Mary and Enrique

Firstly, my condolences to you and your husband's family in what I know must be a very difficult time.
When my dad passed away unexpectedly at the age of 52, I felt a very strong need to move to my home state and take care of my grieving mother and devastated family. Ultimately I realized that I couldn't afford to move without a job, and it would be foolish of me to give up a good, stable job with coworkers who know me and understand that any flakiness is grief and not just my being a crappy worker. So I stayed here and did what I could from a distance until I was more stable.
I'm so glad I did.
I am still considering moving closer to my mom, but these days, I would be doing it with my life mostly put back together, a supportive husband, and with my mom in a relationship of her own. Giving a little space between such a loss allowed us to find healthy ways to move forward, rather than making an emotional, reactionary decision that could lead (and in our case, likely would have) to a codependent relationship where we can't fully heal as individuals. Instead of both being happily paired up with our own lives, we'd likely still be living in the same house, stuck in the past.
Conventional wisdom (not that that's always the right thing, but you know) is to not make any major life changes for one year after suffering the loss of a close loved one. If I were in your position, I would propose that you agree to stay in the United States at LEAST until your husband has his 10-year green card, and maybe longer (I know your in laws are elderly and this may make the situation seem more urgent, so you can decide on a reasonable timeline taking that into consideration). With that in hand, you have some options.
As for whether you should really move, there are so many factors to consider there -- my husband and I are in the same boat. What I have been researching, and what I'd encourage you to research, is planning an extended trip (say, 12 weeks) to your husband's country after this waiting period. See if your jobs would allow you to take a leave of absence, whether you can rent out your home for a few months, whether you would be welcome to stay in a relative's house abroad to keep your expenses manageable. It's a lot to plan, of course, but it's nowhere near as involved as going on a (possibly) permanent basis, and will allow you both to be more objective about whether the live you love as a couple will really translate to another culture. I love Honduras, but I've seen the numbers and know that half of ex-pats who plan to retire there don't make it. I think I probably could, but do I *know* that? It would be irresponsible to assume.
I don't know if any of this is helpful, but that's what I'd do: comfort your husband in his loss, show him the value in waiting to make any decision until his 10 year green card is secured, and run the numbers on your finances to see how doable it would be for you to spend several months in his country, rather than just a week or ten days. Most likely, I'd imagine you would both come to the conclusion, there, that it isn't practical for you to move on a permanent basis - at least for the immediate future. And if it isn't, you can support him in planning out how to visit more so he can still take an active role in his family's life. Either way, I'm sure he will appreciate your willingness to (cautiously) move forward and try to consider his wishes and family in your own life.
best wishes -- I hope it all unfolds in the best way possible.

When my husband and I met, I didn't speak Spanish, and he didn't speak English. Somehow we hit it off and managed to get by (thanks, Google Translate!), but when he came to the States and moved in with me, we were in for a lot of failed attempts at communication.
For example, I brought him a calzone on my lunch hour on that first day I had to go back to work after his arrival. I tried to offer it to him in Spanish, not realizing at the time that calzón, in Spanish, means underwear. Things got strange very quickly.
By the time his work authorization came through, he'd learned enough English to start to appreciate slang. Unfortunately, his first day did not go so well, as he feared he was the victim of an unwanted sexual advance by his new boss.
"He tells me he is a 'ball-buster'. Is that like ghostbuster? Please explain to me how that is not gay."
I actually miss the days when things like this were a daily occurrence -- now that we both speak both languages confidently, life is just not quite as colorful. I talked myself out of recording all the funny stories as they were happening, thinking that Enrique is a grown man and it's a bit infantilizing to keep the equivalent of a 'baby book' for him -- though these days, I think he actually would have enjoyed going back and having a laugh about the old days. Alas, I have already forgotten so many of them.
I know there are many couples like us on this site. Surely there are some great stories. Care to share one of yours?

Firstly, my condolences to you and your husband's family in what I know must be a very difficult time.
When my dad passed away unexpectedly at the age of 52, I felt a very strong need to move to my home state and take care of my grieving mother and devastated family. Ultimately I realized that I couldn't afford to move without a job, and it would be foolish of me to give up a good, stable job with coworkers who know me and understand that any flakiness is grief and not just my being a crappy worker. So I stayed here and did what I could from a distance until I was more stable.
I'm so glad I did.
I am still considering moving closer to my mom, but these days, I would be doing it with my life mostly put back together, a supportive husband, and with my mom in a relationship of her own. Giving a little space between such a loss allowed us to find healthy ways to move forward, rather than making an emotional, reactionary decision that could lead (and in our case, likely would have) to a codependent relationship where we can't fully heal as individuals. Instead of both being happily paired up with our own lives, we'd likely still be living in the same house, stuck in the past.
Conventional wisdom (not that that's always the right thing, but you know) is to not make any major life changes for one year after suffering the loss of a close loved one. If I were in your position, I would propose that you agree to stay in the United States at LEAST until your husband has his 10-year green card, and maybe longer (I know your in laws are elderly and this may make the situation seem more urgent, so you can decide on a reasonable timeline taking that into consideration). With that in hand, you have some options.
As for whether you should really move, there are so many factors to consider there -- my husband and I are in the same boat. What I have been researching, and what I'd encourage you to research, is planning an extended trip (say, 12 weeks) to your husband's country after this waiting period. See if your jobs would allow you to take a leave of absence, whether you can rent out your home for a few months, whether you would be welcome to stay in a relative's house abroad to keep your expenses manageable. It's a lot to plan, of course, but it's nowhere near as involved as going on a (possibly) permanent basis, and will allow you both to be more objective about whether the live you love as a couple will really translate to another culture. I love Honduras, but I've seen the numbers and know that half of ex-pats who plan to retire there don't make it. I think I probably could, but do I *know* that? It would be irresponsible to assume.
I don't know if any of this is helpful, but that's what I'd do: comfort your husband in his loss, show him the value in waiting to make any decision until his 10 year green card is secured, and run the numbers on your finances to see how doable it would be for you to spend several months in his country, rather than just a week or ten days. Most likely, I'd imagine you would both come to the conclusion, there, that it isn't practical for you to move on a permanent basis - at least for the immediate future. And if it isn't, you can support him in planning out how to visit more so he can still take an active role in his family's life. Either way, I'm sure he will appreciate your willingness to (cautiously) move forward and try to consider his wishes and family in your own life.
best wishes -- I hope it all unfolds in the best way possible.

Firstly, my condolences to you and your husband's family in what I know must be a very difficult time.
When my dad passed away unexpectedly at the age of 52, I felt a very strong need to move to my home state and take care of my grieving mother and devastated family. Ultimately I realized that I couldn't afford to move without a job, and it would be foolish of me to give up a good, stable job with coworkers who know me and understand that any flakiness is grief and not just my being a crappy worker. So I stayed here and did what I could from a distance until I was more stable.
I'm so glad I did.
I am still considering moving closer to my mom, but these days, I would be doing it with my life mostly put back together, a supportive husband, and with my mom in a relationship of her own. Giving a little space between such a loss allowed us to find healthy ways to move forward, rather than making an emotional, reactionary decision that could lead (and in our case, likely would have) to a codependent relationship where we can't fully heal as individuals. Instead of both being happily paired up with our own lives, we'd likely still be living in the same house, stuck in the past.
Conventional wisdom (not that that's always the right thing, but you know) is to not make any major life changes for one year after suffering the loss of a close loved one. If I were in your position, I would propose that you agree to stay in the United States at LEAST until your husband has his 10-year green card, and maybe longer (I know your in laws are elderly and this may make the situation seem more urgent, so you can decide on a reasonable timeline taking that into consideration). With that in hand, you have some options.
As for whether you should really move, there are so many factors to consider there -- my husband and I are in the same boat. What I have been researching, and what I'd encourage you to research, is planning an extended trip (say, 12 weeks) to your husband's country after this waiting period. See if your jobs would allow you to take a leave of absence, whether you can rent out your home for a few months, whether you would be welcome to stay in a relative's house abroad to keep your expenses manageable. It's a lot to plan, of course, but it's nowhere near as involved as going on a (possibly) permanent basis, and will allow you both to be more objective about whether the live you love as a couple will really translate to another culture. I love Honduras, but I've seen the numbers and know that half of ex-pats who plan to retire there don't make it. I think I probably could, but do I *know* that? It would be irresponsible to assume.
I don't know if any of this is helpful, but that's what I'd do: comfort your husband in his loss, show him the value in waiting to make any decision until his 10 year green card is secured, and run the numbers on your finances to see how doable it would be for you to spend several months in his country, rather than just a week or ten days. Most likely, I'd imagine you would both come to the conclusion, there, that it isn't practical for you to move on a permanent basis - at least for the immediate future. And if it isn't, you can support him in planning out how to visit more so he can still take an active role in his family's life. Either way, I'm sure he will appreciate your willingness to (cautiously) move forward and try to consider his wishes and family in your own life.
best wishes -- I hope it all unfolds in the best way possible.

Firstly, my condolences to you and your husband's family in what I know must be a very difficult time.
When my dad passed away unexpectedly at the age of 52, I felt a very strong need to move to my home state and take care of my grieving mother and devastated family. Ultimately I realized that I couldn't afford to move without a job, and it would be foolish of me to give up a good, stable job with coworkers who know me and understand that any flakiness is grief and not just my being a crappy worker. So I stayed here and did what I could from a distance until I was more stable.
I'm so glad I did.
I am still considering moving closer to my mom, but these days, I would be doing it with my life mostly put back together, a supportive husband, and with my mom in a relationship of her own. Giving a little space between such a loss allowed us to find healthy ways to move forward, rather than making an emotional, reactionary decision that could lead (and in our case, likely would have) to a codependent relationship where we can't fully heal as individuals. Instead of both being happily paired up with our own lives, we'd likely still be living in the same house, stuck in the past.
Conventional wisdom (not that that's always the right thing, but you know) is to not make any major life changes for one year after suffering the loss of a close loved one. If I were in your position, I would propose that you agree to stay in the United States at LEAST until your husband has his 10-year green card, and maybe longer (I know your in laws are elderly and this may make the situation seem more urgent, so you can decide on a reasonable timeline taking that into consideration). With that in hand, you have some options.
As for whether you should really move, there are so many factors to consider there -- my husband and I are in the same boat. What I have been researching, and what I'd encourage you to research, is planning an extended trip (say, 12 weeks) to your husband's country after this waiting period. See if your jobs would allow you to take a leave of absence, whether you can rent out your home for a few months, whether you would be welcome to stay in a relative's house abroad to keep your expenses manageable. It's a lot to plan, of course, but it's nowhere near as involved as going on a (possibly) permanent basis, and will allow you both to be more objective about whether the live you love as a couple will really translate to another culture. I love Honduras, but I've seen the numbers and know that half of ex-pats who plan to retire there don't make it. I think I probably could, but do I *know* that? It would be irresponsible to assume.
I don't know if any of this is helpful, but that's what I'd do: comfort your husband in his loss, show him the value in waiting to make any decision until his 10 year green card is secured, and run the numbers on your finances to see how doable it would be for you to spend several months in his country, rather than just a week or ten days. Most likely, I'd imagine you would both come to the conclusion, there, that it isn't practical for you to move on a permanent basis - at least for the immediate future. And if it isn't, you can support him in planning out how to visit more so he can still take an active role in his family's life. Either way, I'm sure he will appreciate your willingness to (cautiously) move forward and try to consider his wishes and family in your own life.
best wishes -- I hope it all unfolds in the best way possible.

Firstly, my condolences to you and your husband's family in what I know must be a very difficult time.
When my dad passed away unexpectedly at the age of 52, I felt a very strong need to move to my home state and take care of my grieving mother and devastated family. Ultimately I realized that I couldn't afford to move without a job, and it would be foolish of me to give up a good, stable job with coworkers who know me and understand that any flakiness is grief and not just my being a crappy worker. So I stayed here and did what I could from a distance until I was more stable.
I'm so glad I did.
I am still considering moving closer to my mom, but these days, I would be doing it with my life mostly put back together, a supportive husband, and with my mom in a relationship of her own. Giving a little space between such a loss allowed us to find healthy ways to move forward, rather than making an emotional, reactionary decision that could lead (and in our case, likely would have) to a codependent relationship where we can't fully heal as individuals. Instead of both being happily paired up with our own lives, we'd likely still be living in the same house, stuck in the past.
Conventional wisdom (not that that's always the right thing, but you know) is to not make any major life changes for one year after suffering the loss of a close loved one. If I were in your position, I would propose that you agree to stay in the United States at LEAST until your husband has his 10-year green card, and maybe longer (I know your in laws are elderly and this may make the situation seem more urgent, so you can decide on a reasonable timeline taking that into consideration). With that in hand, you have some options.
As for whether you should really move, there are so many factors to consider there -- my husband and I are in the same boat. What I have been researching, and what I'd encourage you to research, is planning an extended trip (say, 12 weeks) to your husband's country after this waiting period. See if your jobs would allow you to take a leave of absence, whether you can rent out your home for a few months, whether you would be welcome to stay in a relative's house abroad to keep your expenses manageable. It's a lot to plan, of course, but it's nowhere near as involved as going on a (possibly) permanent basis, and will allow you both to be more objective about whether the live you love as a couple will really translate to another culture. I love Honduras, but I've seen the numbers and know that half of ex-pats who plan to retire there don't make it. I think I probably could, but do I *know* that? It would be irresponsible to assume.
I don't know if any of this is helpful, but that's what I'd do: comfort your husband in his loss, show him the value in waiting to make any decision until his 10 year green card is secured, and run the numbers on your finances to see how doable it would be for you to spend several months in his country, rather than just a week or ten days. Most likely, I'd imagine you would both come to the conclusion, there, that it isn't practical for you to move on a permanent basis - at least for the immediate future. And if it isn't, you can support him in planning out how to visit more so he can still take an active role in his family's life. Either way, I'm sure he will appreciate your willingness to (cautiously) move forward and try to consider his wishes and family in your own life.
best wishes -- I hope it all unfolds in the best way possible.

Firstly, my condolences to you and your husband's family in what I know must be a very difficult time.
When my dad passed away unexpectedly at the age of 52, I felt a very strong need to move to my home state and take care of my grieving mother and devastated family. Ultimately I realized that I couldn't afford to move without a job, and it would be foolish of me to give up a good, stable job with coworkers who know me and understand that any flakiness is grief and not just my being a crappy worker. So I stayed here and did what I could from a distance until I was more stable.
I'm so glad I did.
I am still considering moving closer to my mom, but these days, I would be doing it with my life mostly put back together, a supportive husband, and with my mom in a relationship of her own. Giving a little space between such a loss allowed us to find healthy ways to move forward, rather than making an emotional, reactionary decision that could lead (and in our case, likely would have) to a codependent relationship where we can't fully heal as individuals. Instead of both being happily paired up with our own lives, we'd likely still be living in the same house, stuck in the past.
Conventional wisdom (not that that's always the right thing, but you know) is to not make any major life changes for one year after suffering the loss of a close loved one. If I were in your position, I would propose that you agree to stay in the United States at LEAST until your husband has his 10-year green card, and maybe longer (I know your in laws are elderly and this may make the situation seem more urgent, so you can decide on a reasonable timeline taking that into consideration). With that in hand, you have some options.
As for whether you should really move, there are so many factors to consider there -- my husband and I are in the same boat. What I have been researching, and what I'd encourage you to research, is planning an extended trip (say, 12 weeks) to your husband's country after this waiting period. See if your jobs would allow you to take a leave of absence, whether you can rent out your home for a few months, whether you would be welcome to stay in a relative's house abroad to keep your expenses manageable. It's a lot to plan, of course, but it's nowhere near as involved as going on a (possibly) permanent basis, and will allow you both to be more objective about whether the live you love as a couple will really translate to another culture. I love Honduras, but I've seen the numbers and know that half of ex-pats who plan to retire there don't make it. I think I probably could, but do I *know* that? It would be irresponsible to assume.
I don't know if any of this is helpful, but that's what I'd do: comfort your husband in his loss, show him the value in waiting to make any decision until his 10 year green card is secured, and run the numbers on your finances to see how doable it would be for you to spend several months in his country, rather than just a week or ten days. Most likely, I'd imagine you would both come to the conclusion, there, that it isn't practical for you to move on a permanent basis - at least for the immediate future. And if it isn't, you can support him in planning out how to visit more so he can still take an active role in his family's life. Either way, I'm sure he will appreciate your willingness to (cautiously) move forward and try to consider his wishes and family in your own life.
best wishes -- I hope it all unfolds in the best way possible.

Firstly, my condolences to you and your husband's family in what I know must be a very difficult time.
When my dad passed away unexpectedly at the age of 52, I felt a very strong need to move to my home state and take care of my grieving mother and devastated family. Ultimately I realized that I couldn't afford to move without a job, and it would be foolish of me to give up a good, stable job with coworkers who know me and understand that any flakiness is grief and not just my being a crappy worker. So I stayed here and did what I could from a distance until I was more stable.
I'm so glad I did.
I am still considering moving closer to my mom, but these days, I would be doing it with my life mostly put back together, a supportive husband, and with my mom in a relationship of her own. Giving a little space between such a loss allowed us to find healthy ways to move forward, rather than making an emotional, reactionary decision that could lead (and in our case, likely would have) to a codependent relationship where we can't fully heal as individuals. Instead of both being happily paired up with our own lives, we'd likely still be living in the same house, stuck in the past.
Conventional wisdom (not that that's always the right thing, but you know) is to not make any major life changes for one year after suffering the loss of a close loved one. If I were in your position, I would propose that you agree to stay in the United States at LEAST until your husband has his 10-year green card, and maybe longer (I know your in laws are elderly and this may make the situation seem more urgent, so you can decide on a reasonable timeline taking that into consideration). With that in hand, you have some options.
As for whether you should really move, there are so many factors to consider there -- my husband and I are in the same boat. What I have been researching, and what I'd encourage you to research, is planning an extended trip (say, 12 weeks) to your husband's country after this waiting period. See if your jobs would allow you to take a leave of absence, whether you can rent out your home for a few months, whether you would be welcome to stay in a relative's house abroad to keep your expenses manageable. It's a lot to plan, of course, but it's nowhere near as involved as going on a (possibly) permanent basis, and will allow you both to be more objective about whether the live you love as a couple will really translate to another culture. I love Honduras, but I've seen the numbers and know that half of ex-pats who plan to retire there don't make it. I think I probably could, but do I *know* that? It would be irresponsible to assume.
I don't know if any of this is helpful, but that's what I'd do: comfort your husband in his loss, show him the value in waiting to make any decision until his 10 year green card is secured, and run the numbers on your finances to see how doable it would be for you to spend several months in his country, rather than just a week or ten days. Most likely, I'd imagine you would both come to the conclusion, there, that it isn't practical for you to move on a permanent basis - at least for the immediate future. And if it isn't, you can support him in planning out how to visit more so he can still take an active role in his family's life. Either way, I'm sure he will appreciate your willingness to (cautiously) move forward and try to consider his wishes and family in your own life.
best wishes -- I hope it all unfolds in the best way possible.