Danni and Hamza

Thank you for the information. We will go ahead and look into the I-90

Thanks

Danni and Hamza

Hi,

We did a removal of conditions for my husbands permant resident status. He got his new card in september of this year, we didnt realize this mistake until just now. His original greencard has an issue date of 7/6/2011, and his new ten year green card has an issue date of 7/6/2010. He wasnt even here in 7/2010. How do we fix this? Will thier be any repricussions for not noticing this earlier. He is able to apply for naturalization soon, and hope this wont affect that.

Thank you

Danni and Hamza

What a beautiful video!!! And look how skinny you got for the wedding! Wow!!! How did you lose all that weight?

Hi Zoletta. Thank you!! I did lose a little weight, I was taking a spinning class at the time. Unfortunately any weight I had lost, i have gained back.... eh. I really need to lose my sweet tooth.

I love your video. You guys look so good together... and extremely happy!!!

Hello, Rascalcat. Thank you!. We have been very fortunate, and happy together. We have been married 2 years and 1 month, and hoping for many more.

Wait I'm confused. Your timeline says you interviewed almost 2 years ago and were approved. What's up with that?

Hello, Sarah and Adnan. This thread is a couple years old. So the OP has interviewed and apparently was approved around that same time frame

Hello sarsorti,

I registered for this site a while back, and have been pretty inactive. They may have actually removed me from their members list. If I remember correctly I had to download a plug in as well. Their homepage has some sort of moving graphic and I think that was the reason I needed to download the plug-in . I may not be totally correct in this, and I may be remembering something incorrectly. So I know this is not much of a help, but wanted to respond cause no one had yet.

-Danni

Oh and just wanted to add that I don't think the dominate man thing ( women must obey) is cultural. Power control issues and abuse is everywhere. Check out the US stats on domestic violence. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, on average, more than three women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in this country every day.

An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year. Is it cultural for US men?

Here is a link to a good thread, about this topic. http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/362974-looking-for-mena-success-stories/page__pid__5409938__st__360#entry5409938. I think this thread is only a couple moths old. It seems there r alot of happy married ppl on vj MENA. I am happy! I don't know about this cultural thing that some talk about , where MENA men think women must obey. That certainly is not my relationship, and quite honestly dosnt sound like a marriage at all. We have not had too many adjustments culturally, a few misunderstanding all the normal marriage ups and downs. I can't complain, life is good... And he cooks and does dishes bonus!

I'm not Muslim, but I did Ramadan with my husband last year and plan on doing it again this year. There were a couple of days I have to admit that I cheated. There were a few times when my dad made some food that I just couldnt resist, and took a lil nibble. My daughter didn't fast, but she really enjoyed Ramadan, because we did big late dinners, and then walked to my parents house to share leftovers, and stayed up late, and she also really liked after dinners we tried to share a little about our religions, and relate the topic to good life lessons that can be found in every religion. I thought it was alot of fun. It was a challenge not to eat, but so much fin talking about and planning big dinners, cooking together, looking up menus, and making goodies to share. Then that few moments before the sunsets, and we are waiting at the table and we all start to smile cause we know how we are going to just jump into the food and make pigs of ourselves, and then finally its times and the food tastes even better then normal. However I think my stomach must shrink during the day while I am fasting, cause I was never able to eat as much as I thought or wanted too Anyway, its a fun times for us, and I am looking forward to it. I can't guarantee a full fast EVERY day, but I try my best. I hope everyone will enjoy there Ramadan as well.

What an awful tragedy. Our thoughts and prayers are with this family. I pray god will ease their pain and make life bearable thru this very sad time.

I am really glad to hear all these happy stories, of normal families, living normal lives here on VJ. It really is too often that we see the doom and gloom side of how things can go in a failed VJ. I am wishing the best for everyone, and many long lovely years with their loved ones. I have been checking this thread a lot, cause it really brings a smile to my heart to see all of you happy in life. I don't post too often, but I do come to read a good bit (I work a LONG SLOW night shift...too much time on my hands)So it's nice to read and participate in a upbeat thread.

Well, I am gonna give hm a little break on the language. Cause English is not his first language, and I am in a place where I am trying to learn another language, and its very frustrating for me. So I can understand, how he could easily make a few spelling mistakes, and grammatical errors. However if he is truly looking for help we need to have an explanation for the discrepancy's in his facts. Because the more i hear about his case, the more concerned I am for his wife. Also if he lied to the CO about any facts, doesn't that put him in a place where he could face a ban from the US?

to the OP:

What are your true ages, and what ages did you tell the CO ?

Does your wife have a bank account ?

Is it your Brother-in-law or sister-in-law who is the sponsor?

Have you lied to the CO or on any immigration forms ?

Also, if you are accepting money from your wife, you should stop this. You should consider paying her back as well. I can tell you she has to be struggling financially. Maybe your don't understand the economy in the USA, but $9 and hour is almost impossible to live off of. Also another thing to consider is the opinion that her friends and family will form about you, for accepting money from her. If you were accepting money from a female you intended to marry in Morocco, what would her family/ your family think about you ? Would this be an acceptable thing in Morocco?I think you know the answer, and this is why all of us here are doubting your motives as well.

Hello Pol7410

27/46 or 32/50

I hate to point this out, but I noticed in your other thread that you said that you were 27 and wife is 46. However here you have told the CO that you are 32 and your wife 50. If you told the CO a lie about your ages, this would be a huge reason for denial. Always be honest with the CO, and on all immigration papers. I wish you are your wife only the best. Good luck.

-Danni

Edited to not that Palm tree just beat me to this.

My husband and I have been married for one year. The relationship part of our marriage is pretty much as I expected. The only thing that is a little different from what I expected, is how we communicate our feelings. Being as we had almost entirely an internet relationship while dating, we did alot of talking about our feelings. Now that he is here we don't do that as often, and I have to admit that I miss it a bit. I ask Hamza often, tell me how your feeling ? We used to talk for hours about an endless love He does tell me he loves me often, he is just not quite as romantic as he was via the net. He says this is because he is here now, and he can show me he loves me in his actions, and doesn't feel like its necessary to talk about it all day. He does show me he loves me in his actions. He Cooks dinner most nights, and if we are all home he does lunch too, he cleans the house, does the dishes, if I am working, or if he notices something needs taken care of he does it. He does the laundry, when I'm slacking. He takes care of my daughter when I'm at work, or sleeping during the day (cause I work night shift) He loves my daughter, and really treats her like she is his. That is the most important thing.He loves my family, and really fits right in with everyone. He is always making me special goodies, cakes, flan, other pastry experiments. He values my opinion, and asks me advice. So I guess maybe its a women's thing to find it necessary to talk about feelings, or maybe I just became accustomed to it because it was our only form of communication for a long time. However this is the only things that is lacking from our relationship.... and truthfully it is not a big deal, and I only ever bring it up with him, when I am PMSing

Other things that I wasn't expecting, outside of our relationship is the length of time it took him to find a job. It was almost the entire year before he could find a job. Part of this is because of transportation. I live in a small town, where job opportunities are non existent. He can not drive yet either, so he really couldn't look to far out of town, otherwise no one would be able to drive him to and from. Finally he found a job where he is able to walk to. Another thing is that he still does not have his drivers license. He doesn't really mind not driving, until special occasions come along, where he would like to drive to the stores (all 15 min drives or more away) to buy me or my daughter something special , and he is unable to. However he is always able to find a way to get something, or do something special anyway. These are things neither of us expected, and he did get a little frustrated about not finding a job quickly, but he kept himself busy renovating our house, and volunteering at the YMCA, going to school at the community college.... and golfing with my dad.

We have different religions, and I was a little worried if this was going to cause problems once he got to America... but it hasn't at all. Occasionally we have a disagreement about something, and usually its over a misunderstanding. Most things in religion we agree about.We are still working out the kinks, in how we will raise any children we will have religiosity wise. We are going to have a planned pregnancy, once we feels its the right time, and we can come to a complete plan/compromise on the religion issue. We do have an idea of how we are going to do this, just haven't talked about the details in a while, as we r not planning on a child right now.

Hamza has adjusted to life in America, really without any kind of culture shock, home sickness, or any other problems. He talks to his family daily, on skype... this has helped a lot. We are making plans to visit this fall, and that's something we are both looking forward too. He is family guy, and would rather spend time with me, my daughter, and my family then go out with friends, so meeting other guys to hang out with hasn't been an issue. However I do hope he finds some guys he can spend time with , when he wants to. The closest Mosque is about 1 1/2 hours away, so he rarely gets the chance to go. He does hang out with me and my friends and their husbands, and gets along with them very well.

Overall life is what I expected, hoped, and prayed for. I thank god everyday, for all the blessings that came into my life, when I met Hamza.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Sharh al-Mumti’ (6/115):

We must highlight this point, that going along with customs so long as they are not haraam is the Sunnah, because going against customs is a kind of vanity, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade the dress of fame and vanity, so that which goes against customs is also forbidden. End quote.

Hence we advise you to hold a wedding celebration and we ask Allaah to bless it. You should do it in accordance with the custom and tradition of people in your country, and you should not try to cast off all of their customs. All that you have to do is reject and avoid those customs that are haraam, such as using music – apart from the daff – and mixing between men and women

In your reply to my post you spoke of only promiscuity, chaste women, virgins. I find it a little off-putting that I was speaking to the fact that a woman's role in a marriage is much more then cleaning, and child rearing... and the first thing that you speak of next is sex related. I think this shows your value of women. Do you value women only on their sexual status, cleaning ability, and child rearing skills?

Every great leader in this world has had a good woman standing beside them. Notice I said beside them, and not behind them. Every great Male leader, and smart male in this world will tell you that their greatest supporter, ally, confidant, strength is their wife.

As for the promiscuity of any women, it is no ones place to discuss but their own. No ones place to pass judgement. Christians have a saying about this. "Let he who has no sin, be the first to cast a stone" This saying actually comes from the Bible. From a prophet I believe you are familiar with ...Jesus. John 7:53 - John 8:11. Its actually speaking about an "adulterous" woman.

I know you don't follow the bible, but I am quoting it anyway... because in your replies to me you quoted the Qur'an which i do not follow either. However you do believe Jesus to be a prophet, and I believe these are his words.

As for not listening to music or dancing... My husband has told me a story that was passed down to him about a festival that came to town in the prophets time. His wives asked him to go there, and so they all went together to here the music, and dance. He said that people gathered on the street to hear the music men and women. If this is true, then why is music now forbidden? I understand that in Muslim marriages, and weddings, that men and women are generally separated. This is the religion, and culture of Muslims in MENA, and no one can say its wrong, because this is their lives, and choices.

However if you are moving to a country with a different culture then your own , then you should be prepared to live in the culture you are moving to. You will be hard pressed to find a job, entertainment, restaurant, family activities, weddings, theater, where there is no music, or co-mingling. You might as well be a hermit. This is how it is.

-Danni

Salaam

However,it is advised NOT to marry a non-Muslim woman, nor is it NOT advised you to marry just any Muslim woman. For married life is not based only on beauty and attraction,or culture and race, rather the wise Muslim must look with insight at what is beyond that, because he needs to be sure that his house will be looked after in his absence, and he needs to bring up his children, and he will not be able to find that or other things which every wise husband seeks, except with a religious Muslim woman. This is the advice of our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper].”

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466).

Could you clarify. Are you saying the only reason a Muslim male would marry outside of his faith is beauty, and attraction ? Muslim men are shallow? Also please clarify... Religious Muslim women are the only women who can clean a house, and take care of children ? This is a nice sentiment towards the religion of Islam, and I am sure its just to promote interfaith marriage. However it is permissible for Muslim men to marry out of their faith. Certainly any male immigrating to America, not only Muslims males will have a much less narrow view of marriage. I say this because, their female petitioner will have to be some kind of career women in order to afford the cost of immigrating a spouse, and for sponsoring their spouse. So the marriage will have to be based on something more then a female to keep look after their home in their absence. As the female will most likely be the bread winner in the household till the time the beneficiary male is able to work.

By the way this post is meant no offense to the Islamic Prophet, in my view he was a great person. He brought many great wisdom's to the people of this world. One of those things was to cherish women...be they wives, daughters, sisters or mothers. Isn't it true that Khadīja, his first wife was more then just a women to clean his house in his absence. She was also his business partner, his companion, his supporter when no one else was. I read that the prophet went to his wives for advice even on the smallest of matters. So i am sure the Prophet of Islam sees more to a women's role in a marriage then cleaning, and child rearing. Which any women could do, not only a Muslim women. My husband often time tells me about how the prophet of Islam helped his wives to clean, and in their chores....so in an Islamic prospective, i think there is nothing wrong with a women who is not the sole care taker of the home. Also any male coming to America must understand, that in this economy chances are high both people in the marriage will need to work. This leaves the children to either be in daycare, or go to a relative. The families i know generally cannot afford for one person to stay home, and not work.

So any male, Muslim or not... must be aware of this, as his future spouse may not be able to " bring up their kids" without some assistance,in the form of daycare. Muslim women in America and around the world work, and use daycare. Especially if she is petitioning a male immigrant spouse, as it is very hard for immigrants of any country to find a "Good" job here in America right away. Marriage in my perspective should be based off way more then whether a women can clean, and stay home with children. Marriage is a partnership, with many dynamics...What you described is a housekeeper/Nanny. It does not take a Religious Muslim women to be either of these things. If I were a Muslim women, I would be offended at the very simplistic view of what you have made their marriages out to be. Even if a women is a stay at home mom, and she is able to take care of the home, and raise the children without assistance...I would hope the marriage is based off more then her ability to do these things.

I apologize for the rant,but your post was insulting to me as a non Muslim women, married to a Muslim male. I am also insulted on behalf of my Husband, because as a Muslim Male he would never be so shallow as to base marriage off these two simple things you have mentioned.

To the original OP, I hope that you are able to work out appropriate accommodations for yourself, and your fiance. Sorry for the hijacking!

-Danni

My condolences to you and Hamza, Danni, and to all who have lost a loved one.

We went through this in October when my husband's father died suddenly. Hubby had let his Moroccan passport lapse in anticipation of getting American citizenship, but, fortunately, he was able to to be part of the family online with them all day as mourners came by.

Connecting with the family through Skype and keeping up with what's going on with his mom, sending money to help her out while waiting for the annuity to kick in, etc. have all helped him cope with the loss and the separation.

May peace be with you.

Salaam

Thank you, and I am sorry for yours and your husbands loss as well. Hamza was hoping to be online with his family, when all the family and mourners came to his mothers home. It didn't work out though. Hamza was also concerened about finances for his mom, and we are planning on sending some money too. Luckily Hamza's older brother is moving home next month, and will be able to stay with his mom until he marries in June. So this will be a great help. Thank you for the wonderful advice.

-Danni

all my sincere condolences to you

انا لله وانا اليه راجعون

Thank you, I will pass this along to my husband!

-Danni

Hi Danni,

very sorry for youre husband and My condolences to you guys for your loss.

Try youre best to be with him, and make him feel you`re support... if youre family can visit him more often this week, and present there condoleances, im sure he will appreciated, its very important to feel that everybody loves you and feel youre pain even if they didnt knew his father...so ,yes if you can get ure family, friends coming home visiting him even if its for just for few hours this will help him to not feel alone!.

Give him space, but also, youre his wife so be the one to contact algeria and try get his family and talk to them, he must be very sad and maybe not able to think ,in what to tell them or even he will feel not bothering them and calling... a support from his friend in algeria is important too, even if its through: skype ,emails or the phone...its always good!.

we think about you guys!

Take care

Thank you for your condolences, and I will pass it along to my husband. Thank you also for your suggestions. I have been trying my best to be what he needs, right now. Love, and support when he needs it, and space too when he needs that. We have spent some time with my family, since his fathers passing and Hamza appreciated that. He is more of a private person, and would rather mourn privately, or just with close family. So we really haven't tried to spend so much time with friends. But he is doing much better now, after talking to his family a bit more. Thank you

The best you can do right now is to give him all of the love and support you can... Depending on how he grieves, you might have to just leave him alone for a while but let him know that you're there if he needs you.

Last June, my father's health took a turn for the worse and my husband and I decided that I would fly home for a month so I could help take care of him. The day after we booked my flight, my father passed away (we had booked my flight for the next weekend so I wasn't due to leave for another couple of days). I was devastated. I was very, very sad and very, very angry... My husband was so wonderful during that time - he stayed home with me because I literally cried the whole day for those first few days and I just couldn't be alone. I thought I would be coming home to spend some time with my family and hopefully nurse my father back to health but now I was going home just for his funeral. On top of that, when my husband dropped me off at the airport, we found out that my connecting flight was delayed which meant I wouldn't even get there in time for the funeral. My family had already extended the wake for 2 more days so I could make it home in time for the funeral (my family doesn't do long wakes because it puts a lot of stress to the loved ones who were left behind when they need time to mourn in peace). Luckily the airline agent was very nice and booked me with another airline so I could make it home. I did get to talk to him one last time 2 days before he died (not knowing it was going to be the last time we ever talked) and I told him how much I loved him and I'm at least grateful for that. It's been 6 months and I still miss my dad everyday...

I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for the thoughtful post, and for sharing your experience. As you mentioned, I have been just trying to give him love ans support. Being there when he needs me to be, and giving him space, when he needs it too. He is doing much better now. He has spoken with his family a bit more, and has gotten a little closure in knowing more about what happened. It was just seemed very sudden, we had talked to him the day before... he was planning a visit, and had just purchased his airline tickets. So we were planning some of the details. Just didn't seem real when we got the call the next day. Thanks again !

I lost both my parents while I was in the U.S. unable to say goodbye, unable to attend any of their funerals, so let me answer your question from my personal perspective. You might find it a bit strange, perhaps even heartless, but you asked.

As every Buddhist is well aware of, we have no way of influencing things beyond our control, which includes the death of a loved one. What we can influence, however, is our own reaction to events, as we have a mind, intelligence, and self-control.

Some people are devastated about such an event, unable to eat, unable to work, get depressed, cry like a baby. My wife is one of those.

Others, and I belong to the latter group, know that not being able to attend a funeral means nothing to the deceased. He's dead. He doesn't see, he doesn't mind, he doesn't care, he's gone already. What's left is a lifeless body that will be burned or eaten by worms and thus returned to where it came from.

The father is dead, yet he will always live. He continues to live in the memories your husband has of him. I therefore like to turn epilogues into celebrations of life: remembering a person, the best of him or her, reflecting on the most memorable moments in life, instead of mourning the loss. Life: nobody gets out of it alive. So explain to your husband that his depression and pain are only hurt himself, not his dad, not anybody else, perhaps with the exception of you, as you stand by your man.

I would say as politely as I can: "get over it. Your dad is gone. Remember him as the best dad you ever had, and now let's focus on the now, not on the past. Try to take it like a grown up man."

I wrote my two epilogues and mailed them to my daughter. She read them at the funerals and reported that they were very well received. To this day I remember my parents in the best possible way. I have photos of them in my hallway, and they live on in my memories, as that's the only thing that survives time unconditionally.

Thanks for the advice, I agree mostly. My husband thinks along the same way too. He's not sad for the person who died, and knows there is nothing he could have done, just sad because he will miss him. Along the same line, he also knows that his father will not miss him at his funeral, and that he would have understood him missing it. However, he would have liked to have been there to support his family, and to get some kind of closure. He is doing much better now. The first few days are always hard. He has been able to talk to his family a lil more, and has gotten a little closure. So he is not so far gone and depressed, and out of reality that I need to wake him up with a "get over it". I appreciate what you are saying, and know where you are coming from. I am sorry for the losses that you have suffered too!

-Danni

Oh Danni, I am so sorry about your husband's loss. I know that has to be so hard to be so far away.

My prayers are with you and your husband.

Oh Danni, I am so sorry about your husband's loss. I know that has to be so hard to be so far away.

My prayers are with you and your husband.

Thank you, and I will pass your condolences along to my husband!

It must be so hard. Just be there for him. Listen when he wants you to, give him space when he needs it and just let him know you are there.

Thank you, this is pretty much what I have been doing. I think its the right thing to do in this case, and he is doing much better now. Thank you for the thoughtful advice!

Thanks for all the thoughtful posts. As most of you have said, I have just been trying to give him his space, and be a good listener. Today was really hard, cause they are doing a Funeral for his father, and he can't attend... and nobody has contacted him today. I am sure they are very busy, and he knows this too.

WOM- Your idea of the flowers, candle, Qur'an verse, and pictures was very nice. Maybe I can try to work something out like this tonight!

I am sorry for the losses with in your families that have led you to have these experiences, and thank you for sharing about them.

-Danni

Hello Everyone,

I come with some sad news tonight. My husbands father passed away yesterday. He won't be able to attend the funeral, or even visit his family until this summer. Can anyone tell me how they have helped their spouse deal with a similar situation. He had such a horrible day today, and I am just not sure how to help him. In a normal situation, we would be with his family, and attend the funeral. I can only imagine how alone he feels. I never had the chance to meet his father in person, so I am grieving for his loss... but not like someone who had a close relationship with him. Hamza told me that after a death many people will come and stay for long hours with the surviving family at their home. I asked Hamza if he wanted to have some of our family and friends in the USA come, and he would rather mourn alone. Im sure it would not be the same, as none of them would have known his father. Anyway, any suggestions on how to help someone deal with a death, from thousands of miles away would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance

Danni

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope that everyone has a safe, and enjoyable holiday.