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Asante Maroon

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    Please Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...

    in Africa: Sub-Saharan

    Posted

    I received a private message and some of what I had to say in my response I wanted to post in the thread. This post is not directed at anyone but I felt I should add it.

    Thank you for your offer of help in giving me tools to further investigate E.

    I have read both your background experience and the information you provided about scammers coming clean and then professing their love to further their scam or for green card purposes.

    As I have said before, honestly, I could care less about a green card and I am not giving E any money, gifts, signing anything etc... I have told him if that is what he wants time will tell and life will go on. I am not the protect a green card police. I found someone that I wish to pursue a relationship with and constitutionally I have a right to marry whoever I want and apply for his entrance into this country to be with me like anyone else. I hired a reputable private investigator to meet him, interview him, verify his information and I am happy with my findings. Why can't others accept my decision and let it go? I am not an idiot and though I appreciate it I don't need anymore warnings. I have done research that is satisfactory to my liking and that should be enough. I won't be the first or the last person that enters into a relationship with someone that is ultimately looking to get a green card.

    I am not making excuses for E's behavior and I never said that E has completely given up scamming because in all honesty I don't know. But frankly how he has to survive on a day to day basis in a 3rd world country is his hustle not mine. Most people work their jobs to live. They are not their jobs. I don't want the additional tools you offer because honestly what purpose would they serve? There's nothing to look into. It will not prove or discredit anything and it won't provide a guarantee on whether he is still scamming me or looking for a green card. Just like anything else in life.... time will tell. Please let this go.

    To Tony & Tess:

    A person would have to be caught and convicted of their crime to be sentenced as a felon. This excludes a lot of people that commit crimes on a daily basis that get away with it or get off.

    To make comments about felons and not wanting to be with one says a lot about blacks in american considering the number of black males behind bars with felony convictions. Many for small, petty drug offenses. Some would consider selling drugs a character flaw but that doesn't necessarily make someone a bad person. With so many obstacles that many black males have to overcome growing up in America sometimes selling drugs to survive or make a better life for themselves is, by choice, their best option. I am not in a position to try and judge the reasons why people do what they do because I have not walked in their shoes. I only know what it's like living as a black female in America and even though I share the same skin color as my brothers it doesn't mean that I share his same life experiences living in America. I personally think a lot of sistas just don't get it and if they could find it in them to possibly support a brother through positive change instead of looking at "his surface" maybe the black family in America would have a better chance at survival. A once drug dealer has the potential to make a great businessman. I am not promoting captain save a person but at some point in time in all of our lives we met someone that we may admired that inspired a dream or change in us, or met someone that may have believed in us, supported us, encouraged us and later celebrated in our successes.

    ________________________________________________________________________________

    ____

    As an aside, I want to tell the following little story of a conversation E and I had.

    I can't remember the exact thing I said to E when I asked him to come clean about whether he set out to scam me and he said yes but I remember exactly what he said to me. It went something like this........

    Me paraphasing from the potential victim's perspective: Why does the world have to be this way?

    E: Baby, I don't know but if it wasn't for the world being the way it is we would have never met. Perhaps the answer to your question can be found there.

    For a few days I thought about what he said. For me, it was a very profound statement whether he realized it or not because even though some of us live in a near perfect world the world is not perfect. It is easy to sit back in a comfortable, safe, and secure place and say to yourself I did good, I overcame obstacles so why can't they do it too. However, let's remember that each person's journey in life is different. Being a scammer, drug dealer, prostitute, mafioso, illegal crimes, etc.. is not an individual problem but a societal one. If these societal problems were addressed perhaps these problems would disappear as well.

    As I write more and more in this thread I am beginning to feel that this thread isn't really about me, E, scamming, or green cards but an underlying lack of understanding and tolerance for those that we subconsciously believe are "less thans" (those we perceive are beneath our standards or have less) whether it be in America or abroad and the powerful little wand the "do haves" in the world wave to feel that what they have to offer is so much more while they sit in judgment to decide which "less thans" are worthy or unworthy of being selected.

    I thank everyone that contributed to this thread but we are moving pass this topic. (L)

    You have raised some really important issues here. It take a lot to really reflect and analyze where our point of views stem from. We all have different experiences, have different backgrounds, cultures, home cultures, etc... that effect the way that we think, behave and react to certain situations. Being cognizant of how our experiences or position/place in life and in society (whether from the culture of power/dominant culture or on the other end) is very important for societal growth. We (Society at large) need to seriously have REAL conversations about the issues surrounding race and class in order to dispel myths and stereotypes. The saddest thing is that WE as society are not really ready to discuss this because it brings about shame, guilt, as well as challenges the very foundation in which some are able to remain and retain their place of power.

    This is not about pointing fingers at anyone...Its about making this world a better place and we cannot do this when we ignore and pretend that the pink elephant is not in the room.

    I'm not saying that the discussion has to start here, because this may or may not be the place for this type of discussion BUT I encourage everyone to think about what we say before we say it and think about why we think the way we do in the first place. Self reflection is the key to growth. We really need to be honest with ourselves and only then we can improve as individuals and then as society.

    We have many journeys going on concurrently with our "visa" journey and we need to be respectful of each others many journeys even if we may not understand or agree upon the way in which others decide to take on these journeys. There is no way that we can truly "know" the people who contribute to this forum. This is only one dimension of what people choose to share here and we can not assume to know anyone.

    Bottom line: Think about what you say and why you said it. Be honest with yourself. Stop judging others. And be respectful of the OP's wishes. She did not ask for advice on whether or not she should continue to pursue a relationship with E. She made that very clear and explicit through out this thread. How would you feel if some one kept on pushing their views on you? You gave her your opinion, whether she chooses to adhere or not is her choice and decision and it should be respected. Continuing to push your view on someone who is not receptive of your opinion is very disrespectful.

    Have a great day people! :)

    Sub-saharan cyber cafe

    in Africa: Sub-Saharan

    Posted

    :rofl::rofl::rofl: One more for Asante....I think the song is appropriate for ya!! :rofl::rofl::rofl:

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    OMG!!!! I love it!!!!!

    name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="
    type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>">
    name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="
    type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350">

    That's a good clip. In that trilogy I never really saw any of the men as attractive but this clip with that music helps me see Orlando Bloom in a whole different perspective. :thumbs:

    its definitely the ears!!!! and the hair...take those away from him and he's just orlando :blink:

    Sub-saharan cyber cafe

    in Africa: Sub-Saharan

    Posted

    What is it with you 2 and your pointy eared freaks??? :rofl::rofl::rofl:

    I guess your men will have to be into some uhh...."roll playing" :rofl::rofl::rofl:

    :lol:

    what can i say....he lights my fire. I get all giggley when I see him on the big screen.

    He is beautiful :blush:

    Thanks P! I enjoyed all 3.34 minutes of that. Mmmmmmmmmmm *sigh*

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