Angry at Stereotypes... WHY CAN'T I LOVE AN ASIAN???????

[panamania79 2]

WOW. Can I just vent here for a second? For those of you who don't know me and my big mouth - I am the politically incorrect, tell it like it is Linda - the tall white woman from America. I am in love with TAN - the short asian from Vietnam. :-)

DO I HAVE TO HEAR ONE MORE PERSON TELL ME THAT A GOOD LOOKING WHITE WOMAN WOULD NEVER CHOOSE A SHORT SKINNY ASIAN MAN?!?!?!?!?!? What is the problem here???? Are asian men just off limits to white girls or are they just so physically repulsive that I would have to be cracked in the head to want one?!? NOT EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET is turned on by TALL MEN. Sheesh. God had to make ONE WOMAN that likes SHORT. It just happens to be ME. And since I am good-looking, I get hassled all the time about how much better I could do than Tan. Not to mention all this prejudice and stereotyping crapola is not only on the white side.... the viets are no better... they tell him, right in front of me (I SPEAK VIETNAMESE BUT THEY DONT ALWAYS KNOW THAT), don't take a white wife, americans only use vietnamese as slaves, are you a traitor? You are too different, you can't love each other. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

So basically, I am using him to have a slave in america (for what, exactly?!) and he is using me for a green card. OHMYGOD. He never even thought he had a chance with me, we were just friends when we met, I had a husband then. He was just intrigued because I speak vietnamese. Using me to go to a country where he knows no-one, has no friends or family???????? What will he do there, exactly?! His English is just so-so. He and I are so fed up with everyone giving us a hard time that we made up a song and sing it to each other....its a joke song about how we can't love each other, we are so different, he has yellow skin, I have white skin, he lives in the jungle, I live in L.A. !!! hahahaha I mean, really, what is so different here?!?!?!?!?!!??! He eats rice, I eat hamburgers?! GIVE ME A BREAK. Why is this so hard for everyone to accept? He even (jokingly) told me to gain weight and not wear makeup so the consulate would believe us easier since me looking too hot doesn't fit with him. ARGH!!!!! I had a hot husband previously, I was a cold fish with him. I LOVE TAN. I was crying today because I feel SO LUCKY - this true love stuff is a gift you get with one person, one time. I really believe that. You can have special relationships but your true soulmate is only 1. Well anyway, enough venting... if anyone wants to come to our Dinh Hon, we are having it in Nha Trang Vietnam in 3 more weeks....

*hugs to all*

KEEP ON LOVING

Linda

That is so far from the truth.In the neighbohood I grew up in,there was a large Southeast Asian community from Laos and Cambodia.Many white women married these men.I dated a Laotian kid when I was in high school.OMG,I wonder what people would say about me,a Black Latina with an Asian man.People can be so dumb sometimes,just ignore them or jokingly tell them off like I do.

[ILoveTan 0]

To be quite honest, I am not even sure that its the race stereotyping that is the problem ... people dont just judge that, they judge if one party is "better looking" than another party. Please tell me how you judge physical beauty?!?!?! I know a lot of you are going to be like, "boo-hoo, poor you" when I say this but its really a pain in the ### from my side of the fence....

Everywhere I go people want to know if I am a model or actress... here in vietnam, people go, "Oh MOVIE STAR, WOW, SO BEAUTIFUL". I know, its nice, lucky me.... but no one says, "Oh Tan, you are so handsome, movie star." That is part of the problem here. I know everyone wants to be rich and beautiful but coming from someone who (used to be very rich) has been both - IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY. People assume I must be a brainless ditz, a bimbo, a ####### - they think I have slept with 1000 men and can't tie my own shoes without help. They want to know if my nose/hair/tits are fake... AAAARRRGHHHH So, sorry if I sound stuck up or conceited but I am your "basic hot L.A. chick" and that is part of why I am catching so much flack over being with Tan. He isn't gorgeous (in the eyes of "empirical beauty bs standards") but to me, I want to look at his face all day. Like if he was an old, super rich billionaire - everyone would accept a hot girl with him but because he is a poor, broke short asian jungle boy .... they don't get it. Last night at a club, a white foreigner asked me if I was his high class call girl. That was nice. He goes, "You are all over that dorky little asian dude, I hope you are getting paid really well." I balled my hands into fists (to keep from smacking him) and just go, "I am giving him a freebee because he has a really big #######" and then walked away. DAMN, I hate people sometimes. Good thing Tan blows it off when everyone says, "She is way too beautiful for you" right to his face. He is so mature... much more so than me. He is really an example for others in the way he handles things, and he still so young.

FUNNY TAN MOMENT #412: He likes to run around singing English songs and he always sings about West Virginia. Jokingly I said, "You don't really want to go to west virginia - its only a place people live if they want to have incest with family members" (no anger please - just joking - I write comedy for a living ). Last night, the power went out and we are standing in the dark and he had to get on his knees to do something and I go, "this is great... I actually wish you were short like this (I LIKE SHORT MEN!), you just aren't short enough... I want 'child' short." He goes, "So have a son and just live with him in West Virginia and do as you please with him, no problem...." :lol: hehehehehehe I love his sick sense of humor... who could not love this guy?!?!?!?!?! Like the other day we are laying in bed all serious and he goes, "You know how there are all these news programs about foreigners trafficking Vietnamese to other countries for sex purposes?" And I get real serious and am like, "yes, I know - its so terrible" and he chews at his lower lip and goes, "can you do that with me? I really want to be able to tell my friends I am a sex slave in america" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH SO, does Tan look like the next coming of Jude Law or Johnny Depp... uh no. But is he the cleverest, most funny man in the world? Sense of humor makes me horny, what can I say??? Ok, well I am off to jump his bones again... he just woke up and he is "in the mood" again and I hugged him and go, "You have a problem again, huh?" and he starts singing at the top of his lungs, "Everytime you touch me, I become a hero..." hihihihihihihi Can you believe his parents thought he was gay before he met me?!? He aint gay but if you only get off on Dominatrix type women in vietnam, you aren't going to be getting off very often. We chose pretty woman style black vinyl thigh high boots for me to wear with my neon catsuit at our engagement party. They are getting shipped to me from the u.s. - he saw a picture of some of my shoes from home and was like, "the black shiny boots, uh...can you wear THOSE?" What a couple of freaks we are.... I really wish you could all come to our engagement party - what a blast!

*hugs to all*

Crazy "Dominatrix" Linda.... where is my whip? :-D

[LuckyDucky 0]

To be quite honest, I am not even sure that its the race stereotyping that is the problem ... people dont just judge that, they judge if one party is "better looking" than another party. Please tell me how you judge physical beauty?!?!?! I know a lot of you are going to be like, "boo-hoo, poor you" when I say this but its really a pain in the ### from my side of the fence....

Nah. I stand by what I said earlier, it's not about looks, it's about how the other person makes you feel and how you make the other feel. Being happy is so much more important than worrying about who is better looking. I wouldn't pay much attention to those folks. He makes you happy and you him, and that's all that matters! Just be grateful that you've found each other!

If there was any way I could be in Vietnam during that time, I would ask my honey if she would like to go to your engagement party. However, I just got back and all the trips are making my boss think I'm going to pack up and move there permanently. Heh.

[chuckandkim 0]

People tent to be uncomfortable with what they do not understand, certainly with unfamiliarity. You will attract points and stares, be prepared for you are the source that cause the attention, wanted or not, you'll get it! Don't feel angry, don't feel mad, for in the end, you are one who have to live with these engagement pictures for the rest of your marriage

My advise, the custome sounds awesome in one's head, but in reality and in the long run, not everyone will share the same interest as you. Think of Tan's family and the future Linda. It would be a great honor and Tan's family (relatives and what not) will appreciate you forever when you have a "normal" traditional engagement ceremony, in normal traditional "Ao Dai". For the sake of Tradition, let's think about this! I'd save all the wild and crazy dress-up ideas for the States side wedding

Either way, my senses always got my wildness...

Good luck and if you decide to go through with dressing up as supergirl, we want pictures!!!!!!!!

[Imua 0]

I for one have always found Asian men sexy. I dated a Cambodian guy back in high school, he was the first guy who ever kissed me, when I was 16 on Waikiki Beach... I still remember his full lips, features like a Khmer Buddha, the particular tone and smoothness of his skin(mmmm...), his tight wiry body(he was on the track team at one point). I am 5'3" and he was 5'4"just like my husband. I have always preferred short men, as long as they are not shorter than me. I never understood why height is such a deal breaker with some(most?) women, the way fat is with some (most?) men. I can understand wanting to feel protected, but don't underestimate the short guys - nobody f%%%s with the Gurkhas and they are shorties... There is something that feels so good dancing with Govi being able to look in his eyes or kiss him without getting a crick in my neck... I have never been a fan of heels so I don't mind not wearing them at all. Also in private moments it is nice being with a man my own height - it allows you to be more, ah, ....creative... I am sure OP knows what I mean, LOL...

[David-Hien 11]

People tent to be uncomfortable with what they do not understand, certainly with unfamiliarity. You will attract points and stares, be prepared for you are the source that cause the attention, wanted or not, you'll get it! Don't feel angry, don't feel mad, for in the end, you are one who have to live with these engagement pictures for the rest of your marriage

My advise, the custome sounds awesome in one's head, but in reality and in the long run, not everyone will share the same interest as you. Think of Tan's family and the future Linda. It would be a great honor and Tan's family (relatives and what not) will appreciate you forever when you have a "normal" traditional engagement ceremony, in normal traditional "Ao Dai". For the sake of Tradition, let's think about this! I'd save all the wild and crazy dress-up ideas for the States side wedding

Either way, my senses always got my wildness...

Good luck and if you decide to go through with dressing up as supergirl, we want pictures!!!!!!!!

ChuckandKim always gives us the good advice. IloveTan, I think that you should be carefully to persuade the CO by your paperwork and the evidences. The other people and their comments about your love is nothing, you should not mind about it.

You wrote a lot about these comments and your love, it seems that you pay attention about them more than the paperwork and the evidences for Tan's visa.

There are two ways: 1. No engagement ceremony, or 2. Engagement ceremony with Vietnamese tradition, it shows that you respect Tan's family and Vietnamese Tradition. That's your love.

Hien

Edited February 29, 2008 by Hien

[ridejewel 0]

Maybe, uh, she should get 'officially' divorced to her husband in Guam before she gets engaged, eh? I thought I would bring that up since she won't.

[ILoveTan 0]

Maybe, uh, she should get 'officially' divorced to her husband in Guam before she gets engaged, eh? I thought I would bring that up since she won't.

Why bring it up now when it is a done deal already. We are legally divorced now with divorce decree. What is the problem?

As far as Hien said (love that name, btw) about having a Vietnamese traditional engagement or not have one at all - WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO BE THE SAME in this world? Tan wants an american wife, he wants and american life and he thinks openly and differently already. His parents KNOW he is special and accept him and me. They are fine with us being crazy there and playing Michael Jackson as opposed to slow sad viet music. I dont think it is right for people to fake or hide their personality only to "respect" an ancient tradition. I am not getting engaged/married for vietnam or for his relatives... I am getting married for ME and for TAN (I also love and respect his parents, but as I said, they are FINE with non-traditional). So why should I have an uncomfortable day that means nothing to me when I can BE ME, Tan can BE HIM and we have a chance to show Vietnam that it is OK to be different, to be crazy, to be TRUE TO YOURSELF? That is my feeling... maybe that is an American perspective on things but I am an American and Tan WANTS to be one... so??????? I love love love Vietnamese people but as far as the country goes, there are some things that are LONG OVERDUE for a change here!!! This day is for ME and TAN - and he is a blue haired, tattooed maniac and I am a spike boot wearing, pink catsuit women.....

p.s. I am getting receipts for everything with both our names on them, hotel bills, etc and have 1000 photos so far not including the engagement party yet....

p.p.s it might be too late to be normal at the engagement ceremony because we printed invitations and they say in vietnamese (as if his parents wrote it): Please attend the engagement party where we offer our only Son to the most beautiful American woman who ever lived, a princess from California

[DanielParul 50]

I love love love Vietnamese people but as far as the country goes, there are some things that are LONG OVERDUE for a change here!!! This day is for ME and TAN - and he is a blue haired, tattooed maniac and I am a spike boot wearing, pink catsuit women.....

I thought Tan had "green hair"

Dear ILoveTan,

Although I am an Indian, I have been reading your posts and at first I thought you were really angry and frustrated with the people's attitude towards both of you... I just feel now that its more b'coz you both like the attention..

I belong to a country where some things are LONG OVERDUE for a change too.. fortunately my fiance is not too Americanized to think that all of it is just a chance to show everybody - how different you are.

Sometimes, people do things for the ones they love and out of respect for their culture and tradition. Do you really respect his people, culture and traditions?? (in which case, it makes sense to have the engagement ceremony) If you don't, then whats the point of having a ceremony which is going to seem more like a mockery...

No offence intended... Just a short, Asian girl's $.02

Edited February 29, 2008 by DanielParul

[ILoveTan 0]

I love love love Vietnamese people but as far as the country goes, there are some things that are LONG OVERDUE for a change here!!! This day is for ME and TAN - and he is a blue haired, tattooed maniac and I am a spike boot wearing, pink catsuit women.....

I thought Tan had "green hair"

Dear ILoveTan,

Although I am an Indian, I have been reading your posts and at first I thought you were really angry and frustrated with the people's attitude towards both of you... I just feel now that its more b'coz you both like the attention..

I belong to a country where some things are LONG OVERDUE for a change too.. fortunately my fiance is not too Americanized to think that all of it is just a chance to show everybody - how different you are.

Sometimes, people do things for the ones they love and out of respect for their culture and tradition. Do you really respect his people, culture and traditions?? (in which case, it makes sense to have the engagement ceremony) If you don't, then whats the point of having a ceremony which is going to seem more like a mockery...

No offence intended... Just a short, Asian girl's $.02

Yes, his hair is currently green but we are going blue for the ceremony :-)

I appreciate your comments and I do understand where people are coming from. YES, I like attention and so does he and he never had a chance to "stand out" before. Vietnamese have such a wonderful, funny spirit but are really repressed in their country. I give Tan the chance to really be himself and that makes me happy, and I am not shy in the least. I also hope we help other vietnamese see that is ok and harmless to be wild, crazy and different. I am not trying to hurt or disrespect them. I want to meet his relatives and friends, that is why we are having the party and we are proud to be such an unusual couple and want everyone to see that, too. But remember, I respect Tan over any tradition... his vietnamese roots have hurt him and stifled him for a long time, so much so that he thought about suicide alot because he couldn't be like he can be with me. Please try to understand our thinking. So do I want to put him in another "traditional vietnamese" sitatution? NO. NO. NO. Someone has to be first to show that things, even if changed and made different, can still be WONDERFUL, MAGICAL and SPECIAL. That is what I want from my engagement party....

Linda

[ILoveTan 0]

Maybe, uh, she should get 'officially' divorced to her husband in Guam before she gets engaged, eh? I thought I would bring that up since she won't.

One more thing.... I hope I didnt give you (or anyone else) the wrong opinion of me by asking about my divorce on here... this is the first time I have gone through something like this, the first time I have felt love so strong that it ever occured to me I might need to divorce "quick". I never thought about falling in love with a foreigner before and I never cared to look for another man because my marriage was safe and friendly, I mean my ex husband was so easy he even told me to stay married to him and I could date others if I felt the need to - so why did I need to divorce a man like that? (that was my thinking before). What I am really happy about is that my ex-husband is going to live in Guam for awhile to think about what he wants from his life now and that means we didn't do anything "scammish" by getting a Guam divorce. He is a citizen of Guam (under their laws), so a divorce there makes sense and all their divorces are quicker than in the U.S. mainland. He will have an address there so I think it is explainable why we got a Guam divorce.... he MOVED to Guam.

Anyway, I just didnt want you (or anyone) to think badly about me... my intentions in all this are good and not to hurt anyone. I am a controversial person (I didn't get kicked out of 5 schools for nothin') , my writing is controversial, I like to shake things up and change things but only because I see so many people not satisfied with life, not happy but not knowing how to change things and I feel that is my destiny and purpose in this life. That is why I am a gifted writer, so I can communicate and hopefully HELP people find happiness, even through non traditional, not conventional means.... thanks for hearing me out.

Linda

[DanielParul 50]

I apologise... I did not want you to think that any one is thinking badly of you.. Sometimes words don't convey the exact meaning... I also did not mean to pass any judgement on you both.. You are entitled to your happiness and should not have to explain it to anyone, right??

All the best to you both for your future and do post some pics of your engagement can't wait to see them...

[Teacher Mark 53]

Keep on keeping on Linda. I just gave the posting a scan but it reminds me of this:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...102999&st=0

I love the response that tells me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Someone must have been having a bad day.

[David-Hien 11]

Keep on keeping on Linda. I just gave the posting a scan but it reminds me of this:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...102999&st=0

I love the response that tells me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Someone must have been having a bad day.

Oh, what you said is about the racists?? That's why there was the war between VN and American.

I only wish that VN will become rich so that the wives would not need to apply visa to USA but the husbands, they would have to apply visa to VN and move there to live.

That day will come soon if the American continue the war with other countries forever.

Edited March 2, 2008 by Hien

[ILoveTan 0]

Keep on keeping on Linda. I just gave the posting a scan but it reminds me of this:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...102999&st=0

I love the response that tells me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Someone must have been having a bad day.

Oh, what you said is about the racists?? That's why there was the war between VN and American.

I only wish that VN will become rich so that the wives would not need to apply visa to USA but the husbands, they would have to apply visa to VN and move there to live.

That day will come soon if the American continue the war with other countries forever.

Hien, WHOA - slow down girlfriend. Vietnamese have a wrong idea about America and Americans and it isn't their fault. But now that I am with Tan (vietnamese man) I can tell you - he got drunk and told me what Vietnamese tv and SCHOOLS teach to Vietnamese kids... that America wanted to overtake and own Vietnam and that is the reason they participated in the war. I have never been the type of woman that walks around singing PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN but this is NOT TRUE. This is communist brainwashing crapola put inside Vietnamese people's head since they were young. America does not believe in communism. They fought a war against communism - NOT AGAINST VIETNAMESE. They did the same in Korea. Communism is what is keeping Vietnam a virtual sh*thole, poor, hard life, etc ... Not AMERICA. I go to Vietnam for the VIETNAMESE PEOPLE and I learned the language because I love the people but I do not agree with how the Vietnamese government holds these wonderful, talented people down. Please know, alot of what you have learned in your country is WRONG - brainwashing - do you know what that is? Not sure the vietnamese word - TAY? NAO~ ? Hieu kg?

As far as the racism post, I can't believe how narrow-minded people can be. But I also find some of the worst critics are the vietnamese women here - not the whites. They like me because I speak their language and am funny and friendly with them but once they learn I am taking a vietnamese husband, oh, how mean they get. They say we don't fit, they call me fat, big, too big for him, ugly (people, I am a size 6 with a 24" waist..how fat can I be?) they say I am worthless because I don't want to have this children and he is ruining his life. They say Americans are "AC" (nightmarishly violent).

Fun moment: Last night, Tan and I got rip roaring drunk - I mean DRUNK, as in DRUNK can't see the street DRUNK. Rum in Vietnam NGON LAM (delicious!). We went out to an all night PHO place on the street, it is dead quiet but with tons of vietnamese people (no foreigners), all tired, quiet, eating their PHO. They glared at us at first and then (dont ask me why my vietnamese gets better when I am drunk, maybe the no inhibitions thing) I start saying in Vietnamese to Tan (LOUDLY and ULTRA-SARCASTICALLY while laughing like a lunatic), "Why do you go out with a white american girl? Dont you know Americans are nightmarishly violent? Dont you know all americans hate Vietnamese? Dont you know Americans only want you as a slave? Dont you know Americans can never speak your language? Look at you, you are so different than me!!! We dont fit! You are short, I am tall. Your skin is brown and mine is white. We cant love each other!!! Its not possible!! Why does everyone else know but you dont know?!?!" Tan is laughing all this time hysterically and then starts spouting off, "Dont you know all vietnamese are communists? Dont you know all vietnamese are viet cong? Dont you know that I am viet cong? Dont you know that I want to turn you into a communist? Dont you know that I would commit suicide before I would eat a hamburger? Dont you know I want to hide in a tree and shoot you in your back?? Love you??? I could never love you - Vietnamese and Americans hate each other" Well, you get the point... we are laughing so hard tears are streaming out of our eyes and then we start kissing and making out in front of everyone (try to remember, we dont blend in - he has green hair and a big multi-colored tattoo and really dark skin for a viet and I look like a supermodel dressed in hot pink spandez and thigh-high boots). Upon us kissing all the viets start laughing and applauding, cheering and coming up to pat us on the back.

You got love "black comedy" but that was the best I have felt about dealing with the way people think... sometimes if you just say what they are thinking before they do, it releases all the tension. But I better get him out of here quick because he is getting way too brave, ballsy and open for this country where there are still very real problems with speaking your mind. Someone hide the Malibu Rum from TAN! ;-) hehehehehehehe

Linda (I LOVE MY SOULMATE, MY OTHER HALF, THE MOST PASSIONATE LOVE AFFAIR I HAVE EVER EVEN READ ABOUT - my TAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)