ose_n_me

My SO is the youngest so his siblings are usually asking us if we are okay, and the few that might want something never ask they only hint about "how the hoidays would be sweeter if they had so and so amount everyone in the village would be happy"

Our constant request come from his friends. My SO has two phones here 1: for his friends in Nigeria to call (flash) him, and 2: the one he uses mostly for people in the states. Reason being is All night every night they call (flash) waking us up. How horrible is it for someone to know your sleep with your wife and call 5 times in 2 minutes, and when you finally pick the phone, first they want you to call them right back (don't want to use there credit up), second they have some crazy story requesting money. Example: My So's mechanic was going to the village for "the X-Mas" and usually my SO sponsors alot of the drinking and eating for his friends in the village during the holidays. Well, this year he was not there he is in US. His mechanic called like 6 times in the course of 2 minutes, and he said that " since my SO usually sponsors the party and he is not there, he should send $500 dollars for them to drink, eat, and celebrate the way they are used to, he said that their fun shoud not stop because he is not around"

What tha [ v ( l<

The craziest thing is that he had only been here for 2 weeks when the first request for money started.

they gave him a whole 2 weeks to adjust

OMG!

So, since I'm good now, I can be supportive to those feeling weaker. When I'm feeling particularly weak, I'll come on looking for support.

Beautifully said! Exactly what I was hoping for with this thread! Hope others will feel the same. We all need shoulders to cry on sometimes. (I miss Ose too )

My husband, never once during our courtship, or even now we are married, has ever asked me to send him money. After getting married, and being there for 3 months, I made the conscious choice out of love and concern, to send him money regularly. He actually refused to accept it in the beginning, and I had to resort to just telling him I sent it, and he better go pick it up! I wanted him to live comfortably and safely while we waited for him to get here. (little did we know it would take this long!)

Fortunately my husband knows of the many financial issues we face here in the US, although he doesnt quite understand them all yet. And we were lucky to have spent lots of time together there so I could explain much of this to him. Although I make a good living, most of it goes to mortgage, bills, kids etc. So I am by no means "well to do". I just changed the way I spent frivolously on stupid stuff (eating out, renting movies, compulsive shopping, etc) and had a little extra to send him.

IMO...this would be a "red flag" to me if he is making you feel guilty for not sending money. And I would be suspicious and upset of people he calls "his friends" if they are encouraging these behaviors, or feeding him negative ideas about you or your intentions.

Has this been an ongoing issue? Without knowing more about the relationship, I would say you really need to consider his real intentions. I just feel if someone really loves you, they would not expect or demand money. And they would trust you. After all we are doing alot to get them over here. He should understand that. If he doesnt, then I'm not sure what to do next. I'm sorry you are going thru this..My thoughts and prayers are with you.

God Bless

Thanks everyone for all the luv. I wasnt really meaning for this to be "my pity party" LOL...

I wanted others to share their feelings and experiences with this "emotional rollercoaster" we all riding right now. Kinda as a means to vent, or get their feelings out. But maybe with all the negative vibes that have been flowing around here lately, no one feels comfortable sharing. Thats ok too. Just wanted to give an outlet if anyone felt they needed to release!!!

God Bless

Omoba

I think many of us have had "problems" with the ways these light-hearted threads have turned into personal attacks. I too have felt disrespected and misunderstood at times when posting on here. But when we are depending on only words to express ourselves, without the benefit of facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice, laughter etc...Its ones interpretation of our "words" only that can cause the misunderstanding. Plus we all have a different writing style, sense of humor and ways that we express ourselves.

Combine that with age differences, gender differences, race differences, cultural differences, educational differences, life experiences, upbringing and current stress in going thru this crazy journey...You got a boiling pot of hot emotion and opinions waiting to overflow!

I sincerely hope that you will reconsider because I feel your contributions are important and valuable. I too "lurked" here for awhile before participating, mainly because I wasnt sure if my opinions mattered to anyone. But sometimes you dont really know what affect you are having on other people until much later. I think many people have gotton a great deal out of your insights, viewpoints and experiences.

God Bless

The notice date on my NOA2 was 11/15/07. I called the NVC the first time on 11/29/07. They didn't receive my case until 12/10/07. I found that out when I called on 12/11/07. That's when they gave me the new case number LGS-XX-XXX-XXXXX. I called back on 12/14/07 and found they had forwarded the petition to the embassy on 12/13/07. My husband was able to pickup his pkg 3 & 4 on 12/27/07 after 2 previous trips to the embassy where he did not even get to talk to anyone. We didn't have to go through the extra security checks so not sure how that will affect your timeline. I pray they rush things for you!

Thanks for sharing..

I thought if u went to the consolate with the NOA2 and that NVC number, that u could pick up the packets. Wondering why he had to go 3 times. Plus they are supposed to send u an email when the case has been tranferred from NVC..right? Now im so confused... Did ur husband have both notices (NOA2 and NVC email) with him when he went the first 2 times?

This is sooooooooooooooo frustrating

The first time my husband went to the embassy, it was in the afternoon. They told him it was too late. The second time, he was there at 6:30 a.m. The guards were telling people to get their papers out and many people were ignoring what the guards told them. He said there were about 50+ people in line and about 10 including himself had gotten there at 6:30 a.m. After a few hours of waiting, they told them all to go home . . . that they got there too late. My husband was pretty upset about it. So he asked what time he should be there on the 27th and they told him 7 a.m. and he told them he will be there at 6:30 a.m. like he was that time and to remember his face. LOL. My husband had both notices when he went each time. We never received an e-mail from the NVC. Yes, you can pick up your packets but first you have to get past the line and into the cosolate to speak to someone.

Thanks for the info... I know its crazy at the consolate! We went there when I was in Lagos the last time, just to ask questions, and it was a nightmare! Thats why Im hoping my husband only has to go once!

I also hope he only has to go once to get the information. Just tell him to go early when he goes and do whatever the guards tell him to do and pray the others do the same. My husband did not have to travel far to the embassy, but he said there were others who did. He was concerned about some older ladies who were what appeared to be about 80 yrs old . . . they too had to stand in line and were sent home. Really, there is no excuse the way they can treat people there at the consolate. It upsets me that our tax dollars pay those people. Don't you just love to see our tax dollars at work?! I thank God that my husband was able to get the information and interview date. I can hardly wait until he steps off that plane here in Kentucky. Wooo hooo!

I noticed on ur timeline that it took almost a month before u go the NVC#...Were u calling everyday? I am so obsessed with this!!! LOL Don't wanna waste a day! Am just so amazed at the person i have turned into during this process! Can u imagine the feeling when we see our hubbys again at the airport! OMG!!! Keep having visions of the scene we gonna be making!!!

The notice date on my NOA2 was 11/15/07. I called the NVC the first time on 11/29/07. They didn't receive my case until 12/10/07. I found that out when I called on 12/11/07. That's when they gave me the new case number LGS-XX-XXX-XXXXX. I called back on 12/14/07 and found they had forwarded the petition to the embassy on 12/13/07. My husband was able to pickup his pkg 3 & 4 on 12/27/07 after 2 previous trips to the embassy where he did not even get to talk to anyone. We didn't have to go through the extra security checks so not sure how that will affect your timeline. I pray they rush things for you!

Thanks for sharing..

I thought if u went to the consolate with the NOA2 and that NVC number, that u could pick up the packets. Wondering why he had to go 3 times. Plus they are supposed to send u an email when the case has been tranferred from NVC..right? Now im so confused... Did ur husband have both notices (NOA2 and NVC email) with him when he went the first 2 times?

This is sooooooooooooooo frustrating

The first time my husband went to the embassy, it was in the afternoon. They told him it was too late. The second time, he was there at 6:30 a.m. The guards were telling people to get their papers out and many people were ignoring what the guards told them. He said there were about 50+ people in line and about 10 including himself had gotten there at 6:30 a.m. After a few hours of waiting, they told them all to go home . . . that they got there too late. My husband was pretty upset about it. So he asked what time he should be there on the 27th and they told him 7 a.m. and he told them he will be there at 6:30 a.m. like he was that time and to remember his face. LOL. My husband had both notices when he went each time. We never received an e-mail from the NVC. Yes, you can pick up your packets but first you have to get past the line and into the cosolate to speak to someone.

Thanks for the info... I know its crazy at the consolate! We went there when I was in Lagos the last time, just to ask questions, and it was a nightmare! Thats why Im hoping my husband only has to go once!

My fiance went to the Consulate in Lagos on a Wednesday about 1 week after the NVC Operator told me the pkg had been forwarded to the Lagos Consulate. He took a copy of the NOA-2 and the NVC Approval Letter (I scanned and emailed to him) to the Consulate so that the Security Guards would let him into the Embassy.

Once Inside, he waitedin line at the Inquiries Section. When he finally reached the counter, he presented his passport (for identification), the copies of the NOA-2 and the NVC Approval Letter. The lady at the counter compared the photo on his passport to the photo on the computer screen and once she confirmed he was the same person, she printed the date of the interview and also gave him all of his paperwork.

Thank you so much for this info

I am starting this thread because I am sure there others like me who are feeling so alone and emotional right now. Its hard to talk to or explain to family and friends what we are going thru, they just dont understand. As hard as they try to be there, comfort us, reasure us, listen to us, sympathize with us...they still can never know what this journey feels like.

At first (before finding this website)I thought I was alone. Then got relief in knowing others were going thru it, and I could seek their support and encouragement. Then after being here(VJ) for awhile...got scared(paranoid) at reading all the horror stories from those having problems at different levels of the process. Now, after recieving my NOA2, I thought the worst of the roller coaster ride was behind me. But its really only the beginning.

I am talking mainly of the emotional issues of both the USC and SO.

In one instant....my husbands family went from elation that our approval was finally rec'd, to sadness at the realization that their oldest child/brother (a crucial member of the family with many responsibilites both physically and emotionally) was leaving. Although he is in his 30's..he still lived with his family(8 siblings, youngest 11yrs old), contributed financially and served as head of household when dad was at work or out of town on business. My husband tries to be strong when we talk about it..but at times he has broken down, overwhelmed with emotion.

I am feeling the enormity of this situation on all of us. And its so much deeper than just the adjustment of him or I, when he gets home..but on the life of his entire family when he is no longer there. And then theres the emotions of my family. My older kids (20, 21) feel helpless to console me. They didnt have the advantage of meeting and loving my husband and his family as my 12yr old did. Its hard for them when I am upset because they dont know what to do or say.

I just feel like this experience is so filled with up and down emotions, and that theres always going to be an undertone of sadness associated with leaving the only thing u have ever known (life, culture, family etc.) No matter how much time passes, or how well we think we are adjusting...to me it will always make me feel extraordinary to know that he loved me enough to take this journey with me, despite all the unknowns and emotional suffering we have been thru and continue to go thru.

The intent of this topic is to be a place to release emotions about how this journesy is affecting each of us...as individuals. Please be respectful with ur posts and lets not turn this into anything judgemental or argumentative. Its personal feelings. If u dont agree or feel comfortable sharing then move on. I personally feel alot better when I get things out..especially writing it...so to me this is therapy!!!

Any one interested in joining the group session? Its free! Pull up a chair!!!!!

The notice date on my NOA2 was 11/15/07. I called the NVC the first time on 11/29/07. They didn't receive my case until 12/10/07. I found that out when I called on 12/11/07. That's when they gave me the new case number LGS-XX-XXX-XXXXX. I called back on 12/14/07 and found they had forwarded the petition to the embassy on 12/13/07. My husband was able to pickup his pkg 3 & 4 on 12/27/07 after 2 previous trips to the embassy where he did not even get to talk to anyone. We didn't have to go through the extra security checks so not sure how that will affect your timeline. I pray they rush things for you!

Thanks for sharing..

I thought if u went to the consolate with the NOA2 and that NVC number, that u could pick up the packets. Wondering why he had to go 3 times. Plus they are supposed to send u an email when the case has been tranferred from NVC..right? Now im so confused... Did ur husband have both notices (NOA2 and NVC email) with him when he went the first 2 times?

This is sooooooooooooooo frustrating

They can only give the interview date once they have processed the petition at the embassy. So, even if you know that it has left NVC you need to wait for a little bit for the embassy to actually get the information in their system.

That makes alot of sense Zee. Dang....heard so many different things! Thought thats why they electronically sent it...so it would be in the system faster. Thought the hard copy was just used mainly for the CO to use for reference when asking the SO questions at the interview etc.

Is anyone else going completly mad right now...........

Thank goodness for the "Visa Journey" support group!

The notice date on my NOA2 was 11/15/07. I called the NVC the first time on 11/29/07. They didn't receive my case until 12/10/07. I found that out when I called on 12/11/07. That's when they gave me the new case number LGS-XX-XXX-XXXXX. I called back on 12/14/07 and found they had forwarded the petition to the embassy on 12/13/07. My husband was able to pickup his pkg 3 & 4 on 12/27/07 after 2 previous trips to the embassy where he did not even get to talk to anyone. We didn't have to go through the extra security checks so not sure how that will affect your timeline. I pray they rush things for you!

Thanks for sharing..

I thought if u went to the consolate with the NOA2 and that NVC number, that u could pick up the packets. Wondering why he had to go 3 times. Plus they are supposed to send u an email when the case has been tranferred from NVC..right? Now im so confused... Did ur husband have both notices (NOA2 and NVC email) with him when he went the first 2 times?

This is sooooooooooooooo frustrating

Thank u guys so much!!!!! Been walking on cloud nine all day!

Will be praying for all of us.

God Bless

Thank u all so much. I'm feelin the luv!!!!!!

Congrats..... Great news!!!! Ours was approved also! YIPEEEEEEE!

Congrats......... Wonderful!!!!!!!!! We got approved today too!!!!!!!

Got approval email at 7pm! Can't believe it!

Thank u God....

We're approved!!!!!!!!!!!!I am soooooooooooooooo happy right now. Just checked website and it was there! No email or anything yet.

OMG...Thank U Jesus..Amen

tears of joy!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wonderful news! So happy for u guys!

God Bless

Wonderful news! So happy for you! Thanks for sharing.

God Bless

Stay positive. It will come in due time. I know how hard the waiting is. I'm there with you now. But try to stay as positive as you can and try to keep busy. It helps pass the time.

We're here to listen when you need to cry/vent.

Thanks guys...

Hmmmm my husband and I both owned a cyber cafe in Nigeria. Although I realize your inference of scams happening regularly there, we were very strict regarding the intent of the customer and the sites they browsed. Quite a few have been kicked out and banned permanently. Some got a good old fashioned preaching to, some by me some by him. One guy was in tears saying his father left his mother when he was young etc etc etc. Before the end of the evening we were helping him to write a letter to his father forgiving him. He begged forgiveness and swore off scamming. We never saw him again so who knows. Not all cyber cafe owners allow bullcrap in their place of business.

These points are sound advice for people. I'm not trying to prove you wrong or argue with you, just pointing out that there may be exceptions. It is scary to think about how much we give of ourselves and risk so much heartache. It's a noble thing to try to save others from such hurt.

My husband's family also owned a cyber cafe. He managed it, and was also very strict on his patrons. If a cafe owner knowingly allows fraudulent use of his business, he risks violent raids, and possible closure of the cafe.(the 419 law) My husband routinely banned people from his cafe when it was brought to his attention they were not using his equipment responsibly. His family worked hard to establish the business and would never risk its closure. But I am sure there were those who got past his radar...and dishonest people will always find a way to be evil! Its just important to remember that there are "good" people in this world who try to live life by doing the right thing. But then...we all kno this..right?...

God Bless

Its funny, my hubby is the opposite of what you all descirbed! He is also quick to offer a sincere apology

My husband too!!!

I have been following this post..out of interest in the book...but have been reading everyone's comments on their SO. I'm wondering how much of the way he argues and resolves conflict etc. has to do with his personality/character vs. his African culture. I believe there are distinct cultural norms within each country/tribe...but also feel there is a strong personal aspect as well.

My husband and I have never "argued" about anything. (which shocks the heck outta me, cuz I am very opinionated!) We have discussions that always result in either a compromise, or one of admitting the other's "solution or idea" is the better one. We have never raised our voices, hung up, stormed out, slammed doors, or had any stern words for each other. He says he loves my analytical nature, and they way I "talk everything out" (most men hate all the talking, cuz they can perceive it as nagging sometimes I guess! hehe) But he can get "quiet" at times when we are discussing something, which I think is his way of taking it all in and processing it before he responds.

Its many of these qualities that made me fall in love with him, because he is so different from any other man I have known. In addition, he is strong, confident, intelligent, educated, compassionate and extremely loving.

Although I am not able to buy the book right now...I am looking forward to everyones comments and viewpoints, and am hoping there will be other things brought up that i will find helpful to my relationship. Its all about individual experiences...and not everything will pertain to all of us, in every situation. I am finding this thread so enlightening and helpful. Thanks Omoba!

God Bless

Heres what I got back after contacting my congressman:

"Your Email was referred to me for review. We sincerely understand you and your husband's desire to be reunited. The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service processes hundreds of thousands of petitions and/or applications like yours. I have been able to determine that your I-130, Petition for Relative and your I-129F, Petition for K3 visa are both pending at the California Service Center (CSC). They are just now beginning to work on any applications/petitions filed June 18, 2007; therefore, your's are in that batch and are ready for adjudication. While we know you are anxious to be reunited as a family, the CSC processes applications in the order they are received as they deem that the fairest since most anyone filing these types of petitions are doing so to be reunited with a family member.

While Mr. Herger often makes inquiries to federal agencies in behalf of his constituents, members of Congress cannot control or circumvent the workload upon the USCIS. We can assure you that as a U.S. Citizen your applications are addressed sooner than a Permanent Resident applying for a family member. It is simply a matter of workload, or in other words, a matter of the volume of applications/petitions that have been received. Sometimes the workload is lighter and thus processing time is shorter. If any of a number of the 535 members of Congress were allowed to make special arrangements for their constituent's applications to be processed sooner than those filed earlier, the processing centers would be in chaos and many individual's applications would never proceed to completion. Thus, again, the USCIS deems it the fairest to take all applications in order they have been received with very few exceptions."

God Bless