J2A♥oasis

We also have seperate finances - we each have our own bank accounts and pay seperate bills i.e. he pays the phone, cable and internet , car note and I pay most of the rent, gas, insurance and electric. We have a joint account for savings and checking for entertainment, gym fees, etc. This works for us so we can both have control.

Shemmy, I like this approach.

Morning, Ladies

My2, congrats to your daughter!

1luv

Now I am a firm believer of keeping finances separate ...

Why, if you don't mind sharing?

Nat, it’s a lot of individualization involved but I guess it has a lot to do with the fact that I am quite the pessimist and am always preparing for the worst. Going through law school taking courses in Wills and Trusts didn’t help. When I finally began to understand the divisional aspects of divorce (even with the existence of a pre/post numpt) it scared the begeezus out of me, so much that I am so afraid of marriage at this point in my life and it is one of the reasons I have been putting it off. I have witnessed divorces where one spouse made more than the other (surprisingly, it was not always the man). I make a good enough salary and so my chances of marrying someone making less than I do I see as almost a given. Also I am a saver and an investor and probably will have more assets so in a divorce it is more likely that I would be paying palimony unless I can establish that the ex is not so financially dependant on me. I have children and my primary goal is always first to secure their future, it’s what I have worked so hard and persevered through odds for. I am dreaded of the possibility of having to take away from them because I would have to take care of someone else that is otherwise healthy and therefore can care for themselves. (Shoot, I have worked 3 jobs and walked 4 miles to and from work to live and get the bills paid.) Then there is also the child support issue. I would flip if someone came after me when I never even sought child support from my own BD and that is a shared responsibility. I have learned that when it comes to personal finances because the arrangements are so much considered in the courts like a business partnership, for my circumstances it is best to keep them separated. Now for daily household items, cable, furniture, items acquired during the marriage, etc. that’s shared. But we will have his car in his name, my car in my name, credit card in his name, mine in my name, taxes filed separately, etc. So I guess it boils down to, for me in case of a divorce, I am finding it’s the only way I can protect my children future inheritance in the absence of a pre-numpt.

Good morning everyone ! Hope everyone has a wonderful friday.. My daughter is graduating from the 5th grade today..

My2 enjoy your daughter's graduation today. My youngest just graduated Kindergarten yesterday.

Morning everyone!

1luv

Now I am a firm believer of keeping finances separate but don’t let your financial woes be a hung-up in your marriage. Keeping a secret that can so hugely affect your livelihood usually never turn out well. But now that he knows even if in the end you are the one who continues to make the payments maybe at least he can help you to micromanage your accounts. Maybe he has time and can look into consolidation, or can draw out a workable budget or find some others options to help you get them down. The contributions does not always have to be financial just having him involved supportively can make all the difference, IMHO.

my2 i wouldnt..and i even said no kids..oh well..come or u dont..u know some only come to be nosey anyway...

Yeah i know what you mean about nosey ... a lot of people at my jobs expect invites for that purpose... Everyones like ohh i can wait to see your wedding and i politely say sorry its a small ceremony . Cause trust i have seen these women at others wedding and boy its nothing nice ...

My2 with my first engagement, I did but I still said no kids too. I didn’t want to but the ex wanted everyone and their friends from elementary school there. We both have large families anyhow so we ended up with over 250 ppl on the confirmed guest list and I’m sure a few of them did not care one bit about our relationship but were only coming for the open bar. With this one I talked it over with A and he understands how some ppl just don’t mean you well and since this is supposed to be a day where others celebrate in your joy why should they be there if they are only trying to be nosey or ruin it in some way (even if it’s just with a sour look). You need ppl around who are going to help you to always remember the love you two shared that day, nothing else. Gosh (smiles)…this man understands me so well.

Some very intelligent person decided to paint the townhouse next to mine without opening and doors or windows and now my house smells of paint fumes and is giving me a headache (DESPITE THE FACT I HAVE OPENED ALL MY DOORS AND WINDOWS).

Ooooh My2, that's bad news, try to get some fresh air. Your headache could be telling you something, that's a side effect of huffing.

i did sooo good for 2 years.. when those credit cards would come.. i would throw it away.. i said, if i can't buy it, i don't need it.. but w/ my second child.. i stopped working.. her rass put me THROUGH and still FACETY!!! but i got a credit card and went hog wild!!

philly, u TRYING to whoop ur kids remind me of my mom.. after a certain age i REFUSED to cry.. she would hit and hit and hit and i just sit there like Denzel Washington in Glory.. LMAO.. i wasn't gonna give her the satisfaction to see me cry and when she get thru i go shrug my shoulders.. she was sooooo mad.. man.. i know what go thru them kids heads.. mi badmind still wid me LOL

Umph so what is about my mom that till this day I'm still scared of that woman. I knew how crazy she was so I made sure I dropped a tear. My mom was the type that anything in sight came to the fight. She would hit with shoes, hangers, belts, extension cords, wooden spoons, brooms you named it she grabbed and I guess I’m the same way. I hope my kids get to a point where I won’t have to lick dem pon de head but I know I would be just like my mom and grab the first thing in site. Philly u got them cast iron pans you should use them girl. Lick em pon de head so hard he be singing ding ding dong. Ding ding ding ding dong....

Dada Woooooooh. You are going to have my girl in jail messin' with those boys if she hit one of them on the head. Shoot, they probably already got social service on hold the way they play these days. You hear Lawny niece trying to set her up. But I bet you, you do it and they won't even think about trying it again.

Philly make them clean. I have live in cleaning service every time one of them do something bad enough. Taking their precious things away don't work with my kids. They are like how I was...they are cool just being in their room doing nothing. But make them clean...oh man, I can't even beat them to get those tears...lazy rass kids.

Question: After the child reaches 18 yrs is back child support still required?

I'm not sure if this question was answered KK but yes the payor is still obligated to pay arrears.

Actually in Philly child support won’t stop just b/c of age you have to go down there and file for another hearing to make the stop payment adjustment. You can reason that the child has reached age of maturity but the other parent can fight to have it continue if the child is going to college (though this still only exist as a persuasive argument and is not a definite determination). I know a guy who is still paying for his daughter and she is 25 because he has not filed to stop it. Too dyamn lazy but he always complaining about them taking it out his check.

Shoot my parents stop supporting me while I was in college. It's my attitude though...I didn't like asking them for money.

That could have been b/c of you, LOL, and it wasn't an order it was them just doing for you. My mom and stepdad were the same way. I didn't get a dime. I had to support myself with everything I did. But I had a real bad attitude. I was always the one screaming I don't need anyone...I'll do it myself because I wanted to do it my way, the right way... I can do bad by myself, etc, etc. Looking back I'm thinking I may have made my life harder than it needed to be.

Keeping in mind that child support is a financial formula it is not just that the absent parent pays simply because they are absent. Both parents are paying into what is predetermined to be the amount to take care of a child. It’s just that as the custodial parent they take favor and will calculate payment as daily expenses (food, clothing, shelter, etc). Because it is a financial formula if you are married, you may have to share in this expense (may - because you can establish a marriage without shared expenses) and both incomes are considered in the formula. So essentially the wife is paying though she had nothing to do with it. This is also why sometimes it is not beneficial to file for child support. Somewhat to what Sus was saying, if you have someone who gives a little but you are making more than they are then it could be determined that the bulk of the contribution will come from you and you will end up getting penny’s from the other parent and in making them angry or having an order they may stop giving you even the little that they were giving you before the order. Family court is always a mess to mediate….I hate it.

I was waiting on the lawyer to show up....Hey J2!!!

Hahaha, Hey KK, now you gonna make me have to give a disclaimer....

Disclaimer: Please note I am in no way offering legal or expert advice. I am only responding to the post of this and other forums as a fellow vjer, where my posts are only meant to be taken as amateur in form of friendly submission regarding the question/concern as publicly presented.

For legal advice, please retain the assistance of an Attorney.

I agree with you KK... I mean him going to jail is not going to bring the money that is owed to my children to them and neither is talking away his drivers license or adding it as a negative impact on his credit report. I think that if they had a jail system or a detention facility that held them and made them work until their debt was current this would teach them to pay their darn support!

Our system works like that. They go out and work or look for work during the day and at night they have to return to the jail to sleep. But why not have them in jail if they arent paying me support I consider them doing nothing with there life anyhow so sit behind bars. Why walk freely and enjoy life if you can’t take care of your responsibilities??

I can agree with you on this DaDa. I'm not going to get a payment anyway so just sit there. Stay out of my hair then when your kids want to know where you are at least now I'll know so I can tell them and you can enroll in the outreach program to record stories to sit down and read to them for quality time!!! Darn blastards, why can't they just do right!!!

Question: After the child reaches 18 yrs is back child support still required?

I'm not sure if this question was answered KK but yes the payor is still obligated to pay arrears.

Actually in Philly child support won’t stop just b/c of age you have to go down there and file for another hearing to make the stop payment adjustment. You can reason that the child has reached age of maturity but the other parent can fight to have it continue if the child is going to college (though this still only exist as a persuasive argument and is not a definite determination). I know a guy who is still paying for his daughter and she is 25 because he has not filed to stop it. Too dyamn lazy but he always complaining about them taking it out his check.

Hey Lawny LOL @ I had to throw her down and I do mean that. I know that's right!

I have had my boxing matches in the past with those facety boys but it's pretty much worthless at this point because my one son is now 6 ft and the other is 5 '11 and I'm boxing them like Ali and they just taking it and looking at me like and I'm about to drop cause I gave it all I had then I would resort to picking up something and I wasn't gonna go there (I'll leave that to my crazy uncle LOL) So I figure now I will hit them where it hurts and that is with their games, phone and PC and TV and in the stomach because they try and eat me out of house and home!! I will now cook beans and rice forever!!!!!! and make them drink chilled cereasee tea like juice

They have always been for the most part respectful and the oldest one rarely gives me trouble he just eats too much and is slow as molasses, its usually the youngest one that tries to get away with stuff cause he thinks cause he thinks he is the best thing since sliced bread ( Conceited tuh Raas) . Of course being a former single mother I've had my challenges but these Teenagers are ridiculous! I was thinking to my self my Mom told me a when I was their age and gave her trouble I would reap what I sow, I wonder am I reaping now......

I was thinking the same thing, are they jealous of Damian but they get along with him really good, its me they are treating like #######! So I have no idea, I will just continue to stay focused and not ease up on them at all until they change that's the key!

Island I'm gonna take a pic of the lock on the fridge tonight LOL

Philly; dat a no di wurse part; she go a school an tell dem seh mi beat ar up, so when dem call mi, mi tell dem seh, mi no see mi neice fi 6 months, so mi no know wah she a talk bout...tried to choke, spit, bax mi and mi a big ooman...since you wah act big, mi ago geh u a big ooman BAX DUNG KICK DUNG TUN OVAH BEATEN...den if u git up again, mi ago give u a powerhouse bax....so it fi go

And so it goes...you will catch a beat down like you a b!y@tch in the streets, like you ain't even kin. I have two girls and one is surely going to reach close to 6' in height, I'm waiting for the day they try me.

Dont if your married now and dont pay child support they go after the spouse??? i think whatever they need to do so these lame deadbeats can help take care of their kids is necessary as well as going after the spouse because you knew the person had kids prior... just my take on it

this is rather ridiculous IMO...this spouse had NOTHING to do with the making of this child..how can u hold him/her responsible for this...the children are not property..if someone does this or would liek it done..i call it rather bitter..

i agree with u Suz..if parents can agree on something out of court i'm all for it..BUT I HATE A DEAD BEAT DAD/MOM THOUGH!!

I agree Kimmy, and believe me - I have helped people dig up dirt on a dead beat, and would do it again in a heart beat - But I think that sometimes within the system we get so caught up in who gets what / pays what that we forget what's important - The child.

Trust me, I know first hand cause I had a dead beat that I never saw A PENNY from

absolutely

Keeping in mind that child support is a financial formula it is not just that the absent parent pays simply because they are absent. Both parents are paying into what is predetermined to be the amount to take care of a child. It’s just that as the custodial parent they take favor and will calculate payment as daily expenses (food, clothing, shelter, etc). Because it is a financial formula if you are married, you may have to share in this expense (may - because you can establish a marriage without shared expenses) and both incomes are considered in the formula. So essentially the wife is paying though she had nothing to do with it. This is also why sometimes it is not beneficial to file for child support. Somewhat to what Sus was saying, if you have someone who gives a little but you are making more than they are then it could be determined that the bulk of the contribution will come from you and you will end up getting penny’s from the other parent and in making them angry or having an order they may stop giving you even the little that they were giving you before the order. Family court is always a mess to mediate….I hate it.

Philly, we going through the same thing with my niece (my brothers daughter)...she's 15 now and been smelling herself since she turn 13. She tried to fight me last year and I had to throw her down and I do mean that. She's about 6ft. 3in and 270 and her mom is afraid of her but not me. So, she felt she could try and slap me and that was the end of it. Her mom tried to bend her when it was too late, if a did mi, mi woudah kick ar baxide dung from lang time. I grew up different and knew my place. I had to respect every and all adults and know when to speak when spoken to. At my age, I can't even say HELL or DAMN in front of my mom or dad or aunt and uncles, I just can't, it won't come out my mouth. I pray your boys will find their way, I'm wondering if they're jealous of hubby.

Hey Lawny LOL @ I had to throw her down and I do mean that. I know that's right!

I have had my boxing matches in the past with those facety boys but it's pretty much worthless at this point because my one son is now 6 ft and the other is 5 '11 and I'm boxing them like Ali and they just taking it and looking at me like and I'm about to drop cause I gave it all I had then I would resort to picking up something and I wasn't gonna go there (I'll leave that to my crazy uncle LOL) So I figure now I will hit them where it hurts and that is with their games, phone and PC and TV and in the stomach because they try and eat me out of house and home!! I will now cook beans and rice forever!!!!!! and make them drink chilled cereasee tea like juice

They have always been for the most part respectful and the oldest one rarely gives me trouble he just eats too much and is slow as molasses, its usually the youngest one that tries to get away with stuff cause he thinks cause he thinks he is the best thing since sliced bread ( Conceited tuh Raas) . Of course being a former single mother I've had my challenges but these Teenagers are ridiculous! I was thinking to my self my Mom told me a when I was their age and gave her trouble I would reap what I sow, I wonder am I reaping now......

I was thinking the same thing, are they jealous of Damian but they get along with him really good, its me they are treating like #######! So I have no idea, I will just continue to stay focused and not ease up on them at all until they change that's the key!

Island I'm gonna take a pic of the lock on the fridge tonight LOL

Awww philly, I am so sorry to hear this. I thought your boys would have given you a break once hubby got hear. They didn't even miss a beat. Man we gotta figure something out. We'll get through this...

(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

my ex husband, the donor, is a super jerk.. The bum does not work so he will not have to pay me child support and the system here lets him get away with it..

Uhh hun.. See u need to move to Pittsburgh. Here u get to sue the dad no matter what. So what if he doesn’t have a job he still has to pay something and then they give him a certain amount of time to get a job. If not he gets locked up, his driver’s license can be revoked and it goes on his credit. He sits in jail for a while and then they let him out to find a job and if not well back to the slammer buddy…

Yeah, they'll do this to him in Philly too. Too many of them using this thinking they can get away with it. I just can't understand how the blastard gonna pay me the money if they lock him up??? Then he can't get a decent enough job after he gets out (or so his complaints will go). I guess it's another scared straight tactic.

he will laugh either way.. im telling u, this tx accent have me messing up the words even if I think im saying them right LOL

That TX accent me and Zee was just talking about that last night Quana. I told her the only bad thing about moving South is the accents. My oldest asked me the odda day. So when we move I will have to start calling u momma instead of mom?? I told him if he does I will pop him upside the head. The momma thing drives me crazy!!! I told him a lot of people will say he has an accent He was like but I don’t. I told him you will to them.

DaDa, I'm sorry but people from PA have an accent as well!! LOL..

(As she crosses her arms across her chest) No we don't.....LOL

Ok I'm late but, no we don't.

Heeeeyyy everybody!

'K so I finally made it to part 15! Got some catching up to do, see you friday... ... (cuz that's how long it's going to take for me to read all these pages. )

Happy B-day Lawny!!!

J2A - I so want to go to Law School. My best friend from elementary found me on facebook...the first thing she asked is if I had gone to Law School. We both wanted to be lawyers....hahahaha and we both haven't gone to law school...YET.

KK you should. I believe it’s never too late for school (especially with the economy doing what it does.) My step-grandmother was 84 when she went back to school for her bachelors degree. She was actually their oldest student ever and because she was born before the 1900’s and could offer so much of an account from a time way back when, they gave her a history degree. She passed away some 10 years ago but she was always my inspiration. She is the reason that I never became dissuaded by having to go p/t. Sure I was a non- traditional student and it took me a little longer to finish than some but I did it and it paid off still the same in the end. Law school was so hard but in a very very fun way. I really enjoyed it. Law is my passion, I love studying cases, reading judicial opinions, etc, I just don’t like the “stereotypical” practice of it (court proceedings, public speaking/presenting arguments, etc.) which is why I deal with corporate contracts. However going through this journey I’m seriously considering my career in immigration. There’s plenty needed there and the way this process goes you’ll probably finish school before any of it’s all said and done.

I combined the name, age, relationship status, & kids information that everyone has submitted so far. I figure it can be my personal reference to help me remember stuff about each of you.

If anyone else wants the combined version, I can PM it to you.

Can you PM it to me NAT.. Please and thank you

Nat, if you wouldn't mind, I would like to receive that pm as well. Thanks for being so diligent!

for me i was a spoiled kid meaning my parents did everything for me and my brothers....my mom would cook everyday, wash our clothes, clean our rooms, buy groceries...so i had basically no responsibilities...i didn't move out of my moms house until my husband came up here so up till then my mom was still doing all that stuff and i was 28th yrs old....embarassing huh... ...so when my son was born (i was 20) having to wake in the mornings to feed him and to bathe him and just doing the typical things was just....annoying...i know thats bad... ....but just wasn't use to it...but my mom still helped me a lot and i was able to still go to school full-time and work full time...didn't really spend that much quality time with my son when he was young since i would work in the morning and go to school at night and sometime party on the weekends....my son is a very loving kid and we have a great bond so it hasn't affected our relationship at all...i guess since we were still living under the same roof but when he was smaller he would call my my mom mommy and on and off he would call me mom or call me by my first name (which i didn't mind either since i felt i wasn't really a mom to him)...so now i'll be raising this baby without my moms help since she doesn't live with us...and i'm dreading the moment right now....

oh i see.. i bet this will be scary then, BUT u have ur husband and u alone are well qualified to do anything that u are brought up against.. girl my mom tried to take control of how and what i did w/ my baby, but i am very independent and i wanted to do things my own way.. we would get into fights sometimes, she said when she had me (16) her mother took over and she just thought that was the thing to do, but not w/ me.. its funny cuz the times i did want help (baby crying at 3am) she didn't want to help LOL (who would???heehee)

girl.. u talk about embarrassing.. I grew up saying i wouldn't have kids, just never was interested. so when my baby needed her diaper changed in the hospital for the first time, i asked my ex husbands aunt to do it.. i was scared and i didn't know what i was gonna do once everybody left and i had to take care of that baby myself.. those mean nurses wouldn't keep her in the nursery..they wanted her to stay in my room, and i just wanted to sleep..girl its hard to believe that i turned into a pretty good mother remembering how i acted that first 3 days LOL

Mistakes are easy and I know I've made my share but looking back, I have no regrets because those mistakes are what made me who I am today. I was like Quana and my mother was like that with my first child for the same reason so I was out of her house by 17. I was always an honor student so I was determined not to be a statistic and to get an education. With three kids I guess I became super determined because I went to school part time and worked full time (sometimes two/three jobs) all the way through Law school and still graduated both undergrad and Law school with Academic Honors. I had an understanding baby daddy (and we’re still friends, but I found he is a good friend not a good mate) and an auntie who supported my educational goals so I was able to go to school at night and on the weekends. Now that my kids are older and I want to return for my Doctorate I don’t even have the same motivation. Maybe I’m burned out or maybe becoming the success that I am I can finally relax. But I definitely don’t think I would have been half as determined to become what I am if I did not have my kids. I was never one to go out or hang out but without them I’m sure I would have been a mess. I had a teenage and young adult life to my satisfaction, but I am loving my 30’s with my kids being older. I don’t think I would fare well if I was just starting out with a baby now.

Woooohoooo, quittin’ time!!!!

You all are the BEST at killing time!

Thanks ladies, chat latter!

this is cool, i saw this a few times in the old threads, big up rick ross!!

Age: 30

Do you have Children: yes – 12 and 7

Job Title:Service Representative

Favorite Color: browns and beiges

Favorite Song or Artist: Jah Cure john legend

Married, Engaged, Dating or Single: Dating

Pet's name: uhh not a pet lover LOL

Favorite Spot in JA: dead end beach heehee

Quana mi like dead end beach too.

I used to have a dog name Blade when I was growing up. It was a chow mix.

My son named him, he's a collie mix.

Ok Ladies,

Let's play "Get to know your VJ FAM"

Answer the following questions:

Age:

Do you have Children:

Job Title:

Favorite Color:

Favorite Song or Artist:

Married, Engaged, Dating or Single:

Pet's name:

Favorite Spot in JA:

Age: 32

Do you have Children: yes – 15,9,6

Job Title: Contract Administrator

Favorite Color: Red

Favorite Song or Artist: Jah Cure, Etana

Married, Engaged, Dating or Single: Dating

Pet's name: Cats – Zehn and Patches; Dog – Blade; Bird – Mary Blue; Hampster – Mister Gibbles

Favorite Spot in JA: M’ville (all of 'em)

kimmy.. mi hope ya nuh still search?? LOL

dada.. weh ya deh??

Mi ere.. Went ta nyam mi lunch... Went on a lunch date but I was bored to death because I could ovastand every word dat came out his mouth....

LMAO!!! ya mad chile.. ..ok.. now she wan jus deal wid farriner, ie fun try fi figure out wha dem sey LMAO!!!!!!!!! mi ave plenty of tanzanian and kenyan friend mi a link ya wid!!!!!!

okay.. we gotta take a trip.. Virgin islands, trinidad..