression will lift and be gone.

I wish you only the best during this time as I do to all the people that are undertaking this painful process - never thought it would be a piece of cake, but didnt plan on getting the batter stick full of chocolate stuck to my tongue either.

xxxxxxxx

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Sweetheart - FEW people understand -let alone want to talk about- depression or any other type of mental illness. They seem to think that "thinking happy thoughts" and "being positive and proactive" SHOULD work. Well, it effing doesn't. You are sick, no more, no less sick than someone with, say, diarrhea. How about the next time your hubby has diarrhea you tell him " well babe, just tighten the sphincter and think happy thoughts???"

I feel for you sister .

[Nutty 2]

EXACTLY! What you said is exactly how it feels...Like they have no clue about what is really going on. And when you tell them, there is a the tepid, "hope you are ok."

I sometimes feel they don't know the meaning of stress.

Where they live the pace is so much slower.

[morocco4ever 63]

Sweetheart - FEW people understand -let alone want to talk about- depression or any other type of mental illness. They seem to think that "thinking happy thoughts" and "being positive and proactive" SHOULD work. Well, it effing doesn't. You are sick, no more, no less sick than someone with, say, diarrhea. How about the next time your hubby has diarrhea you tell him " well babe, just tighten the sphincter and think happy thoughts???"

I feel for you sister .

OMG.....

[Nutty 2]

I wish I had thought of that! In fact, I think I am going to cut and paste your posting so he can see how foolish his comments are.

[sara..... 371]

awe i know its hard for u and u can vent anytime on here thats whats so great about it........everyone understands what ur going thru and nobody judges u.........depression is hard....and in general men think it can be controlled if u just think positive.....it dont work like that.......i think u have held up very well..........here a little something to make u smile all men yes and i say all men have a problem understanding depression......when i told my perviz i was depressed......he asked........is it that time of the month?.........Hes a doctor and should know better but there u have it men.....lol gotta love em........like to killem sometimes lol.......come smile.......i promise it will get better........ur in my prayers and im sending u happy thoughts.........

sara

[morocco4ever 63]

EXACTLY! What you said is exactly how it feels...Like they have no clue about what is really going on. And when you tell them, there is a the tepid, "hope you are ok."

I sometimes feel they don't know the meaning of stress.

Where they live the pace is so much slower.

You hit the nail on the head. Seriously didn't you feel like you were in heaven when you went there? The lifestyle is so relaxed, laid back, and peaceful. THere biggest stress is what they were going to do that day. I would try to tell my husband how different it was here but he didn't understand until now.

Edited April 10, 2008 by morocco4ever

[Nutty 2]

Thank you SusieK.

I agree that it is a very emotional time now. I am actually not on the medication yet. Hoping to get the meds on Monday.

I wish I had a gun range and a license to shoot!

I have gone to a counselor and talking helps a little. The problem is I put on the happy face for everyone. Even the counselor. And really, outside of this immigration/bad job/adjust to USA topics, I don't have any real issues. I am not abused or have a history of mental illness. So how much you can talk about immigration/job/living in USA without being redundent? Really, I think you guys on this board are the only people who understand the hardship we have endure.

I know exercise is good...and I do feel good after doing it. I really did everything I could to avoid having to take anti-depressents. But it just isn't working enough.

Still, I will take your advice to heart and try to refocus on getting over this.

Tina

This is a very emotional time for you and the depression is and can be very un-nerving to both parties. Men have a way of thinking and women have theirs. We expect them to read our minds, and this becomes the problem. Usually, when you are taking anti-depressants (and depending if they are the right ones and if you really need them) you are going to go thru some strong mood swings.

We are here to lend that ear to you, for all you need to do is vent your anger/ You are bottling it up inside as we all do and then wham, we either biotch up a storm or go nutz in our own world. I happen to choose the explode mood and go to the gun range - sorry dont laugh but it helps - others go for a manicure or some go to their shrinks - it just depends on what is going to lift you out of the short term funk, as it seems yours is just cycle for the ####### we all are endearing right now.

Stress will tear you apart, and sometimes even tho we DONT WANT TO DO IT, exercise some of that off - I know , I know, you dont have the energy or the willpower, but this episode of your life will be over, and when it is, then you can look back and say ####### happened, but until then, know that you have support here - you are having what alot of us are going thru - I just dont choose the meds because of work, otherwise, I would be just telling the doctor to give me the strongest stuff, knock me ####### out for another six months and this ####### will be over.

You can also search out a group somewhere close to were you live to help you discuss what is going on inside - talking helps. BUT REMEMBER ONE THING - and the only thing that will make this ####### go away is TIME! Coming back to the states without hubbie has got to be tough, I dont know since I have not seen mine since we got married - THANK YOU VERY MUCH USCIS - but ask yourself one thing.............you are going thru this hell because???? When you get that answer and we know what it is, then hopefully the depression will lift and be gone.

I wish you only the best during this time as I do to all the people that are undertaking this painful process - never thought it would be a piece of cake, but didnt plan on getting the batter stick full of chocolate stuck to my tongue either.

xxxxxxxx

[Nutty 2]

Yes, different there compared to here.

We have such a hectic life here, they have no clue.

I was the one who had to come to USA and look for an apartment, a job (two jobs really). Transition into a totally new life from before. While they stay where they are, living in the same house, same family....

In a way, I can't wait for him to experience it here just so I can see him sweat it out. Now that is a bad thought!

[Chica Yeyé 41]

You keep on going sister, and DO NOT STOP YOUR MEDS. People who do so are at a super high risk of nervous breakdowns and/or suicide. Talk therapy is also a must.

Know that you are loved. There's always room in my for more prayers.