Lisamarie

I'm not sure what a "success story" is, but my husband and I are 11 years apart have been married for 2 1/2 years, and he's been here just under a year. We haven't had any problems to date and we communicate really well and talk to each other about everything. We haven't had any problems with our differences in age, and we don't even notice it. No one looks at us funny or strange, or asks questions, or anything, so maybe they don't notice the age difference either. He adjusted here without any problems, but I figured he would because he has a very easy-going personality and he "never" gets frustrated. Seriously....I have never known anyone that can be so positive all of the time. He's just a happy person and we are very happy together:) . The only thing he needs to and is working on is "time".....lol I'm sure you all know what I mean But he's working on it and getting better with it every day.

I describe myself (and many others that know me) as a realist, with a positive outlook, and am overall very happy with life. In general, why does it seem when people have a positive outlook, they are looked upon as naive? I'm not considered a naive person, and know the challenges that are ahead for my marriage. I will be honest, I am filled with more anxiety about his arrival than happiness right now, but I know, when I see him at the airport, I will realize he is the same man that I've been in love with for almost 4 years. I personally think my husband will adjust well, but you never know. Maybe this is why my marriage is loved and accepted by all who know me...because they know my opinionated, in-your-face personality probably wouldn't sit well with a manipulating scammer out to screw me over, and that my husband loves these traits, as they make me who I am.
My husband doesn't smoke, drink, and is a practicing Muslim. He has been the breadwinner for his family since he was 21, and has been the "dad" ever since, because of his father's ailing health, and then his death almost 2 years ago. His respect for women is exceptional, and the way he treats me, his mom, grand mom, my mother and sisters is amazing. He is respected in his community, and is very hard working. He had been using our long immigration wait to further his studies, and has a list of what he wants to accomplish when he first gets here, and in our future. We look forward to building our life together, and having children. I know things may not all go as planned, but one thing I know about my husband, is that he is a man of his word. We have a great respect for each other, and I know he will continue to be a good husband and man once he gets here. Can you imagine, with his one job, he can support his family of 5, and live comfortably in Morocco. Here, at minimum, we will both have to work just to be able to support 3, never mind the extra amenities. He owns a house with a business underneath. I know my life would have been a bit more comfortable if I was able to move there with him, it just wasn't an option. I know of a few couples who don't post here anymore, that have had their husbands here over 2 years, and things are still going well. Maybe that is not long enough to call a success story, but I'm thinking they are on their way.
In the end, we all have a life to live, and we all learn from our mistakes, and try to make the best choices with what we know. Everyone here started at the same starting line, just at different times. I think that some forget that. I hope to never forget how it felt to be the newbie, and not knowing a thing about immigration, and how it felt to be denied, twice, and the feeling that just maybe, I would never be able to live with my husband in America. Yes, people get on each other's nerves, that is life. You won't get along with everyone. I also think that things get taken the wrong way a lot more often on message boards than they would in person. In the end, even though things get catty sometimes, most of the women here have great advice. I may not like someone, but if they make a good point, I'm with them.
On a side note, my husband is a very private person. He believes in the evil eye. Some people, for no reason, may just not like you, and will wish you harm or bad luck. I remember people telling me that my husband probably had a life I didn't know about, or some other secrets and that was why we got denied twice. In the end, it was just the fact that we moved fast, and they couldn't believe there was true love there. We proved them wrong. In all that time, we just grew stronger, and I love him more now than I ever did. As they say, the visa process is a piece of cake compared to the adjustment phase....if this is true for everyone, then I guess we are in for hell on earth

It sounds to me like if you stay in this marriage he will have complete control over everything in your life, and you will be "just there". You will lose your identity, hopes, dreams, and will always be in the dark about what's going on, and not included in any kind of plans or decisions. The depression you're feeling now will be ten-fold. Also, I wouldn't go back to Pakistan. If you choose to divorce him, do it from here. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. Take care.

It sounds to me like if you stay in this marriage he will have complete control over everything in your life, and you will be "just there". You will lose your identity, hopes, dreams, and will always be in the dark about what's going on, and not included in any kind of plans or decisions. The depression you're feeling now will be ten-fold. Also, I wouldn't go back to Pakistan. If you choose to divorce him, do it from here. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. Take care.

It sounds to me like if you stay in this marriage he will have complete control over everything in your life, and you will be "just there". You will lose your identity, hopes, dreams, and will always be in the dark about what's going on, and not included in any kind of plans or decisions. The depression you're feeling now will be ten-fold. Also, I wouldn't go back to Pakistan. If you choose to divorce him, do it from here. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. Take care.

It sounds to me like if you stay in this marriage he will have complete control over everything in your life, and you will be "just there". You will lose your identity, hopes, dreams, and will always be in the dark about what's going on, and not included in any kind of plans or decisions. The depression you're feeling now will be ten-fold. Also, I wouldn't go back to Pakistan. If you choose to divorce him, do it from here. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. Take care.

Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Another sign of abuse is making the person feel it's their fault the situation is as it is. Are you telling me that Pakistani people are incapable of loving relationships or that he personally is incapable? Either way, no matter what you do it will not change. The question is, do you wish to spend the rest of your life in such a situation or to maybe one day have a chance for something real? The choice is yours, but at least you have the advice.

Perfect

Perfect

I think what Amber meant is that if there were problems they would work them out, not give up on each other. There are always exceptions to the rule.

Go the absentee spouse way, why put yourself through that. I completely understand the hurt and betrayal and shock of it all, but don't give him any satisfaction by seeing it.........and don't worry.......... what goes around, comes around. It always somehow does in the end.

I'm sorry Kat, but can we get back to the OP's topic, because it has turned into your story. You should start a thread about it, and that is where you can give us all updates. I'm sorry for your pain, but this topic was meant for success stories

I think what Amber meant is that if there were problems they would work them out, not give up on each other. There are always exceptions to the rule.

I think what Amber meant is that if there were problems they would work them out, not give up on each other. There are always exceptions to the rule.

I just want to know who the third buddy is!

Ahhhh here it starts... you catty ladies never quit I swear! Oh my goodness! Do you all ever get a life??? Even after almost 2 years of being a member on this site I find you all just never quit attacking certain people but by now you all shoould know by now your not going to intimidate me. The OP asked about our own specific marriage and I am answering for MY marriage. So why don't you all just knock it off and allow others to express what they want! You all dont get theright to say what others express... hmmmmm wonder where your other buddy is? Guess it was past her bedtime eh? Anyhow OP really it is a decision we all make... knowing your husband well and seeing the red flags (the ones only you can see) from the start helps... how is he witj women in general... how is his parent's marriage...is a huge help IMO I wish you the very best! As for me I am out of the soon to follow drama these ladies thrive on... if you want to talk please feel free to message me any time.

Ahmed and I decided from the very beginning no matter what may come divorce is not an option. It is that simple. DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION! No other magical potion needed. We made a committment before God to each other and our families. So when a problem arises between us we say ok how do we get thru this TOGETHER? We argue we disagree but in the end we know we will go to bed together and wake up together. We love passionately and we think logically. I am 2 years older than my love and we have been married 2 years. Yes some may say that isnt long but tell you what we are in this together for the long haul!

Lame attempt at drama. There are more awesome topics which can start something better. Also, the problem with your attempt is that even if she had, you wouldn't know when she did until you had asked a few more questions. Some people convert before they meet their husbands, which ruins your theory. Some convert after with careful consideration. Some are just sponges with no backbone who lose themselves in their SO's identity. If they are like this, then they tend to do that with who ever they are with and it's not about religion. The one word analysis is kind of failing here. Think about it for a while, read the forum, and I'm sure you'll find something better. You also need to wait for a day when more feisty people are online all at the same time. That's when it gets pretty fun. You did get some responses though, so I'll give this effort a D.

This is the best analogy ever.

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

Have you ever eaten at chuckie cheese?You know going in that the pizza is going to suck but you might have some fun while you are there.
This journey is like chuckie cheese, the pizza will suck, you are going to spend alot of money for a fleeting good time and you may or not feel at the end that the whole thing wasn't worth it. For me, I made a bad party planning decision. I should have planned my birthday party at home with the information I knew going in. Unfortunately, I thought I was DIFFERENT, that somehow the fact he never finished high school or ever read a book would some how mesh with my love of Steinbeck and Camus and VOILA, a toxic soup was created. LOL

not only 90% it's 99.99999999999%

So when so called Christian Radicals give poison to their followers or get their followers blownup in a compound we call them Christian " " . I call them ignorant. I would not consider them a Christian just because they call themselves Christian. I do not believe terrorists who claim they are committing terrorist acts based on the ISLAM Religion should be called Muslim terrorists. There are many people born in countries where Muslims are the majority but that does not mean they are even involved in the Islam Religion. I believe we should stop labeling people.

i am going to assume that you are just mis-informed or unable to articulate well.
the government is trying to protect the country from terrorists. not muslims. because terrorists have no religion. it is sad that we continue to mix the two. we dont call all caucasions nazis because the nazis were light colored. similarly over 90% of muslims are peace loving.

The quoted 5 months is a goal -- not a promise or a guarantee. Realize there are IR1/CR1s that have waited 6-7 months just at the USCIS stage.
Don't wait around doing nothing, keep yourself busy and focused on other things. No need to get yourself worked up over the wait -- because you're still gonna have to, well, wait.

1. Converting for the right reasons, to any religion, does not show a lack of backbone.
2. Your ignorance on the religion of Islam is laughable.
3. You must "interact" with some sorry people. No woman in my or my husband's family is abused or controlled by their husband.