PurpleSky

Well they're not on VJ but my cousin has been married to my future hubby's oldest brother for the past 8 years. They have two beautiful little boys who are learning a wonderful mix of Edo (future hubby & cousin in law are from Benin City, Nigeria), Spanish and English. They'll be some of the smartest young men on the block. LOL

There are definitely ups and downs, but they're holding strong. I see what happens in their marriage and take what I can to learn from it in order to apply it to mine when it comes about.

Thanks for sharing PurpleSky. So your fiance is Nigerian? I would love to keep updated on your progress and see your pics! Be blessed.

Yep my honey is Nigerian. I just love him to pieces.

I know it's been a couple weeks since you posted this but I just wanted to add some "helpful" 2cents. I just returned from The Gambia on Friday and came in through Newark. I took the opportunity to ask the officer of the procedure when I return with my fiance. He said my fiance could come in the USC line with me with no problem. He also said that they aren't as busy as the other area airports so it's very likely we could be out in less than an hour. As it was, I was in line for all of 15mins from beginning to end. Everything moved very quickly. I was pleasantly surprised.

I hope this helps you a little. Congratulations!!!

LOL nope it's not just your honey. Mine does the same thing. I thought I was pretty well prepared having grown up in a very multicultural atmosphere but still had to take a moment to think on the actual meaning of "I'm coming" or "Let me come...". At first I was like what in the...? LOL But I soon realized he meant "I'm leaving" or "Let me leave and come back"

Welcome back! Sounds like you need a vacation from your vacation

LOL Thanks. I promise I had fun! Really.

Hi Everyone!!!

I'm back from my two week trip to Gambia. I had a good time and really enjoyed getting to know my honey even better. I went over with questions (was I doing the right thing...am I crazy...how will this be...will we decide to forgo K-1 and just get married...and a whole other list of questions). I got the answers to those but came back with a whole list of others. LOL

I will say that going to Gambia (as beautiful as it is) shed loads of light on the dark spots I had with certain parts of our relationship. There's always the "I wonder if he wants to marry me just to come to America" question and I have to say, I feel very confident that isn't the case with him. I also found out that there were things that he tried to hide from me but as I'm a pretty devout Christian, I believe that God will always give you vision and expose things that can hurt His children. It is up to us as His children to react accordingly. Long story short, God revealed some things to me and I called my fiance out on them. First he just sat there with his mouth open wondering how I knew, then he admitted them and begged me to understand why he didn't tell me from the beginning. They weren't huge things (at least in my eyes, but to him they were enormous) and I honestly wouldn't have looked at him any different had I known from the beginning. It was just that he tried to hide them from me. I had this long talk with him and pretty much said if he can't trust me then he absolutely shouldn't marry me. I even had a tantrum and threw both of my engagement rings at him and refused to wear them again until he proved himself to me.

After prayer together and more talking, we overcame that hurdle. I also got a taste of what it would be like to be married to him (as much as two weeks could allow. ) I purposely went over with only a little money because I didn't want it to seem like he would have it made here as they seem to think Americans are soooooooo rich. I allowed him to manage the money I brought over and we did quite well. I didn't starve to death and he even gained a couple pounds. I will definitely be posting pictures this weekend. I just wanted to check in.

I still have a doubt here and there...it's not because of mistrust or anything...just normal "cold feet" type of things. I realize the fragility of the man that God has given me along with his strength. I know I must take care of what I've been given especially considering the limitations my honey has. I have begun to find a balance with stroking his ego, praising his strength and caring for his weaknesses (I don't know why it seems that Nigerian men need more of this balance than other men. But I absolutely adore my Naija-born and bred sweetie. ). I ask myself very often, would I still want to marry this man if he was already in America and I was able to be with him on a daily/regular basis and my answer continues to be yes inspite of the "not so good" things we went through while I was there. I take it to show that this thing is real. Every relationship has a point where you think you can't move past things but somehow you find yourself further down the journey because you've decided not to throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble or at the first sign of a weak area. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying ignore blatant things just to say you've got yourself a fiance(e). I'm just saying pray/meditate and really listen to what is being said during those times. One thing I know for sure...this is definitely not a journey for the weak!!

Congratulations girl!!! I'm so happy that justice was served.

Can I ask you who did you purchase your plane tickets through? Where are the layovers and how much in advance did you purchase the tickets? What are the average cost of the tickets you have purchased?

Sorry for all the questions but I need to start planning for our trip to The Gambia next year. We went around this time last year but I was coming from the US and he paid for the tickets while in England. There are a number of available flights out of London regularly. It is easier to get to The Gambia from London then from here ....it seems. We are adjusting his status now and so we will be leaving from the US this time around.

No problem!

I sent you a PM with the info.

That's certainly a relief. I guess I was uneasy because when I said file the Adjustment of Status, he said "what's that"? LOL

Enjoy and have a wonderful trip. Take lots of pictures and bring some good music back.

B/W if you had more time I would suggest that you find a good tailor, get your measurments done, so you can have some A-line summer dresses done in some of that beautiful material.

Thank you! I'm really looking forward to it! You know, I've been thinking about that fabric for months now. LOL I'm planning on having an Africa Meets America wedding and wanted to have my wedding dress made from African fabric in an "American" style. So it's funny that you mention dresses.

Gambia is calling....

I hope you have a nice trip. I am missing the The Gambia right now. But I do not miss the hotness of Farafenni!

Thanks a bunch! I'm not looking forward to the heat at all! LOL But I'm sure the company will make it somewhat bearable.

Hey ya'll, I have a question...

I was recently engaged in a conversation with someone who has a fiancee here on a Visitor's Visa. She's been coming back and forth to visit with him for about a year or so. Well this trip, they decide they want to get married but figured there's no rush. He specifically said to me, her visa runs out tomorrow (which was yesterday) but we'll just get married next week and she'll be able to stay. I told him that it would be wise to marry before her visa runs out (even if it's just a civil ceremony) so he can file AOS. He said no, he'll just do it the way they'd originally planned and if she was told she had to leave the country she'd only have to be gone for the amount of time her visa was overstayed.

That just doesn't sound right to me. What would be the real likely outcome of this situation?

Just wanted to stop in real quick to let ya'll know I'm leaving for Gambia tomorrow to visit with my honey for two weeks. YAY!!! I'll be sure to post pics when I get back.

Thank you both!! I'm really excited and don't worry, I'll be sure to keep ya'll abreast of everything. YAY!!!

K&L was there a special circumstance that caused the last minute change to Gambia's Consulate?

We have a really inexpensive ring that looks like it cost a fortune. I actually have two engagement rings...he made one over in Africa and mailed it to me. That's the one I love the most. The other ring is something he and my aunt cooked up because she thought people would be more concerned about appearances. We got it from Walmart.com for $327.00 (includes 1day shipping and tax). I love it! So if you want something that doesn't put a dent in your wallet (or his) You can take a look at mine. I'll be happy to give you more information if you'd like, just PM me.

Good Luck!!

Those two points that have been higlighted above will probably cause you'll some concern at the embassy. If I were you I would read up on the interviews that have been conducted at the Nigeria and Gambia embass. Then I would suggest that you'll make sure you'll are prepare for all questions that the OP will be asking.

READ..... READ.... the Africia/Sahara forum very carefully.

Good luck and Congratulations

Thank you for replying! Hmmm have I got it wrong? I was under the impression based on the research that I've done (both on VJ and other resources) that he would be interviewing in Dakar Senegal because he lives in The Gambia (although he is Nigerian). Have I been looking at this incorrectly? If I have, that's a close call because I have to make sure I have put the correct information on the I-129F.

Also, do you think it will still cause concern given that I can provide proof that I have spoken to his father many times, even by webcam? I just have not had the opportunity to meet him in person. I realize that I have to prove that future hubby and I have a bona fide relationship. I didn't realize that meant proving family ties as well since he is not in contact with his family so much himself.

I considered my cousin and his brother's marriage as a potential stumbling block because they could think that this is something that has been arranged. But I don't want to leave out that they are married either because once found out, I am sure they would think that I was being dishonest. So I would rather include a brief statement of how we met and front load everything I can think of to show that this is real. I even have a statement from the Reverend who is doing our premarital counseling.

Just to put ya'll a little more at ease, my cousin in law (future hubby's brother) has been here long enough to file for his brother ( and other siblings--2 other brothers and 4 sisters) himself if he wanted him (FH) in the US. He (CIL) wouldn't need me to marry him (FH)in order for him (FH) to be allowed entrance here.

I am reading this forum very thoroughly, but there doesn't seem to be so much about those that are in The Gambia but there is good information nonetheless.

Thanks again!!

Hi everyone!!

I'm just about to get this whole process started. I don't think my situation is so unique (although it sure does feel like it). I have a quick question...did any of you fly here with your fiance after the visa was granted (Or do you plan to, once it's granted)? Why or why not?

I know this is thinking a little far ahead but I am trying to get as many things thought through as possible, considering it may not be such an easy process (future hubby is Nigerian but has been living in The Gambia for the past 3.5 years).

I have been mulling around in my head whether it would be better from him to leave from Nigeria to come here (this way he could be with his family just before he leaves) especially since he will be traveling back and forth to Nigeria getting his birth certificate, passport change (has a different last name), criminal record, etc for his interview in Dakar (since he now lives in The Gambia). Meeting him in Nigeria to fly back with him would also give me the opportunity to meet his dad and sisters (his oldest brother has been married to my cousin for the past 8 years) and also allow me to hold his hand (he's a bit fearful of flying such a long way...ssshhhh don't tell him I told you ) on the plane. Plus, going to Nigeria is so much cheaper than The Gambia.

Any and all thoughts welcome.

Thanks!!! Email Sent!

Ok so ya'll know I've decided to wait until my return from visiting my fiance (leaving next week, coming back in May) before filing my K1 paperwork. I was just going over everything making sure I'm good to go when I noticed I entered Banjul, The Gambia (because there is an embassy there) for Question 20 of the i-129f. Should I have entered Senegal (which is where the interview will take place---if I have researched correctly)?

Thanks in advance!!

Thanks ya'll for the information and pointers!

In regards to my cousin and FH's brother's marriage. I considered that the Consulates would think that but I also looked at it from another viewpoint..."if his brother wanted him to come here why would he wait so long" also "why would he just consider this one sibling and not the 9 others he has" <----these are not excuses by any means just other things I considered when thinking of the pros and cons. Also, I feel I HAVE to disclose their relationship because I don't want them to feel as if I am hiding anything. So while I mention it by saying "We met through my cousin who has been married to his older brother for 8 years". I don't go into it more than that. I felt it was important to show that our relationship exists and is strong despite how we met. That's one of the reasons why I included the letter from the Reverend who will be officiating our ceremony stating we are currently going through pre-marital counseling (which in Christian (we are both Christian) households isn't something to be taken lightly). Along with the other proof (I'm actually going to hold off sending it until May because I'm going to Gambia at the end of the month for a two week stay to be with him), I think that is a pretty good show of relationship. One other thing we did was start a wedding website where we write about our different perspectives and tell our story. I am torn as to include printouts or the web address for that.

As I mentioned my biggest concern is that although we have known of each other for 8 years we have only had a romantic relationship for a very short period of time. So I feel like I have to provide all this BIG information in order to be taken seriously. Which is why I've decided to definitely attend his interview with him although that is a great expense along with getting ready for him to come here and graduating school.

I will add something that I cut and pasted from a previous "Pushbrk" posting. (He is a respected member of this forum.) There are some countries that are considered "high fraud" and it mostly involves the fiance/e's...not the government. (Remember, you are going to an American Embassy/Consulate...not something run by Nambia, Nigeria or Vietnam.) Perhaps the reason these people were denied is something they don't want you to know about??? The list is as follows...

1. India

2. China

3. Vietnam

4. Nigeria

5. Philippines

6. Brazil

7. Colombia

8. Russia

I personally went through this with a woman from Colombia. My mind is still reeling from the experience...and my wallet hurts too!! LOLOL I went through the same emotions..."we are MEANT for each other" etc. But, in the end I figured out the scam and ended it. (Unfortunately, I married in Colombia because I was "impatient and in love"...and paid the price! The old saying goes...Marry in haste, repent at leisure!!!

A good friend of mine did the same thing with a woman from Russia...she bolted the moment her feet touched the shores of the USA. Filed abuse charges the first week and generally messed up his life.

Another lawyer acquaintence of mine did the K-1 thing with a Colombian woman. She too bolted within the first weeks of arrival...went to visit "a friend." Appeared at his doorstep on the 87th day and wanted to get married. He bought her a ticket to Bogota and put her on the plane! End of stories. Be careful.

Best Wishes,

Franc

PS I suggest that you do NOT get married in Gambia/Nigeria or anywhere at this time. Please read some more postings especially those from Pushbrk which pertain to this subject.

Thank you Franc! I appreciate your words of caution. Trust me, I am not taking this lightly. If my cousin was not married to his brother for the past 8 years and I hadn't known of him since then, it would be more scary for me I think. Yes I agree! I refuse to get married over there so I am praying that this is going to go the right way and get approved.

Thanks for your response trailmix!!

Yep my thoughts exactly...they have not told me why they were denied, just that they were. I've asked and haven't gotten a straight answer...always "you know how corrupt things are" or "probably because I didn't bribe anyone...you know money talks". I just can't get with that.

As for our evidence, here's what I have:

**emails between us (including an email he sent to my son officially asking him for my hand in marriage.)

**a couple of written letters

**pictures from my trip to Gambia to visit with him

**copy of my boarding pass & passport

**phone bills (land line and pingo.com)

**IM copies

**a picture of the engagement ring he made for me

**the receipt for the engagement ring my aunt purchased as a gift for him to give to me (she wanted to make him look good as well as help because she knew he could not afford stones in the one he made for me. Yes this means I have two engagement rings. LOL)

**A "upon visa approval" contract for the facility where we are planning to have our ceremony and reception

**A few pages of the well wishes we received on our engagement from my family and friends

**A letter from the Reverend who will be officiating the ceremony (includes a statement that we are currently undergoing pre marital counseling which will continue with a couple sessions face to face when he arrives)

Is this enough? Since I haven't mailed it yet, if I've forgotten something it's not too late to put it in.

Hmmm...see I've had it explained to me that my sponsor need only to be able to support her household with the addition of my fiance (not me or my child). I have it pretty good that my sponsor is my cousin and my fiance's sister in law. So either way she understands the "job" she is being asked and WILLING to help us with.

My suggestion would be to make sure that your sponsor understands that she is saying she will be financially responsible for your fiance. If this is something she decides to forgo, find another sponsor who will do it for you. But also keep in mind that it is very likely that your fiance could possibly be here up to 6months without being able to LEGALLY work. So discuss how that will play into your household. What kind of strain would that put on you and your relationship with him? If he is someone who is used to working and working hard, what kind of strain would that put on him mentally? One good thing that can also be a consideration is because he knows the situation now, he can possibly pick up extra work in his country and stack a pretty nice savings to come over with. That would be able to hold you guys over until your income is more stable.

This could be my optimistic nature talking but I would keep things as they are (with you having a sponsor of course) and continue to search for employment in the meantime.

Good Luck!!

Hi All...

I am just getting ready to send off my K1 Visa packet but the stories of denied visas are really making me clutch my package even harder. Here's the deal:

My fiance is Nigerian but lives in Gambia. We have not been in a romantic relationship very long at all (but we both just KNEW we are meant for each other). I met him through my cousin who has been married to his brother for 8 years. There are at least 5 other couples who I know (including my cousin and FH's brother) who claim to have filed for a K1 Visa and were denied. They were all involving fiances that lived in Gambia. ARRRGGGHHH!!! Because of this...they are all advising me to just go over to Gambia and get married then come back and file for him rather than going the K1 route. I sooooo don't want to do that because 1- I want to get married with my family in attendance (including my child) and 2- I guess I'm kind of old fashioned because I don't want to get married then have to live months without my spouse as soon as we get married. Ya' know?

I know situations are different and I can't help but think that they must have done something wrong for them ALL to have been denied. But I don't know how much of that is just being hopeful and a little naive. I did say that perhaps I will travel to go to his interview with him (I don't believe ANY of them did that) giving him personal support. And to show that we are definitely in this together.

Also is it too much to hope that the process could possibly be completed by year's end?

Thoughts, encouragement, advise, doses of reality are very much welcome.

Thanks in advance!!