NEED HELP!!! REALLY... NEED HELP!

[rebeccajo 14]

Let's be perfectly clear on one thing....

If the OP were to leave the US today, she is looking at a 3 year bar. No matter HOW she wants to come back to the US or WHO she would like to marry.

If she waits another month or so (she did not give her exact entry date) she is looking at a 10 year bar.

So if she leaves....she is subject to the bar. If this man (or any other) wants to file ANY type of visa for her re-entry the bar would have to be overcome by a hardship waiver.

Rock and a hard place, for sure. Either the OP stays in the US by marrying this man, or leaves and probably cannot reenter the US for another 10 years.

[mariapoe 0]

Smart and young (read: naive...

Help your fellow Ukranian make up her mind, Masha.

What do you mean by that? I'm not naive... just trying to believe in people again...

Waiting around for 3 years for your man to make up his mind to marry you, letting him get you in trouble with immigration. Little naive hon, sorry. (I mean no disrespect. I just think you are being way too easy on him.)

Tashyta is not only Ukrainian, she's a Ukrainian woman. And I know how we are, especially when we're a bit younger.That loyalty man... I've been there, I'm speaking from experience... It's just me though; got tough on irresponsible men and fellow ladies who are sweet but a bit too romantic:) -- WHICH IS GOOD in the right place at the right time

[tashyta 0]

Exactly. (as if you needed little 'ol me to confirm it. )

The point being that the fiance needs to make a decision RIGHT NOW. He has put it off long enough. Actually he put it off long enough approximately 8 months ago. But time is truly slipping away now. Tashyta, your man needs to either marry you tomorrow or let you go home. You are young, a 3 year ban is not so bad. A 10 year ban would be awful. No more waiting around for him. If you are still willing to marry him then make him make a decision today.

Oh, he will find reason not to talk about it today, for ex. - St. Valentine's Day. Plus I am constantly pushing on him... So all our conversations keep shifting till the moment I blow up!

[tashyta 0]

Tashyta is not only Ukrainian, she's a Ukrainian woman. And I know how we are, especially when we're a bit younger.That loyalty man... I've been there, I'm speaking from experience... It's just me though; got tough on irresponsible men and fellow ladies who are sweet but a bit too romantic:) -- WHICH IS GOOD in the right place at the right time

Don't tell my SO that I said this, but Ukrainian women are some of the sweetest and faithful women in the world. I've known two women from Ukraine, and both exhibited these traits and much more. Tashyta you are a sweet girl for being so loyal to your man. But listen to mariapoe. You need to start thinking of yourself too.

I know that myself, but all the time I'm thinking that his problems are more important than mine. I know this is my problem, I'm trying to fight it, but you see result so far

[mariapoe 0]

I think I should decide myself what I want more...

You're a smart girl.

Smart and young (read: naive...

What do you mean by that? I'm not naive... just trying to believe in people again...

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I just think that you deserve to be treated much better that you're considering what you've done to protect your and your fiance's feelings. I hope he'll make a right decision.

[tashyta 0]

Then you need to start showing that other wonderful quality of Ukrainian women: stubbornness. Don't let him get out of talking with you. It's too important. Sit him down, get in his face, and don't back off until he gives you an answer.

That' s the problem, he never gives me a strict answer. It is always vague and not clear. It's absolutely impossibl to talk to him

[mariapoe 0]

Tashyta is not only Ukrainian, she's a Ukrainian woman. And I know how we are, especially when we're a bit younger.That loyalty man... I've been there, I'm speaking from experience... It's just me though; got tough on irresponsible men and fellow ladies who are sweet but a bit too romantic:) -- WHICH IS GOOD in the right place at the right time

Don't tell my SO that I said this, but Ukrainian women are some of the sweetest and faithful women in the world. I've known two women from Ukraine, and both exhibited these traits and much more. Tashyta you are a sweet girl for being so loyal to your man. But listen to mariapoe. You need to start thinking of yourself too.

Oh, he will find reason not to talk about it today, for ex. - St. Valentine's Day. Plus I am constantly pushing on him... So all our conversations keep shifting till the moment I blow up!

Then you need to start showing that other wonderful quality of Ukrainian women: stubbornness. Don't let him get out of talking with you. It's too important. Sit him down, get in his face, and don't back off until he gives you an answer.

Thank you mox for complementing Ukrainian women. We're nice! My fiance would strongly agree with you. He'd back you up on the stubborness comment as well; he said we'll start working on it as soon as I'm there... He better be kidding!!!

[Sprailenes 47]

What your fiance is doing is VERY unfair to you.

I hope he gets himself together soon and marries you.

Best wishes and I hope everything works out for the best!

[mariapoe 0]

Then you need to start showing that other wonderful quality of Ukrainian women: stubbornness. Don't let him get out of talking with you. It's too important. Sit him down, get in his face, and don't back off until he gives you an answer.

That' s the problem, he never gives me a strict answer. It is always vague and not clear. It's absolutely impossibl to talk to him

But you need the answer RIGHT NOW! Don't let him push you around anymore! He seems doing what is convinient FOR HIM and discussing important issues like visa when HE decides to. Honestly, do you really want a husband like that - promising but not delivering, just talking blah-blah-blah but not doing anything what a real man would do for the woman he loves??? Did you tell him what the lawyer said on the phone? I think it'd help to take him to a real meeting with the lawyer - real facts said right in his face by a professional may be an eye opener.

Udachi girl! Good night:)!

Edited February 14, 2008 by mariapoe

[tashyta 0]

Thanks to all of you!

Now I feel much better and more confident!

Happy Valentine's Day to all!

And good night!

[john_and_marlene 162]

I haven't been here for 3 years. I'm here just 11 months.

Perhaps you should set a deadline. Right now you have accrued enough overstay time that only a 3 year ban would be imposed if you leave. Once a full year has passed since the expiration of your I-94, you will have a 10 year ban once you leave. Give him a deadline that expires before a 10 year ban is incurred with enough time to leave if he doesn't meet the deadline.

[Grid 0]

Then you need to start showing that other wonderful quality of Ukrainian women: stubbornness. Don't let him get out of talking with you. It's too important. Sit him down, get in his face, and don't back off until he gives you an answer.

That' s the problem, he never gives me a strict answer. It is always vague and not clear. It's absolutely impossibl to talk to him

But you need the answer RIGHT NOW! Don't let him push you around anymore! He seems doing what is convinient FOR HIM and discussing important issues like visa when HE decides to. Honestly, do you really want a husband like that - promising but not delivering, just talking blah-blah-blah but not doing anything what a real man would do for the woman he loves??? Did you tell him what the lawyer said on the phone? I think it'd help to take him to a real meeting with the lawyer - real facts said right in his face by a professional may be an eye opener.

Udachi girl! Good night:)!

Tashyta,

If you find it impossible to get definite answers from your SO, it is time to change your approach. No one can make another person give serious and definite answers. In fact no one can make another person do anything. Since he refuses to give you definite answers that are crucial to your welfare, it is time for you to make definite statements about how you will respond to this situation. If you set a deadline for receiving answers and tell him, for example, that you will return to Ukraine if he doesn't give you the answers you need, then he will have to be definite. He will then either tell you what you need to hear from him or he won't. In either case you will have a definite response. Good luck!!

Grid

[tashyta 0]

Perhaps you should set a deadline. Right now you have accrued enough overstay time that only a 3 year ban would be imposed if you leave. Once a full year has passed since the expiration of your I-94, you will have a 10 year ban once you leave. Give him a deadline that expires before a 10 year ban is incurred with enough time to leave if he doesn't meet the deadline.

Well, yasterday, when I've been talking to a lawyer ha said that I already earned that 10 year ban. And all people here are saying that right now I still have 3 years, sI'm abit confused. The good news I talked yesterday to my fiance and on Tuesday we are going to the layer to find out about my status, so that HE would hear it too.

[DerekJ 0]

Tashyta,

You also want to consider the affect that the ban would have on your future if you do not marry your fiance. I realize right now that you may only see him as a marriage partner but suppose you don't set a time go 12 months on your overstay, he still doesn't marry you and you finally decide to pack up and return to the Ukraine. You then would be subject to the 10-year ban. Now suppose you meet another USC who is truly responsive to you, is everything you wanted from your former fiance but didn't get and you want to marry and live in the US? That 10-year ban is still going to affect you. Please move quickly for your own sake. Best of luck!

DerekJ

[john_and_marlene 162]

Perhaps you should set a deadline. Right now you have accrued enough overstay time that only a 3 year ban would be imposed if you leave. Once a full year has passed since the expiration of your I-94, you will have a 10 year ban once you leave. Give him a deadline that expires before a 10 year ban is incurred with enough time to leave if he doesn't meet the deadline.

Well, yasterday, when I've been talking to a lawyer ha said that I already earned that 10 year ban. And all people here are saying that right now I still have 3 years, sI'm abit confused. The good news I talked yesterday to my fiance and on Tuesday we are going to the layer to find out about my status, so that HE would hear it too.

I'm glad to hear he is going with you--hopefully he will do the right thing when faced with the facts.

I noticed you had mentioned the 10 year ban vs. the 3 year ban. I think perhaps the actual dates were not accurately calculated during the initial phone call.

overstay between 180 days and 1 year = 3 year ban

overstay of 1 year or more = 10 year ban

Your overstay did not begin to accrue until the expiration of your I-94 which should have been 90 days after entry--so you should only have about 8 - 9 months of overstay now. Enough for a 3 year ban, but short of a 10 year ban for now.