BellaChele68

My honey has been here for two weeks now and is really struggling with homesickness. He really misses his family and it breaks my heart to see him struggle so much.

We've stocked up on spices and items for cooking the things that he likes, as well as "spicing up" American food--so I think we're ok on that end. I buy the frozen bread dough and make "homemade" bread for him, and he's discovered brownies and banana bread--which he's crazy over.

My youngest children are gone for the summer and my oldest is a college student and lives out of the house--so the lack of noise and family members (there are four brothers and a sister and uncle living in my husbands parents's home along with three grandchildren and the wives of his brothers)so the lack of family activity is noticeable for him.

He has full access to call, email, skype and facebook family: but he posted on his facebook yesterday how much he is missing everyone and it's very unlike him to share emotions on facebook, so I'm freaked out a bit.

My oldest son comes over or hangs out with him quite a bit and is really accepting of my husband. But we live in a very country setting with no public transportation, no Muslim or Pakistani culture and I think it's hard for him to have no social life.

Has anyone had experience with this AFTER they've come over? I see a lot of preparation posts here, but nothing from those who have their husbands in the US.

Thanks!

Bella

I soooo don't understand why people would make such cruel remarks....I mean really--some people need to learn how to just keep their negativity to themselves instead of spewing it out on others without thinking.

Carolyn, you know your husband loves you and he knows it--that's all that matters.

Hugs Girl!!

Thanks Ladies! Glad cougarville FL is alive and kicking it up!

Hi cougar clubbies!!!

Update on Bella: HUBBY IS HERE IN THE US FINALLY!!!

He arrived in Chicago and went through immigration/customs at O'Hare on the 17th and everything has been fantastic since then. We had a couple of strange looks when we went to the Sears Tower (when the heck did they change the name to Willis-something-or-other) and were waiting in line to ride the elevator up to the top. Interestingly enough...they were from tourists that appeared to be international.... I don't know if it was our age difference, his nationality, his height or the combo-pak--but we both found it amusing.

I am pleased and surprised that we have had no weird looks, comments or derogatory remarks in KY and that so far everyone has appeared accepting, amiable and very friendly toward my hubby.

Interesting to me that people felt more comfortable voicing their opinion while I was alone and waiting for his arrival but now adore him when they meet him--I feel like saying "I FLIPPIN' TOLD YOU I MADE A GOOD CHOICE!!" LOL

Hugs to all and hope everyone is well in Cougarville.

Bella

what is AP?

Hi Newbie....AP is short for Administrative Processing. After our I-130 and I-864 were approved and my husband attended his interview, they (the embassy) placed him in a holding pattern while they completed paperwork and other "mysteriously time consuming" tasks. I think this is the time when they actually conduct the background investigations through various government departments such as the FBI, CIA and Interpol and complete the face matching scans, etc. to avoid issuing Visa's to potential terrorists. It can take anywhere from a couple of weeks to a year or longer, just depends on the timing of your file, and how quickly the different government departments complete their assigned tasks. I'm not a pro on here like Bankermai and others---they may give you a more detailed and compliant answer. :-)

Where are you at in your process?

Hi Bella,

Thank you again for your detailed response...I have been calling DOS every day so now in back of my head I'm thinking that I should stop calling them

because it seems like they don't have up-to-date info as they say they do. Yes your correct, contacting the Islamabad Embassy was a real challenge. I had to put a alarm on to wake up at 4AM and call them. One night I tried and the phone just rang and rang and nothing happened and then I tried the next night and they finally picked up…they and DOS provide the same info…I have never dealt with something like this sort meaning they don’t give any updates whatsoever on AP…its soo depressing I must say.

Our lives are on HOLD…I have just been praying and praying and hope that this AP ends and we unite…please keep us in your prayers and will do the same…

Hang in there AALI, it feels like AP will never end and I can't remember a time when I was more depressed and anxious....but it will finally end and you will have SOME kind of decision. Looking back I should have been stronger and focused on projects at work and around the house. But hindsight is always 20/20 LOL.

Stay strong and best of luck to you.

Thank you so much everyone! VisaJourney has been such an emotional life-saver through all of this. Now I guess we get him here and then move forward with the next steps

Congrats!!! Wishing both you and your Husband the very best. I'm new to this, my Wife had her interview in Islamabad on May 7th. She recieved a light green paper at the end of the interview stating temporarily refused for adminstrative processing. Also states that it can take 2-3 months but no maximin time. They kept her passport and gave her token...did your Husband get the same when he was intervied in Islamabad...please give me some info since I have been calling DOS and they keep saying under adminstrative processing...I'm a US Citizen. We got married last year, June 10th 2009.

I once again wish you and your Husband the very best and happy b-day to you....

Hi AALI, and to answer your question--Yes. My husband had his interview and they took his passport and gave him a ticket and a letter saying his approval was pending Administrative Processing that can take from 6 weeks to an undetermined amount of time. They do not give you any updates when you call the embassy or the department of state other than to tell you if the case is still pending, closed or approved. I phoned the DOS two days before American Express called my husband to tell him he could pick up his Visa and was told that his case was still pending--so I'm not sure how up to date they are at DOS. The embassy never seems to pick up the phone in Islamabad.

Best of luck to you and hopefully, because she is a woman, she won't have to wait to long for approval!

Cheers

Bella

Almost 11 months from the day we filed our I-130 and 5 months and four days after my hubby's interview in Islamabad, he was able to pick up his Visa early this morning. EEEEEEE!!!!! I'm so happy, AP was killing us both! To anyone stuck in AP, hang in there for all it's worth, 'cause the one you love is worth everything.

Congrats!!!!!

Shirorisu

I hear ya girl! I have been amazed at how people are so mean when they are frightened--and an older woman marrying a foreigner scares the p#$# out of people. I have always been very liberal minded so I was shocked and really devastated when I faced the reactions after landing from my first trip and marriage events in Pakistan. Blew me AWAY!

So yes, let it all out here and we're here to support you. YOU do not have a chip on your shoulder, you're going through a hard immigration process in a society that judges and ridicules. Anyone here posting a negative at my girls can be bop over to a different forum....thank you very much.

Hugs,

Bella

Do you have any idea what it is like posting anything about your relationship in any forum anywhere, especially on one like this where we are supposed to be sticking together and helping each other through this process, and your relationship and the validity of it is always belittled? It's bad enough with US immigration questioning if our relationships are real without everyone on this advice forum chucking in their doubtful thoughts.

Do you realise the irony of saying I have a chip on my shoulder? The fsct you even need to point this out is tellingh, if you saw a person saying they did not think age gap relationships were valid, would you post telling them they have a chip on their shoulder?

I am merely trying to show you how ridiculous or hurtful this type of questioning can be.

Tell him try to fill it in USCIS bz its better way...

Armani Khan, it's been exactly four months for us today and we're stuck in AP as well, I'm soooo worried and depressed because we haven't heard anything. I call the Department of State every week to hear the same thing...

"case is still open and pending review" nothing more and nothing less.

Hopefully we'll have a visa in hand soon and can actually be a "real" married couple.

Good luck with your process and let's stay in touch.

Bella

Hi ladies.....it's been a while since I've loggined into VJ. AP is crazy time with no paperwork to fill out, nothing but running to the e-mail everyday to see if there has been a notification and calling DOS every week to find out "you're still in processing."

ARGHHH

Anyhoo, just wanted to pop in and say hello to everyone and see how your cases are progressing. I know my buddy in Michigan has already gone through some hoops and they're not even at the interview stage. All my love C! Enjoy your trip to Florida with our other Cougar honey this summer....you both have been through so much, you deserve some relaxation and fun with the girls!

I love your post Canadiangal....Cougar genetics--who'd have guessed! You have a great lineage

CONGRATULATIONS TO SANTA CRUZ!! THEY ARE APPROVED AND VISA IN-HAND!!!!! :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs:

Well said Belle!!

Thanks for the thanks Sam and for your support on this thread! Have a fantastic, vunderbar night!

Hi ladies...everyone is welcome on this thread but please keep a couple of things in mind.

1. We (the older wives) are really tired of being bashed by a lot of people for our choices and this is a place for positive posts and thoughts. If you think you have to go on a moral tirade to "school" us in wise spousal choices, keep moving and find a different thread. We get it from family, friends and complete strangers...nothing you say is new or inspired and frankly I find it offensive.

2. I'd be honored to have anyone with a major age difference on here...the more the merrier.

3. Let's never judge another person for the choices they make on this thread. We all take a chance in love when we marry...doesn't matter the age difference, the nationality or whatever "reason" you post. These are all fear based and if you find love, no matter how conventional, embrace it and enjoy it. YES, be careful when you're courting, but also be open-minded, a mentally healthy and stable person will always be wary of red flags and proceed with caution. But consider this: iIf our "American" system of marriage to someone within an "acceptable" age bracket or other socially "acceptable" labels...why is the divorce rate so high?

4. There are actually men out there who are not ruled by sex and objectifying women. So what if we look older than our husbands if it doesn't bother them. Maybe there are people, men & cultures out there that base relationships on communication and support without over-thinking the sex. Marriages should be based on a lot more than just physical attraction. A young beautiful 22 year old can get into a car accident and have paralysis for the rest of her life...if she's married to a shallow shmuck who would find her "gross" afterwards, what are the chances that relationship would last a lifetime? Maybe there are a lot of failed marriages because they're based on the wrong ideas of partnership and what love truly is.

5. In the Islamic world many men are open minded about age differences. I don't know this for a fact, but I personally think it may have something to do with the fact that Muhammed (PBUH) married a woman 20 (or so) years older than him. They don't seem to have the same bias with age than many Americans/Europeans have.

Thanks for keeping the thread alive and let's keep this a place to tell our story without the fear of judgment and reproach.

Bella

Im older than my husband and everyone around me is totally fine with it. To be honest, after my first relationship with my childrens father broke up, Ive always seemed to gravitate towards younger men(he was 10 years older). The funny thing is my husband has 2 brothers and they both are with older women(LOL) so it must be something in the blood. Good on all the women who have found love with a younger man. I dont have to spell out to any of you why this relationship can be more fun, fulfilling and interesting than what is considered to be a more "conventional" relationship.

Great thread.

Thanks! I love your story and am glad you're on the thread.....I love that we have a place to get together and talk about our "unconvential" choices in love and life. And honestly, I've really never been happier than with my husband, even though the journey is a long one that requires patience until the visa comes through! :-)

Six weeks and counting in AP.....praying for some good news soon.

I'm a Puma robbing the craddle One day I will turn into a Cougar and continue to rob cradles. So I'm wondering if this will be an issue for me to bring my fiance over if he's like almost 2 years younger than me O_o"? Where do they draw the line? I saw someone's post saying even 5 years is red flag for the woman being older. Personally I think it's unfair.. , why is it such a big issue that woman is older?

Hi Dot, 2 years should really not be an issue at all. In fact, any age difference is not supposed to legally matter, but each country's consulate tends to follow their traditional values in making a judgment.

Good luck with your VISA process and I hope you have a very happy, long marriage!

Wow, I'm confused....first of all what is Orfi?

In July my husband were married in a full traditional Pakistani Nikkah and had an Islamic Scholar, Judge and attorneys present for both my husband and myself. We are in love, we followed every letter of the Islamic laws (including the morality code before marriage), had our contract signed, witnessed, verified by all the legal minds at the ceremony and registered in Islamabad.

The US has fully recognized our translated Nikkah as a valid and binding marriage and I have had no problems changing my Social Security Card name, legal documents and applying for my husband's Visa. So IF you do marry legally and do all your paperwork properly the US WILL consider you legally married and bound to your spouse.

Finally after long waiting for more than 2 months in AP.. Riyadh embassy sent me back my passport with Visa on it..

Thank you guys for all your support..

Hope things work out for others as well

Congrats!!

Farrah,

I just spent the morning reading through the entire post history and several things popped out at me. The least of which is the huge burden you're carrying right now with all the drama....I'm so sorry this has happened to you!

However, I get the feeling from your posts that you and your husband have an incredibly strong communication foundation and that you share everything with each other. The good, the bad, and the ugly! This is such a great blessing and I hope you continue to strengthen that foundation of trust and sharing without letting drama queen ruin it for you!

You seem wise and thoughtful and very kind, even to people who are trying to kick you when you're down.

I only saw one other post that mentioned counseling. I'm going to venture an opinion here that may not be very popular but hopefully it will be helpful to you:

IF there is any chance that you and your husband feel that his mother should maintain a relationship with you (in a healthy manner) and there is ANY hope in your hearts to keep her in your life (again in a healthy way)

and IF you have insurance or access to community funded resources....

PERHAPS it would be a good idea to have someone mediate a family session, including the drama queen, to air what is going on, get to the bottom of it all and try to help you heal. I know you've done everything in your power up to this point and I commend you on your forgiving and supportive approaches...but obviously this is going to take an expert to get Drama Mama's poop in a group and stop tormenting you.

Although I think your MIL is a major part of the problem because she's not defining healthy boundaries with her partner when it comes to her son, I bet she's as tormented as you are because she's being pulled in two different directions and it sounds like she wants both sides in her life. I'm not saying I think she's right or justified...just that she seems by appearances to be a very unhappy woman who doesn't know how to take a stand.

Good luck and stay strong!!!

we already paid the 70$ and it showed paid on the site and i emailed the ds-3032 what is the next step now is it send the i-864 and if iam right what exactly we should send in this packge and for taxes paper is we can use the w2 or they need some thing else thank u all

Hi Egypt! Have you downloaded the form and instructions from www.travel.state.gov? You can access the form and instructions through this link and then you'll be able to ask specific questions about what is required.

You'll need to prove that your sponsor meets the above poverty guidelines (they are also posted on the site), provide past tax returns and W-2's. It asks for one, but many people opt to go ahead and send three years as sometimes they will come back and request this anyway.

Good luck! One point...DO NOT COUNT YOUR SPOUSE TWICE when they ask for number of members in household...according to other VJ members this has resulted in many RFE's for applicants.

Also, if you were married and divorced, not only send the divorce decrees but a letter stating why the number of people in your household does not match your application. This happened to me and we had an RFE because of my 2008 tax return showed a different number of people in the household than my I-864 application.

here we are now,, interview date April 07 2010.

But what with this all..( this is part of email what we receive from NVC,, confusing part of email,,)

Reminders

* Any original documents that were requested by the NVC but were not submitted

to the NVC must be brought to the visa interview.

What Any original documents that were requested,but were not submitted

to the NVC. So far i know NVC will not send document to embassy if we did not send all requested document to NVC.

This is confusing.

* The applicant must bring his/her medical examination results to the visa interview

in an envelope sealed by the medical office.

OK this will be done next week,,

* The applicant must bring the correct size and number of photographs to the visa

interview. They must measure 2 inches by 2 inches (5 cm by 5 cm) on a white

background.

Yes we will get two picture,,,

* IF a sponsor filed an I-864 (Affidavit of Support) AND provided the NVC with

proof of an IRS Federal Income Tax Extension in lieu of a Federal Income Tax

Return, the applicant must bring the sponsor's most recent Federal Income Tax

Return to the visa interview.

Sponsor did not file tax extension, so this is ok,,we don't need to bring anything else, NVC will send our document to embassy.

* Failure to present all necessary documents to the Consular Officer will result in

the applicant's immigrant visa being refused at the initial interview.

And also this..

Visa Interview Requirements

FIRST NAME - LAST NAME must bring the following to the visa interview:

* Any original documents that were requested by the NVC but were not submitted

to the NVC

* The medical examination results if not submitted to the Embassy/Consulate by

the physician

* The correct size and number of photographs

* Valid passport for all traveling applicants

The following table lists the documents requested by the NVC and whether or not the

NVC received them. Please note that even though the applicant may have provided

the NVC with a copy of a document, the applicant is still required to bring the

original document to the visa interview.

We send original document to NVC, did this mean we need to get all that document again and bring it to interview?

This is for IR1 visa.

Hopefully you kept copies of everything you sent to the NVC in triplicate. Make sure your beneficiary has a copy of every single bit of paper sent to the NVC.

With the NVC you sent copies of your birth certificate...they will want the originals potentially in the interview. Anything that you sent that was a copy of an original (such as the BC. police certificate, etc.) make sure your beneficiary has the originals in hand before the interview. Depending on the country, if the police certificate is older than six months you may be required to obtain a new one for the interview.

Keep two copies for yourself in case there is any sort of emergency AND make sure you send your package DHS, FED EX or USPS in trackable form and request a signature for the package.

Good luck!

It's not fraud unless it's not a picture of your fiance. My husband scanned his and e-mailed them to me from Pakistan and I printed his out on my computer. They were accepted and we had no problems.

oops.....

HOWEVER, please check the requirements for document translation and certification of the translated document. I know that some consulates require they be certified.

You may want to check the consulate information page on trave.state.gov

....just an afterthought

Congrats and good luck! Speedy journey.