daredra

Geez Louise
We don't. We man up, quit whining, and wait it out like everbody else.

Okay I am going to be a bit more direct.
1. Using this current visit as the basis for applying for the K1 is not good and the risk of denial is high
2. Using another a subsequent visit is MUCH better and I think this raises your chances of success
Just to elaborate on the above. Meeting on her failed K1 isn't the issue, as friends that's not a problem, it's meeting on that failed K1 and then applying immediately and with hardly any other "new" relationship evidence. I personally think it looks much better that she arrived, you flew to her aide, you chatted and got closer, then you waited and spoke more, revisted her and THAT'S when you decided you definitely had something special. It's at that stage that using the previous friendship stuff is fine. You've known her a while and that's good, but it was never extremely romantic (based on what you posted previously).
3. As Jim stated, Manilla does NOT appreciate co-sponsors for K1 visas but they are sometimes accepted.
The "sometimes" are usually when someone was/is a student and their co-sponsor signs an I-864 (because it's binding). The reason for that is they know the income should get better.
4. How long to wait? I would wait until you have visited her yourself. It gives you time to really decide if you want to be with her.
In all honestly though it will be very suspicious to them (even after waiting to file), that she arrived on the K1 and nothing came of it BUT as long as she doesn't overstay, she hasn't done anything wrong. Sometimes relationships fail but she didn't exploit it by trying to overstay. Or marrying someone else.
Good luck though. You might be up for a LONG ride.

Round trip tickets are generally cheaper, just don't forget to cancel the second trip if you don't use it. Generally it's not a problem, but I read two cases here where it hasn't been cancelled and their AOS was denied because USCIS said they left the US thus abandoned the process. Proving that you actually never were on that plane is not as easy as you would think.

What they probably meant by the "180 day waiver" is this:
You entered on a K-1 visa. That allowed you to stay in the US, legally, for 90 days.
Starting on day 91, you began to accrue "out-of-status days."
Having out-of-status days is not normally a big deal [unless you came in on the VWP, but you didn't, so don't worry about that] UNLESS you have more than 180!
If you are still here on the morning of your 180th out-of-status day, then when you leave the US, you will get slapped with a 3 year ban from entering the US. If you are still here on the morning of your 365th out-of-status day, the ban you will receive when you leave jumps to 10 years!
If you leave the US before your 180th out-of-status day, your new husband will have a relatively simple, reliable, and easy [as much as immigration stuff ever is!] process to get you a spousal visa so you can come back.
If you stay long enough to get one of those bans, the process to get you back in here legally becomes much, much more difficult.
Yes, you will have to explain at the interview why the K-1 marriage fell plans through, and how you met and married someone else so quickly, but that's nothing compared with trying to get a waiver approved for the 3 year ban, on top of everything else!
And to repeat what you've already been told dozens of times: no, there is absolutely no way, period, full-stop, end-of-story, for you to adjust status without leaving the US first. Any government employee who tells you otherwise is confused and wrong, and any lawyer who tells you otherwise is a crook who is just looking to take your [and your husband's] money and who doesn't care if he ruins your life in the process.
We aren't telling you this to be mean, or racist, or anything like that. You are in a difficult situation right now, and we're telling you the God's honest truth about the best way to get yourself fixed up, immigration-wise.
Please believe us.

Background checks are done at several points in the process, not just once. The adjudicator puts your name(s) into a program while they do their other checking. If your background check comes back "clear" they sign off on it and it is done (for that step)It takes only a few seconds. It will be done again at NVC and probably at the consulate level. If there is a "match" they kick it out for a "manual check" which can be done by USCIS or by the FBI which has a presence in the building. USCIS uses the G-325a to "troubleshoot it" If your name...John Dillinger, for example, kicks it out, the G-325a and other documents can pretty easily show you are not THE John Dillinger. If it gets given over to the FBI, I do not know what they do with it. Neither does anyone I know at USCIS. I suppose they do whatever they do for background checks. The FBI keeps saying they will, or have, increase their efficiency of background checks.

pdmacca
I'm certainly not naive enough to think that someone who feels that they're madly in-love would take any sound advice and take the time to really get to know someone before jumping into any kinds of comitment.. It is entirely your call and for everyone else who reads these threads as well.. The results of your descision will be yours and only yours to deal with as with anyone else considering a K1 visa or any relationship, domestic or foriegn. The advise given is simply that "advise". No one will fault you for jumping in with both feet.. Millions of people do it, why not you? however, millions fail, and a few, have wonderful romantic stories to share later with thier kids..
living on cliches and hyperbolies can be romantic but not real practical and not safe.. So, we actually expect most people that feel they can fall in-love over the internet to not be open to sensible ideas and advise, and certainly, we know it's not possible they will listen to anything contrary. But our advise can reach those that still have a little rationale remaining and result in others reading this thread to be thoughtful about all the things that a relationship needs to prosper..
For you Mrs pdmacca, It's great if it works out.. and I seriously hope you and Paul have a great visit and you really turn out to be "LUCKY" like jill and her man, lucky to have found the right person over the internet... It's a one-in-a-million shot, but who knows, you guys could be that "one"..
For the rest of the people of sound mind and judgement, hopefully they will take time to meet, and get to really know someone before commiting to a K1, marriage, kids and life.. There are a lot of things at stake, especially when doing a visa.. VAWA, integrity, Future Visas, Finacial Considerations, just to name a few. So the sound thinker must evaluate all those factors before making any comitments. It's serious business.. with lots at stake and not the least of which is emotional well being..
Kenny

QFT.
This is where I stopped reading, because I couldn't wait anymore before throwing my .02 in here. Kenny has taken a lot of ####### in this thread, and imo, it's undeserved.
Now, with that being said, I'll give you *my* perspective. I was living with a man in the UK for 5 years. I got homesick and decided to come home, eventually I agreed to his proposal, and we started the K-1. Now here's someone with whom I knew like the back of my hand...and yeah, we can all talk about those 'butterflies' and all that wonderful stuff, but at the end of the day, the distance has a way of sometimes skewering perspective. We hear and see what we want, which is easy over a phone/webcamera/etc, and while that may gel with reality, sometimes it doesn't. But it's easy to happen because the heart wants what it wants. In my case, the reality of what was did not gel with what I thought, and eventually I canceled the visa and moved on.
Everyone says that 'this is the hardest part, being apart'....and I can tell you that from my perspective, that's not so. I've been here on VJ long enough to see how the adjustment period is the hardest on the beneficiary...and can cause major stress for the couple (i think this holds true more for male beneficiaries btw)...there's a loss of identity, adjusting to a new culture, missing home, etc. I know the feeling of being displaced within a country - felt it when I went to the UK, and that was meant just as 'party time' and not 'real life' lol. There was no AOS stress, or 'hey this is your new life' hanging over my head; I always knew it was temporary. So I can't really imagine how it must feel for a bene, although I have an inkling. I feel the worst for the K-1ers, because they basically come here statusless and are wholly dependent on the petitioner, which must feel so odd as a grown adult.
Now, I am married with a child to a wonderful man...he's also a USC btw. And I can tell you this: as much as I knew him, as wonderful as he is, as compatible as we are...it was quite a shock 'getting to know' him on a deeper level when we both were sharing the same house. He felt the same way too. It was stressful at times....and it was someone I was with for a long time before we lived together.
Those of you who are now married, and those whose fiance(e)s are here - are you actually saying you haven't formed a deeper bond with your spouse since you met? You don't know your partner on a much deeper level now, as opposed to when you were just on the phone/internet? Come on.
Saying all that, I can understand people getting defensive over what may seem like Kenny 'challenging' your feelings for one another...but really...we're all adults here. More power to you if you want to get married before you even meet...but if your sibling or best friend were telling you the same thing, would you really not question whether that was the wisest choice? Would you just say 'great, you feel butterflies, go to it'. Especially those of you with children. By all means, do what you want, it's your life...but as a concept, and for the sake of this conversation (meaning, I don't really care what the OP does or doesn't do as it doesn't pertain to me), it's foolhardy to not vet your SO in person before marrying?
But this convo is superfluous anyways, because of USCIS's reqs.

Kenny, you don't have to tell me how relationships work. I have never claimed that butterflies and strong desire will result in a lasting relationship, because quite frankly, I know it doesn't work that way. I know people that met in "real life" and had the same feeling of wanting to be with that person "forever" and in the end it didn't work out because they lacked other things that were vital, such as communication skills, mutual goals and values, similar priorities, trust, even the ability to be friends and spend time together that didn't end in sex.
The reason I was telling you about how I felt was because you questioned if it was possible to fall in love when you haven't met the other person. It's easy for people to say "yes I loved him before I met him". So I gave you examples of how I knew I loved him (caring about him, doing things for him, making sacrifices for him, wanting a future together, wanting to spend time together, really getting to know him, etc... love is something that is difficult to put into language, but I consider those to be pretty defining features of being in love). You say it's irrational to think it's love, and you may be right. Like I said, love is hard to define. It feels differently to different people. But my interpretation of my feelings at the time was that I felt very strongly for him and had a desire to be together.
Having said that, there IS a huge difference when you transition from an online relationship to in-person relationship. You really get to notice things that you wouldn't have otherwise. How he uses his eyes and hand signals during conversation, how clean and tidy he presents himself and his living space, his habits, how he interacts with others, the list goes on. Having a transition from long distance to living together has its hardships too. Personally, we didn't have much surprise as we had spent weeks living together before getting engaged, and then several months living together before getting married. We already knew each other.
Someone recently told me that me and my husband seem inseparable, and when I replied that we just love spending time together, the person laughed and said "you've been married for just over ONE YEAR, wait until you get to the five years, ten years, etc". I was told that I was still in the honeymoon stage. And that's a fair comment, I know how that works. But at the same time, this measure of testing the relationship via longevity is flawed in itself; because at what point does it 'pass the test'? I know people that didn't think we would be together after a few months, and we're now coming up on our five-year anniversary of being together in the 'real world'. I know people that have pulled out of the immigration process; couples that met in the conventional 'real world' that are separated and contemplating divorce... do we get to say we made it because we out-lasted them? What about when we make our tenth wedding anniversary, are we still in the trial period? What about those people that have been married for nearly FORTY YEARS that suddenly get divorced, are we allowed to say that they didn't work out because technically it wasn't forever?
To me, if your marriage breaks down BECAUSE of the issues that are brought up due to distance, immigration, adjusting to living together.... that means you probably jumped into it, called it love, and weren't able to have a lasting relationship based on what you thought you had.

Hello Gemmie..
Your story is a wonderful story about sacrifice and doing whatever it took to be with your Significant other.. I am not sure how you compared my statements to your situation.. What you did is what most people in-love would do.. I've always felt my relationship was the most important thing in my life...
What I am going to say next will knock most of you off your chair and everyone will send me nasty responses, but here it is.. "Butterflies and Strong Desires" doesn't result in a lasting relationhsip... It's a good start, but other stuff also needs to be there to fortify the relationship. Compatiblty has a lot to do with how two people think and act in the less than perfect situations. Those situations cant be evaluated without spending time together..
So, that said, don't you see the diference between your sitation and the Original Posters Situation? You felt like you just had to be with your fiancees, and she didn't want to because she couldn't handle the separation afterwards. That is not a good reason and can't possibly know how someone really is until you meet. I've known many wonderful (Absolutely Wonderful) people all over the world, but we weren't necessarily marriage marraige material, doesn't make her a bad person or me a bad person, just not compatible...
I think it's wonderful and most of the stories you hear in this thread are heart warming about how people meet and feel something special. But the jury is still out on how that "feeling" relates to a Successful Relationship.. Sure all the butterflies are there and the desires, but when it comes down to the tough times and enduring long periods of hardship, are the butterflies still there and does BOTH members of the relationship contribute equally to getting through tough times? these are things you can't know until you've been together.. Anyone can say the right things and show the right emotions from 3000 miles away, but it's a diferent story when you live with someone day after day enduring all of lifes chalenges and realities. Then you realize what people are made of..
Those of you with the wonderful srories of how you met and felt immediately in-love, thats great, but really doesn't have a thing to do with what my point that the OP suggested she was in-love and never met.. The most dangerous relationship advise someone can give is to do it because it worked for me.. That's not rational, it's cool to say it, but it simply isn't sound advise.. Sound Advise is to take time to get to know someone before jumping into any serious commitments including the K-1..
How many times do we VJ'rs hear about K1 Applicants withdrawing thier petitions or cancelling the VISA because the Relationship failed.. If you would have advised them early on, they would have all said the same thing, "we are in love and we know we're in love".. K-1's Petitions are supposed to be for relationships that are already certain to get married.. We've seen here on VJ that isn't alway the case.. Some feel it's a try before you buy then if it doesn't work out, ship'm back.. It's true some relationships fail after a K-1 POE becuase of Homesickness, and that is a valid reason, but otherwise, K1 is not a "try before you buy" visa..
So that being said, the Relationship needs to be established before considering the K1 Petition.. If you review my Timeline, I Met Maritza 2 years before I proposed, then waited another year to start the K1 Paperwork.. I don't suggest that's for everyone, it was something we did that worked for us...
Butterflies and "Knowing Your in-love" alone, simply does not result in life long relationships. Those are "time tested" and "Trial and Tribulation" tested to see how both partners work together to manage life.. The rest of it is absolutely cinderella and Fairy Tale stuff... It's irresposible and irrational, and if it's something any of you want to risk, more power to you...
And I do remember reading that Cinderella was divorced months later..

ok allow me to throw in my two bitchy cents.
knowing youre in love and meant to be is one thing,applying for a visa is another.
youre going to be legally responsible for your fiance,and trust me,the amount of questioning youre going to go through in every stage of this process is much more harsh and out there than these people have already done.
i can assure you THAT.
being in love,having butterflies,knowing you want to spend the rest of your life with someone,all that is really really nice,but you have to be realistic.
how much do you know about your fiance?do you trust him enough to be his sponsor,meaning responsible for him financially during this visa process until he adjust his status?are you sure he has no skeletons in his closet that could cause problems for the visa process?
thats just the logical part.
the emotional part is even worse,you have to pretty much prove your relationship,to USCIS,to NVC and in the end to the consulate,wait what,6 to 8 odd months for a five mins interview where someone is either going to get convinced that your relationship is real or accuse you of fraud.
i was one of those people who found the whole idea of two people from different nationalities and cultures really romantic and fairy tale like,but this process MADE me grow up and look at things differently.it gave me a completely different perspective.
so,bottom line,it will be hard,it will be long,and it will be unfair,so make sure the one youre applying for is worth it.

I think this has gone too far. As I understand what Kenny is saying, because going from an online relationship to a married couple was a hard change and took a lot of work from my husband and I. So I won't jump all over Kenny, and honestly I think men think more rationally than women when it comes to this subject. I think if you put my husband on the spot and asked him, he'd tell you we married too fast though we met 3 years before getting married. I don't look at it as a fairy tale because international relationships have a lot to conquer, so it may sound sweet and unreal, there are a lot of things we had to over come to be where we are today. A lot of change as a couple and a lot of heartbreak from goodbyes to my husband leaving his family behind. When we applied for the K-1 I thought it was going to be like a fairy tale, I thought life was going to be great because there would be no more tearful goodbyes, but boy was I wrong, it's been a roller coaster. From financial stress to homesickness, it's great having him here but it's hard at the same time. Right now it's better than it's ever been as he's been here over 2 years and has his own life and friends along with our life together. No one really warned me what real life was with my husband, as all I knew was visits where one of us always was off work and sometimes both of us, we had no responsibilities and just were happy to have each other.
I'm a strong believer in online dating and relationships working out, but there is so much you just don't know until you're in that position.
Dawn, you can friend me, and message me anytime. I wish you both the best of luck and a happy first meeting! It's something you'll never forget!

'Kayla*Mathew' You also imagining things I didn't say.. I also met my fiancee in much the same way everyone else. I ONLY SAID, to meet before deciding... Nothing else,
And no I won't keep my Opinions to myself, Opinions are part of the forum.. They may not be helpful to everyone, but to some they might be.. Unless you're irrational... You can evaluate my posts and if its not helpful ignore it..
Kenny

Some of the phrasings in this thread have been pretty harsh. No one in love appreciates having their relationship called into question. But, I think kenny's right from an overall point of view. And there's a lot of perfectly needless "Poor victimized me!!!!" in this thread.......I know online couples can feel pretty defensive sometimes (we are, I've felt it) but get a grip on it, especially here - because a lot of us are in that same boat. I've learned to own and embrace our relationship and how it evolved. The more you play up and the harder you defend the unusual-ness, the stranger and more suspicious it feels to 3rd parties, and the cycle continues. Treat your relationship as normal and true, and so will others.
There are a lot of people who feel like they are in love based on their online relationships. One day they meet, and sometimes all their dreams come true. Sometimes it doesn't work out. On VJ, we don't hear from that second outcome because they never make it this far, but they are out there. And, until you do meet, you'll never know which side you're on! I think it's really great that our relationships which started out online came to such beautiful fruition when we all met in person, but to assume that anyone who feels in love in a virtual relationship will absolutely just keep growing when they meet in person is just silly.

This is just advise..
Marriage is a lifelong commitment... Not just "for the moment" commitment.. The factors that go into compatibilty cant be know until you've had time to really know someone.. I don't know how much time that is, it varies with everyone.. Don't get started on a battle of semantics.. There are to many people that believe they're in a fairy tale novel and that the rules of relationships don't apply to them... I should have kept my opinion to myself, but since you asked..
The Immigration process is based on these factors as well as others factors including fraud prevention.. I'm not a relationship expert, but everyone knows that "Love" can somewhat be powerful force that sometimes keeps us from thinking rationally.. If I see a couple making a normally bad descission, then I hope that I can say something that will cause them to think it through...
It clearly appears that my advise is not very popular, but I really encourage anyone making rash descisions about anything to stop and think things through...
Kenny