John&Juvy

A lot of it would depend on how hot she looked on webcam.

Both have their pros and cons... Pick whatever floats your boat. For me it is the US for now.

then I dont need your response... I was asking for those american that has exwife. Make sense?

Thats an awesome plan! I have had many of those in my years. But unfortunately life got in the way. I never planned on being a paramedic, but i did plan on becoming a Doctor once, until the reality of what it takes to become a Doctor got in the way. Full custody of two kids, working full time to support them. Success goes way beyond being good at your work and making lots of money. I have found success in the last few years doing what i am doing. House and cars paid off. Debt free. Wife and kids extremely happy. I have seen many people die doing what i do and i learned real quick that even an OB-GYN can be smoked in the blink of an eye in a vehicle driving down the road. Having an insurance policy is the responsible thing to have for your family if you are able to afford it.

How about 'human'?
On a more serious note, she is a doll!! Congrats!

Dad is white right? Easy peasy, white. Any questions just tell them she's been playing in the sun too long.
My kids are all listed as black like me though with a UK Mom, even the blonde hair, blue eyed one

I am not divorced as well as my husband, so I am hoping to make sense. What efficient manner you wanted to suggest to the OP after she already talked to him about her feelings? As for beneficiary, yes, children should always be the priority but I believe that you need to consider your wife. When you get older and kids will have their independence, who's going to stay with you?... your spouse. He/She is there for you to remember your birthday even though your kids forget it, he/she is there to take care of you when your kids are too busy with their lives. We marry our spouses because we love and trust them, that's why we make them part of ourselves, as part of ourselves, you don't want to hurt them and we respect them. But if you marry your spouse with different agenda and it showed on how you deal with the marriage, then he/she have the right to react in a way to cope up with the situation, as he/she marries you for the reason of loving you.
We're not in the shoes of the OP, to just say, "Hey, this... and that.... what you need to do.." She's in the middle of uncertainties, she's not happy and scared to loss her marriage. I guess she tried to gather experiences from VJ members, to analyze her situation as well as to make sure that she's not trying to justify her behavior.
I don't think OP giving grief on that. It's more the lack of respect for your spouse. Talking more than the concerns of their kids is not necessary esp. if your wife is around. Their only binding string is the kids, and that should be the boundary of the communication. I think "decent terms" is you talked civilized, negotiate for the greater good and act accordingly(which mean also, respect individual's partner).

Hi there! Based your side of the story, your husband's behaviour is UNacceptable. Period. IMO, you should kick him to the curb and move on.
Best of luck!

I know what is decent and not decent in a relationship between exwife and a husband. I know u read all what is written, I don't care if it's about their kids. I understand bcoz I have a kids too. What I am saying it's kinda disrespectful to me. Maybe it's okay with you if your husband exwife(if he is divorced) is the beneficiary, and you are the wife that waking up early to make him breakfast, doing all the house chores and giving him pleasure when he needs it. I don't think saying I am insecure is a relief, I am not about the money or whatever but the respect as a wife. You are lucky if you are not in the situation like mine. Anyway thanks !!! God bless

Good answer and I totally agree. I am divorved from a Filipina and now married to Filipina. Ex and I have a child together and she has custody. They live across the country. My ex and I are not on good terms and probably never will be. Our comunication, which is rarely by phone and mostly e-mail with me sending her travel itinerary for my daughter - is just about that and only that. Sometimes I have to blast her when she is being extra stupid, but other than that we do not communicate.
Even if we were on the best of terms, she and I are both re-married now. Not only out of respect for my new wife, Ritchie, but also in the best interest of moving on, any communication with my ex would be extremely limited in content and rare in occurances. Life would be a lot easier and less stressful for our daughter if my ex and I could be civil to each other. I can be, but she can't. And I do not allow her to be disruptive in my life AT ALL. She would never dare try to communicate to my current wife, She knows me too well. And Ritchie is not the type to want to get into any drama. To this day she has never said even one negative word about my ex, and believe me there are ample opportunities to do so!. She even has a way of settling me down when the ex has outdone herself in the stupid department with our daughter and I am ready to go off. But Ritchie never fuels the fire (which sometimes subconciously I think I am looking for!), but actualy has a way of difusing the whole thing. Wow. What a gift she is, and so good for me because I am very low tolerance when it comes to the ex even as hard as I try to hold back for my daughter's sake. I'm sure many know exactly what I mean. Ritchie is really good for me in that way, and her and my 12 year old daughter get along so great!
Yes, ex's should always kept at a distance, outside of proper boundaries no matter how civil the relationship especially when there is a new spouse and even when children are involved.

and the exwife still his beneficiary? something good is still going on with them

sure -
This is an example of a manipulative person without a conscience blaming you and putting you down, and it is exactly what someone treating their spouse like dirt will do. For this guy it is just sport, because he enjoys the idea of making a person who shows hurt feel even worse. But for a spouse it is to let them get away with bad behavior.
For example, when your spouse is having an affair they'll say how insecure you are, crazy, imagining things, that you are too suspicious or don't allow him time with his "friends" etc. If you were a decent wife then you'd let him screw the babysitter on the dining room table in front of you.
The only person whose business this is: YOU. I would never treat a wife as you have been treated nor would I put up with it. So I understand how you feel. But if your husband is making you unhappy then that's the sole issue for you. It is very common for a manipulative spouse to show affection to other people instead of you. Why? Because they know how it eats at you. They know how much stress it causes, and this weakens you. It wears you down. It puts you into a depression where you can't eat, can't sleep, can't think straight - it is emotional warfare to keep you in a weakened state and easier to manipulate. The text message during dinner was not to make his ex wife feel good so much as to put you down: watch me show you that you are less important than my ex-wife.
You said the right thing about going back home if he doesn't stop. That's right. It's what you have to do: either he treats you with respect or you go. There's no reason to live with a husband that does not put you first. What a miserable life.

I was thinking exactly that same thing. The husband (if he's the type that divulges EVERYTHING to his ex) might have mentioned it and perhaps she's getting a big charge out of it.
You should tell your husband that being a good husband to YOU means being respectful of your feelings. Men that love you and want a lasting relationship don't want to MAKE you jealous. Some men actually get a charge out of this. But if it's wrecking your relationship then he should curb some of his behavior. But you have to curb yours a bit too. It's mutual respect you're going for here.
I agree with Leatherneck about his dinner time behavior was uncalled for. I think when he gets the text from his ex he thinks it might be important and that's why he jumps right on it. (That's the ex wife being a control freak). Now what he does next about it..is where the respect for YOU issue comes in. He just needs some proper schooling and he'll be fine

Communicating with an ex wife regarding the welfare and care of the children they have together is normal, but texting and talking about things that have nothing to do with their children should cease now that he's married. The dinner situation and the idle chatter is insensitive as well as rude.
However, try to control your jealousy, she is no threat to you, the ex is with another woman, -- she prefers tuna over sausage. Surely she's aware of your jealousy via your husband, she might be purposely getting under your skin, because you allow it.

no!!! it is not normall !!!! it is disrespectfull to you and just plain rude for anyone who is married to someone else to show more attention to the ex instead of them,,not once did you say the kids called ,,it was always the ex,,useing the kids as an excuse is sickening and for anyone else to say its normal or youre being insecure,,well i dont think they are liveing in the real world,,sure it would be great if we all loved each other but thats not the case and with the divorce rate being over 50% in the usa WHERE WE LOVE TO PREACH GOD AND COUNTRY i think you deserve a little more respect and attention

If your child is mixed Asian and Caucasian, then you have your choice. You can put what you want - either race or if there is a box for "other", you can use that.
They better start coming up with some more categories for mixed race children/people because those numbers have been growing here in the USA and I imagine across the world now with internet and faster travel. Actually, they always have been growing just even more so now. I think it's great that the different peoples of the world can more easily meet and can experience different peoples and cultures first hand not just from books and other media that do not always tell the truth or at best give particular views and also that more oprions are open to people for relationships and marriage because of those things. Variety is the spice of life!
It won't be in my lifetime, but not too far in the future, there will be far more mixed race people on this earth than there are now and in time race really will not matter because most everyone will be mixed and the pure races will be the minorities and eventually will be a thing of the past. Can't see how that won't/can't happen - eventually.

Unreasonable question...but..the answer is obviously...both or die trying.
The rescue would be attempted and based on a choice of strategy... not loyalty. Priority would be given to the one needing quickest response.
My assumption would be...my wife must need 1st response bcoz as an adult, she should be able to save herself. Must be her situation is dire. My wife's inability to save herself would tell me she needs first response. Therefore, I would seek out my wife 1st. Then..if my wife is able..we would work together to rescue the child. I think a child (depending on age) would be less capable of survival but, I would not automatically assume the child is in a worse situation than my wife. I think the propensity for greater need leads to my wife. (and) Having her assistance would increase probability of rescuiing the child.
(or) At least we would all burn together and remain a family.

Seriously, do we even know if there was a large age gap here? Or, are we jumping to conclusions? I know many couples that are 25-30 years apart and do just fine.

If you want to not offend, you might want to avoid racial slurs and generalities such as these.
I get your point of extreme age gaps and people being gullible, but I've seen the same thing happen with small age gaps to. I've also seen rather large age gaps that do have wonderful relationships. Its pretty hard to generalize that anything is really going to work. The common ground points you made in a later post are right to the point and very valid. If you don't have common ground, you're fooling yourself. I've seen a lot of Filipinas jumping into relationships thinking coming to America is the lords answer to them for a perfect easy life. They ignore they're involved with a controlling abusive person, even when the evidence is all over the place.

I WILL TRY MY HARDEST NOT TO OFFEND NOT TO BE BOOTED OUT.
Indeed a family planning!!
Seriously OP, I have posted few times here about this issue. As much as I don't want to be judgmental, only very few among filipinas
has good intention in marrying an american. It is such a shame for me to talk about this because I am from the same country., I attended CFO and met the girls there and be honest with you,I felt low to see myself mingling with them. Even the CFO trainer discussed what to do in case the beneficiary wants to run away from the petitioner, I felt sick in my stomach, reality bites! the desires to just get here in the US. I asked one of them if she love her fiance and she said " Just my stepping stone", another one said, file a divorce and hopefully he has money and I will have some. These girls are usually from the province, impoverished and mostly they would ask you to support their families sending them money through western union. I got some friends and relatives way back home and when they start asking to find them a match..I have to just joke around but really my concern is growing inside me. Coming from a 3rd world country, how sickening it is to see young girls holding hands with old whities..like I wanna ask daddy you gonna die tomorrow! yet they proclaim love for each other..I mean who are you fooling! Often this is a subject of jokes of my upper middle class work colleagues and friends. But my american husband is right. Both committed crime. The woman wants to get the green card and the dirty old american who just want to take advantage of her youth and helplessness. God gave us all the ability to discern USE IT! My verdict: She is not for real, it is very obvious like I know our neighbors way back there who do the same.

Well if you are worried then maybe your paranoia is warranted.. I have many years experience and myself many many past paranoias.. Fraud is an ugly word unless true so be careful when accusing..
Ask yourself a few question that only you know.. Are you normally non-trusting?? If so then look at your fiancee and ask yourself why you feel this way??? I was burnt before in RP but some due to my own issues which brings its own paranoia.. Just because her sisters did one thing does not mean she will. Mayhe her sisters now have regrets that your fiancee does not want. Dig down why she wants to put her kids in school elsewhere..
I know I am not much help as this is a tough one. Only you know your gut feeling and what you are witnessing. By all means if this all is not passing your smell test then DO NOT Marry her.. You should talk it out with her. Watch her movements.. Filipinas are not good liars if you peel back layers and are good at cross examining.. I know that sounds bad but this is process of elimination in terms of what is in your mind..
Good luck
Shawn

You are in need of something else -- a leader is not it. Keep living long enough and you might become "convinced of the truth" of 'some' things others say.

And yes you are stupid for expecting me to care of what "you" thought or said through post site. No grandpa yet, still younger than my dad. Hey but guess what ??? He has a life and way more educated and 10 times interesting that you are. And 100% that his wife love him... what about you ? My husband probably older than you but how do you look and how's your hygiene >? LOL

Like what my husband always tell me about his harley " IT'S NOT JUST A BIKE " lol. It's loud but it's fun when you already riding it. And agree, if someone can lock the thread, please do so. Thanks to Peter_pan lol.

I like how there is this sentiment here that babies just shut their mouths the moment we expect them to. It kind of reflects the whole attitude on this thread that if you aren't pleasing me, then there is something wrong, inconsiderate, or disrespectful about you. Please, what I do in my house is my business. I'm a grown man, but if I want to scream in my house like a little baby, you can bet I will. The moment I take it outside is the moment I make it everyone else's business. I know I am considerate of my neighbors, but this doesn't mean I am going to go walking around my own home like I am walking on glass just to please someone. We all DO have to live together, but you don't have to open your window knowing that unpleasant noises from beyond might enter. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion of the neighbor being a racist. Just sounds like someone whom isn't interested in people and possibly just miserable. I have more important things to concern myself with than what someone's baby is doing in their own home or miserable people.