teenutty
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Posts posted by teenutty
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A valentine's day card (from the husband to the wife -from him to me, but bought by me)
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It is never wrong to overdue your proofs rather than send Y with a skimpy folder. More is better.
ONE POINT:
My husband had his interview in March 2007. I sent him with a copy of my 2007 taxes and affidavit of support. The consulate said, "Please have your sponsor provide us copies of their 2008 tax return." So I had to hustle and file my 2008 federal tax returns and send him a copy to take back to the Embassy.
Seems, the consulate people can automatically request the latest fiscal year-end tax returns after December 31.
Tina
hey guys,well we are still in AP at NVC, but should be out in a few weeks per the trend.
So, I've always been ahead of myself, but now the time is coming shortly.
Here's what I'm getting ready to send Y.
everything is in manila folders with acco fastners (yep, im a dork)
folder #1- screenprints of daily emails from him to me and vice versa...close to 50 pages in total (summer 2007-present)
folder #2-phone bills from 10/2007-present (me to him)
screenprints of daily yahoo chats summer 2007-present
folder#3-affidavit from my brother attesting to the validity and yada yada..cant wait to meet him..bla bla..talk to him weekly bla bla
life insurance policy showing Y and my son as the beneficiaries
our whole photo album (about 45 pics) with him and I, us with the family, wedding party pics ect
So, should he hold some off in case they ask for more? Should we print a few emails from each month as backup in case?
Is it too much or have we forgotten anything? oh ya! he will also have his yahoo calls screenprints showing his daily calls to me at home and work.
Help me out ladies and gents who have been there and done that
Lisa
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Dear,
Really nothing to worry about...All our spouses were approved for their visa's and told, "now the visa will take one or two months to be issued" and "your case is now in administrative review."
Think of it this way:
They let the normal wheels of bureacracy move slowly forward as your application is processed. If your application is not "kicked back (DENIED)" for some deficiency, it then goes to the interview/medical exam stage. If, after this step, the application is not "kicked back (DENIED)" for a deficiency, it then goes into "administrative review."
It is the final step towards the visa.
The only downside is administrative review can take weeks, a few months or many months...The wait and lack of information about when to expect the conclusion is the hardship.
Don't lose hope, what you are going through is totally normal in the process.
Tina
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Ok here is my issue I want to go back and be with my husband I dont like this no more. So if i go back to him and he works and supports us would I still be able to get him over to the States? Cause they ask for your job referance and letters from your employer, how would i go about that? Any information about this would be helpful. My sister would joint sponsor him so thats not a issue. Thanks for any help.
I'm a little confused about what the worry is... If you have a qualified sponsor, then what is the issue? They don't ask for job references and letters from an employer... they want to know that the USC or the sponsor (your sister in that case) has enough income to provide support. It's not about you showing that you have a job... It's about income and assets...
I know several women who married in Egypt and stayed there (some for more than a year) while they waited for their husband to get his visa. They had to have sponsors to get him here because they had zero income during that time period... but they are all here with their husbands now...
Personally my biggest fear would be finding work when you come back and having enough money to set up house when you get back... Things seem to be getting worse here every day and unless your husband is one of the VERY FEW men in Egypt who make US comparable wages... it won't be easy to save up $ from his salary there to live on here... even buying the tickets to come back on a typical Egyptian income can be difficult...
I do have to say that if you can find a way to do this it would be a wonderful thing to do... I wish I could have done it, and I wish we could have come here together with his green card in hand... able to look for work day one...
Where will you be living in Egypt... I have many American and Canadian girlfriends living there... Good luck!
I will be in ALexandria. Right now lookn for a flat that is affordable so we can be together. Not worried about the coming back and a job. I can work anywhere they are hiring and I wouldnt care to be honest. I got enough money in the bank to be there for awhile just was scared I needed it to show them I had it so i dont spend it. I have money for there and when i come back so i will be able to rent an apartment as soon as we arrive here and give me time to find work for a couple of months. Just didnt want to mess up the visa process or not have something they needed. I think I am an idiot for coming back and not stayin in the first place when i knew i could have stayed with him.
I lived out side USA from April 2004 to December 2006. But I maintain a bank account and driver's license. I also filed taxes (with zero, zero zero entries) with a piece of paper attached saying, "for the Tax year of 2006, I was unemployed and outside of USA. I was supported by Iranian husband who is not a resident/citizen of USA."
Just maintain a bank account, a state id or driver's license, file taxes (even if you make zero, just put zero on all the lines). All of this goes to MAINTAINING DOMICILE in USA. You can be gone for some time, but as long as you demonstrate you have ties to USA financially (by keeping bank account open) and have residence in a state (driver's license & ID). You should have no problem.
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Really, I feel better since the weekend...
It was such a bad place anyway...In my 1 1/2 year there, 5 people were fired, 2 left voluntarily. That is in an office size of 8 people. So you know there is something wrong with the place. It is just that I tried so hard to make it work, even though the job was killing me...I see it as God gave me a push to do something I wanted to do, but instead listened to my husband who wanted me to keep working there. My biggest anger is not over losing the job (because in reality they did me a favor), but that for months and months I told my husband I wanted to quit the job, I had a job lined up, and he hindered all my plans to keep me working at my company. It was his lack of empathy that hurt the most.
yikes i am so sorry for this..... you know i had taken a leave of absence when i was in morocco that was approved when i came back i had no job and was filing papers for my husband when low and behold an even better job surfaced ... i am not going to lie it was scary but don't forget your prayers and God never forgets you. -
Yes, it comes down to they have been babied by their mothers and have no concept of costs here in USA.
I just told my husband that if he wants me to cook, he has to pay for the food. Especially I am not working anymore. He went shopping last night. Came home with eggs, milk, a cut up fryer chicken and butter. I told him, "potatos, onions, carrots, celery, some herbs and I cook a proper meal." He just said, bake the chicken with pepper." HE IS SOOOOO CHEAP! I told him is he knows best, then he can cook it.
Oh good grief! That sounds like some 'friends' of Hoom's that I absolutely loathe. The guys are so bloody cheap and won't lift a finger to help their wives around the house. What's really annoying is the Iranian wives are so proud that they do everything in the kitchen while the guys sit on their asses chitchatting. Last time we had a get-together with the 4 of them the women asked me to help in the kitchen and so I called for Hoom to come help too and they said oh no, in Iranian households the women do everything. (They're very concerned with teaching me how to be an Iranian wife.
Which of course I never intend to be and Hoom knows it.) Damned if Hoom didn't get up to come with me even though he knew full well the women barely speak English which makes things awkward for me. I had to give Hoom the evil eye and explain that we're moving to America and he will have to get used to helping me out otherwise he should have married an Iranian. Then the light went on in his head and he remembered he can't stand the old-fashioned religious types and realized he needed to help me. He doesn't always help out the first time round but when he sees it makes me unhappy he definitely remembers the next time or so. Sure it'd be great if he'd volunteer without my having to ask and help round the house the first time around but I count my blessings considering my mom is still waiting for my Dad to help out with house chores after 40 years together.You know what is soooo weird....When I lived in Iran, I would do things to help his mother around the house (like vacuum, clean the floors, hose down the patio and garden)....My husband would exclaim, "it makes me uncomfortable to see you work, please let me help you..." And when his mother went away for a few days to visit relatives, my husband would enlist his brothers to clean up the place before she came home.
These tendencies have completely disappeared.
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Now that I am laid off, my husband is forced to step up to the plate....He has "assured" my mother "he is my husband and will provide for me."
I would actually prefer to be a housewife....I have worked since I was 16. Or work part time for my spending money.
Anyway, I am going away...So hubby can take care of himself.
you know I knew that things would be different for me marrying my man.I tried to think that my life would be the same or that we would be equal but we are not.
We fuss and fight about certain issues because now, that we actually live together, we see the exact expectations
and personality of the other under REAL terms.
I dont mind doing wifely "duties" I had to do wifely duties anyway, I have children and I am not a lazy slob.
I enjoy cooking, I want to have a clean house BUT I was thinking there would be some degree of HELP.
I dont think it is a MENA characteristic. Plenty of men around the world are big babies, who could never accomplish what we women do in one day. But I did notice how the men there would literally not do anything in the home.
I mean sit there and WATCH their poor old mothers slaving over everything.
I mean I work too. It is just that us women here can call our own shots. We are used to doing what we want, when we want and total EQUALITY for everything. My husband just feels certain things are my duty. I dont mind catering to my man but if you are a man then certainly you have 2 hands and 2 legs to do anything that I can do, why is that you work more? or you are more tired?? The work and exhaustion are the same only I have to feel that I have to keep going and going and going........and not really feeling that what you do is acknowledged or appreciated.
I guess I would have nothing to say if all my needs were being met and cooperation was apparent without having to say a word.
Do you eve rget to talk to him heart to heat during cuddle wubby time?? If not Id be showing him what the rolling pin is really for!!!LOL!!! Cuddle wubby time!!!! That does not exist in our marriage.
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I actually need to lose some weight (20lbs) that I put on over the last year. So is really in my benefit not to cook or shop. I could just "slimfast" for the next 5 weeks before I leave.
However, since I have been laid off from my job, I have the time now to shop and cook. In the spirit of reconciliation I have offered to cook IF HE BUYS THE FOOD. He bought a lonely chicken and some butter. So I will go out today and buy a few ingredients to make some pasta tonight.
I want the next 5 weeks before I leave to be peaceful....Especially if I am gone for six months after that.
While I don't agree with the way your husband manages money or his approach to your "shared" food bill, I believe your approach ie not cooking is basically cutting off your nose to spite your face. Why not figure out approximately how much food will cost each month and get half from him prior to shopping for groceries? Or figure the food costs into the household bills and get your half that way? That's what we do.I understand that marriage can be tough esp when our partners don't behave the way we'd like but going on "strike" probably won't work in the long run. You'll be angry and resentful and so will he.
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Yes, it comes down to they have been babied by their mothers and have no concept of costs here in USA.
I just told my husband that if he wants me to cook, he has to pay for the food. Especially I am not working anymore. He went shopping last night. Came home with eggs, milk, a cut up fryer chicken and butter. I told him, "potatos, onions, carrots, celery, some herbs and I cook a proper meal." He just said, bake the chicken with pepper." HE IS SOOOOO CHEAP! I told him is he knows best, then he can cook it.
I dont think the guys realize the price of food or the amount it takes to cook a meal. [/color]
My husband expected fresh meals on the table day and night. He refused to eat leftovers because they either finished everything at his home in Morocco or the next day there would be a fresh meal and his mom would eat the leftovers while everyone else ate the new meal! I can't tell you how much money I spent on food to try and make him happy. To make various salads, a tagine, breads, dessert, and drinks in Morocco is soooooo much cheaper to make than here! He never did understand......Love that advice, Kathryn41!!!
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Your husband sounds like a good guy....Helpful as best he can be...
I'm so sorry for all your troubles Nutty. I think the plan you have is great and I really hope it works. He needs to learn how he should be spending him money and helping you.The situation in my marriage has been different thank God. My husband is trying to find work now though transportation is our biggest problem. He is studying for the written part of the driving test so we can at least let him practice driving legally. Hopefully he will not need more than a couple weeks to adjust to driving here and then we can get his full license. For now I pay for everything though he did bring some money with him and the refugee place gave us some to use for him. He just handed it all to me and told me to spend it how I thought was best. Once he starts working he plans to just give me his check to use for the bills and if he needs some money he will just ask.
Surprisingly he does try to help me around the house in small ways. He will take out the trash, he picks up dirty dishes and takes them to the kitchen, he will even help me cut up vegetables for cooking. The most suprising was yesterday when I had to stay at work later than usual so he offered to start dinner if I just told him what to do. He has no idea how to cook but he still offered. Problem was I was planning to make home made chicken noodle soup. I had a whole chicken in the refrigerator thawed and waiting to be cleaned. He actually did clean it, through out the innards and start boiling it for me so when I got home I could move on to the next steps. I was so happy with him for that. He has even been asking for me to show him how the washer and dryer work.
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Ok here is my issue I want to go back and be with my husband I dont like this no more. So if i go back to him and he works and supports us would I still be able to get him over to the States? Cause they ask for your job referance and letters from your employer, how would i go about that? Any information about this would be helpful. My sister would joint sponsor him so thats not a issue. Thanks for any help.
For your sister to qualify as a joint sponsor she would need to do the following:
1) File her 2008 Federal Tax return. How many exemptions she files on her taxes is the basic household size: Sister alone = 1 person household. Sister and her husband = 2 person household, Sister, husband, child = 3 person household.
2) Your husband, being sponsored by your sister, is an added "family member" to the household size....So add 1 to the household size.
Example:
So if your sister is single, filed taxes as single (1) and sponsors your husband (1), her household size is considered 2, So she must meet the minimum 125% requirement of income for household size of 2 on the USCIS poverty income guidelines.
Get it?
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I feel better today (after spending the night at my mom's and having a few beers).
A few of my collegues called my house yesterday when the notice I wasn't there for the latter part of the afternoon.
I spoke to one of them who had given her notice on this last Thursday to quit on February 10 (because of a conflict she had with a supervisor). But she said after hearing how the management let me go (after they forced me into a promotion), she's now only going in on Monday to get her eyeglasses and leave again and not stay to February 10. She's retiring early so doesn't care for any recommendation letters.
Really, and truely, it was a blessing in disguise.
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I sum it all up to immaturity. My husband never had to grow up making his own meals, cleaning up after himself, or doing his own laundry/dishes (and I think this is just as prevalent amongst Western men and many women as it is amongst MENA men).
He bitches about the money I spend on a week's worth of shopping, yet that week's worth of groceries is cheaper in the long run than his habit of buying a few ready-made meals at a time. He just doesn't get it. Even simple ideas like, oh, making a batch of something and freezing it to save money...he just doesn't understand. It's like the long-term consequences of spending fly right over his head.
I can't trust my husband to do the laundry etc. I wish he would cook more though. It's strange that he knows nothing about cooking when his dad actually did most of the cooking in their family. Hoom only knows how to make Persian style rice. (Which is basically the same as the way we make rice only it's burnt on the bottom.
) I suppose buying a cookbook and then going on a cooking strike would be a good way to teach guys that won't cook. What's wrong with these mothers that teach their sons nothing about caring for themselves when they're out on their own?
My husband loves that kind of rice!!!! I am sure Hoom knows how to grill!!!! But anything coming out of kitchen is out of their league.
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Money differences/issues (finances) are one of the top 3 reasons for divorce. When many VJ type couples don't or can't live together (or even near each other in the same country) for prolonged periods of time before marriage it's hard to predict how things will be in their "real life". I think huge assumptions are made by both parties and then REALITY can really bite...
Add to that the fact than when the USC is in their country, the tables are a bit turned and the USC is out of their element, not working, and maybe being dependent on their spouse, so the fiance/husband steps up and provides... (even if he has to borrow $ from someone without them knowing it...) because he knows it's for a short period of time and he doesn't want to look bad... Or maybe the USC is paying for everything when she visits as she is feeling generous because she's on vacation, knows it's a short term thing, and assumes that he understands that this won't be the way it is back in the USA...
Things are different again (not normal) when the Immigrant spouse arrives in the USA and is out of THEIR element and can't even get a work permit, or maybe a job for a prolonged period of time. He learns to accept being dependent on her, and he sees how much she has (compared to what he has been able to accumulate in his country) and starts feeling like he is ENTITLED to save up any money he makes when he can work, so he can "catch up" to her financially... A sort of "non-reality" bubble can easily be created in each of the parties minds about how it is going to be LONG TERM...
Add to that HUGE cultural differences related to Marial Finances.. (which someone on here was totally ignoring when they posted a bunch of advice about marriage being an "equal partnership" etc. etc. which is NOT a MENA way of looking at marriage) and perhaps one or both of the parties being ill-informed, or mis-informed about how finances are handled in the other parties culture and you have a real stew brewing...
I think the biggest problem comes when the couple are on different "wave lengths"... She's thinking "marriage is an equal partnership, mi casa es su casa" and he's thinking "what's yours is mine (because you offered it to me) and what's MINE IS MINE", BECAUSE THAT IS MY CULTURUAL BACKGROUND!
Some of them like to "swing both ways" whenever one way suits their purpose at that moment... They want a "Western Wife" who can bring home the turkey bacon, (reducing their need to provide for the basics) which allows them to sock away money to use as they alone see fit. Which would be the norm in their culture where women don't contribute to the family basics and men are free to spend their money, OR NOT, as they see fit without answering to ANY WOMAN...
And then their USC wife has the "audacity" to ask them to spend $ in a way they don't see necessary, which doesn't fit into their plans for the $$ and they say, "WAIT! I'm the MAN!!!! No woman tells me how to spend $$$"....
I believe all these issues can be elements for potentially serious marital problems, when not fully discussed and agreed upon LONG IN ADVANCE of when the ISSUES ARISE. And again, talking about something BEFORE you're in the middle of it, and before you are married hardly equals living through it...
No one wants to fight about money BEFORE they live together!!! That would be in bad taste and not romantic at all....
Teenutty I think you did totally the right thing... I don't know Iranian culture, but if it's anything like Egyptian culture, (and Islamic practice) once he had an income, he should be bringing home the Cup O'Noodles.. and all you have to do is boil the water...
However if you don't like Cup O'Noodles, you are free to make something else... but wives are supposed to "live within their husbands means" and if they don't want to, they are free to add their own $$$ to the mix, but not to hold this against the man...
My Egyptian Mom told me that in Egypt women who work still expect their husbands to bring home potatoes, but if she wants to pick up frozen french fries, rather than cut and peel the potatoes herself, she better plan to add a bit of extra $ to the grocery budget from her pocket, to make up the difference in cost... because she is out working and choses the convenience of the pre-cut product... I thought there was some merit in her advice..
Of course this assumes that she choses to work, and doesn't HAVE to work.. and all of the money she is making is for her pocket.. (Islamically Proper)... OK I'm going to Costco now... to spend $$$$
Lost the post!!!! Great advice!!!
I am not unfamaliar with muslim culture....I lived in Northern India (part of Kashmir) for a while which is predominantly Urdu, muslim. I have a very clear understanding of what is is expected of husbands and wives in the muslim sense.
Believe me, before marriage, I approached the topics of my expectations of what my WORK, MONEY, DOMESTIC contributions would be....All of which he agreed to...
I think the problem is that in Iran, we lived in a communal household (house was owned outright- no rent to pay), where the brothers all put money in a kitty. Cost of food and everything was less...A stay at home mom who did all the cooking and cleaning without question. All the adult children came and went as they pleased, knowing food would be on the table mornings and evenings...
Here things cost more, it's only him and me....
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Meh, not surprised at all and my husband is a very westernized, pro-woman type of guy.
We choose to have separate bank accounts because we were both raised this way. (And he is by far the bread winner of the family; the ten hours a week I work only cover my expenses, really.) However, he simply doesn't understand what shopping for food and cleaning supplies entails.
He is very good at shopping for himself. His big thing right now is Lean Cuisine. But he totally cannot comprehend what I spend money on. Paper towels? Toilet paper? Non ready-made foods like beans, chicken cutlets, pasta, etc? I could be buying computer games instead!
He is painfully short-sighted, to the point where I have to remind him that we need a week's worth of dogfood because the dog has to eat every day.I sum it all up to immaturity. My husband never had to grow up making his own meals, cleaning up after himself, or doing his own laundry/dishes (and I think this is just as prevalent amongst Western men and many women as it is amongst MENA men).
He bitches about the money I spend on a week's worth of shopping, yet that week's worth of groceries is cheaper in the long run than his habit of buying a few ready-made meals at a time. He just doesn't get it. Even simple ideas like, oh, making a batch of something and freezing it to save money...he just doesn't understand. It's like the long-term consequences of spending fly right over his head.
Some things ready made do cost less...It depends on how many ingredients go into a dish. The more complicated it gets the more costly....But simple foods like beans, pasta, chicken....That's pretty simple stuff. It sounds to me your husband is still thinking like a bachelor. Maybe you should keep tabs of how much he spends on the weeks worth of groceries and how many meals he gets out of it (just food, mind you). and then show him how yours is more cost effective.
Another reason I want to cook home-made meals is my husband has high blood pressure. All those cup of noodles, raman noodles and other processed foods are loaded with salt. I am frightened my husband is going to have a stroke from all that stuff.
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Men, cooking, food, economy...
Well, I am glad to see I have a few sista's who have somewhat similiar situations with husbands and shopping.
Last night my husband made scrambled eggs mixed with tuna (the place stunk to high heaven)!!! Then wanted me to eat it.
Economy: I think our foreign spouses don't realize food,everything basically costs more here. Then it's sticker shock for them when they go through the grocery check out. I know my husband is saving his pennies to send money back home. But in the process he is making our situation here more stressful. And now my "economy" really is in a bad way.
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Thanks everyone! It was a shock to be let go (especially when it's never happened to me before). Maybe it was God giving a little push to do what I didn't have the guts to do myself (this being let go from work).
I may take some time off and do a little soul searching. Now I got time to take care of myself physically (get in shape in case i decide to leave for a few months). Do my taxes, seperation papers....
I am sure it was all for the best.
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I was never giving any warning or write up for anything!
I was promoted, against my will, December 1st.
A company does not promote someone who is a troublemaker. I don't think I was even really "fired." Because when I asked if they would be filling my position with another person, the Vice President said, "NO. We are keeping that department at two people (the Law school graduate and the Chapter 7 paralegal)." So if that's the case, i was really was laid off.
The caveat of the "Trustee had a PERSONAL PROBLEM working with you, Tina...." Well, management and the Trustee never said anything to me about it until the day I was let go. Besides, firing someone because you personally don't like them, does not constitute (as an employee) gross misconduct.
The only reason the Trustee "had a personal problem with me" was that for the one month I was alone in that department, I didn't know his working style (he thought I had been trained on how to file court documents, Motions for Turnover, Case abandonment docs, etc. And all I was trained on was how the open the damn mail and write simple letters). So the Trustee was all over me, every other day.
That sounds like a baloney reasons to fire someone and you could file for unemployment unless it's an at will state. Then it doesn't matter what reason they fired you for.Actually, in our state, which is an at will state, as long as you didn't violate some company rule, like being late a lot or stealing, you can still get unemployment even if fired. So Nutty, apply and see if you are eligible. Not getting along with teh boss is not in your control, as you describe it.
Right I was meaning it doesn't matter the reason she got fired. She can still apply for unemployment if she feels it's just.
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IF I wanted to continue in the line of bankruptcy, having two years work history with the most formidable Bankruptcy Trustee in Oregon on my resume will be an asset. Basically, I would market my skills to bankruptcy attorneys (the other side).
So sorry this happened to you, you foretold this and here it is - difficult times to be unemployed and uninsured (did your hubby finally put you on his insurance?).I dont know much about your former profession but I've read where some folks in that field complete bankruptcy petitions for lawyers/firms from home at a flat rate per hour as the field has been overwhelmed with filings. You have a marketable skill - dont let this one incident defeat you.
Best of Luck
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Well I hope you get to enjoy your trip to India. Have you considered maybe looking for a job with a western company there so you could stay even longer without worrying?
No. I have a ten year visa (Americans can get those for India). I can keep my cost of living below $500.00 per month there. Got a consolidator ticket (fairly cheap). So I can go for a good 4 months or so and keep costs down. A lot has happened in my life right now. So more than anything, I am going to just to get some distance from things and think things through. It will also give my husband a chance to reflect on life without me.
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Well, I guess there really is no reason to hang around now. I thought I could try to make things work out (work and marriage), but it seems some almighty power is pushing me to leave.
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Hmmmm...
We respond little here, preferring to be learners (defined often on the web as "lurkers") as opposed to "teachers", a role we are not qualified to hold. At times we: 1) revel at and celebrate the success of those who had a faster and less painful transition than ours, 2) sympathize with those who are having a much tougher go of it, 3) empathize with, and try to assure, those that had about the same experience that we had...and continue to have. But there are times, meant with no malice nor at anyone's expense...that we have to laugh at the "Jerry Springer" qualities of some of the situations described. This would be one of them.
Please note my use, as in almost all situations, of the term "we". Compare this to the above post, where "I", "me", "my", "my husband", and "he" abound. You are not roommates, nor are you acting out some B-rated comedy movie script where a big white line is drawn down the middle of the house, the room, the kids, the dog, the car, the refrigerator, and the bank accounts denoting what is "yours" and what is "his".
Marriage is a partnership, on many many different levels. An equal partnership, replete with the concepts of sharing, negotiation, sacrifice and compromise. We all must have our individual identities, and be able to express them...one of marriages many challenges. You express those identities (at least yours) above in terms of food, money, and household duties. Is this truly how you both want to express your individuality? These certainly would be the easiest ways to share your partnership...believe me there will be much more challenging ones, no matter how blessed your life may be.
"Economies" are pretty far-reaching, I wonder how each of you have a separate one living in the same country (these days, world), much less the same household. My wife and I have both joint...and separate...bank accounts. We use the separate accounts to buy gifts for each other...as we are both healthily nosey and frugal...and this preserves the surprise and enhances the illusion of monetary "from" and "to". The accounts are linked and we transfer funds between them in all directions frequently. Regardless of purchase, name on deed or title, or source of funds...this is our house, our food, our car, our dog, our money, our parents on both sides...our marriage...our life. My wife accepts our children from my previous marriage as...well, I just said it without thought...our children.
The truck purchase sounds unfortunate, probably insensitive, possibly selfish. Men can be that way, we were encouraged to be so as children. I suppose you could be grateful he didn't pass it off as a birthday gift for you (I tried it once with a plasma TV...didn't work...a lesson learned).
There are two theories in psychology. One says that if you work at thinking a certain way, your behaviors will follow. Another says if you practice behaving a certain way, your thoughts will follow. I would suggest, possibly, the latter? Each time you are tempted to use the terms "I", "me", "mine"...or "he", "him", "his"...in your mind replace them with "we", "us", or "ours". Encourage your husband to do the same. It won't work for every idea the two of you are trying to express, but it may go a long way to erase that imaginary line between what appears from your comments to be two separate worlds. The phrase is "married life"...not "married lives". Practice, You will get the hang of it.
Good luck!
Good advice. But I have a very distant, detached husband. One who does not offer shoulder to lean on, nor a comfort in troubled times. He is so totally unaware of me at times that getting burned in the kitchen does not elicit a response from him three feet away when I yelp in pain. He may think he loves me and is my husband and his presence is the room is enough to satisfy me needs (even though he is a million miles away mentally).
But for or me, being a married (husband and a wife) involves BEING INVOLVED with your spouse. Sensitive to each others needs.
It is a lonely and loveless existance when you are with a person who never communicates or takes an interest in you. What is the purpose of being there? How do love someone who is so totally autonomous in their existance that you?
In truth, I am weary of trying to "draw him out."
I realize now I married a man who was loner through life, independent and not really needing the companionship of a wife/friend. He would have been very happy to live as a bachelor til his old age in his mother's house, with his mother being there to cook and clean, but never really interacting with her more than that. That may be fine for a mother. But that isn't enough for a wife.
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this sounds to me like a bs reason for your termination and i hope you nail their nads to the wall over it.
Yes, it is. After being "promoted" to legal assistant (after they fired the previous one) to the Chapter 7 Paralegal two months ago. A promotion I did not want to begin with. They just hired a JD to work in the Chapter 7 Department (total of 3 people then, me the legal assistant, the Chapter 7 Paralegal and then the JD).
So part of me thinks, "now they got a JD and the Chapter 7 paralegal, they don't want to spend the money on a third staff member for that department. So they are letting the person with the least experience go."
I admit that when I was thrown into that position, with no training, no program/instructions on how to handle the Department alone (the Chapter 7 Paralegal was out for surgery), the Trustee was regularly abusive towards me because I didn't know his working style. But I never worked directly with him prior to this, as I was the front desk administrative assistant.
I can only think that is the basis of the excuse, "the Trustee has a personal problem working with you."
Oh well, it just forces me to move my plans forward sooner.
This place has an extremely high turnover rate for a small office (8 people). 5 people have been fired in a the last year, 3 have left voluntarily.
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I should have known this was coming. knowing I worked for such a crappy place (a Chapter 11, Chapter 7 Bankruptcy Trustee) where the longest tenured person is two years.
I was fired given the following reason: "The President (the Trustee) has a "personal" problem working with you."
I never word directly with him, have hardly any contact with him (except for that one month where i was forced into a promotion suddenly, with no training, and had to work with him while the Supervisor/Paralegal was out with back surgery). I was never written up for this or given any advance notice there was a "personal problem" at all.
The Vice President, who has only been there two years, said I should file for unemployment right away.
I am so furious now.
Furious that they ever promoted me.
Furious at the lame excuse.
Furious with my husband for:
1) Never listening to me when I told him how bad the company was, the high employee turnover, bad treatment and the stress.
2) Refusing me to enroll me onto his health insurancere when I had another job lined up (but without health insurance) because he wanted me to keep working at the Trustee.
This is the first time I have ever been fired in my life. It's a shock because my work ethic is I always did my best and never left a task half done or done improperly.
Pleasre KEEP IN MENA
interview proofs for K3
in Middle East and North Africa
Posted
I think the filed taxes are better than just the W-2's. This again the rule, "cover all your bases." Would hate for your spouse to go and them ask for it and not have it. He then has to make another trip to the Consulate.
Bombard them with proofs....