MCSmooth

18 hours ago, Scandi said:

 

Today I had my infopass appointment. When I checked in I told the agent I was no longer with my spouse and I wanted to withdraw the affidavit of support. He immediately told me once the case is in process I could not do this. I firmly objected telling him I read on "the government" website that I could. He spoke briefly to 3 of his coworkers standing nearby and they all looked confused and shook their heads sideways.  He then said I'll let you talk to an agent. The agent was not pleasant. He said right away that I could not withdraw the affidavit of support. I told him I was pursuing a divorce, my husband does not live with me, I don't have a forwarding address or even a number, and I did not know where he is at.  He shook his head sideways and shrug his shoulders like he didn't care.  He asked me when my husband arrived and when we got married. I told him and he basically stated everything was done as required so the Case will continue to be processed.  I then told him obviously my spouse will not tell me about the interview and I was concerned that he was going to file a VAWA. He said if my husband comes without me he could file the VAWA and I may never be informed because that is his personal business and he may still get his gc. I was very persistent so he spoke to his supervisor. He basically returned with a form for the US Department of Homeland Security Immigration and Customs Enforcement to Report Ilegal Activity. He said that was all I can do. Thank you and have a nice day. Next! I've already done this so leaving work early and paying for an Uber there and back was a complete waste of time and money. He didn't even write anything I said down, I initially made the appointment to notify them that I was getting a divorce but they clearly don't care. It seems all I can do now is contact an immigration lawyer. Thank you all for your help. I appreciate everything. 

2 minutes ago, Scandi said:

I assume you have the receipt number for the AOS application so you can check the AOS status online to see if it was approved or not. The status doesn't always update correctly but it's worth a try.

No I don't.  The letter was addressed to him and at the time I didn't know I needed to write it down.  I can't call without him, and I didn't think I would ever have to.  Another mistake of the long list of mistakes I made.  After I saw that letter for the first time, I never saw it again.  I wonder if he even kept it in our home...

18 minutes ago, Scandi said:

Sometimes people put on a face and act very differently from who they really are to get what they want. And sometimes people start acting very differently because they're very unhappy, frustrated and depressed. Sometimes a big move like that, to another country with a different culture and moving in with someone you've never lived with before gets too much and you realize you made a huge mistake. If the things you accuse him of are true any culture chock or depression doesn't justify his behaviour, of course, but it might explain some things.

It would be such a comfort to believe this and that it just didn't work out, instead of believing he despises me and it all was a lie.  When I look at the pics and videos he posts on Facebook with his cousin and his family having a good time and being so happy here without me its hard to accept this possibility. 

10 minutes ago, ank said:

Going through your posts, I feel you still love him so much. I definitely can feel the emotions you are going through. You see all your efforts,plans,time and memories meaningless.  VJ is full of incidents like that. 

I guess he saw you as an opportunity to come to USA. Best thing that you can do is forgive him and move on. Let the God deal with him. In life, there are times when you go through these things for nothing wrong from your side. Then, We always learn from our past. 

I do. That's crazy right? He's a fake and a fraud.  I love a person who never existed.  Everyone says just move on but I'm not a vampire on Vampires Diaries and just can turn my emotion switch off.  I would do anything for that super power right now.   I want to forgive and understand why he was so desperate to come here he felt he had to lie and deceive me, which is the opposite of the Godly man he claims to be.  He should of had faith and waited until he met someone he really loved.  But I am a spoiled and privileged USC so I will never understand I guess.  Well that's what he said I was anyway.  I have 2 very close friends who married men from other countries who they helped adjust and they have been with their spouses, who I consider my friends too, 12+years.  Why not me?  I have learned a lesson I will never forget.  

57 minutes ago, Scandi said:

I don't know if you have an interview date yet.. If not, you should be aware that the AOS can be approved without interview when you adjust status from a K-1. This means that his greencard can be approved today and you will be on the hook for the i-864. So this might be a very urgent issue to take care of. 

Sorry if I already responded to this.  I was worried that he already got his gc and thats why he stopped talking to me for 5 weeks and moved out on his own.  Tomorrow at my infopass hopefully I will find out.  They will not give me any information or a status about his AOS so I'm not sure if they will even tell me if he has his gc.  I will update my status on this post tomorrow after my appointment. 

2 minutes ago, ank said:

Improper age is definite red flag in the eyes of USCIS. I wonder how their visas get approved.  

The k-1 visa interview was smooth and easy. They believed we loved each other. I was actually there and they did not even question me. In Jamaica my husband was so intelligent, respectful, charming, understanding and loving. I think the interviewer saw those qualities in him too. She joked with him several times. I don't believe age alone is as important as people think to USCIS. 

20 minutes ago, ank said:

Your one-sided story is very touchy. We don't know the other side of it. As an woman, I will never marry a man 15 years younger as it involves more risks than normal marriage. Other reason that I cant keep him together for long.

It is my personal opinion. Please forgive me if I sounded like rude,unsympathetic or not agreeable   

I'm not perfect. I made mistakes. I have a bad habit of speaking without thinking first and I'm blunt. When he verbalized how unhappy he was being with me and his regret coming here I would quickly tell him he could go back home now or he could leave. I swear all I stated is true. I forgave him so many times for horrible things he did so why couldn't he forgive me for my words? You don't sound rude. When some people questioned his age and whether he only wanted a gc I would vehemently defend him. How dumb of me. No I will not consider being with someone so young again.  Thank you 

6 minutes ago, amul said:

You "pressing" him and him cutting his 4 weeks of goodbyes down to 2 weeks does not warrant his sudden change of behavior. 

 

Once he got his visa, his way of treating you has changed, he was angry, short and was no longer available (you could not reach him nor did he seek to speak with you as you guys used to in the past). 

 

A lot of great advice has been given to you by the seasoned VJers -- please do not procrastinate, do this now!

 

One thing I want to add is, if I were you:

1. I would not allow him in the house (would have changed my locks yesterday!)

2. I would not talk to him on the phone, would not text him or email him, if he does, ignore, but save everything

3. I would under no circumstance discuss my plans - divorce or pulling the AOS with him or anyone from his side

4. If he comes over, I would not allow him in. I would go as far as calling the police to have him removed if does not leave. 

 

As a woman, you must be diligent. He knows your routine, so be aware of your surroundings! When someone (especially someone who can physically harm me) acts very strange, hostile out of character, angry, I always err on the side of caution. Try not to freak out, but expect anything, plan for everything, stay silent and do your thing!

 

File those papers, pull the AOS, change the locks, go spend some time with a loved one that can envelop you with love, breath, find your ground and then move on!

 

Sending you lots of good juju! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honestly he has completely moved on. It was easy for him to ignore me and not communicate because he has someone else. Thank you for your advice. 

1 hour ago, Auds said:

 

I would have thought you would be shocked to learn that you were wrong on timelines for visa!  Its just been brushed away.  Leaving one's job and taking a month without work to say bye is completely normal - unfortunately that's not how you see it as per your own post.  Your first post on this section sadly reeks of control, superiority and being unable to see that with this 'first' issue that changed things you were wrong.

 

the 'go figure' comment too is a vague assumptive accusation, as someone pointed perhaps dont weaken your position of where you are right by posting on the web.

 

it does seem with the timeline that this was pre-planned and you dont want to dilute that.

 

I never stated I know everything. If I did I would not be on this site. Me and my then fiancé talked and texted nearly everyday. He was MIA for a couple days and did not return my calls. I know it's just 2 days but he would get upset with me if I didn't contact him or try everyday. Then 3 days after he quit his job he as a matter of fact told me. I said why are you not at work right now and he says oh I quit 3 days ago. Meaning I talked to him 3 days ago and he never told me he quit. He is also an alpha male. I could not get true to him and he never saw my viewpoint once he got here. He has a very bad temper. I had to litterally pull him away with all my strength once so he wouldn't fight this guy. I could never control him. Which was fine with me because I didn't want to. I guess some people may feel I deserved what I got and he needed to leave me like this because he didn't stay home for one month. I thought true love was stronger than that. 

6 hours ago, Redheadguy03 said:

He quit his job so he could come to the USA soon like you wanted. Wanting a little time to say goodbye is perfectly normal and ok. You definitely didn't handle that well, I'm not excusing his actions I'm just saying you could have given him a month to spend with family. 

He came 2 weeks later. So what if I agree I should have not opposed and agree to him staying An extra 2 weeks. Should my behavior made him change his mind about me and get so angry? And if my opposition did change his mind about me and he no longer loved me and wanted to marry me should he have come to the States? Did he then commit marriage fraud? 

4 hours ago, Elsalove2016 said:

Could you contact ice on him so they send him back to Jamaica ? I hate it when people use other people , it's funny how when you used Togo visit him he didn't notice all those things that he claims about you but now that you guys live together he is saying all this stuff about you . Do everything you can do he doesn't get away  with this talk to whoever you need to talk to because what he did is obviously fraud . 

I did contact ICE but the agent said drug crimes and human trafficking takes precedence over marriage fraud and my case may not be addressed. 

6 hours ago, Redheadguy03 said:

You are just fighting back and forth. Break up and move on. He can't adjust status without you. 

 

I would advise to be careful what you post on here. It can be used later if they know it's you. Just be careful. 

Thanks but I'm an honest person and I will tell the government the truth. If they feel he did nothing wrong and it wasn't fraud I will have to accept this. 

6 hours ago, Auds said:

OP, I think most of us read that and perhaps most ignored it for what followed.  None of us are perfect and yes that demand of yours was surely controlling and unfair.  I would also be resentful if my partner didnt treat me like an adult to have autonomy over my wrap up date.

 

i get the feel that sometimes USC tend to feel they can make decisions for their partner because of the 'favour' of immigration.

 

 

having said that all that followed was not on and not justified.  Things will get better for you, if you allow them to.

 

 

He was the one that initially said he wanted to come right away. Not me. He said it often. I just asked him why the sudden change and he got so angry for me questioning him. Then he said this event changed how he looked at me. I know everyone's perspective is different. Thanks 

9 hours ago, Redheadguy03 said:

You posted he wanted to wait a month and you said you were upset because you had 90 days to get married. It's 90 days from his arrival in the United States, not 90 days since it's issued. He could have stayed there a month and not had an issue. 

 

Sounds dramatic for sure, but he can't adjust his status without you. 

I didn't know that actually. I guess it wasn't just him wanting to stay a month it was a change in his behavior as soon as he got the visa. He quit his job, he was MIA often, and he was so angry and offensive when I objected. Thanks for your viewpoint 

9 hours ago, THEMSRILEY said:

Is the AOS, you are speaking of, is it your Adjustment of Status or Affidavit of Support?

Adjustment of status I-485

5 hours ago, Tanish said:

 

 

Ok but he said initially he wanted to come immediately then as soon as he got the visa he changed it to a month later. And why did he quit his job?  Also the very week he got here he asked me to buy him two separate plane tickets to two different states for about 2 weeks at a time to visit his family and added he wanted to go alone on these trips. He reminded me he did neva favor by coming sooner than he wanted so I should do this for him. You are right though, I can imagine it's very hard to migrate to another country which is why I foolishly kept forgiving him for the things he did to me thinking he was just missing his family and had a hard time adjusting. He didn't have a hard time calling and texting  who knows who everyday using apps that hide the the numbers so they can never be traced. Go figure. 

6 hours ago, Elsalove2016 said:

Is it posible she can go to the interview with him and tell the officer in person all the horrible things this man has done to her ? I'm very sorry to hear about what happen to you , I have been through something similar in the past and nobody should ever go through something like this . Good luck with everything . 

I feel strongly he is living with his cousin but he did not leave a forwarding address and he does not talk to me. He completely ignores me. Two weeks ago When he left for 2 days with no word he was leaving and not coming back I started searching all over the house for his AOS receipt number and not only did I see no sign of it I couldn't find any paperwork pertaining to his k-1 visa or any immigration paperwork which was mailed to me not him. He took everything. But I did find a 21 page documentation he wrote about me in November 2016 when we were separated for 2 months. 21 pages of how much he despises me and hates me. It seems he will attempt to file a VAWA for all the mental, emotional and physical abuse he says I caused him detailed in the letter.  I guess he thinks when he kicked me because I picked up his phone that was my fault. Or after he hit me several times while I was driving because I touched his headphones and I hit him back to defend myself I wasn't supposed to because I caused him the stress that made him hit me. So in return he smashed my windshield which cost me $950 to replace and he told his family I did it and blamed him cause I'm an alcoholic according to him. The most I drink is socially once a week and I can only handle 2 martinis. Sorry for the rant but I don't think he will come with me. 

6 hours ago, Jawaree said:

Sis chalk it up experience dont let hate overcome although i.t hurts,

pull your  affidavit of support by going into infopass, seemigly a

scammer ...sic ICE on him & move on with your life,,,,good riddance

Its not a culture that males make an older woman a wife most times

usually its for a benefit,,,,bleaa ip

Really? I feel like I heard of many younger Jamaican men marrying older woman. I indirectly know of 3 and they haven't ended in disaster. 

7 hours ago, NYCruiser said:

Yes I believe you can do that. I would write a letter but don't sign it except in the presence of the Officer at the Info Pass asking for withdrawal of the I-485 and the I-864. They won't refund your fee though, which is not cheap...:-(.

In the letter ask to withdraw the Affidavit of Support. My ex in my first relationship is Jamaican and I can see the pattern here...this was before 2013 and it was just a relationship. Moving on is very hard and one gets scarred but once can love again, though there are certain triggers get me going even now...:-)

IF the letter for the interview comes for the AOS, DON'T disclose this to him. Just show up on your own and cancel the AOS. Sorry for all of this...:-(

Since this is his AOS will I get a letter for the interview? And he changed his addresss. In the end it seemed he no longer cared to even pretend so I'm worried he may have received his gc and never told me. Thanks 

24 minutes ago, Dee elle said:

Yes he has robbbed and stolen much from you.... with support and time you will find you are moving towards health and wholeness again..

Dont let him steal and rob you of anything more... its your respect and confidence..stay close to the few who remind you that you are right, that you are worth more than this.. that he is one in the wrong and he took great advantage of your trust.  

Focus on getting and keeping yourself in a safe place ... face forward into tomorrow and you will find that the past takes  place where it no longer torment you..

Be kind and gentle on yourself 

Thank you for your kind words. 

21 minutes ago, sparkles_ said:

Please make an infopass and tell them you wish to pull the i864. Don't forever question your judgement, these types of individuals are excellent actors and could dupe many a sound minded person.

My infopass appointment is on Thursday. Can I cancel the i864 there or do I have to write a letter? Thanks 

7 minutes ago, Bill & Katya said:

Actually, there are many things you can do.  As already stated, you can and should withdraw the I864 to make sure you don't end up on the hook supporting him.  Then follow through on the divorce.  Once you pull the I864 which is yours, not his, he can try to AOS alone, but the bar is high for him to prove a good faith marriage.  Then move on, don't get vindictive, there isn't anything more you can do relative to his immigration status, that will be all on him.

 

Good Luck!

I feel like I have nothing but revenge.  He took my self-respect, my confidence and my pride, everything.  I know you are right. thanks for your advice. 

18 minutes ago, Dee elle said:

I am so sorry to hear of your journey....

He cannot adjust  without a viable marriage... that is he cannot adjust without you!! ..

Withdraw your I864... search the vj website for similar threads, discontinue all contact with him, and get yourself surrounded by a few people you trust who can support you during this awful time.

 

You are worth much more than this....

Thank you but I feel so stupid and naive. I haven't even told my mother. I only talked to one friend because everyone will think I must have been desperate. But it wasn't like that at all. I thought my husband was created just for me. I will forever question my judgement now. I never thought this would be my story. 

Just now, missileman said:

If he, indeed, used you for immigration benefits, HE IS THE ONE WHO committed fraud!  As others have suggested, immediately withdraw your I-864 and take care to protect your own well being.  I wish you well.

Thank you, I'm looking into this immediately. 

9 minutes ago, Ben&Zian said:

 

Thank you. I didn't know about this.  USCIS told me all I could do was withdraw to be the petitioner for the k-1 visa but we are already married so that does nothing.