Beauty for Ashes

Well WOM, if he wanted a french residency visa, he would be loving up a french girl or at least a beur ( arab living in France) The American greencard and then citizenship is a hell of a lot more valuable than the now revokable european passports. In fact, if you dump the european, you often lose the status, unlike the US, where no one takes it away unless you commit a grevious crime There sure is and it sounds like the marriage he should have done when he was still stateside before he ran out of time and status in France
sexy time hahahahahahhahahah BORAT

I crept and delved into the divine
So overwrought with grief that I could not see
The sky, the ground, the green and colors all around me
Speak to me of North Africa
And my memories blur and become like liquid in either state
Some tears, some panic begins to find me
And speak to me of the color blue
The sea, Tunis, the sky the frontier
And I will share the dreams I lost and the part of my soul that flew away..hmam like Khaled and Wahbi's song by the port of Oran
Speak to me of North Africa
I left my heart there and my innocence as well..they both became the muses I could no longer tolerate
Speak to me of a wandering sun, a sheltering sky and jasmine at night
Speak to me of North Africa
And then let me lose myself one more time
Beloved

I think his english is amazing Sandinista...why would you ask?

and then what...if you talk about anything other than oreos or sunshine and someone says something snarky and you snark back the thread gets locked. BAH

[
you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

No one is picking you apart. I think people just want to give you insight into both their personal experiences and what they have seen and experienced over the years.I absolutely think that what you should do is listen, take note and pay attention and then at perhaps a later date, you will perhaps recognise things or have a little bit of insight. You also are not living day to day with your spouse here in the states and that is a completely different animal than knowing someone there and bringing them here. Perhaps the joy of the relationship will sustain you. The biggest advice I could give you 5 years post journey is the real journey begins when they get here and make friends from back home and then get their sea legs. When you are not the apple of their eye anymore, the problems start. If you have a huge age difference,it might not matter for a few years but it will matter eventually. The trick is to not be devastated when they want to be with someone their own age or eeeek much younger. Now they might not find that elusive relationship when they leave your green grass for other pastures and I think that is when the real heartache begins for the American. No one is picking you apart. You have to realise that many of the posters here have been here for 4 5 6 7 years and have watched all kinds of things happen with other petitioners and they are merely speaking their mind. I will honestly say that I did not have much use for well spoken advice and honestly, had I listened, I would not have ended up in the mess I did.
I don't think petitioning is a wise idea unless you have a stable job, stable finances and a stable home support. If you do bring someone over here and any of those things are off and you have to go through adjustment with someone who is not stable themselves, its doubly hard to adjust. I regret bringing my husband over here because I was not prepared economically to completely support someone for 3 solid years while they sat around, gossiped, drank coffee and smoked, all on my dime. Had I spent time with him overseas for more than a few weeks at a time, I would have known that that was what he did, sat around , gossiped, drank coffee and told me I was cheap everytime i did not want to spend every penny we had in the bank on nonsense and refused to take work that was beneath him. I think these relationships can be particularly disastrous on younger minor children when you bring a younger husband into the mix who was waited on hand and foot back home. In the US, men help their wives. Even if they don't, they at least do yardwork. If you have a guy who lived in the city, or inner city, you spend the whole first year trying to teach them to help you. I cannot say that I would EVER recommend this journey for a single mom especially because unless you have the capacity to feed another adult who most likely wont work the first year and are willing to take the risk of your kids bonding with someone who most likely wont be there, you could end up in a mess. 5 years ago I started the journey, going on 6 in December and I cannot say my life is better for it. Its much much worse and if people talking to you honestly upsets you , then do not ask. You are going to hear the truth from people whether you want to or not.
I personally do not know anyone other than one woman on this board married to a guy 20 years younger and shes the exception not the rule for successes. You might have a few ok or even good years but as you age, things sag and he wants kids, hes going to make the choice to leave you. The embassies in my opinion are probably sad to watch what they know is eventually going to happen. I think they feel bad for the women honestly. If you ever want to understand APs and turn downs, its because of the amount of fraud going through the embassies and their understanding that the fastest way to get here is find someone willing to chat with you online, fly over there and either marry you or petition for you. Its a sure bet while lottery rarely makes it.
Sad. But true. Listen with both ears open. I wish love was enough but I think Americans have a much more idealised version of love than people from other places sometimes. Sometimes we are a means to an end, getting here

ROFL!! I guess I've been told!
FYI this isn't the Amber and Ahmed love's fantasyland forum so I can pretty much share my thoughts whenever. Get real.

its not always Americans that see divorce as the easy way out. I know many divorced women in North Africa that because of their husbands decision, cannot remarry. Divorce is not exclusively our choice and my parents are not divorced either and have been married 56 years. But alot of men are not like our fathers were, with a love of country, strong work ethic and a belief that love lasts till you die. In my situation, my husband chose to mistreat me and even in the end, did not give me a divorce, just has left me married to figure things out for myself. I guess perhaps in many ways, divorce is a humane solution to a miserable and fatal situation. My husband would be perfectly fine if he left me to financially extricate myself from a marriage that he used to make his papers. He cares very little if it leaves me in a miserable legal bind. And mind you , hes not American. So foreigners don't have a monopoly on treating marriages like diamonds. The women that lived around him , once they were divorced and especially had a kid , could never remarry. Thank god I live in the US where I can divorce and maybe one day, perhaps when the pain has settled and I dont hurt as bad, find my way to be able to trust and love again.. If thats even possible. So here I sit ,, legally married to someone who used me who did not care enough about me to make sure I wasnt stuck married to him. thank god for divorce and for the fact I wont have to live the rest of my life legally shackled to someone who used me just to get to this country. If he really ever really loved me, he would not want to leave me messed up like this, trying to find the strength to endure the long miserable process of divorce by publication. He would have cared enough to file, to act like a muslim and leave me with something decent from all the hell I went through. I resent the implication that somehow Americans have the monopoly on easy thoughtless divorces

maybe its me and I was in bed hahahahahh
You know how us old fat american whores are. We need our sleep
Amber I do not know you from adam but I absolutely cannot say anything insulting to you.. All I know is that divorce obviously wasnt an option in my mind either which is why even after he did countless horrible things to me, I tried to write it off as religion, culture education, you name it. How can you know how someone is with women in general if while in his country, you only see what he wants you to see? Do you honestly think you are immune to trouble or your husband changing his mind about you 5 years down the line when he develops a large network of Egyptian friends and has economic security and he wants someone from his own culture or background? Do you think any of the women on this board went into these relationships without the very best of intentions.even the women with huge age gaps? I for one never ever agreed with all the embassy APs but after everything I have seen both stateside and over there, I am happy SOMEONE, ANYONE is looking over these files carefully. I can say as someone who has been left to file for divorce herself with no financial help to do so or cooperation and was used in every possible way, that I am devastated from this process. These women who you want to snark at have been the best mirror that I could see myself in that was available to me. No matter how bad we snark back and forth, there is not a single one that I would not answer the phone for, sit with , cry with or make myself available to. When my son died, one sat on the phone with me while I sobbed in the cemetary for hours. I cannot say that it has always been easy being on here. I can say that as a mother of a moroccan guy ( not the person I petitioned) I know for a fact that not everyone is psycho over there even though my husband really is as far as I am concerned, dangerous to my health. My moroccan ex and I did not have a bad breakup. He didnt want a child, he had a greencard and I wasnt willing to abort. He hemmed and hawed about it, called me and told me he had no interest in an american having is kid.. and said snarkily to me, if I wanted a baby , I wouldnt have her with you. If you can believe this, this was 7 years ago... I now warmly talk to him, he hasnt seen my daughter in 4 years almost but he calls her and sends her clothes and I dont feel a groundswell of hate about him. He wanted me to abort. I didnt. My pregnancy broke us up. But he didnt need me for papers and when you have that power dynamic, the world spins at a different angle. I dont know if my husband ever loved me or not honestly. I do know that I think his family only looked at me like a ticket to the US. I feel like I got to see what people were really like when I lost my son and not a single one offered me care or condolence. In fact , when I took him to visit extended family, I was told 7 months after my son died that I was fat and told all these nasty horrific things by them, never once holding me, telling me I am sorry or caring. I endured a year of no sex and not one kiss. I endured threats, emotional abuse. I went through things no one could ever imagine. I am glad divorce is an option for me albeit I am considering hiring a lawyer just because I do not want to be in the same room as him as proceedings start. I am devastated by the choices he made. I am absolutely not implying I was perfect but I never broke a single thing belonging to him, never broke an item of clothing or one of his possesions, never made him feel scared, never called his mother disgusting names or told him that he could not be friends with certain people.
So Amber my dear, you have been here 2 years, I have been here 6 and out of respect for the women on this board who have seen, experienced and viewed horrific marriage fraud, financial fraud and experienced the death actually of members, I respectfully but firmly request that you lay off Mithra because she was a wonderful albeit hard #### support of me and has never hesistated to give her opinion. I was a victim of marriage fraud and if there was anything I could have done to avoid it, I would have and resent the implication that somehow after losing my son and the other nonsense I went through, that a red flag would have been enough to save me from this. I wanted to be in love and to be with someone who accepted me for who I was . I dont come here asking for advice anymore. I am more here for comfort because sooner or later, although I could never imagine going through a divorce with this man, I will have to file and I am left to file all alone because he doesnt care one way or another if he is divorced. Thats because he never considered himself really married... as he told me as far as he is concerned, we are really married only on papers. Americans dont look at marriage like that. In other countries, especially ones where they have people that marry for papers, they accept and talk like that. I have never wished the karma truck would hit someone but I would not mind if it roughed up my husband a little. Not kill him but I want him to go through 1/20th of what he put me through the last 6 year

You know what Sandinista? In some sad way, even after all we have been through on the boards, I just love the hell out of you. I just do Sandinista.. I must needed to read that.. LONG PROTRACTED SADISTIC ())()_...I know they are not the norm. I just love the way you verbalise things and always are bright and sharp..thank you.. I needed to read that LOL

The inmate in the county jail one makes sense too. I did time for a crime I did not commit with a sociopath who stole all my desserts off my food tray and then stuck me with solitary and I had to pay his canteen tab LOL

Why thank you? LOL. I have no idea why I correlated all this nonsense to Chuckie Cheese. I was trying to think of something that was kind of fun but a big waste of money that left you feeling kind of unsatisfied at the end. Approaching my 5th anniversary next month, I am now planning my divorce, by myself I may add because after being in then out then in then out then in then out he decided that he was in no rush for a divorce anyway because he already divorced me by saying I divorce you , I divorce you , I divorce you and the paper divorce was my problem. Hopefully ramadan is coming soon and he will decided to act like a human being for a month and I can get my wits about me and file. Hes still using my address but hasnt been around in days...so who knows when I will get it mentally together to file. I think I am waiting for 2000 dollars to land on my lap so I can get a lawyer so I dont have to suffer so much I love him still so I dont have the rightous anger that alot of these women seem to garner up. He told me I am too fat, too old.. the new insult is I am stupid. I am the stupidest woman he ever met in his life ( maybe he is referring to the fact that I was a dumb #### for falling for his nonsense and bringing him here. LOL)
I don't really feel sorry for these guys at all in almost any possible way. I feel sorry for the women who meet them and see it a big romantic adventure and end up destroyed. I cant really see any part of my life that wasnt smashed over the last 6 years. I used to write. Havent written a thing since hes been here. I used to dream. That stopped too. My whole life became wrapped around an arrogant , narcisstic tantruming brat that his mom created by never discipling him and he treated his female family members like slaves. I didnt make a very good slave but my mom and almost everyone who knows me never saw anyone has quiet and obeying as me. I did my best to be the dutiful wife. Didnt you know he was just doing me a big favor by just being with my stupid ####? LOL. Anyway.. I am not going to say all these relationships are disastrous. I just dont think after everything I have been through that its a good idea for substantially older ( lets say 10 years or more) American women to marry these guys. It never works out for the women in the long run, someone gets hurt and I havent seen too many of the men come out bad but for most of the women its a sad slow car wreck that most of the women I have met really never get over. Its a horrible thing to be played and strung along.
Its like being an inmate in the county jail. The foreign spouse is like your bunkmate and maybe you will share some nice ink tattoos and card games. But in the end, you are in jail, they are a criminal and in the end you did time for a crime you did not commit. They lost nothing and you lost years of your life and usually alot of money. Please forgive me as I go through this process but its been a long hard nasty road for me..
Chuckie cheese.. think chuckie cheese

Why thank you? LOL. I have no idea why I correlated all this nonsense to Chuckie Cheese. I was trying to think of something that was kind of fun but a big waste of money that left you feeling kind of unsatisfied at the end. Approaching my 5th anniversary next month, I am now planning my divorce, by myself I may add because after being in then out then in then out then in then out he decided that he was in no rush for a divorce anyway because he already divorced me by saying I divorce you , I divorce you , I divorce you and the paper divorce was my problem. Hopefully ramadan is coming soon and he will decided to act like a human being for a month and I can get my wits about me and file. Hes still using my address but hasnt been around in days...so who knows when I will get it mentally together to file. I think I am waiting for 2000 dollars to land on my lap so I can get a lawyer so I dont have to suffer so much I love him still so I dont have the rightous anger that alot of these women seem to garner up. He told me I am too fat, too old.. the new insult is I am stupid. I am the stupidest woman he ever met in his life ( maybe he is referring to the fact that I was a dumb #### for falling for his nonsense and bringing him here. LOL)
I don't really feel sorry for these guys at all in almost any possible way. I feel sorry for the women who meet them and see it a big romantic adventure and end up destroyed. I cant really see any part of my life that wasnt smashed over the last 6 years. I used to write. Havent written a thing since hes been here. I used to dream. That stopped too. My whole life became wrapped around an arrogant , narcisstic tantruming brat that his mom created by never discipling him and he treated his female family members like slaves. I didnt make a very good slave but my mom and almost everyone who knows me never saw anyone has quiet and obeying as me. I did my best to be the dutiful wife. Didnt you know he was just doing me a big favor by just being with my stupid ####? LOL. Anyway.. I am not going to say all these relationships are disastrous. I just dont think after everything I have been through that its a good idea for substantially older ( lets say 10 years or more) American women to marry these guys. It never works out for the women in the long run, someone gets hurt and I havent seen too many of the men come out bad but for most of the women its a sad slow car wreck that most of the women I have met really never get over. Its a horrible thing to be played and strung along.
Its like being an inmate in the county jail. The foreign spouse is like your bunkmate and maybe you will share some nice ink tattoos and card games. But in the end, you are in jail, they are a criminal and in the end you did time for a crime you did not commit. They lost nothing and you lost years of your life and usually alot of money. Please forgive me as I go through this process but its been a long hard nasty road for me..
Chuckie cheese.. think chuckie cheese

The inmate in the county jail one makes sense too. I did time for a crime I did not commit with a sociopath who stole all my desserts off my food tray and then stuck me with solitary and I had to pay his canteen tab LOL

Two wives? Lol. I did not remember that Staashi. I think its also the individual personality of the person petitioned. I often wonder if the reason these guys rage is not any of the reasons that anyone has presented. Maybe the fact they are in a marriage that they do not perceive as a real one to begin with and the rage swells up inside of these particular guys and they are just so depressed with the choice they made to go after papers rather than marry a girl from the neighborhood who is similar in age and background. I have a completely different perspective because I know some of the guys post American divorce and when they get their wives from back home. I knew one guy who was married to an american and he swore up and down to me that she was drunk and even the new wife from Morocco chimed in..she was drunk, she did this and did that. Well maybe when it hit her that her marriage was in shambles and that her beloved husband didnt love her, she went crazy and started drinking. Its hard on the wives of these guys, let me tell you. I guess if they did not love the person they married, then it would be easy to rationalise being used and tossed but for the unfortunate americans who are deeply in love with the person they petitoned and worked so hard to get here , the loss is devastating. I for one have been unable to round up a huge ball of rage to stay mad. I just have become very quiet and sad and I do remember the things that were not wrong quite frequently. I loved the man I petitioned and still do. Unfortunately I think for me, I wasnt able and still cannot get very very very mad. I feel loss every time I think of things but I will tell you that my neighbors and my friends and just about anyone who has seen my husband yelling, shouting, raging even at co workers, talking loudly almost to the point of barking and the fights he and his friends get in have a completely horrible impression of people from that part of the world and honestly, in my heart, they should not. I have a hard time explaining that people from that part of the world talk loudly and also explaining that racism is based sometimes on how people treat you. If someone from that part of the world, treated someone you cared about like ####### and generally had a menacing personality, people start to think all people are like that. Some of these guys, in my humble opinion, thought that the whole marry for papers thing would not be a hard thing to do but it gets especially hard for these guys when they meet people from back home and these guys are either divorced, married to women from back home or came here on the lottery and they are with a woman old enough to be their mom (which one on one might not be so bad or in private) but they don't feel proud of their wives, hence the rage welling up and the depression ensuing. Just a thought. It just seems like there are alot of these stories of rage and frankly I do not see much of this rage in most of the guys not tied to a woman for their existance.IMHO..Maybe the guys are pissed off. Its not excusing it. Its looking for the reasons why alot of these guys act like they do ( onliine affairs with women closer to their age, similar backgrounds etc) I am not saying its right. I am saying its explainable. I will tell you what, facebook is blowing alot of the covers of the men who are just playing the game. You cannot show up to a ROC or to an embassy interview when you are not being honest about your marriage, fiance or relationship etc
This is not to excuse the crappy behavior. Its not to slight the women because its not their fault. Its more to dig a little deeper into why the big change. I know that I had done NOTHING wrong to my husband 4 years ago when he arrived but he arrived upset. Its as if it seemed like a good idea at the time and then they find themselves in a big mess they cannot get out of
One thing that has NOT been talked about at any length is the fact that domestic violence is NOT treated with the same shock or horror or even police action that it is here. Domestic violence is an everyday part of life in many mena countries and seen as common place and is often policed by the parents and families themselves. Its only here that we call 911 for a slap. I saw a man slap his girlfriend in the face just walking down the street in north africa and it was not seen as shocking or all that weird. Maybe the guys themselves are not from a good family or grew up with the cultural norm of male dominated and male controlled society. I know plenty of mena guys who never hit a soul but most of my friends that are mena that would never hit anyone do in fact know guys that do.. they look down at it big time but they will acknowledge privately that most have either a sister or know someone else close who is and has been abused physically.. most have family that intervene. But when you have an american spouse, maybe living far from anyone that will advocate for her, she might feel isolated and not able to speak up for herself. Couple that with the general disdain for the spouse to begin with and maybe pressure from his community not to report, its hard to understand the dynamics of all of this. I would love to hear from one of these guys that hit their wives or mistreated his wife what his take on his own behavior was. If he felt bad or knew he was wrong ..etc

[
you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

No one is picking you apart. I think people just want to give you insight into both their personal experiences and what they have seen and experienced over the years.I absolutely think that what you should do is listen, take note and pay attention and then at perhaps a later date, you will perhaps recognise things or have a little bit of insight. You also are not living day to day with your spouse here in the states and that is a completely different animal than knowing someone there and bringing them here. Perhaps the joy of the relationship will sustain you. The biggest advice I could give you 5 years post journey is the real journey begins when they get here and make friends from back home and then get their sea legs. When you are not the apple of their eye anymore, the problems start. If you have a huge age difference,it might not matter for a few years but it will matter eventually. The trick is to not be devastated when they want to be with someone their own age or eeeek much younger. Now they might not find that elusive relationship when they leave your green grass for other pastures and I think that is when the real heartache begins for the American. No one is picking you apart. You have to realise that many of the posters here have been here for 4 5 6 7 years and have watched all kinds of things happen with other petitioners and they are merely speaking their mind. I will honestly say that I did not have much use for well spoken advice and honestly, had I listened, I would not have ended up in the mess I did.
I don't think petitioning is a wise idea unless you have a stable job, stable finances and a stable home support. If you do bring someone over here and any of those things are off and you have to go through adjustment with someone who is not stable themselves, its doubly hard to adjust. I regret bringing my husband over here because I was not prepared economically to completely support someone for 3 solid years while they sat around, gossiped, drank coffee and smoked, all on my dime. Had I spent time with him overseas for more than a few weeks at a time, I would have known that that was what he did, sat around , gossiped, drank coffee and told me I was cheap everytime i did not want to spend every penny we had in the bank on nonsense and refused to take work that was beneath him. I think these relationships can be particularly disastrous on younger minor children when you bring a younger husband into the mix who was waited on hand and foot back home. In the US, men help their wives. Even if they don't, they at least do yardwork. If you have a guy who lived in the city, or inner city, you spend the whole first year trying to teach them to help you. I cannot say that I would EVER recommend this journey for a single mom especially because unless you have the capacity to feed another adult who most likely wont work the first year and are willing to take the risk of your kids bonding with someone who most likely wont be there, you could end up in a mess. 5 years ago I started the journey, going on 6 in December and I cannot say my life is better for it. Its much much worse and if people talking to you honestly upsets you , then do not ask. You are going to hear the truth from people whether you want to or not.
I personally do not know anyone other than one woman on this board married to a guy 20 years younger and shes the exception not the rule for successes. You might have a few ok or even good years but as you age, things sag and he wants kids, hes going to make the choice to leave you. The embassies in my opinion are probably sad to watch what they know is eventually going to happen. I think they feel bad for the women honestly. If you ever want to understand APs and turn downs, its because of the amount of fraud going through the embassies and their understanding that the fastest way to get here is find someone willing to chat with you online, fly over there and either marry you or petition for you. Its a sure bet while lottery rarely makes it.
Sad. But true. Listen with both ears open. I wish love was enough but I think Americans have a much more idealised version of love than people from other places sometimes. Sometimes we are a means to an end, getting here

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

Have you ever eaten at chuckie cheese?You know going in that the pizza is going to suck but you might have some fun while you are there.
This journey is like chuckie cheese, the pizza will suck, you are going to spend alot of money for a fleeting good time and you may or not feel at the end that the whole thing wasn't worth it. For me, I made a bad party planning decision. I should have planned my birthday party at home with the information I knew going in. Unfortunately, I thought I was DIFFERENT, that somehow the fact he never finished high school or ever read a book would some how mesh with my love of Steinbeck and Camus and VOILA, a toxic soup was created. LOL

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

Have you ever eaten at chuckie cheese?You know going in that the pizza is going to suck but you might have some fun while you are there.
This journey is like chuckie cheese, the pizza will suck, you are going to spend alot of money for a fleeting good time and you may or not feel at the end that the whole thing wasn't worth it. For me, I made a bad party planning decision. I should have planned my birthday party at home with the information I knew going in. Unfortunately, I thought I was DIFFERENT, that somehow the fact he never finished high school or ever read a book would some how mesh with my love of Steinbeck and Camus and VOILA, a toxic soup was created. LOL

[
you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

No one is picking you apart. I think people just want to give you insight into both their personal experiences and what they have seen and experienced over the years.I absolutely think that what you should do is listen, take note and pay attention and then at perhaps a later date, you will perhaps recognise things or have a little bit of insight. You also are not living day to day with your spouse here in the states and that is a completely different animal than knowing someone there and bringing them here. Perhaps the joy of the relationship will sustain you. The biggest advice I could give you 5 years post journey is the real journey begins when they get here and make friends from back home and then get their sea legs. When you are not the apple of their eye anymore, the problems start. If you have a huge age difference,it might not matter for a few years but it will matter eventually. The trick is to not be devastated when they want to be with someone their own age or eeeek much younger. Now they might not find that elusive relationship when they leave your green grass for other pastures and I think that is when the real heartache begins for the American. No one is picking you apart. You have to realise that many of the posters here have been here for 4 5 6 7 years and have watched all kinds of things happen with other petitioners and they are merely speaking their mind. I will honestly say that I did not have much use for well spoken advice and honestly, had I listened, I would not have ended up in the mess I did.
I don't think petitioning is a wise idea unless you have a stable job, stable finances and a stable home support. If you do bring someone over here and any of those things are off and you have to go through adjustment with someone who is not stable themselves, its doubly hard to adjust. I regret bringing my husband over here because I was not prepared economically to completely support someone for 3 solid years while they sat around, gossiped, drank coffee and smoked, all on my dime. Had I spent time with him overseas for more than a few weeks at a time, I would have known that that was what he did, sat around , gossiped, drank coffee and told me I was cheap everytime i did not want to spend every penny we had in the bank on nonsense and refused to take work that was beneath him. I think these relationships can be particularly disastrous on younger minor children when you bring a younger husband into the mix who was waited on hand and foot back home. In the US, men help their wives. Even if they don't, they at least do yardwork. If you have a guy who lived in the city, or inner city, you spend the whole first year trying to teach them to help you. I cannot say that I would EVER recommend this journey for a single mom especially because unless you have the capacity to feed another adult who most likely wont work the first year and are willing to take the risk of your kids bonding with someone who most likely wont be there, you could end up in a mess. 5 years ago I started the journey, going on 6 in December and I cannot say my life is better for it. Its much much worse and if people talking to you honestly upsets you , then do not ask. You are going to hear the truth from people whether you want to or not.
I personally do not know anyone other than one woman on this board married to a guy 20 years younger and shes the exception not the rule for successes. You might have a few ok or even good years but as you age, things sag and he wants kids, hes going to make the choice to leave you. The embassies in my opinion are probably sad to watch what they know is eventually going to happen. I think they feel bad for the women honestly. If you ever want to understand APs and turn downs, its because of the amount of fraud going through the embassies and their understanding that the fastest way to get here is find someone willing to chat with you online, fly over there and either marry you or petition for you. Its a sure bet while lottery rarely makes it.
Sad. But true. Listen with both ears open. I wish love was enough but I think Americans have a much more idealised version of love than people from other places sometimes. Sometimes we are a means to an end, getting here

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

Have you ever eaten at chuckie cheese?You know going in that the pizza is going to suck but you might have some fun while you are there.
This journey is like chuckie cheese, the pizza will suck, you are going to spend alot of money for a fleeting good time and you may or not feel at the end that the whole thing wasn't worth it. For me, I made a bad party planning decision. I should have planned my birthday party at home with the information I knew going in. Unfortunately, I thought I was DIFFERENT, that somehow the fact he never finished high school or ever read a book would some how mesh with my love of Steinbeck and Camus and VOILA, a toxic soup was created. LOL

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

Have you ever eaten at chuckie cheese?You know going in that the pizza is going to suck but you might have some fun while you are there.
This journey is like chuckie cheese, the pizza will suck, you are going to spend alot of money for a fleeting good time and you may or not feel at the end that the whole thing wasn't worth it. For me, I made a bad party planning decision. I should have planned my birthday party at home with the information I knew going in. Unfortunately, I thought I was DIFFERENT, that somehow the fact he never finished high school or ever read a book would some how mesh with my love of Steinbeck and Camus and VOILA, a toxic soup was created. LOL

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

Have you ever eaten at chuckie cheese?You know going in that the pizza is going to suck but you might have some fun while you are there.
This journey is like chuckie cheese, the pizza will suck, you are going to spend alot of money for a fleeting good time and you may or not feel at the end that the whole thing wasn't worth it. For me, I made a bad party planning decision. I should have planned my birthday party at home with the information I knew going in. Unfortunately, I thought I was DIFFERENT, that somehow the fact he never finished high school or ever read a book would some how mesh with my love of Steinbeck and Camus and VOILA, a toxic soup was created. LOL

[
you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

No one is picking you apart. I think people just want to give you insight into both their personal experiences and what they have seen and experienced over the years.I absolutely think that what you should do is listen, take note and pay attention and then at perhaps a later date, you will perhaps recognise things or have a little bit of insight. You also are not living day to day with your spouse here in the states and that is a completely different animal than knowing someone there and bringing them here. Perhaps the joy of the relationship will sustain you. The biggest advice I could give you 5 years post journey is the real journey begins when they get here and make friends from back home and then get their sea legs. When you are not the apple of their eye anymore, the problems start. If you have a huge age difference,it might not matter for a few years but it will matter eventually. The trick is to not be devastated when they want to be with someone their own age or eeeek much younger. Now they might not find that elusive relationship when they leave your green grass for other pastures and I think that is when the real heartache begins for the American. No one is picking you apart. You have to realise that many of the posters here have been here for 4 5 6 7 years and have watched all kinds of things happen with other petitioners and they are merely speaking their mind. I will honestly say that I did not have much use for well spoken advice and honestly, had I listened, I would not have ended up in the mess I did.
I don't think petitioning is a wise idea unless you have a stable job, stable finances and a stable home support. If you do bring someone over here and any of those things are off and you have to go through adjustment with someone who is not stable themselves, its doubly hard to adjust. I regret bringing my husband over here because I was not prepared economically to completely support someone for 3 solid years while they sat around, gossiped, drank coffee and smoked, all on my dime. Had I spent time with him overseas for more than a few weeks at a time, I would have known that that was what he did, sat around , gossiped, drank coffee and told me I was cheap everytime i did not want to spend every penny we had in the bank on nonsense and refused to take work that was beneath him. I think these relationships can be particularly disastrous on younger minor children when you bring a younger husband into the mix who was waited on hand and foot back home. In the US, men help their wives. Even if they don't, they at least do yardwork. If you have a guy who lived in the city, or inner city, you spend the whole first year trying to teach them to help you. I cannot say that I would EVER recommend this journey for a single mom especially because unless you have the capacity to feed another adult who most likely wont work the first year and are willing to take the risk of your kids bonding with someone who most likely wont be there, you could end up in a mess. 5 years ago I started the journey, going on 6 in December and I cannot say my life is better for it. Its much much worse and if people talking to you honestly upsets you , then do not ask. You are going to hear the truth from people whether you want to or not.
I personally do not know anyone other than one woman on this board married to a guy 20 years younger and shes the exception not the rule for successes. You might have a few ok or even good years but as you age, things sag and he wants kids, hes going to make the choice to leave you. The embassies in my opinion are probably sad to watch what they know is eventually going to happen. I think they feel bad for the women honestly. If you ever want to understand APs and turn downs, its because of the amount of fraud going through the embassies and their understanding that the fastest way to get here is find someone willing to chat with you online, fly over there and either marry you or petition for you. Its a sure bet while lottery rarely makes it.
Sad. But true. Listen with both ears open. I wish love was enough but I think Americans have a much more idealised version of love than people from other places sometimes. Sometimes we are a means to an end, getting here

[
you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

No one is picking you apart. I think people just want to give you insight into both their personal experiences and what they have seen and experienced over the years.I absolutely think that what you should do is listen, take note and pay attention and then at perhaps a later date, you will perhaps recognise things or have a little bit of insight. You also are not living day to day with your spouse here in the states and that is a completely different animal than knowing someone there and bringing them here. Perhaps the joy of the relationship will sustain you. The biggest advice I could give you 5 years post journey is the real journey begins when they get here and make friends from back home and then get their sea legs. When you are not the apple of their eye anymore, the problems start. If you have a huge age difference,it might not matter for a few years but it will matter eventually. The trick is to not be devastated when they want to be with someone their own age or eeeek much younger. Now they might not find that elusive relationship when they leave your green grass for other pastures and I think that is when the real heartache begins for the American. No one is picking you apart. You have to realise that many of the posters here have been here for 4 5 6 7 years and have watched all kinds of things happen with other petitioners and they are merely speaking their mind. I will honestly say that I did not have much use for well spoken advice and honestly, had I listened, I would not have ended up in the mess I did.
I don't think petitioning is a wise idea unless you have a stable job, stable finances and a stable home support. If you do bring someone over here and any of those things are off and you have to go through adjustment with someone who is not stable themselves, its doubly hard to adjust. I regret bringing my husband over here because I was not prepared economically to completely support someone for 3 solid years while they sat around, gossiped, drank coffee and smoked, all on my dime. Had I spent time with him overseas for more than a few weeks at a time, I would have known that that was what he did, sat around , gossiped, drank coffee and told me I was cheap everytime i did not want to spend every penny we had in the bank on nonsense and refused to take work that was beneath him. I think these relationships can be particularly disastrous on younger minor children when you bring a younger husband into the mix who was waited on hand and foot back home. In the US, men help their wives. Even if they don't, they at least do yardwork. If you have a guy who lived in the city, or inner city, you spend the whole first year trying to teach them to help you. I cannot say that I would EVER recommend this journey for a single mom especially because unless you have the capacity to feed another adult who most likely wont work the first year and are willing to take the risk of your kids bonding with someone who most likely wont be there, you could end up in a mess. 5 years ago I started the journey, going on 6 in December and I cannot say my life is better for it. Its much much worse and if people talking to you honestly upsets you , then do not ask. You are going to hear the truth from people whether you want to or not.
I personally do not know anyone other than one woman on this board married to a guy 20 years younger and shes the exception not the rule for successes. You might have a few ok or even good years but as you age, things sag and he wants kids, hes going to make the choice to leave you. The embassies in my opinion are probably sad to watch what they know is eventually going to happen. I think they feel bad for the women honestly. If you ever want to understand APs and turn downs, its because of the amount of fraud going through the embassies and their understanding that the fastest way to get here is find someone willing to chat with you online, fly over there and either marry you or petition for you. Its a sure bet while lottery rarely makes it.
Sad. But true. Listen with both ears open. I wish love was enough but I think Americans have a much more idealised version of love than people from other places sometimes. Sometimes we are a means to an end, getting here

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

Have you ever eaten at chuckie cheese?You know going in that the pizza is going to suck but you might have some fun while you are there.
This journey is like chuckie cheese, the pizza will suck, you are going to spend alot of money for a fleeting good time and you may or not feel at the end that the whole thing wasn't worth it. For me, I made a bad party planning decision. I should have planned my birthday party at home with the information I knew going in. Unfortunately, I thought I was DIFFERENT, that somehow the fact he never finished high school or ever read a book would some how mesh with my love of Steinbeck and Camus and VOILA, a toxic soup was created. LOL