silvana.toma

N400 is for citizenship ... if u get Greencard from through spouse it's 3 yrs ....

tx!

Oh yeah, I knew that you weren't doing that - I was just reiterating RebeccaJo's excellent point.

I really try not to take BS from my MIL but at the same time, I am not huge on dealing with someone who isn't really my problem, LOL. Which is why I let hubby deal with her ####### most of the time. I'd rather that than she and I have really ugly words to one another. She can fight with him and they end it still loving each other; but if I were to do that, she'd just write me off and that would make our lives miserable going forward.

I ordered the books on amazon, i hope i get them soon!

I am not a huge fan of the power of positive thinking, but i tell you ..i always said that with my luck chances are i will find s super nice guy with a super nasty MIL. WEll...not sure if it's the power of your thoughts, but that worked...maybe i should try thinking about winning the lotery

I think this is the main point to keep in mind. I loathe any and all contact with my MIL but I will never tell my husband (or daughter) that they can't contact her or have her come visit, etc. Even if that means personal hell for me. I'll shut myself in a room and deal somehow. LOL

But the way hubby's family is anymore, it wouldn't surprise me if she ended up alienating herself from my husband on her own.

Well..as i said earlier that is not my case. That is so silly, and only a very frustrated and insecure person would do that. MY hubby refuses to talk to her, and I am the one trying to get him to forgive her. I quit trying, as i can not force anyone into anything they don't want to do. He has his reasons why he doesn't want to hear from her, and i understand him, and respect his decision.

We are a lost case, but for those girls out there that "have to get along with their MIL"and their MIL are just B##...i would advice them NEVER to take any ####### from anyone, no matter who they are.

I am sorry for those girls that have to stand the bad behaviour of the MIL just because their husbands are so close to their mothers.

A good husband would always be on your side, especially if he sees how you are treated. If he knows and doesn't do anything to defend you then you have 2 choices:you either change yout attitude(show her you are not a doormat)or you change your husband.

My mom was "that girl", all her life was put down, and treated badly by her MIl, had hundreds of arguments with my dad because my dad would always be on his mother's side...i have been there ...seen that, and i never want to be my mom.

I sent my N 400 on 1/25 and fingerprinted on 2/18 .. still waiting for interview letter .. Anyone interview scheduled ?

I have mine this month on march 29th for my green card. Is N400 for citizenship? Is it true that after 3 years of beeing a permanent resident you can apply for citizenship?

Depends what you want. Your interests. Respiratory Therapist appears to be a cool job! Radiology or ultrasound tech, less pt involvement than a RN, but I think (never looked into it) the pay is decent! Since I work nights, no interaction between Physical /occupational therapists, but thats another avenue. I'm not trying to paint a doom/gloom picture of a RN, lol, just trying to be honest.But their is always downsides of every job.

I agree with you on"But their is always downsides of every job" because i used to work on cruise ships, working for a huge art dealer, doing art auctions. I worked 2 times a week, and the rest of the time i was at the beach in Hawaii, the Caribbean, you name it.. drinking pina colada, and enjoying life..pay was good..so all in all it was amazing,BUT even with "the amazing job" there were times when i wanted to jump overboard...

I looked into radiology, and ocupational therapist, not sure how respiratory therapist is, after you told me about it in an earlier post, i looked at the clasess and it seems very demanding, meaning lots of very complicated courses..

I have to be honest and say, i did some soul searching and there is really nothing in particular that i would love to do, so that's why i figured i do something that at least it's worth getting out of bed, and hey..if with that i can help some people make their time a better time(like RN) why not??

Yes,I'm a guy! ADN= Associates degree! And yes I have given baths-put in foleys to men and women! And can a women (or guy) refuse, sure they can, but I have never had a problem! It is all about being professional!!

I want to be profesional too, i just hope i can leave my shy hat outside if i will get to do that

I have another question for you... you work as a nurse so i would assume you are very aware of what's going on in the hospital, meaning what jobs are out there, and how popular, and etc they are. So let's say you didn't get into the RN program,and the waiting list is just too long, with what you know now about the jobs that are in the hospital, which one would be your no.2 choice that you would go after?

With regards to a nursing shortage---it depends where you are in the USA. I know in the DC area, new grads of any education level are having a difficult time finding work. Of course in a few yrs that could all change! Economy improves, things get better. Economy lags along its going to suck.

There are a lot of burnt out nurses out there--why?? Because it is a demanding job. for 12 hrs (depending on unit) you run run run! Some nights on the PCU I don't sit. So you work ur butt off, THEN management leaves you a little note on your time sheet asking WHY you did NOT clock out for your 30 minute break??????? HELLOO, i was running my butt off!! But they dont care!! So what many do is just clock out--but keep working--then clock back in after 30 minutes! Because if you do take a break, your just further behind, then your having to stay late--which management hates----and if you have to work again that night--the last thing you want to do is stay late! lol You soon clue in that for a for-profit-hospital---the most important people are the ones getting their stock dividends! Management is fine with you working short!! It is not all doom and gloom, lot of enjoyable aspects with it as well, but the reality is that it is a lot of work, you can take a lot of abuse from patients!! Just last week 1 of our techs got punched from an ETOH'er (alcoholic redrawal)and now she is off work,, and no $$$$$ coming in! Work isn't helping her. And yes it differs from facility to facility and from floor type to floor type. My 1 sister back in canada is a RN that does soley diabetes, loves it, very stress free job! And thats 1 of the beauties of RN, lot of different avenues! And of course the more education 1 has,the more doors it opens up! I'm glad i went the ADN way, i work on a critical care floor and if I wanted to persue higher education,my employer would pay for most of it--better out of their pocket than mine. I think many people get carried away with the initials after the name, vice what goes before it!! Best of luck

I can not belive that the tech got hurt on the job and they would not pay her week off. That's b.s.!

When my hubby found out i want to do nursing(he works in a rehab center) he told me to get real, as it is a lot of work, but then when he saw how serious i am he told me i better start going to the gym(as you see from my pict i'm not a big girl)as this job requires you to be able to lift,pull,patients, give baths... and speaking of baths ... when you did that, did you had to give baths to women?(i would asume you are a guy, correct)I am not looking forward to bathing a man...

What is ADN way?

Congrats!!!!!!!

Have a wonderful life!

That's good to know that the pre-req transfer to other schools as well.

I am just wondering if i do the BSN, is that 4 years total school? or i would have to take pre-req first? That would put me to almost 6 years of school, and i'm not sure i want to do that.

I'm still far from even starting my pre-req, as i am still studying for my placement test as i am hoping i don't have to take any intermediary courses.

I agree with Suzy when she says:"Nursing is a great field for job security. The sick will always need care" a lot of people are saying that the need for nurses is just a myth, but when i read the news paper yesterday(the employment section) out of 6 pages total 3 were for RN and LPN's ...so there has got to be some sort of demand. My hubby works in a rehab center and he told me if i would be a RN he would hire me ASAP, as they are dying for nurses right now.

And Flames i did went to that website allnurses.com, but boy ...you get depressed reading that forum. People are so negative, and frustrated that it's such a buzz kill. I have been reading about nurses that got law suits against them, nurses that say they job s##cks, nurses that wonder why they chose that path, etc etc etc... and to be honest for me "the newbie" it's scary to hear this stuff, makes you wonder if maybe mcdonalds sounds like a better option?

And i bet there are days when a lot of the nurses ask themselves why they chose this career path(as i read on this forum) but come on...it's a high paying job, of course it will be stress. I would like to know one single job that gives you more than 60k a year and it's not stresful?

i will also go to VCU after my AOS interview(march29th yey!!)to see that BSN program...

Tx again for the help.

I just called the school i want to go to(j sarg reynolds), and asked them about the nursing program. They said there are only 60 seats per semester available for the RN program, same with LPN. I will have to take a year and a half of pre-req she said, and then i will have to see if there is even a spot for me to start the RN program. I would asume that the way i would get in is based on the grades I get on the pre-req? With only 60 seats i probably need to get straight A's on everything.

SO, my no.1 focus will be to get really good grades, at least that way i have a better shot at getting into the program, BUT worst case scenoario if i don't get in, will i be able to use the pre-req i took and try to get into a different health care program. I don't want to go to school for a year and a half(pre-req time) for nothing.

I do not intend to wait a year or more to get into RN because plus the pre-req, plus waiting, plus the actual program i will have white hair by the time i will be done with school.

There is another school VCU(really good school in VA)and they have the BSN program, that is 4 years, and few people told me i should try to get into that one, as it's better to have a bachelor in nursing than just the RN program...

What do you think?

I would really appreciate any info you can give me!

there are two genres of 'Placement Tests' so be warned, ah?

one is some 'basic' thing the college or university will use, to see where to put you for some classes, at which level.

the other is the CLEP - College Level E(something) Placement - and these are taken to 'get out' of classes - if you score high enough on a CLEP exam, you get credit for that class, and not need to take it at uni.

Good Luck !

Funny you mentioned that because i was just doing a sample placement test now...and it is so much harder than any i have done so far...and i was wondering why that was.

I have to say ..the education system here in us is so confusing..to many choices, i feel i need to take a course just to learn the system.

tx for sharing that with me!

Many of the schools have waiting lists and it can be very hard to get into them---they are very competitive when it comes to GPA! And one has to watch out--as some do not accept do overs!! As in you get a "c" in a required chemistry class, but when you retake the class you get an "A", well they wont take the "A", and ur stuck with the "C"!

Really not a new grad shortage in the Virginia area. new grads are having a hard time finding work, as the older nursers are not retiring---having to work longer because theirs or their husbands/wifes 401k crashed!

In my program, I bet the average age was in the 30's--lot of people lost their jobs, so they figured to give nursing a try!

personally, I would recommend another profession,lol there are a lot of disgruntled nurses out there--most of which are bedside nurses,lol Reason being in many places, management treats you like ####### and some patients treat you like #######! Then your wiping #######,lol Nothing like an ETOH pt to ruin your shift and on our PCU floor, we get them a lot! 1 sent our tech to the ER last week after she punched her! And yes it can be rewarding, but, its not a job I'm going to miss. Just saying! Prob better to go respiratory therapist or Ultrasound tech! lol

I think i'm going to try voluneteering in a hospital for a while...that would give me a better understanding of the jobs in the health care field, also it will give me a chance to see if i would even be a good fit for nursing.

So you are not working as a nurse anymore?

I had to do a placement test, and it was pretty basic! At the end it stated if you meet the minimum requirements (or exceeded them) for certain areas such as English and math! THEN many nursing courses have a pre-nursign exam which may or may not count to ur score to get into the program! Some you just have to meet the min requirements and that it--some your score is put laong with ur GPA to gain admittance into the program! Common Nursing pre-exam tests are the TEAS http://www.atitesting.com/Solutions/PreNursingSchool/TEAS.aspx

and their is another one put out by HESI, and I'm sure their are others. And yes there are books that can help with studying for it.

I bought 99% of my school nursing books on ebay.com, half.com or amazon.com. MUCH cheaper than what the school sells them for. Best of luck

I read something last night on allnurses.com that got me really worried. This girl wanted to go to the school i want to go to, and she had a 3.7 GPA, and also did some type at college at VCU which is a very big, and famous here in VA, and she still DIDN'T get in the nursing program the first time

other people were saying that the waiting list is 13-17 months!!!

I think with all the lay offs people have started changing their careers, and more people go back to school now then they ever did in the past...i bet 10 years ago it wasn't a waiting list to get into nursing.

I will have to get to the school and talk to them and see what they say, as the lady i talked to over the phone rushed me, and when she heard that i want to do nursing she said: "oh...that is a very hard program" That is almost like going to a store and when you ask for the price on something the sales person tells you: oh...that is very very expensive"

So i guess my conclusion is that i have to get over there somehow and maybe face to face they will be able to explain to me better how this works, because I am not going to wait 17 months to get into nursing

TX for the tips and help!

Thanks guys!

I feel your pain, as my neighbours listen to spanish music everyday from monday to sunday. Then when there is no music we have the baby screaming. We also complained to the admin people but with no avail. My husband said he will call the cops one day, that seems to be the only solution, but i told him we will move soon so there is no reason to make unnecesarry enemies...you never know what's their background...

What i did was run the vacum and hit it hard on the floor few times, cause they live below...but that didn't bother them ...they were listening to their music, and maybe they were even drunk so they probably didn't even hear my vacum.

The funny thing is that we are paying a lot of money to be here becuse it's a safe and a very nice neighburhood, and it was very quiet untill these people moved in....

I say you either buy a house or rent someplace else, and june is not that far.

Good luck!

You suffer from a personality defect just like me. We can't let this go. We keep going over it in our minds, we keep trying to change them. We keep stepping in front of the bus and getting flattened every time, expecting different results each time.

Dr. George Simon wrote a very good book called "In Sheep's Clothing - Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. Read it.

The big surprise for me in all these books was that it was ME who had the problem needing to be fixed. There is nothing I can do about them. The only thing I can change is ME. So I had to train myself to both accept I had to cut certain people out of my life, and the ones I had to deal with I had to do so more effectively using the techniques in the books. Boy do they work.

Dr. Simon talks about how very successful businessmen, PhD's, great athletes, etc. tear themselves apart and have nervous breakdowns doing it the wrong way: obsessing over how they can change the other person or trying to figure them out. I see it in you. I did it too.

You aren't going to change this until you accept that you have a problem. Work on your problem. It isn't a "bad" character defect. It is a weakness. You just cannot let this go.

Get the books hon - you need help. Just like I did. It changed my life.

ha...it's very interesting what you said, and maybe you are right. Sometimes i do feel like i need some profesional help(as she drives me insane, she has a very unique way of pissing me off, and then wondering why i got pissed off, or twisting what i say to make me look bad, etc etc etc etc etc), and you might be right in saying the problem is ME.

I will look for the book next time I'm at barnes and nobles, because I have a feeling i will probably need it.

Now i will have to meet with her, as we "started talking" again, so maybe that book and the other one"nasty people" can help me understand and deal with her, and in the same time help me help myself.

Ill keep you posted and let you know what happenes.

Tx for the advice!

Quick question..do you live in alaska? I saw your local office is anchorage. I have been in many places in alaska, and it's my NR.1 favorite place in the world.

Let me put it this way...we are trying to buy a house in a very good area, and the first thing that crossed my mind to buy once we get the house are: 1. a gun and 2. put security dors on two of the doors.

I am a security freak, because i believe that all the people who died in their homes(good neighbourhoods or not)NEVER in a million years thought that will happen to them. So it's always better to be safe than sorry...well you will not even be sorry because you will be dead.

Every country has issues and i don't think that America is the perfect country, but it's a lot more practical to people's needs than most countries out there.

I am still adjusting and i have been here for 8 months, and have been in US many.. many times, it's a process, it will not happen in a week, or a month...

I really don't think it is in your place to bridge the communication gap between your husband and his mother. Your husband has known this woman all his life, and if he doesn't want to talk to her then you have to trust him on this. You really can't force or manipulate a relationship between 2 people. You can encourage and advise your husband to forgive his mom, but emailing her behind his back is just going to emasculate him. He is a grown man, and you will just have to trust his decision. You can call him out in private if he does something that you think is wrong, but doing anything more than that is overstepping your boundaries. Just my $.02.

No, i haven't done that behind his back...that would be very stupid of me. He knew, and he allowed me to do it. And as i love my parents so much, i figured it's only normal for him to forgive his mother. We can not live holding grudges...where will that bring us?

I would love to get along with my MIL, as we play for the same team, and it really makes me upset to see that for me that might remain only a dream.

I believe in the unity of the family, as i come from a country where we take care of our elderly(family) and we are very close to eachother. So when she came crying to my hubby's work, it broke my heart,because i know she loves him. So i figured this would be a good time for me to show her that contrary to what she thinks i always wanted to unite her family and not break it apart...and this way hubby will forgive her, she will see me for what i am(and not for who she thinks i am)and we will all live happily ever after.

WE will see if this time things will turn out for the best, if we meet, and she brings her old weapons on the table then at least i know i have tried everything in my power to make this work.

Yes. For two reasons.

First, the literature says they learn this by example in childhood. She had an abusive, manipulative person in her household. Once you start down that path then you pick up a lifetime of experience doing it yourself and watching other experts outside the home, adding their tactics to your arsenal.

They go through what is called the "evaluation phase" with everyone they meet, including you. They try out different tactics and watch your reaction. If one tactic doesn't work, they move on to another tactic. If something works on you they will play it again and again and again.

They are more like machines than people. It is extremely difficult to deal with them because they are unreasonable, highly skilled, merciless, and will stop at nothing to "win".

For people with a conscience, like you, they will prey on that conscientiousness and use it against you. Despite what monsters they are you will feel sorry for them and give them yet more opportunities to poop on your head. They'll cry to gain your sympathy or feign hurt - but it is all an act to manipulate you. If they really had a conscience themselves they would feel bad about their behavior and stop it.

Yes you are also right that you have to read the professional literature if you really want to understand this. It gnaws at people like you and me, and we really want to know why they do it.

Other people seem to have the ability to cut them out of their lives and not worry about it.

You know ...you just described my MIL, and in her defense she had a rough childhood, and i mean that, so in a way i can understand the shortcomings but in the same time that doesn't give anyone the right to behave like that.

I will give you another example how she turn things around. This is the best way to manipulate a situation:

I e-mailed her and said to her I am confused as right after i opened up comunication between hubby and her, i never heard back from her, i know she called hubby but i felt left out, as i was also expecting an e-mail from her(it was the kind of e-mail that you are waiting for people to respond) THEN she sends me this(2 and a half weeks later)and i quote:" I'm also confused why your confused that a mother would call her son??? without talking with you first....

So....any normal human beeing would see what i ment, WHEN have i mentioned about e-mailing me first???or that i am confused why she called hubby??? ALL i said was that i was confused why she didn't respond to my e-mail as well, especially that I asked hubby to talk to her(and she knows that)

Every time she is cornered or I catch her lying(because she never lies, by the way)she either turns things so i look like the bad guy, or she says she gives up even if she would have a lot to say on the subject...OR she blames it on the culture thing...

I happen to be a guidance counselor at High School so I may have a few answers on this. Keep in mind that I work in North Carolina so different states could be different. Here the placement test is just to let the school know if you need any remedial classes in the areas of reading writing and math. If you fail the test in one of these areas it would mean that you may have to take an additional class in that area to get you up to speed in that subject and so you can be successful in your future classes. In North Carolina it is almost impossible to go straight into a nursing program due to the competition and limited number of openings. Most people go into something more general like medical assisting and then work their way into the Nursing program. While studying for the SAT will be helpful, the community college should have some resources for you to study that are more directly related to the placement tests that you will be taking. Ours offers books and online web sites for students to study before they take it. Like I said this is in North Carolina but it would be worth asking them and seeing if they can give you more direction.

A giudance councelor? That's amazing you guys have this position in schools, I wish Romanian schools would have a guidance councelor, I went to collage and quit because i started hating everything about it(journalism), they all made it sound so interesting and super duper, when in fact it wasn't like that at all. If i would have had a councelor maybe they would advice me better on what college to chose.

I heard nursing it's very competitive, but wow...that's preety bad. I will have to get to the school and ask questions because they are not very helpful over the phone. I have called 4 times already and they rushed me like it's a free school.

Tx for the advice!

I started studying math about a month ago, as i would like to get into the nursing program this fall. The comunity collage I am applying to told me i have to pass a placement test. I have been studying from the SAT book, and i have to say..english is not hard at all, but math is a different story..(geometry for me might as well be chinese language )

SO do you guys have any ideea if the placement test is as hard as the SAT? I want to get a really good score because i want to make sure I get into the nursing program...so i will play safe and keep on studying from the SAT book, but i just wanted to know what's the difference between the two.

Tx guys!

One thing to keep in mind...... Even though the bank agrees with the listed price, it doesn't mean the mortgage insurance company will. The bank doesn't care..... they're getting their $$. It's the mortgage insurance company which has to cover the shortfall so they generally balk and stall the sale while trying to get the owners to cough up the rest. At some point the bank will lose patience and foreclose, which forces the mortgage insurance company into paying out anyway. This can go on for months on end. See if you can get any history of the short sale. Have there been other offers accepted which fell through? This will give you an indication of whether there are problems behind the scenes. Anyway.... Just wanted to give you a heads up. Good luck.

hey tx for the info, Yes this home had a contract on it, but the problem was the buyers couldn't come up with the financing, and right after that they dropped the price another 10k. we offered 6k more anyway, because we had someone else put an offer on this house, so we wanted to make sure we get it. we'll see how it goes.

Agreed. I loathe MIL visits like grim death, but I would never tell hubby that she can't (or shouldn't) come. Or that he can't go visit her so long as we have the $$. He only has one mother, and despite her being awful to me, she's still his mom.

PS Have I mentioned that she's joined Facebook, added hubby and a few other folks as friends but NOT ME? Message SO received...

thing is ...it all depends of the kind of mother in law she is.....if she is just anoying, and doesn't like me...I could live with that, obviously we would not be BFF's, i would just ignore her for the most part and let hubby deal with her; but when you are confrunting yourself with a very extreme manipulative person ..things get complicated.

She knows exectlley how to drive you insane. For instance, we were all in a restaurant (the night before she told me in a "nice way that i come from a 3rd worl country full of pedofiles, and etc etc etc..i don' want to bore you with really nasty details...all this was happening when we were having a"girly time")and she starts criticizing my parents for not speaking english. I am the only child, and i love my parents toooo much, so when she started talking like that,i raised my voice at her(i was pissed from the night before so this was just the last drop in the bucket). She started crying, and started behaving like i was trying to poison her or something. So she looked at hubby hoping hubby will tell me something, but hubby wsa on my side...and that's when her hate towards me grew bigger....as she can never forget how i raised my voice at her.

I bet if i would start telling you few more examples from the palmares of examples you would look at your MIL's and think they are saints!

The next time you have a date with Mom, just let your husband go to the meeting, and you go buy shoes or something.

Seriously though - she's his Mother after all, even if she's not a very nice person. Don't ever get yourself into the position where you are legitimately guilty of keeping mother and son apart. It can cause you all manner of guilt down the road.

Actually I am not doing that at all, my husband didn't even wanted to hear about her. He knows what a big pain she is, and he wants to stay away from her. I was the one to try to get him to forgive her, because even if i am not a mother yet, i love my mom, and i understand his mom, they just want the best for their children even though they are not showing it the right way.

Tx guys,

Yes, the interview will be in norfolk, va. I was also thinking to bring in the offers we put on a house...that should help as well.

I have to say not in a million years I ever imagined i can do all that crazy paperwork alone(without a lawyer), but thanks to you guys i was able to do it alone, and save a lot of money. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I owe you big time!