Wyld Blu

Wow. Been a LONG time since I have been on VJ. Wondering if there are any other Dutch/American couples living in So. Cal.? I am interested in starting a "Meet Up" group if there are some people here to....actually meet up with. lol. Let me know!

We are a bit north of you just outside of Santa Clarita. I used to live in Reseda though! Perhaps we can meet up 1/2 way?

Wanted to welcome all you new Dutch/American couples! I have been off this forum for quite awhile. My husband immigrated here at the end of 2009 and we were married in the beginning of 2010. He has his 10 yr green card now. We are VERY happy! We moved from California to Texas, and 3.5 yrs later came back home to California. I still struggle with Dutch, but I am learning little by little. He is fluent, with barely any accent in English, German and of course Dutch. Anyway...welcome! If any of you are in So. Cal., we might be interested in doing some sort of meet up. Just PM me. Doei!

I am a bit confused on your timeline, so forgive me if I missed something. He came here on a tourist visa and "forced" you into marriage? Did he adjust status? If not, how did he go back to his country to propose to his girlfriend and then come back to the US? If he did adjust status, then did you have to sign off on that? I am only wondering because if you did have to "sign off" on his status adjustment, at what point did you decide this was fraud?

The best thing you can do for yourself is to obtain legal counsel for yourself. None of us here on VJ can give you any legal advise. That said, technically you committed fraud as well when you married him under the circumstances you described. However, as you feel you were coerced, the courts and/or ICE may not push that. You NEED to talk to a knowledgeable attorney to protect yourself. Also, please stop being a doormat to your husband. EDUCATE yourself on the ramifications of your actions regarding immigration and the proper ways to go about it. Stop being used and pushed around and for heaven's sake STOP listening to someone who clearly has no regard for you in the first place.

We also bought a round trip ticket because it was MUCH cheaper. We never let them know we weren't using it..never bothered to cancel it. They (the airlines) don't know who is immigrating or who is here on what kind of visa or not. It isn't their job to keep track of it. If you don't use the ticket, they just have an unused seat. The ONLY reason you might want to cancel it is if you could get that portion refunded or want to let them know they can resell your seat. Really NOT a problem if you don't though.

You will run into many difficult discussions in your life. You strike me as a young woman away from your family for the first time (forgive me if I am wrong). However, you are a woman, and with that, you need to be able to have these difficult discussions. There is nothing wrong with saying you need your own space, that you want to work on things in your house, that you miss your own bed, or just frankly that you want to be in your own place. If you cannot muster up the courage to have that discussion, you have boxed yourself into a corner where your only choice is to stay with your inlaws for the remainder of the time. If you are truly uncomfortable there and want to be back at your place, then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Just TELL them.

The legal consequence of which being that the US allows for dual citizenship for all cases not covered by the citizenship laws.

An interesting article regarding this very subject can be found here on CNN. http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/04/us/dual-nationals/index.html

Amen to that.

I would presume the child to be a dual citizen, which might give the mother some options, none of them ideal, to be sure.

I could be completely wrong and I am sure others will correct me if I am wrong, but I don't think the US recognizes dual citizenship, even if other countries do. In the eyes of the US government, if the child was born on US soil, he/she is a US citizen, period.

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post under, but it's definitely related to my living in the US! Here's the lowdown:

I have known my husband's sister and her husband since July 2011. They live about twenty minutes by car from us, and we spend important holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas together, and hang out from time to time. We visit their place from time to time, and it's quaint in its own way. My husband has gone back to Singapore on business, and I had readily agreed to move in with them during this period. I am trying to get into graduate school, and still have an appointment with a professor come Monday. I have a learner's permit, but cannot yet drive myself to anywhere. His sister has been kind enough to drive me to school on her day off, and has been nothing but kind to me. My sister-in-law dropped me back at my place today since I was to attend a dinner at an acquaintance’s home nearby. She is supposed to fetch me tomorrow and get back in time for the SuperBowl, but I am having second thoughts. I do have the professor to meet on Monday but am trying to wriggle out of staying with my sister-in-law for the next 2 1/2 weeks. My only incentive to move back is that I can at least access public transport to go down to campus from their place, which I cannot do from my subdivision. That, and driving lessons..which doesn't seem like such a bargain now when you hear the rest of the story.

Knowing her, I know she would think I'm a snob if I tell I just cannot tolerate her living conditions. I guess on some level, my anxiety is exacerbated by the fact that my husband is not here with me, and she is not able to understand how un-conducive her place is for me to do my online coursework. Sure, I could make the trip down to campus everyday, or stay home while they (she and her husband) are at work, but I cannot work in their house which is roaming with cats, and is infested with cat cooties. And now when I think about it, why should I do my work in that kind of environment or have to go elsewhere when my home is more conducive? Of course I knew they had cats before I came over, but I was not aware of the true lack of any boundaries. The cats literally share our living space, including the countertop which I find particularly unhygienic, considering that they sit with their bums down on where we prepare food! I thought I could cook in their house, but I do not feel good preparing food anywhere there. I feel really constrained even though I am welcomed. I feel bad that I put myself in this situation since I readily had agreed to stay with her, but a lot of that had to do with me feeling very anxious while alone at home (when my husband was at work)and dealing with the graduate school applications (which are over now), and so I thought I would not mind having them for company. Now I appreciate the solitude in my own place because in her house, she even leaves the TV on for the cats to watch while we're away! It's quaint when we visit, but staying there for more than a few days is really an adjustment.

There is an obvious socio-economic difference between her brother and she, and I pick up on verbal and non-verbal cues, such as when I mentioned that my husband and I love the frozen pizzas at Trader Joe's while eating the frozen pizza she bought at Albertson's, and she just said, “Oh?” and that was it. Knowing the way she thinks, I do not want to come across as thinking I'm too good for them. Not that I think that, but I do not think they can empathize with what I am facing, such as school and what that entails (she did not attend college and married straight out of high school).

I really want to maintain good relations with my sister-in-law, but am not sure how this will affect her attitude towards me. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I wriggle out? Someone please help!

I think you should be safe expressing your gratitude for their hospitality, and then letting them know that while you planned on staying longer, you are also longing for your own bed. Let them know how much you enjoy their company and would love them to come visit, but you also feel the need to have some solitude. I would not mention the cats at all. We also have cats and while we do not allow them to climb on counters in the kitchen or elsewhere, when we are not home, we have little control of where they go in the house (no doors to our kitchen). Clearly they love their pets, so I would not make the reason you want to go home about them. They may be a little hurt, but once you are home, you can contact them via phone daily, if you feel the need. But as a grown woman, you should be in your own home.

These are indeed happy stories but they don't really fit the description of this subforum.

Well, maybe not. If a mod wants to put it somewhere else, that's ok too. But, I just thought that in this subforum it's always so much doom and gloom. Does this mean that ALL major family changes on immigration benefits are negative? I guess I just wanted to show people who might be new to VJ and this forum that not everything is a sad story. However, JMO, when your petitioned fiance or spouse actually arrives in the USA, isn't that also a major family change? I guess it's up to the mods if this thread remains here or not.

Blu

Great idea! I will post mine, too, as soon as my husband arrives... hopefully by May 2014!!

What an exciting time for you Sky! Here is my story...

I met my husband on an online on a program called Second Life. Neither of us were looking for a new relationship and in fact we were both at the end of our long term relationships. I was about to be divorced from my husband of 25 yrs. and he from his girlfriend of 23 yrs. We started hanging out together online, spending every available moment together. Now, while I felt I knew him VERY well, I was still suspicious of online relationships and he said he was in Holland. I was in California. I googled his name, and came up with nothing. Good I guess. lol. Hours and hours of online conversations lead to a few expensive cell phone calls. Funny though, I didn't really notice any foreign accent! Then I discovered Skype. Finally, I got to actually SEE what he looked like and he me. We spent many more months and every possible hour on Second Life and Skype together. Finally, we decided to meet in a Daytona, for Daytona Bike Week. We are both bikers and never went there before. I set up a "safe call" person..JUST IN CASE. I guess one could never be too careful, but figured we would be in huge crowds of people most of the time. I got there first and picked him up at the airport. It was truly a WONDERFUL first face to face meeting. The 10 days went too fast. On the last night, we were at a local bar dancing and listening to a band. At this point, I should mention we are also both musicians. This is one of the reasons why he has very little Dutch accent. Most of the songs he sang in Holland with bands were in English. And while he speaks fluent Dutch, German and English, he also works on losing any accent in the language he is speaking.

While I was in the bathroom, he had asked the band if he could do a few songs with them. They called him up during their next set. He strapped on one of their guitars and did a few songs on stage. The whole place was on their feet dancing! After he was done, the band stopped and he got on his knees, ON STAGE, in a packed bar and proposed to me! Of course I said yes!.

Watching him go back to Holland was hard. But over the next year, I want to visit there twice and he came here one more time, this time to California. We worked hard on his K1. When it was finally approved, I met him at LAX and he moved in with me. We have now been married going on 4 years. We have our disagreements at times, but we have an amazing and strong marriage as well. My adult kids like him and he is even friends with my ex-husband (we are all still friends actually). We have gone through some major changes in the last few years. We moved from California to Texas (to start a new life together..and sort of as an adventure, lol) and decided after 3 years of THAT to move back home to California. We are both still unemployed (we JUST moved back) but VERY actively looking. We are basically staying with family at the moment, until we have jobs and start on building our house on property we own here. There has been some stress involved of course, but we know how to lean on each other instead of attacking each other in stressful situations. He does miss family, and even some foods from Holland that he can't get here, but he Skypes with family and we try to make foods when possible that he misses.

All in all, we are loving each other and life in general.

So, that is my long-winded story...what's yours?

Just wondered if we could post a thread with actually HAPPY, SUCCESSFUL stories. These sad stories are interesting (yet very sad) to read. So, I am wondering, if we can start a thread with success stories. Mod, I am hoping to keep this thread here to show that not all "major family changes" are sad ones. If this is appropriate, I will post my story too.

Wow, I really feel for this immigrant. Telling a person daily what to expect with life in the US is VERY different than actually living it. There IS an adjustment period. Op, you say your fiance took no time to educate himself or research life in the US, the culture, the laws, whatever. So, instead of telling the man who moved across the world for you that it's time to research things together (now having the distinct advantage of BEING in the US), you choose to throw it away in a matter of days. Well, maybe it's a good thing after all. Marriage, even when in the best of circumstances, takes work. Just based on what you have said, it doesn't sound like you are interested in doing any of that work or working WITH your fiance to iron out the differences. There is a certain amount of culture shock I am sure he is going through. Helping your fiance to immigrate to the US doesn't mean instant success. It isn't like you can just add water and poof you have the perfect relationship. If you are unwilling in your very busy life to see the man you were so in love with is struggling, then, PLEASE at LEAST help him to research legal ways to immigrate here if he wants. The K1 is no longer an option if you decide not to marry him. He will have to go back to his country first. And PLEASE do the RIGHT thing and get him an open ended ticket back home. Because he does not fit into your mold of a perfect partner, shouldn't mean that you put him in a position to be stuck here either.

And again...hehehe

Do you guys know how to read? she got the visa from the US embassy in her country. She came to the USA with a different person using the visa that I petitioned for. As far as i know she is still here living in New York posibbly overstaying her visa. I am assuming she entered the US in November.

She very well may have arrived in the US on the K1 Visa you petitioned for. However, it is kind of a moot point. She will be out of status as soon as the 90 days are up and she hasn't married you. She cannot adjust status with anyone else. If you reported it to ICE, that is about all you need to do and let it go. If ICE decides to act on it, she will be deported (if they can find her) and she will be issued a ban. So, my suggestion is to report it (if you have not already) and then move on with your life.

Blu

That's crazy. My husband is from Holland and we live in Tx. The first year we were here, right after he got his green card, he got a regular driver's license. Looks exactly like mine. Not temporary, We JUST filed for his ROC this month. But he has had his driver's license for a couple yrs now. So, no idea what you are being told.

-Blu-

Oy, this would be so much more helpful if it were in English too for those of us married to Nederlanders, but no YET fluent in Dutch.

-Blu-

My husband and I met on Second Life...kind of a place to go...in your computer. We both met on a "Sim" simulation of Sturgis, called Slurgis, a simulated biker place. We then "cyber dated" on Second Life for quite awhile until we discovered Skype. Then we did both.

-Blu-

Sorry if I am misunderstanding this...but as far as I know, divorce does not get you out of the affidavit of support. This is a contract between you and the government. The only way to get out of this is if she were to die or were to move back to her country. Also, the contract is over after she works 40 quarters, approx 10 yrs. Am I wrong here?

-Blu-

When we decided to move to Tx from California, we got a LOT of info from CityData.com. There are forums on there from every state and most major (some minor) cities. You can ask people who live anywhere you are thinking of moving just about anything. It was very helpful.

-Blu-

OK, so does anyone know if it will it affect her being able to enter the country if she has a return ticket she doesn't intend to use?

No, it makes no difference. The airlines don't report unused tickets to the USCIS. My husband immigrated here from Holland on a round trip ticket, we never intended to use. Buying one way was FAR more expensive then round trip and we also never cancelled it with the airlines because we got the cheapest one available, which was not refundable anyway.

-Blu-

Op, I don't know the rest of your story, but a bit more info would be helpful. Like how long has she been here. Does she have her green card? If so, and can prove the marriage was in good faith, she can apply for ROC without you, once a divorce is final. Also, as far as your affidavit of support goes, you are on the hook with the contract you made with the government whether or not you are married to her, or divorced. The only thing that will remove that is if she moves back to her country, or dies.

-Blu-

Nederlanders overzee mogen niet van hun staatsburgerschap worden beroofd

Minister Donner wil Nederlanders hun Nederlanderschap afpakken als zij een buitenlands paspoort krijgen en het moeilijker maken het ooit terug te krijgen. Maar identiteit en loyaliteit aan Nederland gaan niet verloren door een tweede nationaliteit, die men vaak aanvraagt om puur praktische redenen. Nederlanders in het buitenland zijn ambassadeurs voor Nederland en het Nederlands belang. Schilder ze niet af als het Nederlanderschap onwaardig.

Go to this site and please sign the Petition

http://petities.nl/p...-worden-beroofd

Can you translate to English please? My dutch isn't that good yet, and my husband is at work!

-Blu-