Christi and Ian

That's part of the problem with this whole process. Marrying someone who lives 5000 miles away makes it easy for secrets to be kept...I don't know how extensively you knew his financial situation when you decided to get married. I was lucky enough that Ian could come over twice a year for 90 days at a time, and we were open with our finances...that can be really difficult to do, particularly when they're not good. I make over twice as much as my husband, but I knew that going in and knew I would be the primary breadwinner.
But money problems are the primary cause for divorce, for good reason. No matter how much you love someone, you simply cannot live too long feeling insecure when your partner just refuses to talk about it or work to find a remedy (I'm assuming this is the case).
So it's time to evaluate whether this can be fixed or whether it's time to cut your losses. Personally, not being able to bring my daughter over would have been a deal breaker. I hope he is able to find a job, and the two of you can find that spark that you had when you got married, but if not...don't keep digging the hole..

thank you everyone for your great and not so great advice. Yes i love him but i believe that love is an action, his actions are not that of love..Being with someone who barely talks to you and attemps to leave everytime you ask about work is not a pleasant situation. Love cant buy your food at the end of the week. Yes it was a huge sacrifice where i had to leave my daughter, I told her it would only be another 7 months and she could come see me, and being lied to about her visa application was a huge punch in the guts, i dont know when i will be able to afford to apply for her visa now, using all my money i am now unable to afford to go see her or my sick father.....
I have always earned more than my husband and paid for every part of my visa and the initial application for my daughter (who knows where the money went). I paid for all my own trips to the US. I am not a whining woman who feels entitled and no one living up to my expectations. I had these expectations because i was told a completely different story. Being lied to broke a trust that i need to find again. The reason i had a 10 year GC was because i worked hard on my relationship over the past 4 years and jumped through all the right hoops to get it. It wasnt handed to me on a silver platter by any means. He was unable to come to the UK to live because he had no passport because of child arears, which i found out after we married. I have been extremely gentle with him in his search for employment as well as everything else. The job i have at the moment just about covers the rent, bills and food, there is no room for anything else...
I understand the importance of marriage my own parents have just celebrated 50 years together. They taught me by example. I am not here for a free ride from some rich american, i am a stable, independant woman. I understand alot of things because i have not always been that way. I have been in worst situations than this believe me. My intuition is not right with the situation and i am trusting it.
The resentment has set in and it feels bad and its not because i am a spoilt brat.. I forgot to mention i had found a mney order an australian woman has sent him just after i married him. A woman he had been talking to online. It was for only 600$. I asked him what it was he said a present!! I accepted it because i trusted him. Turned out they had been talking for years ......... So who knows ........................................
I have my boundries and healthy expectations of things. I am not a doormat for anyone... I am prepared to give it another 6 months and see how it goes. After that i will make another decision.
One thing i know for sure we all have a choice in life....... when we let others take away our choices we give them power. The only person i can change is myself. I know that, so i try to change myself in order to grow and blossom in life. In a marriage it is 2 halves each independant. I dont buy into co dependancy or power struggles, we each have a right to be...... when a person is taking away and expecting someone else to do all the work, they dont have that persons best interests at heart.
so thank you everyone who made comments today i appreciate your advice and opinions. It was the first time i let out my resentment. And i feel alot clearer now, i remembered i have a choice ))))

Oh actually many people find it interesting, because when I came here I didn't speak at all. I mean AT ALL, I couldn't understand what people saying either. But I was young enough I guess, so it wasn't too hard for me to learn words from TV and use limited amount of words to explain almost everything with this limit. I also didn't have anybody to speak Russian to, so I had to learn or noone would understand me. I also had to go to hospital almost everyday talking to doctors (my son was born with the heart defect and he was in NICU for long time, and they didn't always have interpreter for me so... had to be strong and get into it). I also have a college degree so I use to learn new difficult things.. Well I don't know, I was just living here and learning from people. Thank you for your kind words and for helping.

Being a soldier and risking his life doesn't excuse abuse. Of course people are advising off her side of the story, what else would they do? That is the case for every single post here. Posters have to assume what is being said is true in order to give advice. I'm not sure where your hostility is coming from in calling her out as ridiculous and horrible based on ... the idea that she COULD be lying? We all could be, you included. But unless her spouse comes here to defend himself we will have to assume what she says is true. And it does read like a classic abusive relationship.

Because the husband is in the military he deserves more leeway? No sale. Take half of what's been told as the actual truth and the husband is not acting like a decent person.

If the husband's CO got wind of this he would be in deep $&it.

There is something seriously wrong here, this is not a normal loving relationship where two people devote themselves to the other and cares for their needs. The motive for this can be little other than some sort of control/abuse. You cannot keep a marriage a "secret" and adjust status where you must demostrate you are living as married people live.
You definitely need some sort of professional help either from an attorney or from a spousal abuse organization.

There is something very, very wrong here. You need more help than simply filing papers. Your relationship sounds tragic and abusive and not healthy for you at all. Your husband should be helping you, supporting you, loving you. It doesn't sound like he's doing ANY of this.

Okay, it's clear you're being abused. Find help from an organization that helps abused spouses and/or organizations that help immigrants. You have to work up the courage to help yourself or no one on this board can help you.

The poster's story has a lot of indications of spousal abuse. For instance, denying someone the ability to have a bank account or have their own money is a way of maintaining absolute control over someone. So is refusing to help file basic adjustment of status paperwork so that the spouse can work, travel outside the U.S., and live without the fear of removal. I am curious to know if the poster has been physically abused or subject to other forms of extreme cruelty. If so, the case could be much more complicated and she could potentially qualify to adjust status under the Violence Against Women Act.

We have officially moved past interview stage to waiting for courier to arrive with the visa stage! Hooray!

My husband is atheist and will be struggling with this same issue when the time comes. The "just say it, it doesn't mean anything" argument, I find rather ridiculous. My husband would say "so help me tooth fairy" or "so help me Father Christmas" before he ever said, "so help me God".
For the record, I am not an atheist, but I fully support anyone's right to freedom of religion, and freedom from religion.
If you're principals tell you not to say it, don't.

All it took was my talking to the so-called "customer service" person @ the USCIS phone number...letting them give their shpiel...explaining that the petition was now beyond normal processing times, and requesting an expedite, which I based on USCIS error - being that it was beyond normal processing time...He gave me no argument - put in the expedite request immediately. I have NO idea whether it helped or not...but I was going to go for every angle until someone finally looked at our petition.
Like I said, we were approved less than a week later.

Well, I guess you're just going to have to label me 'shallow' then. Glorifying violence towards anyone, and in this case women, is sick, pathetic, and in my opinion was put together by someone with more time than brains.
The child I mentioned above, I've held her in my arms. It may not be real for YOU, but it IS real, and to imply that it is okay, or funny in any way IS offensive - I imagine it can only be brushed off easily for the ignorant.