PurpleSky

If OP came on VJ saying "I am pregnant, but I have no medical insurance and we are broke, should I have an abortion?" ...there would be a chorus singing "NO" and giving useful practical advise.

I will add that I argued in another thread that lack of money is a valid reason to have an abortion (in case of unwanted pregnancy)

That's just it...usually if one is even considering an abortion it's because the pregnancy is unwanted and/or unplanned.

The OP is essentially planning for pregnancy. Planning is being prepared. Is it wise to get pregnant with only a temp job and no health insurance? Probably not. However, in this economy you can pretty much look at every job as a temp job because you have no idea when your job will end.

That being said, OP I would really sit down and see if this is feasible for you. What ways can you make this work? I'm sure you know, but children cost money whether you have insurance and a high paying job or not. There's really no way to be totally and completely prepared for the cost because many variables can effect the outcome, but you CAN lay a pretty strong foundation so if something happens that shakes it a bit, it won't completely fall.

I for one, was a teen mom (delivered my son a month after my 18th birthday) and had to do just about everything that was stated above: going on welfare, getting foodstamps, getting medicaid, getting WIC, having no savings, living check to check. Add that to having to start over a couple times with College then deciding that I just wanted to be a massage therapist and finally graduating from massage school (Dec 2010) and getting my license to actually practice (last month). My son went through all of the above with me and while I did pretty well with him, I know there are some things I would have done differently to give him a better life. By no means was his life horrible but I still would have liked to be able to give him more and provide a little better for him. I'm 33, while FH is 32. Yes I'm worried about having more children in my "old age" but I've told FH that when he gets here we're going to do our best to wait at least a year before actively trying to have a child so we can prepare a little more adequately. With that said though, we've already started planning "just in case".

After reading one of the threads here, I got to thinking about something...

Has anyone moved (or thought about moving) to another state/different area once their SO arrives in order to better help them adjust to life here?

Believe it or not CT is pretty diverse and we have a decent sized Nigerian community (so I've heard ) so I think FH will be ok from a cultural standpoint. Besides, since we're so close to NYC, we can make due with visits there when he's really homesick until we move down to ATL in a few years which has a very large Nigerian community. Another area we thought about was Houston but I'm not sure about that.

I'd made it my business to learn to speak Pidgin (which I was surprised is a lot like the Patois I grew up hearing) so I thought it would be fun and educational to get a thread going here. Anyone want to go for it?

I was going to say the 2nd date as well. That's the one that counts to them

Have a safe journey hon! God bless!!

Praise God!! and congrats to you!!!

OMG!!! Congratulations! This is awesome!! :dance:

Congrats!!!!

Glad to hear the update and I am wishing a speedy AP for you guys!!!! No worries

Thank you so much! I can always depend on you to keep my spirits up!

I would love the e-mail address!! Thanks so much! I feel like I have so many questions, thanks for being so helpful!! I'm glad the packet can get sent to me because I am definitely the organized one in the relationship!!! When you DHLed the packet, you just put his name and then the closest Post Office to him (I've only used standard mail, never DHL)? And how long did it take to get to him? When in Dakar did he stay at a hotel? Any suggestions on hotels? Did you make an advanced medical appointment? How long did the medical stuff take (a day? or a few days?)? Did you pay the entire fee at the embassy? On the US consulate page for Dakar it says something about paying part of it at Ecobank and part of it at the embassy, can you just pay for the whole thing at the embassy? I know you have to get things officially translated, so that includes police certificates and birth certificates, right?

Ok, I think those are my major questions. hahaha. I really do appreciate your help, I hate that I can't be there with him throughout this whole process. It feels like everyday I'm worrying about more and more instead of less and less . But it'll all be worth it eventually!!!

No problem at all hon! I've gotten so much help from everyone else here, I'm happy to be able to pay it forward.

When I mailed the package by DHL, I put his name and a PO BOX (you can use your friend's) and put on the box and on the slip "HOLD FOR PICK UP" in bold black marker. They told me it would take 5-7 biz days, but it actually got there in 3!!! I couldn't believe it!

While in Dakar he stayed at a hotel for a couple nights. I'll have to ask the name of it. The first time (when he did his medical) he stayed at one closer to the airport. The second time (when he did his interview) he stayed at one closer to the embassy.

We used the 2nd Dr on the list, and didn't have to make an appointment but the Dr did say to be sure to come at least 5 business days before the interview. FH said once he got there the Dr was very nice and gave him very good and clear directions and instructions on what to do. He said the Dr even said a couple things to calm him about the interview. The medical took two days because FH had to return to the lab the following day to pick up his results and bring them back to the Dr. I have heard of others paying a little extra and getting their results on the same day but it wasn't that pressing for us.

As far as the fee, I saw the same thing on the Consulate page and I emailed them to clarify it. The reply email said to just pay the fee at the Consular Cashier.

Yep, you have to get those things translated. You're all set there!

I was the same way with worrying about everything. I had to keep repeating to myself "God is in control". LOL I know my honey was getting tired of me asking him everything a million and one times. He was so patient with me though.

I heard from the embassy a couple days ago. They basically said don't worry this is a mandatory procedure now and since it involves getting information from other international agencies the time in AP depends on how fast the other agencies get the info back to them. One other thing is that the embassy is conducting the additional review so I believe it's a good thing (meaning our case didn't have to go back to Washington).

I heard from the embassy a couple days ago. They basically said don't worry this is a mandatory procedure now and since it involves getting information from other international agencies the time in AP depends on how fast the other agencies get the info back to them. One other thing is that the embassy is conducting the additional review so I believe it's a good thing (meaning our case didn't have to go back to Washington).

They emailed me packet 3 but the forms they attached were outdated. I just went to the DOS website and got the updated forms from there. Once I called the NVC and they told me our case was sent to the embassy I sent all the paperwork and documentation to my fiancé by DHL. It's a little on the expensive side but it's worth it cuz FH doesn't have a street address either so they held it at their office and he picked it up from there. I can forward the email to you if you'd like so you can get started on everything. Just let me know. Also feel free to ask any other questions you have while everything is still fresh in my mind.

Welcome knw! Your fiancé can interview in English. It doesn't have to be French. Also the doctors both have offices not far from the embassy. We used the 2nd doctor on the list. I believe Dr Rahmi is his name. He was awesome and gave my fiancé very clear directions on what he was doing and what needed to be done. If you absolutely can't make it be sure he has everything! My fiance's interview was last week (March 1) and he was placed on AP. Because there's no way to know how long the AP will last, we decided that he would go back to The Gambia rather than spend additional money on a hotel. All in all the process itself is fairly easy. It's the waiting that gives the big headache.

My fiancé didn't either. In fact he's from a country where it's very difficult to get one so I had to go to him. I was given a 5yr multi-use visitor's visa for Gambia which is a good thing because now I can go back anytime.

Sorry to hear that you guys are in AP. We were there for awhile. If it has been a month, I would call or email weekly until you get information.

We waited patiently for so long, and I finally emailed them yesterday, and they told us we were done with AP! If I hadn't asked, I wonder when they were planning to tell us that!

Have hope, it will all work out in the end.

Thank you! When is your honey coming home?

I'm trying to get a little more pep in my step because delayed doesn't mean denied. I just pray it goes quickly.

No we haven't heard anything yet. I'm just continuing with getting the house prepared for him. I bought a bed for us a couple weeks ago and planned on putting it up by today but I just haven't had the energy to do it. I was so excited to get it at the time now I'm just like blah. Maybe I'll put it up when we hear something or they tell him to bring his passport.

No they gave his back to him

I'm added too! My fiance's interview was just March 1 and we're on AP. The good news is only the AP box was checked. So all the docs were accepted. I just hope and pray it's not so long that something expires and we have to get it done again.

From everything I've been told/researched, when they hold your passport it's good because when they mail it back or have you come pick it up, it will have the visa in it. They hold it so they can just simply affix the visa without having to wait for you to come back with it. Speeds up the process a bit.

So, does this mean she should not make any decision and let God decide for her?

It means she should do just what she's doing...trust God. She seems to be doing a good job of that.

I don't have any answers just wanted to say Congrats!!!

I'm sorry queen. but if I haven't learned anything else I've learned God sees our future in our present. So rest assured that He will care for you. Big Hugs!

Thank you Rica!

FH had his interview today in Dakar. As you can tell from the title, he's in AP. *SIGH*

I had him run down the questions he was asked and he was asked WAAAAYYYY too many questions (IMHO) about his brother (who is married to my cousin). I mean I kind of expected that they would ask a couple questions just because of the family angle. But I feel that they asked way too many. This is about our relationship, not theirs. I understand that it could look like my FBIL/CIL would want his brother here but to be fair he has been married to my cousin since 2002 and came here in 2003. My view of things says he would have been trying to get his baby brother here years before now.

One other thing that gave me pause as to why he could have been put in AP was the question of "what does your fiance do", to which FH answered "massaging". I AM a Licensed Massage Therapist, but I believe they wanted to know what I do for regular work. I feel that should have been worded differently, ie "where does your fiancee work?" For FH's thought process asking what someone does, is what they do in their spare time. In his mind that's totally different than what does your fiance do for work/where does your fiance work. KWIM

All in all I know God is in control, but they didn't even give FH a date to come back. Just that they would call him if they needed more information.

Thank you all for your slaps to reality. I will take off the training wheels.