teenutty

Sorry I can't make it to Seattle. I am flying for Thailand on Monday and so I must get packed and do a lot of things.

To consider that if I want to leave my husband to be careful, because muslims commit "honor killings" on the women that try to leave their husbands.

Dear Monica:

I am sorry. But my feeling is that it was very unwise of you to give money to him. Especially if you are a college student. You make it sound like it was a loan. Or an investment into your "relationship" based on future expectations.

I have given money to an old boyfriend who needed lithotrypsy for a kidney stone. I made it clear in my mind before I wired the money, "don't ever expect that money to be paid back." It wasn't.

I think the thing to be verrrryyy careful of is long distance relationships where you are both still in the courtship phase. There are many people out there looking to take advantage of someone who is very trusting and kind hearted. If you are going to give/loan money, don't ever expect it to be paid back.

The fact that your "boyfriend" threatened to "disappear" from your life if you mentioned to his employers the situation, speaks for itself. Also that he is "blocking you from the chats" is another sign that he is distancing himself from you after receiving the money. I will say that these are not good signs. Both imply he's manipulative for his own benefit.

I don't know what kind of work he does, but I would reconsider saying something to his employers if you are so inclined.

How do you know you are the only woman he has a long distance relationship with???? Remember, just because you know so much about him and have met his family means nothing about what he does on the computer. And if he financially benefits, his family probably benefits also.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I suggest you move on and forget this man. He has already displayed some RED FLAGS which we MENA Gals/Guys would steer clear of.

Best of luck to you....

Teenutty

WOW. Some of you are really amazing. I never even thought about freezing food. When I was working, I'd be so tired when I came home from work , that I'd collapse downstairs and sometimes not even make it upstairs until after 9 pm. I know many of you are mothers as well and so you have my utmost respect. To think that my husband would be there waiting for me hungry as I came through the door, like what are you going to cook?! i think I'd lose it. When my husband was here, I was not working full-time and so I cooked 3 nights a week and he took the other two nights a week to cook and 1-2 days a week we had takeout. All I can say is planning helps, but do the best you can, but explain to him if you need help.

Good Luck

I was cooking three times a week working 45+ hours a week! Can I have your schedule???

Dear Sandrila,

Patiently/gently/kindly explain to your husband that because both of you work OUTSIDE THE HOME, that some nights you are too tired to cook. Show him some eggs and a frying pan. Teach him how to fry up a few eggs and toast some bread. Most men can fry an egg. My husband will live on eggs, bread, milk, fruit if left to his own efforts. He knows this much and it helps for the nights I don't cook.

AND YES, these men have been catered to all their lives! I can't wait until my husband is truly alone and trying to figure things out here.

I would have phrased it, "I feel it is inapropriate to have "my assistant" writing my paycheck. It is acceptable my supervisor writes my paycheck."

Wow, your boss is really something! Just like my old boss.

That's a great idea!!!!

Abuse is NEVER okay. And I don't believe most abusers can change. I have read studies showing that VERY few abusers change for the better.

And never marry/date someone who comes from a home with abusive parents. Like father, like son the huge majority of the time.

I think a big problem is that women that were abused somehow in childhood usually go on to select abusers as mates because they don't feel they deserve any better. My mom got along great with her dad but her mother was a total narcissist that mentally/emotionally abused her. Instead of marrying a nice guy like her dad she picked someone like my grandmother that belittled her as if she were a stupid child that he owned. One of my childhood friend's mother was sexually abused as a child and even as an adult she wondered what she did wrong to make her father and brother do that to her. So she went on to marry a physically abusive redneck, divorced him, then married a mentally abusive crackhead that got her addicted to drugs and then laughed and made fun of her when she ended up getting raped by a bunch of guys in the ghetto when she was looking for drugs. It's hard for people to break old patterns without professional help. If all someone knew was being abused as a kid they view that as normal and end up in relationships with abusers.

God that is painful to read!!!!! While agree with you it is hard for people to break abuse patterns without profressional help, it is not impossible. I have a close family member who was mentally abused (physical, I am unsure) as a child, she made a point of stopping the cycle and not revisiting that abuse on her children.

Secondly, some people grow up in normal households and still fall in love with abusers. Abusers may not show their true colors at first. There is also a lot of shock of becoming a victim of abuse and if the abuse continues and the victim does not leave, the victim feels shame for staying.

Hello, Even with Satelite hook up in Iran you can not get the Oscars!!!!! We got a lot of European tv (explicit content) and the BBC, Deutche Welle, and a Russian tv.

How are you finding Iran? Boring tv, I know!!!! But are you in a good city at least??? I was there two years ago, in Kerman.

So happy for you!!!!!!!!!

You probably have to start getting ready for his arrival!!!!!! Lot's to do!!!! But enjoy this wonderful time!!!!!

Abuse is never ok.....Doesn't matter what culture....I don't think abusers truely love their spouses.

It sounds to me like you are not sure about having your husband come to USA (to have waited two years after marriage to even begin the process)....

Most newly married people can't bare to be seperate for so long...

Not everyone who has their spouse come to USA live "happily ever after..." Some of us who find out things don't work out as planned (like me for instance). While my husband did not use me for a greencard, we have our problems. Life there is not the same as life here.

The question you have to ask yourself is why you have waited so long? Is there something you are not sure of...

Like I say to others who aren't sure...listen to your gut, not your heart.

I have a child too (which she planned and I did not), I feel like I have lost enough now. Funny thing is there are certain things you do in Islam that get you automatically divorced and she did one of those things (which I will not discuss). I did not have to say you are divorced three times. I got serious family issues but that there is nothing I can do regarding nor would I. All I am concerned with is do I have to mail the letter for withdrawl of affidavit of support to Islamabad. If so what is the procedure. The worst thing that can happen now is her coming back to cause more trouble.

Get your legal divorce here in USA. Send copies (certified by the Court clerk where the divorce decree was issued) to the National Visa Center with your wife's visa #/case # and say you would like to withdraw the Affidavit of Support and that your wife is currently back in Pakistan.

Please I do not want any one to jugde me for no reason... All I am asking for is a piece of advice on what to do right now...I created this new account to remain anonymous.

Ok my wife is crazy, yes she is crazy, we met online back in 2004 everything was going good we were both loving it all that in a nut shell we decided to get married, when I gat over here I found out a lot of things that she didn't tell me. Ok first of all she didn't tell me she has a mental disorder called Schizoprenia not until I experience one of her episodes and that was like 10days after I gat over here, I didn't like what I saw. I confronted her about it and she told me she didn't tell me because if she had told me I might not have married her...

Now we have been leaving together now for 2years and its been one problem to another, everything that we do is what she tells her mum is like I am married to her mum cus her mum makes the decison for her, when I say everything I mean everything she even tells her mum if we made love with or without a condom.....Also I'd like to ask y'all if you are married is it true that you can't make friends with the opposit sex ??? Because thats what her parents says, that I shouldn't hang around with single men, we are both young under 25...............Her family sees me as a bad guy which I am not, they have a problem with the way I dress who I talk to and who I don't talk to and also wants me to take her everywhere I go like if I had to run to store I have to ask her would you like to come I agree take her places but everywhere ???or if a friend says come hang out with me I must take her along....You can imagine she doesn't have friends, don't have a liecense, she always in the house, now this is not my fault that she doesn't have friends or liecense but for some reasons she thinks its my fault

The point I am trying to make her is that there is no trust between us two, she and her mum always thinks I am cheating on her and its not like she has ever caught talking to some girl. OK there is guy she said she's "working" for and all that and the calls her like every 2hrs even up to 1AM in the morning and she will be on the phone with him, I never questioned her or anything because I do trust her, but why is it so hard for her to trust me.....I have to talk to her like I am talking to a 6yrs old girl .This is not the first time this is happening.... She always says I don't talk to her and I spend more time with my friend than I do her which is a fat lie, whenver I say something to her she doesn't give me a good advice and this is because of her disorder like if I need to talk to my wife about anything I can't because it's like talking to a brick wall and whatever I say don't say this to anybody this is between you and I and I want it to remain a secret, the first things she does is call her mum and tell her mum what I say DO NOT TELL ANYONE, she does something bad in a minutes and the next minutes she turns around and I say I don't remember saying or doing that .. I am honestly tired of this married, this isn't what I signed up for, the mistake we both made was when she came to visit me back in Africa she only stayed for 8days that didn't give me time to know her very well in person and what she does and stuffs.... I really don't know what to do at this point and everything I say complain about something she's doing or not doing her mum will say because I have my green card now that's why I am saying that and honestly its not...... Not only I am not happy with marriage my life is in danger too because her sister threatened me that she will get someone to iron me out...its obvious I am living among people that don't like me and before things gets outta hand or anyone gets hurts I want to be out of here, I am so far away from home and I have a family that loves me so dearly..... There are lots of things I'd like to put down here, I am not myself right now

If you were in my shoes what would you do... I am only 24yrs old

If you miss your family in South Africa so much and it is not working out here and is unsafe...then leave.

The post is reminscent of some posts from other african men who claimed their wifes were mentally ill after getting here to the US. Is this a repeat of the same post???

Dear Maggie:

A very good post and a lot of the things you mentioned are some of the things I am going through....

I don't know how it will be..

Tina

Dear Maggie:

A very good post and a lot of the things you mentioned are some of the things I am going through....

Let's hope for a good future...

Tina

Sometimes I think the Embassy people are cruel. This is a standard form for administrative processing. But the language on it so obscure and obtuse, you aren't clear if there is a deficiency or not in the documents....

Call Department of State to determine if the case has been sent back to them for the standard AP process which comes after a successful (passed) interview.

Sounds like the wheels are in motion....Yes, time to get hopeful!!! But do brace yourself for the wait in AP...

Hi there,

My husband is ready to file my petition but it's the beginning of the year and he has not yet received his W2 and 1099 to file for 2008. May we submit our 2007 tax copy with our petition or should we just wait until it is filed in February to submit last year's copy?

Another question is: Should we make two checks to the Department of Homeland Securities, the petition fee of $355 and the Biometric fee of $1010 or just place one check of $1365 in the envelop as all documents are being mailed to the same address (I-130, G-325A, I-485, I-693, I 864 and I-765)?

When filing a petition, your husband has the option of filing the last three years of tax returns 2006, 2007, 2008 - or - just 2008. However, since it is the end of the fiscal year 2008, the USCIS will be looking for that year and will request it. So it is better to wait on th petition until you get the 2008 Federal taxes filed so that you can submit a copy of it with the petition.

Also, I believe it is best to submit two money orders for the two different fees. One for the petition. One for the biometric. Note on the money order your case number and what the check is for - biometric fee - petition filing fee.

PS..Pushbrk always gives sound advice

Changed my mind...

I will buy him chocolates and cook him a really good dinner (nice beef stew, rustic bread, apple pie and ice cream)....Valentines Day is a time to make peace and put your best foot forward.

thanks guys

thank you for the link faryan, its always helpful to have others sucessful experiences

Nutty, i think i will scan the 1040 tomorrow from work to him.

i forgot to add copies of envelopes with postmarks from us back n forth, i'll scan those too! also, we are going to print out whole emails ( a few from each week) and he'll hold onto those in case they ask for more evidence, but it seems Amman is pretty easy on the k visas

We'll have a webcam meeting to go over every piece of paper once he receives the package lol

Lisa

Sounds like your on top of it!!!! Good luck!

Dear Amal:

I am so very sorry to hear this news about your mother!!!!!!! Dear, I know your heart must be breaking....I can only imagine! I am sending your mother prayers to be strong and for you also.

teenutty

I'm American and live in USA. But in 2004 I took some time off from work and travelled, that is when I met my husband. Was living in Iran (husband's country) for a while in his country. Then came back and we both live here after he got his visa.

I am sure you and Zia will have a lot of discussions because living here is not the same as there.

That's hilarious, but I am glad you are cooking and eating once again. Do you live with him part of the year and in your home country part of the time? I didn't quite understand that part of the story. This was interesting reading. I think Zia and I will have to have some more in depth discussions about how we will handle some of these potential issues.

Medo and I have joint accounts. He knows how pricey things are here. And he dose help with the house work but not as much as I would like. I have been teaching him about the checking account and he is even learning how to make them out and pay the the bills. Then when the bank statement comes he wants to see copys of his checks he wrote. Just to see his name on there. He also cooks for the two of us. He is one mean grilling machine. I really dont have any complaintes yet.

Usama tried to cook on the grill this summer but now he only cooks his own stuff because he likes everything welldone and thinks medium rare (pink in the middle) is bad for you. In the winter on Wednesdays when I work late he cooks fatah, though I'm starting to get sick of it. He knows how to cook that and beef liver (blech) so when I'm not in the mood for it I just pick up a couple of chicken kabob salads. YUM. I haven't done a stitch of laundry since I had my tubes reversed so that's a good thing and on Wednesdays if he's got the day off I come home to a clean house that smells like lemon pledge.

Wael is the same! When we go out for dinner his steak is like WELL DONE or he gets this look of

"i'm going to throw up"! Thank God i'm a vegetarian...I have no probs with how "my" meat is cooked.

When I cook steaks or roast, etc, sometimes I think it would be better if I just bought some jerky.

My husband does not mind eating "medium well" (with a little pink)...How strange!

so if i take just taxes income of 2008 thats fine right ?? she have taxes income of her work plus taxes income of her social security ??so do ill need take them both ?and wht about affidavit .she write that she have a properity and two cars and shes working so that can give to the consulat more accept for our case pls i need somehelp answer me if you have anyanswer about it

Does your fiance make enough work money to sponsor you with NO SOCIAL SECURITY money???

My mom wanted to sponsor my husband. But she made $11,000 from work and $14,000 from Social Secuirty Income (she is partially retired). The Consulate said she could not use social security money to sponsor my husband.