truebrit

ive posted here before about our woes. so i guess it is about time i filled in the few who were interested in how this turned out.
i returned to the UK, to a cave (as it is so sweetly described) on saturday morning, with my dog.
my husband, although a sweet man, has different ideals to myself and i thought that the threat of me leaving would shock him into doing something about his wayward kids...but no...it just pushed him to book the flight and throw money at the situation...money wasnt what i wanted or needed...understanding and a little bit of respect and consideration was...talking was just words...short lived...
i made the mistake of saying i wanted a divorce because he wouldnt back me up in front of the kids or his family and freinds, who never tried to help and just sat back and watched our relationship crumble...knowing what was happening...never once calling and trying to help, after all is said and done, the kids were their family and they just stood and watched.
it took me a while to adjust to america...but i did and i was...and i tried my hardest with different ways of dealing with the kids...but now it turns out that anything i tried wasnt good enough, they didnt want a new mom...they wanted someone who was a picker up'er and a spend dads money on them type...
numerous times i tried to tell my husband i wasnt happy about the way they were treating me and he just only saw or heard what he wanted to hear...i was just complaining all the time...until a few months ago, easter, i thought that this just might work...and then it all started again...
im not bitching my husband but it would have been nice to be accepted as the 'one who runs the house' instead of the one who complains that the kids are lazy and inconsiderate...any kind of complaint fell on deaf ears...i was out of turn complaining that i was being tret like a skivvy, i was expected to shut up and take it...and now im told i should have said something sooner...this is my side and i am sure my husband sees it all differently...two sides and all that...
he refused to put me on the health insurance and every day i felt i was soon going to have a heart attack or stroke because all the stress of the kids and other things was getting to me...if i said there was something wrong with me it was like i was making it up...my health went down hill and i went off food...ive never been a big eater and yes...ive read the posts about american food dislikes...and yes...compared to the uk, a lot of food is yukky...(im booking myself with bupa asap so i can have a complete overhaul and find out just how much the past 18 months has affected me...i know it has affected the kids...but they seem to be happy now...the older one moreso because she just didnt like the idea of sharing her dad...with anyone.)
he refused to complete his side of the AOS...and couldnt work out why i felt so insecure...i could have been deported at anytime as far as i know...and he just sat there and threw money at getting rid of me...he tells me now he loves me and only wanted me happy, but his kids and the attitude of his freinds and family was making me unhappy...everything was my fault.
i regret one thing, which was going over there prior to the visa stuff and meeting the kids and his family...maybe i would have looked at things differently...
he was quick to file the divorce papers...and the lawyer could only keep getting it wrong...i understand my husband was only 'covering his back' but with one of the papers they expected me to sign someone elses papers and he kept adding that i agreed that i had the oportunity to seek legal advise when i didnt, i couldnt, i asked him to remove it and he just placed it deeper in the papers...and the final papers i had to be accepting...after 3 attempts at trying to get it right it included a clause which said i hadnt been 'bullied' into signing...yet my husband could only shout at me and drive irratically in terrential rain, scareing the ####### out of me, and had the boot been on the other foot...and the papers were wrong and i was wanting him to sign...he would have acted just the same...he gave me the chance of choosing my witness and i chose the one person in the whole of america...the guy who married us...also 'divorced' us in a fashion.
im not a gold digger...and i didnt go to america for his stuff...but i did give up everything in my world to be with him...from my freinds and family...to all my possestions...barring a few things that stayed in boxes the whole time i was there, because i was wrong to move anything and make space for my things.
now i am back in the uk, with my dog, and drinking tetley tea till it comes out of my ears...i have nothing and i am broken and all my husband can think about is how all this has cost him so much, when in comparison it has cost him not that much really...money isnt everything although it seems to be everything to 'most' americans (and no i am not generalising, i am just explaining how it looked to me) stuff is replaceble...but marriage should be forever...i feel so let down and lost.
i wish my 'ex family' all the best and i only did my best the only way i knew how...without the help of them that mattered.
i do need to know what i must do now...do i inform anyone? i need to get my life back on track.

my financial situation is : skint.
we talked about 'what ifs' before i came here and he told me it would be ok, i was concerned that the kids wouldn't like me, more so the eldest, the youngest was always chatting to me on msn. he said i never tried to make a relationship with the kids, i did, i may have made the mistake of doing it on a weekly thing, one kid gets attention one week, the other the next, because i was so overwhelmed with everything when i arrived here, they were happy when i was spending money on them and 'doing nothing' for it when i started asking them to do things thats when the fun started. but, like the other night, i ask the eldest to put a few plates and glasses in the dishwasher, we were rushing out the house and i needed to do a few things before we left so i gave her a job, so that the dinner plates weren't lying around on the table where the dog could clean them! we went out, she did her thing, (after school lesson) and then asked to go to the mall, i never said anything except i don't have any money, we get home and the plates are still where they were before we went out, maybe if she had done as i asked then we would have gone to the mall...but she expected to do nothing and get her way...i don't work that way. now all i get is an answer for everything, teenagers!!
he says i never went anywhere with them, he was meaning just me and the kids, for months i was taking the youngest to a learning centre and had the eldest with me, so i took her places while the other one was being taught' the youngest missed out on a lot of my time because of this, but she has really the only one who actually thinks (eventually) about moving her stuff or tidying her room without being asked to!
i have not been in america that long (and i long to go places as a family) i didn't (and still don't) know where anything is, but i had a SAT NAV (tour guide lmao) there was no reason why i couldn't find anything...it would have been nice to go to more than just the computer fair as a family group...we as 'a family' don't go no where unless it is to eat out sometimes. and as a couple we do even less. once in a while we loose the kids for a few hours or even the night and we STILL don't do anything, im not that ugly that he cant bear to be seen out with me...we don't even go out at night! lol
he says i came here with an attitude saying 'we now do it THIS WAY' i am sorry i assumed that i was supposed to be 'running' the house and the way it was running before i got here wasn't good, fast food all the time, dossing in bed til whenever, expecting everyone to drop everything for them at a moments notice.
i didn't come here thinking it was going to be easy, in fact nothing about this entire process has been easy...but it could have been made 'easier' by my husband giving the girls 'the score' instead of laughing at me with them...him backing me up in front of them and showing them he is on my side and will back me up, and that they cant treat people the way they do, yes, he wants to be their friend and have someone else as the 'baddie' and yes this is wrong but, apparently this is all in my head. he is good at reminding me that their is no book on parenting and its ok for him to make mistakes, i have no kids of my own, the house, well...my house in the uk would fit in the garage, the whole street would fit in the house!! which is why i asked for the help in the first place because it was obviously a giant play room. i tried to explain to the kids that collecting and wanting to keep everything isn't good, once in a while you need to have a good clear out and tidy up, but i am speaking to them like they know what im talking about. (they do...they just make out they don't, and me speaking to them as i do has nothing to do with the fact that they just cant be bothered!) Ive tried a number of different attitudes with the kids, nice, doesn't work and neither does not nice, so now i am just plain disinterested and loosing ground.
my husband said he would pay for me, my dog (begrudgingly) and my things to go anywhere i want, manchester is my choice, well...the dog's choice, lol, (its the only airport outside london which will take her)
i know at some point he will see this post and realise it is about us and probably start posting about the dust on top of the beams, or the tops of the kitchen cupboards (the high ones) being a bit 'greasy' which is basically my way of showing them that i am not the maid, i know it will only take an hour or so to get them back to clean, so it isn't me being lazy...its me proving a point, with the kitchen cupboards, just after i arrived here, i was up there, and he had written in the dust which had been there longer than a month, so i responded, it kinda pissed me off that they were in this state when i arrived here and he had already written on them, even though i was going through the house like a mad woman on speed, so this got left, like i said, an hour and its fine. all of them cant (or don't want to) do what is expected of them, then, neither can i, it also shows the girls what happens if you just leave things lying. I AM NOT expecting anyone else to go up there and clean, i am capable, i have no objections and a few of you probably think - dirty cow, just get up there and do it - this is ok, think this, but it kinda defeats the object i am trying to show them, they cannot treat their world the way they do and just expect the place to magically clean up it self, i didn't come here to be the maid and i resent the fact that this is all they think of me, i don't claim to be their mother neither, but i do want to be their friend and help them grow up into responsible caring people, but i just cant see this happening.
i said previously, all i am trying to do it show the girls what my mum showed me, i didn't turn out that bad! and when it comes to cleaning there isn't much i don't know!! and i really don't mind it!! and as i have never had kids (doesn't mean i don't know kids!) , this is the only way i know how to show them...the same way i was shown! at 11 i was helping my mum do her office cleaning job, i also had three paper rounds which she didn't know about, at 13 i was cleaning out the local pub with her, they are old enough to start learning that life isn't all about play and getting your own way.
again i said to him - he expects me to run the house, but i cant do it 'my way' ( <- me being the spoilt one i guess!) but he wont let me change anything, add to it or take stuff away, decorate (boy it needs it) and turn it into the 'family home' it should be. i cant move or throw things because i have no idea how sentimental things are, all this stuff doesn't 'mean' anything to me, i just see it all as dust catchers, i could easily go along with a bin liner and bin the lot, but its their things, i would be (and he agreed) the bad one if i did, but still, they all just leave it.
i didn't get an EAD so working is definitely out of the question, if i want i have a job waiting for me in the uk, driving coaches again. (its amazing what kids get up to when they are away from their parents for a week! lol)
i would rather that this worked and they changed their attitude towards me but after months of saying and asking for some help im banging my head, its all my doing...its a conspiracy as he puts it, the kids don't like me, don't want me here, i imagine this!!
i am sorry i have resorted to posting my problem on a public forum, and gave you all my #######, but a year here and i know no one, the neighbours wont entertain me because ive been bitched by the kids, i guess my requests for them to start pulling their finger out has got me a bad name. we are kinda in the middle of nowhere, his family are just that, his family, and even though i have asked my sister in law for help she gave up on me last year, which i understand why, whenever i saw her all i did was complain about the kids being lazy and my husband treating me like a fool, and well...i think bitching her nieces didn't go down too well and i was the stranger...which is another thing, the kids are completely different at her house, they do everything and don't need a second word or second thought to do it...which just confirms that it is me and they would rather i wasn't here. she sees them doing things for her and assumes it is me demanding more from them...not at all...they have it so easy you wouldn't believe it, and simple tasks are beyond them.
so, i will thank you all for your responses and ive got some good advise from you...and hopefully however this turns out will be the right choice in the end, im not doing this to ###### my husband and his kids, ive told him all this and he knows my feelings, everything i have written, although sounds like im a whining battle axe who should just shut up and clean the house, everything is as i see it now and up to now, he probably sees it differently, as it stands at the moment he doesn't care to hear over and again whats eating me, this is his choice, all i can say is that if HE doesn't change the way he is with his kids then they are going to run him ragged and drain him dry, whether i am here to see that day and say - i told you so - is a different matter.
thanks again for your time.
oh...im known for epic posts.

cham, im not generalizing, i was truly hoping that this was it for me.
im not a 'social butterfly' and ive more friends in the box than out of it...
so i guess an online relationship was inevitable for me.
thank you for the replies...encouraging.
4 years 'flirting' and 2 of those years working at getting to where we are now, yes its been hard,
every one here can say the same about their own journey, i know of non that has had true success and speed,
every one has hit walls somewhere. if they haven't they are not posting here!!
the online relationship stands just as much chance as the 'offline' ones we could be having! as much 'work', if not more,
needs putting into it, to get us to how we are as a couple, i told him that had this been a relationship in the uk,
and he were living down the road or wherever...i would have been long gone...this relationship was doomed from the start,
nothing to do with on or offline, he expected me to be what i am not and i expected things to be a little different and there is no happy middle ground
as long as he lets the kids drive me nuts and he totally blanks me out of everything, i will never be happy here...
same as i wouldn't be if he were down the road from me!
good luck to those that are on the up and up...i am jealous of your success and happiness!
lol@cnfused, worser...yup, not a word, but still funny! we first went through this around june last year, only been here 5 months and i was finding it hard,
with the adjustments and stuff, driving, finding my way round and basically re-teaching myself basic things like how everything works, everything is the wrong way round! and well...the list goes on...
but, that accounted for nothing, in between arguments with the SAT NAV and my husband, trying to learn the american way of educating (sorry, its different!)!!
i ask for a little bit of 'change' and im told why do they have to change to suit me? i am supposed to be running the house and anything i request gets laughed at!
my cooking goes in the bin because we are so close to the fast food flingers, the youngest has ADD and ive been there before but i am talking ####### when it comes to her diet,
im sure he likes her bouncing off the walls!
i basically told him, he treats me like ####### so ####### is what he is getting...maybe childish...
hehaditcoming, trying to get money from him fro the food shopping is hard enough, anything extra is a bonus but the kids always need something so extra money soon gets eaten up, working on the side isn't an option, i couldn't do it, id be 'bricking it' in case i got caught. the times he was with me in the uk he was great, and different (and he says it is me who has changed!) yes he was all lovey dovey in our 'online moments'. sometimes it is like he is a completely different person. Ive not seen the movie, but Ive seen it was on tv a couple of times, im guessing he has seen it because he jumps straight past it, probably doesn't want me to see it...lol...
bobby, he said this morning he will sort the lawyer and get the papers drawn up.
i just dont get his attitude about all this, i cant do right for doing wrong, this morning we had another argument, basically because i turned my alarm off when i realized he was still home (its only the 2nd time ive not got up on a school day), he could deal with the kids this morning, after the ####### i got last night from them i wasn't interested, i was showing the eldest how to use photoshop and even though the youngest had been in bed an hour at least, she felt the need to get up and start shouting and fighting with her sister (i know, its what kids do!) i had purposely left this task until she was in bed because if i am helping the eldest, the youngest starts demanding all the attention and i cant get anything else done, the eldest was encouraging her so i just got up and walked away and then they started fighting again, because i stopped helping the eldest with her project...eventually they got the message. ive tried to show them things and i am accused of talking to them like adults, yet i explain anything they need to know simply and try to show them the easiest way to do things...but for this, i am wrong. he says i have never tried to build a relationship with the kids, the eldest is hard to work out, she is a closed kid and i know this isnt good, but i give her more credit than she deserves because she basically doesnt want to know anything and is only happy when i am spending money on her...then the things i buy her get thrown in the back of the closet never to be seen again.
he doesnt get it that this house is full to bursting with their things and i have no clue what to do with any of it, im told to 'gut the rooms' but everything has some value to them, i have no idea what value, so i ask them to sort their things and they dot want to...they collect everything from dead petals (not throwaway) to the pieces of plastic that holds the carrier bags together in a bundle on the rack at the bottom of the checkout (yes i know that this would be 'throwaway'...after it has been thrown all over the house that is!) each piece means something...and i would be the evil step mum for throwing it out. all i have ever wanted to do here was have this house in some kind of organization and sorted with less clutter so that it is easier to clean and easier to find things, not just for me, but for everyone, even the basement (100ft) is bursting out the door! and i am still expected to know what is what! guessing isnt an option.
someone once told me to lay it down what i was going to do, so i did, mid last year, i told him i was only going to clean the 'communal areas' and cook i did that and now it is thrown in my face...i stopped the mad blasts around the house to try and provoke some kind of help...but they would rather the recycling piled up to falling over...the skivvy will do it...im not asking they get on their hands and knees and scrub the floors...far from it, they have prooved many times that putting rubbish in the bins is too hard, or picking the food they dropped and would rather tread in in the carpets...4 days their clean clothes have been sat on the dryer, they walk past a million times and get asked to move them 3 times a day...still there...how could i expect anything more...this is their world and they like it 'just so.'
unfortunately...i like it 'just so' also...just not this kind of 'so' im expected to run the house...just not run it the way i would like...
i apologise in responding a little late, i was trying to reply in between my husbands home time.

posted at the same time i guess!
i dont have any green card, i have my SSN and thats all.

funny how things turn out.
4 years of online flirting, thinking he was the one, staying up late every night and rushing home from work to see him waking up, as he put it, he wants me to be the first thing he sees in a morning and the last thing at night...lmao...ok...how pathetic and stupid i feel for falling for an online relationship! i gave up everything in my world (uk) to be with him and his kids, we marry, not quite our first anniversary yet, i honestly thought i had found the man of my dreams! it seems all he wants is an employee, a cook and cleaner, nanny type person to look after his kids who are little devilish teenagers who just know how to twist their daddy round their finger and wind up the evil step mom! 40 years old and never married, never found the right guy, no, im not too picky and have exceptional demands, just guys i get seem to turn lazy or unfaithful, and the trust goes out the window! no i wasn't scared of being left on the shelf, i believe that went out in the 70s! i had a good job and life in england, i paid my bills and looked after my world and had no cause for complaint,
but now...
i cant believe my life has come to this! friends who know us online, if you can really know anyone online, are now telling me that his ex and him were talking (she also sent me emails they had been sending to each other) and the reason why he wanted me here is because he didn't really want me to be his wife but more in the lines of cook/cleaner and she was supposed to have told him not to do it, but still he went ahead and did it. she would never move in with him so he got rid of her and found someone else to do his 'dirty work'
he has had foreign nannies for years and i guess this is what spoilt the kids, they did everything.
on a number of occasions he has said to me he isn't 'talking to me as an employer but in his experience this is how this gets done', or 'this is one of your jobs' one minute i am to be the parent figure and the next i am not to be involved. the kids push passed me, nearly knocking me on my a*se, they kick me under the table if i am talking to my husband, they are rude and have no manners, dirty and lazy and nothing i can do or say will change this, they have no clue (or seem not to) about how anything in the house works and are not prepared to learn, i have tried to teach them some responsibility for their things and they just don't care to learn, the 'things' they have you wouldn't believe, like i said, they are spoilt. when i tell my husband of this, and occasionally he sees for himself, it is my fault, i was being kicked because i was ignoring her etc
i really thought my life was sorted and i was going to be happy for the rest of it, but if i look at it from both aspects the wife and the employee, i am not happy as either! as the wife i get no respect, no privacy (they will knock on each others bedroom door and wait to be asked in, but our bedroom they just walk in, even if the door is closed) the whole house is an extension of their bedrooms, and its a big house! they throw the food at the wall when scraping it from the plates to the bin, they tread food into the carpets, they basically wont do anything i ask unless i ask a million times and they see me getting annoyed, dad asks and its immediate, they have made it clear they don't want me here by spitting in my tea and hiding things which i use, they have bitched me to their friends parents and everywhere i go where they are i am basically ignored and not one of them has spoken to me, its like instant dislike and i don't get it. all i have tried to do is get the kids to respect their world and what they have and try and show them things my mum showed me, Ive not tried to pressure them, except to give them a few small chores a few months after i arrived because they basically sit on their ar*s after trashing the house, chores being really nothing much, a lot less than what i was doing when i was younger than they are now! things like taking the recycling out or feeding the dog (which i get: 'its not my dog' thrown in my face!) it takes them a day to clean their rooms and a minute to trash it again, which they take pleasure in after Ive looked at it tidy...if i go back in the room minutes later its like its not been touched.
ok, enough of the kids (but still on the wife aspect)
my husband looks at me like im dirt, he never talks to me, he blames me for everything that breaks, even if i never touch it, he makes me feel like i am not here as the wife, he never touches me, Ive not had a kiss for ages and a cuddle for even longer, he wont just come up to me and kiss me Ive to take kisses and when i do its like im kissing a brother or something, ive given up trying, he has no feelings for me and it is obvious, in the bedroom he complains i don't initiate sex, but yet when i do he rejects me and well...there is only so much rejection one can take! his family have no knowledge of the UK and think i lived in a field in a cottage with no one round for miles, just me and my dog, and they really don't care to know anything about where i am from, i get told off for comparing things in the uk to the usa, im told to look out of the window! i am expected to forget my life before January 2008, it never existed. i am proud i am British and well, i just cant forget the fact i lived there for nigh on 40 years! the comparisons started as a bit of a joke, like chips, fries, crisps and vest, waistcoat, tank top, that kind of thing, now my rare comparisons are not allowed, even though most of the time i am trying to work out what they are talking about...he thinks i am stupid, Ive been no where and done nothing and the funny thing is...he knows what Ive done and where Ive been but...im still thick! he thinks i have amnesia and i forget things he says to me or i say to him, and when i correct him i am wrong! if this is how wives are to be treated...it sucks.
from the employee point of view, every job i have ever had i have done it for job satisfaction not the pay packet, if i don't like my work i walk and move onto something else, this has lead to a checkered work history but has made me capable of doing a lot of things, any job i have had for any length of time i have enjoyed and i am proud of that fact, ok, i don't have degrees coming out of my ears or the budging bank account but hey, im educated in life and its only money you cant take it with you! had i come here for employment reasons i would have my green card already, but i don't and i didn't come here for a green card i came here for my new family, if i were the employee i would have most definitely walked by now, the way they all treat their house and grounds is beyond a joke. and if i were the employee, where is my pay packet?
from both sides, wife and employee, i had no money before i came here, ok, and i still don't have any money, but then he probably sees it as i get bed and board i should be happy and grateful! trying to get money out of my husband so i can do the food shopping is hard enough. anything extra is a bonus...but i have to spend it on the kids, if i buy anything for myself i get bitched...so i don't.
i have been dealt some hands in my life and i honestly thought i had 3 aces but instead i got jokers and all they have done is mess my life up and that counts for nothing!
i stood up to my husband and his kids and he didn't like it, and now i have ruined my life, i gave up my world for this? again - it sucks. why i am writing this is because i need to know what i have to do to sort this - i am passed caring about the marriage, the life here - i worked at it, i tried my hardest, we just both have different ideals on what marriage is or what a wife is - we've had a million arguments and nothing gets resolved and we always argue about the kids, but the kids never do anything wrong.
so, i am heading home, dog in hand. but are there things i need to sort? obviously i am married and i have his name, do i have to ditch it? (my maiden name sucked and after all the ####### i think i am entitled to at least his name, i might not like the guy very much but i still love him! the feeling isn't mutual though) it is inevitable that divorce will come, when he eventually gets off his a*se and sorts it, i don't want any claim on what he has, im not in it for that, i just want to go home and find a field to restart my pathetic little life! but i have no money and no way of getting any, i have told him it would cost about $5000 to send me home, dog is big and can only go to machester or london, and my things need returning also, good job they never got unpacked after a year!!! out of the $5000 there will be about $600 left for myself to sort out a few things to get me started again. the way i see it is he got me here under false pretences...and he really doesnt give a ####### that it has come to this. i told him last week i was leaving and not a word has been said since, this tells me he just doesnt care anyway so whats the point in trying anymore??
am i being unreasonable with this amount? i have no family who will help and he promised me that if it went wrong then he would help me get home and well...he is good for it, but i feel i am asking too much.
obviously there is more to this than i have written, i dont think anyone wants day by day break down of events and ive tried to be as informative on my situation as possible without slagging off my other half and his kids too much.
is there anything else i need to do, do i need to inform anyone? do i need a lawyer?
i just want to go home.

This is the price we pay for trying to bring our spouses into the country legally. We pay huge sums of money for a horrible service and nobody cares. Meanwhile, illegal immigrants have millions of people that support them through organazitons, congress, tax dollars, lawyers, professors, etc. I'm not saying that we should start a crusade against illegals, but I ask myself on a regular basis, "When will honest people like us who play by the rules organize or get some support from our own government and our own people?" We do everything we're supposed and we still get screwed. Our lives are completeley put on hold. We can't start a family or make any plans for the future without getting approval first from our government. How ridiculous!

That is a good question. I am far from computer illiterate; in fact I am a network administrator, and I can't figure it out either.

Oh my God . . .
Filing for AOS is a standard procedure, done a few ten thousand times a year. The Adjudicator's Field Manual explicitly states that intent to adjust status--alone--even if documented, may not be used as a reason to deny the petition. Adjusting from a VW instead of a visa brings a bit of a twist to the party, but isn't an issue at all as long as no overstay occurs.
Yet, by playing phone games you wasted valuable time that not even $10K will bring you back. Now you have played your cards by not playing your cards as there is no way that you can submit a complete AOS petition that would be accepted on or before January 3, 2011.
Even thinking about filing for AOS with overstay is, given the latest results in such cases, immigration suicide. If your petition is denied, and there's a great chance that it will be denied even if you retain Barack Obama himself, a deportation order could result from it. Not only would you be out $1,070 in fees, but you'd need an I-212 waiver to start the show from the Kingdom.
That said, your time's up. Hubby has to return to the Ukay and you play it from there. You file an I-130, which you can do right now, and, once approved, hubby files for a CR-1 visa. With it he enters the US as a LPR and gets his Green Card in the mail 2 weeks afterward. No AOS, no worries.
If he overstays only one day, he won't be able to use the VW anymore. He would need to apply for a B2 instead, which he wouldn't get because the immigration folks would assume, rightfully so, that he has immigration intent. Therefore, it really doesn't matter. What matters is that you guys do not file for AOS now, no matter what the most expensive attorney tells you.

Furthermore, each and every instance of an abuse of the system as difficult or unfair as the system seems, results in incrementally clamping down with tighter and tighter regs making it increasingly difficult for those that follow. Why does anyone think the immigration regs are so difficult now? Because of the cumulative effects of small abuses over many decades.IMHO

You ARE missing my point and a lot of the difficulties you will face are BECAUSE both you and your current wife are Pakistani by birth. Countless hours preparing the documentation is going to be needed anyway but before preparing documents, know what you're up against by reading and asking clarifying questions in the appropriate regional forum. People who hang out there are more familiar with the specific issues you'll be facing. Though the "Asia South" region is directly applicable, the Middle East and North Africa group probably discusses the relevant issues more fully.
Now you've asked. It's time to use the answer before asking more questions. If you do, you'll start getting the point without it being spoon fed to you. OK?

Here are a couple of things for you to think about.
When you get your NOA2, it will be that much sweeter. Also, things will move very quickly for you and there will be a lot of work to do after it pops. I'm also hoping that the consulates will have a decreased workload once the log jam breaks and things will move faster.
Next, you will have your whole life together (hopefully). While it sucks, just remember the end goal. If anything it puts you through a trial period that will hopefully strengthen your relationship.
Finally, how do you think people in the military feel when they have to deploy? My mom had to raise two kids while my dad spent two years in Vietnam. I'm not trying to say that our situation isn't bad and that we should all suck it up. However, it could be worse. Look at the good side. You have Skype. Your fiance is (hopefully) not getting shot at. You have something to be excited about. Can you imagine doing this before the internets? Just think of your fiance as a present you can't open yet.
Just hang in there and try to keep a positive frame of mind (I know it is hard).

Truebrit yours is coming I just know it, there is another person just joined the NVC for December and her timeline is similar to yours, we are flying to the states for Christmas so will get to see hubby over the holidays yay!!

OMG I am over the moon right now, just recieved an email from USCIS stating 'On December 1st, 2010, we mailed you a notice that we have approved the I130' OMG I can't believe it, keep reading the email to make sure they are not requesting further evidence, but woo hoo woo hoo

Have not been around for a while, but checked status today and finally have another 'touch' since filing in September, is the sign of good things to come? certainly hope so

Looks like CSC has started processing I-130 for Sept. My sister's PD is Sept 27th.

Congrats Raffy!! You're case is the envy of everyone else here I think! lol. So happy for you guys!! =]

Most US houses (not apartments) that I have seen usually have in certain parts of the house wiring for 220 plugs. These are not something people generally plug things into other than what they are set up for, which are the Stove/Range in the kitchen, and sometimes cloths dryers have a plug set up for 220 where ever the laundry is set up. These options generally do not help for things like stereo's or hair appliances because of location but in some cases it might be worth looking at running a heavy duty extension cable say, to a stereo or something. More often that not it wouldn't be practical. There may be rare cases where it might be worth having an electrician run a 220 outlet in a US house if certain items are "must have's".
Another factor besides the plug sockets and voltage differnces is the alternating current frequency, which may matter for some electrical things. In the US the house power uses 60hz or 60 cycles per second alternating current, whereas in Europe it's 50 hz or cycles per second. My guess is the UK is the same as Germany for type of power (ie 50 hz). Of course German wall plugs are a different shape than the UK or US from what I've seen.
Be aware that some appliances, especially bathroom appliances like hair dryers, curlers, electric shavers etc, are often sold with the ability to change power settings for travelers. I had an electric shaver which I could flip a switch on it depending on 110 volts in the US or 220 in Germany or other countries. I simply added a plug adaptor so it would fit the wall socket and I was good to go as long as I selected the correct voltage for the country. Hair dryers often have a switch like this but you have to check when you buy them. This feature often doesn't make the hair dryer any more expensive either.
I work on computers in the US and I've noticed for desktop computers, nearly all of them have a switch on the back power supply that can be changed to 220 volts from US 110. Thus, all you need in that case is to remove the power cable that fits US sockets and replace it with one that fits UK sockets and flip the switch. For laptops, you can probably buy a different power plug that goes into it that is made for whatever voltage it will be operated. Monitors have a built in power supply so those would be a different story - and need to have a converter or be switchable.
Of course in many cases it may not be cost effective to ship over larger electrical items from the UK to the US, and many can be replaced at low cost here in the US.

Leigh, saying a prayer for the safety and safe return of your son so that this question becomes a non-issue for you...