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I saw a VJ-er mention this in a post:

"I guess NOT having any of the "classic" HCMC Consulate red flags (divorce, children from previous marriage, beneficiary family in the US, introduced by family members)"

I'm just wondering why a divorce would be considered a red flag? And is the seriousness of the red flag the same if the couple is in their 20s or their 40s?

We are both Vietnamese. She is a couple of years older than me. We have no problem with any of the details of our relationship because the truth is the truth. I just wanted to cross the ts and dot the is so I don't get the RFEs or APs or non-pink. If necessary, we would go the CR1 route. That would give her more time with her children before she leaves. Maybe by the time the divorces are finalized she would have gotten new friends who don't know her and her ex as a couple and it would make the waiting easier on her. Right now she's only got me on YM, going back and forth to pick up/drop off her kids from school and making sure they're fed right. She had to quit her job because word got around and everybody was judgmental, as they do in Vietnam. Even if we did get married we'd have the same problem of nobody from her side coming to the wedding. But at least we'd be married. We just have to wait until we're divorced and get legal advice on which route to take.

Keeping old photos is a big no-no. While this story might be good for plays, entering into a marriage while holding on to past love is quite frowned upon my most people. That will be narrative.

Is this a personal view?

When Marc understands someone's situation (i.e., they've shared everything with him) then I have never known him to give advise that wasn't dead on. That doesn't mean he can always predict what will happen. Nobody can do that.

You'll have to share a little more about what Marc advised before we can give any opinions.

He feels that my case would benefit from getting married first as there are a lot of rejections for K1 from the HCMC consulate, and that I may have a bump in the road but will be OK. He also said the guard is changing in the consulate and things may get easier in the future.

OK, I've spoken to Marc Ellis. I think I'm going to go with his recommendations since he's well versed on both the US and the VN side of the equation Do you guys think this would be a wise move?

Oh well, I have those old photos and old letters - back when people still wrote letters. I also intend to make multiple trips back to VN before and after the divorces before filing the K1. Anything to offset the fact that we don't want a Dam Hoi ceremony. We don't need to ask anybody for permission and nobody approves of our relationship anyway

The problem is I don't think those methods of getting the MagicJack SIP credentials work anymore according to those blogs.

I think we have all the necessary documentation to prove that the relationship is genuine. But with the situation being what it is with everybody's disapproval of our relationship, having an engagement party is a little ludicrous regardless of what the local customs are. Most Vietnamese people of my generation living overseas don't have Dam Hoi anymore. I know, it's what they expect of local customs, but surely there must be an exception to every rule given the context of the situation.

Documentation I will definitely have. I will front load the heck out of the application.

Its for calls the other way IMO.. when she needs to call me and I'm not home.. she can call my cell anywhere in the US or a family member of mine free...

That is a very good reason to get one. Didn't think of that.

Yeah, I don't feel Dam Hoi is necessary but if they need one to prove something then we should have one. Given our situation and the fact that we rekindled, maybe that would be the exception to the rule.

I use the Magic Jack here in the US but I don't think it's necessary to send her one in VN because if her laptop is on, I would just rather see her on Yahoo video chat instead!

Thanks for the reply Scott. Hopefully the fact/pictures that we were together 20 years ago will help. I will look into having Dam Hoi in VN to remove at least one of the concerns. Who knows, we could just invite any body who wants a free lunch...

Ironically, if we hadn't rekindled our relationship while we were married, we wouldn't have to get divorced with our current spouses in order to be together, necessitating need to file immediately after the finalization of the divorces because we had to wait for them to get finalized so we can file...

Hi, I posted an intro in the K1 subforum before discovering that there is a Vietnam subforum, so let me reintroduce myself here

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/267475-hi-introducing-myself-and-my-somewhat-unique-situation/

My fiance and I are going through divorces in order to be together. My fiance's family and friends have pretty much disowned her and she has been written out of the will because they feel that she is selfish for destroying her family and what appeared to them to be a perfect marriage.

Both my fiance and I are in our early 40s. How necessary is it to have a Dinh Hon/Dam Hoi ceremony, especially given the fact that nobody from her family or friends would show up, and I proposed American-style anyway. We really don't feel like having one at all given the circumstances.

I look forward to your insights.

Thanks.

Hi Everybody.

20 years ago I met a beautiful girl in Vietnam when I came back for a visit, fell hopelessly in love but because of the fact that I was too young, wasn't even in college yet, could not financially support her, and family pressure on both sides for us to continue with our studies or face being disowned etc, we had to break up. She married on the rebound and I continued on with my life thinking that she'd forgotten about me. I also married and have my own path in life.

Fast forward 20 years, I got in contact with her by chance earlier this year, my Mom, who lives in another country, got diagnosed with breast cancer (she is now pretty much cured because it was stage 1 and she went through the chemo, wanted to go back to Vietnam to see my sister. I decided to visit Vietnam after 17 years because I haven't seen my sister and Mom together for 14 years.

During this trip, I had the chance to meet my girl from 20 years ago. The embers from our relationship still exist and we fell hopelessly in love once again, only this time with lots of life baggage as we both have children. We tried to break off the relationship 4 times because we know that it's the selfish thing to do to break up our own families for our own happiness but we just couldn't do it. We realized that we married the wrong people and should have been together all along. So now we are going through our own divorces in order to be together. My divorce is uncontested and fairly amicable because my ex-wife glad to be rid of me too. My girlfriend's divorce in Vietnam is going OK. We are trying to make sure that the kids are not impacted any more than necessary by being as non-confrontational with our current spouses as possible

How I hate California's mandatory 6 month waiting period for dissolution of marriage. Why can't it be 10 days like some other states

We intend to file for the K1 as soon as both divorces are finalized late this year. Hopefully there won't be any red flags as to why we were together while we were both married. At least I still have photos of us as a couple from 2 decades ago to possibly allay any doubts that our feelings and relationship is not genuine.

Wish me luck!

tcT